I was about to collapse from oxygen deprivation because when I looked at Maddox I forgot normal functions like breathing. Then Maddox ran and jumped on my bed. "Ah h.e.l.l no, it's a Friday night so get your cute little a.s.s up and get ready because we are going out."

"Look Maddox, I just wanted to relax tonight. It's been a long week for me."

He stopped jumping and fell on my bed. "Sweetheart, it is a Friday night and we are in college. We are leaving in fifteen minutes. You have the choice of wearing that or something else. It won't matter to me either way because I would prefer you in nothing, but those are your options."

I could feel a blush creeping on so I grabbed my clothes and headed for the bathroom.

I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records because I took a shower, freshened up my make-up and hair, and dressed in ten minutes flat! My hair was in waves and I was wearing a knee length, tight, green halter dress with white wedges and clutch. As I made my way into the kitchen I heard Maddox cracking open a beer. He was just about to take a sip when he saw me and his jaw fell open. His eyes bored into me and reached into my soul. I felt jittery and nervous and completely alive all at the same time. His eyes made their way down my body and then back up again searching mine. He gulped and took a long drag of his beer before shaking his head.

"Nope, not going to happen. Sweetheart, you have to change. Like right now."

Um, was I as high as a kite or was Maddox speechless when I walked in?

"Why what's wrong? I think I look cute," I said while twirling around. When I faced Maddox again he gulped and took a deep breath.

"No, you look gorgeous. h.e.l.l, you look gorgeous all the time. Can't you just wear like a brown paper bag or something? No, you know what? You would look gorgeous in that too. Ugh f.u.c.k! Can you just please, for the love of G.o.d, change out of that? I would really like to not end up in jail tonight for beating up f.u.c.ktards," he said.

I looked gorgeous? All the time? In his eyes?

But I'd clearly won this battle because I walked over to the fridge, cracked open a beer and said, "Munchkin, you told me I had fifteen minutes and there are two minutes left which means I won't have time to change. So how about you just be my bodyguard for the night?" He chugged his beer and said, "Alright but if I see one a.s.shole look at you the wrong way we are leaving!"

We decided to go to a local bar with a dance floor and music. Luckily, it wasn't too crowded. I was nervous because I wasn't twenty-one but Maddox had it covered and had a fake id for me. After making our way to the bar we ordered shots of tequila. After downing our shots I ordered a Corona and Maddox got a Bud Light.

I was feeling great after a couple of drinks and really wanted to dance. "Maddox, come dance with me." I didn't give him a chance to think about it because I grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. The current song playing was Superba.s.s by Nicki Minaj. I was feeling brave from the alcohol and wrapped my arms around his neck and we started to grind into one another. We danced for a couple more songs and then my jam, Turnin' Me On * by Lil Wayne and Keri Hilson started to play. I immediately turned around and started rubbing my a.s.s up against him. I could feel how much he wanted me through his jeans and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He slowly skimmed my side and I instantly felt goose b.u.mps where his fingers touched me.

I couldn't believe how sensual it was and I slowly turned around in his arms and ran my fingers through his hair. Just as I did that I heard him take a sharp breath and for just a moment we stopped dancing and just stood there, staring at one another. Whatever thought I had of him kissing me vanished the second Jason tapped Maddox on the shoulder. "Mind if I cut in?"

Maddox looked like he was going to combust but he just shook his head and walked back to his seat at the bar. I put my arms around Jason's neck feeling a little hurt about the way Maddox just walked away from me.

After a few seconds I asked, "So Jason, what was it you wanted to ask me?" He put his hands on my hips and slowly pulled me closer to him. I was facing the bar and could see Maddox's face turning bright red as he strangled the neck of his beer bottle.

What was the matter with him? He was the one who left. Jason and I were just dancing and I wasn't even Maddox's girlfriend. What was I to him? Oh yeah, his roommate.

I tore my eye contact from Maddox and turned my attention back to Jason. He looked a little annoyed, but shook it off. "You didn't hear anything I said, did you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Jason; the alcohol is just starting to hit me. You mind if we get some air?"

Just as we were walking outside Maddox pulled me against him. "Ok, we're leaving now."

"Dude! What the h.e.l.l is your problem? Izzy is fine. We were just getting some air." Jason looked between me and Maddox and didn't know what to do. h.e.l.l, I didn't either. Maddox and I were friends, but I could see that for some reason Maddox was really p.i.s.sed off.

While Jason was really built, I knew that Maddox could break him in half like a twig. I put my hand on Maddox's arm to try and calm him down. "Jason, we're just going to go. I'll see you later?" Jason shrugged his shoulders and before I knew it Maddox was putting me into his car. He slammed my door shut, got in on his side, and sped down the street.

"Maddox, what the h.e.l.l is the matter with you? We were just dancing!" Of course Maddox didn't say a d.a.m.n word the whole ride home.

We had just pulled up to the apartment and I was getting ready to open my car door but Maddox beat me to it. He put me over his shoulder, carried me to my bedroom and slammed the door behind him as he left. I didn't know what to say so I just sat on my bed in complete shock.

A few minutes later Maddox walked in. He looked like he had calmed down a lot and walked over and sat next to me on my bed.

"Look Isabelle, I know what guys are like and what Jason is after. The way he was looking at you he just wanted one thing. Trust me when I say that Jason doesn't date girls; he f.u.c.ks them. I knew you were drinking and I just didn't want you to make any mistakes. I'm sorry for the way I acted, but I was just trying to look out for you. To protect you."

I thought I had calmed down but my blood started to boil and I bolted up off the bed.

"You have got some f.u.c.king nerve accusing me of that. Maddox, you are the King of sleeping with any girl who is willing to spread her legs for you. And my G.o.d, are they willing!"

I wanted to add that I was willing as well. But I don't want to be somebody's once but somebody's forever.

I could see his head fall and I felt bad for the words that came out of my mouth. After all, he did give me a place to stay rent free and, maybe in his eyes, I was in danger. I took a few deep breaths and bit my lip to avoid saying anything to make the situation worse. I sat by him on the bed and took his hand in mine.

"But Maddox, you really don't have to worry about that kind of stuff with me." He held on to my hand and turned to face me. "Why don't I have to worry about that with you, sweetheart?" I thought Maddox was smart enough to read between the lines, but apparently not. Ugh, this was so embarra.s.sing but it would ease his mind and I wouldn't have to deal with any more embarra.s.sing public scenes. So I took a few breaths and said, "I'm a virgin."

Maddox stood up from the bed and burst out laughing. "s.h.i.t, you're good. For a second you really had me going there." When I didn't say anything he stopped and looked at me. "f.u.c.k, you're not kidding. Are you?" He sat back down on the bed and I shook my head.

"Look, it's not like guys aren't attracted to me or anything. I've had my options, but I haven't really had a lot of choices to make in my life that are just mine. This is the one thing I have and I can make the decision myself. No one else can."

I couldn't understand why I was explaining myself to Maddox, but I felt comfortable with him. He made me feel things that I never felt before. Everything was different between us.

Maddox picked me up and pulled me onto his lap. I thought he was going to make some smart a.s.s comment about my virginity, but he tucked my head under his chin and whispered, "Sweetheart, whoever you choose will be the luckiest b.a.s.t.a.r.d known to man."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I took a second to let the words sink in and a smile touched my lips. "Thanks Madd, that means a lot." If it was even possible, Maddox pulled me closer to his chest and then said, "Of course, we could always do the deed right now if you really wanted to?" I slapped him on the chest and giggled. "Thanks munchkin, I'll take it under advis.e.m.e.nt. You know I have a ton of suitors available and waiting for me."

He laughed and I could feel the vibration from his chest against me. "Oh sweetheart. If only." He pushed up from the bed and set me down. "Goodnight Isabelle. Sweet dreams."

After he left my room, I fell onto my bed and whispered, "If only."

Chapter 4.

"Holy f.u.c.k, he's gorgeous. I swear, just staring at him I get an o.r.g.a.s.m!" Jade was staring past Sarah and me and fanning herself. Sarah just started laughing. "Ok Jade, who are you talking about now?"

Jade was still fanning herself and looking off in the distance when she said, "Oh, just the s.e.xiest man known to the universe who has every piece of a.s.s groveling at his feet. Except he's staring at Izzy like she is his last meal, Aladdin's three wishes, or the best girl on girl p.o.r.n video out there. Take your pick. h.e.l.l, she could be all three to him."

I just started to laugh at her a.n.a.logy. Aladdin's three wishes? "Jesus, Jade. Could you talk any louder because I don't think everybody heard you?"

Jade finally broke her stare. "Oh, come on Iz. There really isn't anything going on between the two of you? Like seriously, have you not looked at Maddox?"

I didn't look up from doing my homework. Explaining myself was really getting old. "Yes, I most certainly have looked at that gorgeous piece of a.s.s. Normal functions like breathing are hard to do around him. But have you looked at me?"

n.o.body said anything for a while so I looked up and they were both staring at me with the dumbest looks on their faces.

Sarah took a long breath and flicked me on the forehead. "Ow, Sarah. What the h.e.l.l was that for?"

Sarah crossed her arms and looked at me. "Well, I was trying to slap the stupid out of that head of yours. Isabelle Katherine Clark, you are a gorgeous girl. Inside and out. I don't know who made you think that you are nothing, but they are completely wrong."

"I'm not saying I'm ugly or anything, but I don't compare to those girls who are always huddled around Maddox. I'm nowhere near his level and never will be. It doesn't even matter if I was on his level or not. n.o.body has ever loved me. I don't think anybody ever will. Plain and simple."

Jade dropped her jaw and her gum fell out onto the table. "You really have no idea, do you? Maddox has never looked at or treated a girl the way he has treated you! Sure, he has given girls the best o.r.g.a.s.ms of their life, but that's all it's been. h.e.l.l, he gave me an o.r.g.a.s.m by just staring at him. But I didn't think it was possible for Maddox to fall in love and even if it was, I didn't think I would see the day. It's like witnessing pigs fly or some bulls.h.i.t like that."

All I could do was laugh. "Jade, you're crazy if you really think that."

Sarah looked behind me and a smile crept onto her face. "Well then, don't turn around." As soon as she said that, it was inevitable that I turned around.

Come on people! When somebody tells you not to do something, you are going to do it!

Maddox and Gabe were walking over to us. Maddox had this huge s.h.i.t-eating grin on his face and was carrying two cups of coffee and two m.u.f.fins. With just a few more strides he handed me a cup of coffee and my favorite m.u.f.fin: Blueberry.

"Hey sweetheart, I thought I'd walk with you to cla.s.s. You know, since we're in the same Creative Writing cla.s.s and all?" I was so happy to see him. At times it seemed like we couldn't get enough of one another. While taking a sip of my coffee I felt Maddox put his arm around me as he sat down and waited for me. I took another sip and then started to put everything in my bag.

I didn't even bother looking in Sarah and Jade's direction because I already knew the stupid a.s.s grins on their faces. We walked out of the cafe and Jade started walking back to her apartment. "Alright, see you love birds later. Bye Sarah and Gabe."

At that very moment Sarah interrupted, "Well, would you look at that? I forgot that my cla.s.s was going to be held in the library today. Gabe, isn't your cla.s.s in the other direction as well? So we'll see you guys later." Maddox smiled and waved. Meanwhile, I gave her the death glare.

Once Sarah and Gabe walked away Maddox asked me a question. "So you want to explain what Jade was talking about?" He had a s.h.i.t-eating grin on his face waiting to hear how I was going to get out of answering this question.

"I think you've known her longer than I have. The b.i.t.c.h is crazy, that's all."

He started to laugh. "You are very correct on that but Jade is one of those people who says what is really going on. She doesn't hide her or anybody else's feelings. She just kind of puts it out there and she's never been wrong before."

Oh no, what was I supposed to say? Come on, how to steer clear of this conversation.

"Maybe this time she was wrong? n.o.body is right all the time."

I looked over at Maddox and he'd lost that twinkle in his eye. His head fell and he said, "Yeah, you're probably right. I guess."

I felt like all the air had escaped my lungs. I didn't want to be right, but at the same time I was petrified and didn't know what was going on in his head so I'd just said the first thing that came to mind.

I guess my mom was right about something. I was stupid.

The rest of our walk to cla.s.s was silent and this time it was most definitely awkward.

The day just seemed to get worse and worse from that point on. Our Creative Writing professor a.s.signed a paper on the topic of love.. There was no word length requirement. It could be as short or as long as we wanted, as long as we got our point across...great!

Later that night, Maddox and I were both working on our papers for cla.s.s. We were sitting on the sofa eating pizza. Maddox got up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed two sodas. After making his way back to the couch he put his papers on the coffee table and got comfortable. "So sweetheart, what do you think?"

I was halfway through writing my paper and decided to take a breather. "About what?" I heard Maddox laughing as he handed me one of the sodas. "What I should wear tomorrow. No silly, I mean about love. What do you think about it?"

I put my paper down and took a sip of soda. Maddox was staring at me, of course. Come to think of it he was always staring at me. It should bother me and make me feel uncomfortable but it made me feel like he was actually interested in what I had to say. More importantly, it made me feel like he cared about me.

I looked straight into his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I believe in love at first sight. Whether you are in middle school or middle aged. I believe in long walks on the beach, even though I have never been to a beach, and candle lit dinners. I believe in his and her towels and sharing the same toothbrush and razor. But I also believe that if I was lucky enough to find that I would run away scared to death and would later kick myself in the a.s.s for it because I lost it. But I also know that I'll never find love and I'm slowly beginning to accept that."

I took a few breaths to calm myself. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I didn't realize until that moment that I'd needed to tell someone how I really felt. I have always just kept my thoughts to myself.

Under lock and key.

Hidden away from everyone. Sometimes even from myself.

Maddox broke me from my thoughts. "Wait, you've never been to the beach?"

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you serious right now? I just told you something really personal about myself and that's all you took from what I said?"

Shaking his head he said, "No, I listened to everything you said and it broke my heart. But I'm just surprised that you've never been to the beach. I'll have to change that for you, among other things."

His words made me smile. "Thanks Madd. When?"

"Well, I was thinking over the summer. You know? So I could see you in a hot bikini." And then the b.a.s.t.a.r.d winked at me which made me laugh.

"Ok enough about me. What about you Maddox? Have you ever been in love?" I thought I knew the answer to that question, but Maddox surprised me yet again. Without taking his eyes off me, he took a sip of soda and said, "Yes."

I wondered who it was. I remembered Sarah telling me all about Taylor and thought maybe it was her. Whoever the girl was, she was lucky. Not because it was Maddox, although that was a plus in and of itself, but because somebody actually loved her.

I tore my eyes away from Maddox and took another sip of my soda. I couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes when he talked about this girl because for a split second I wished that girl was me. "What was she like?" He shrugged and took a couple of steady breaths. It seemed like it was a hard subject for him and I was getting ready to ask a different question when he opened his mouth.

"She's a spitfire and she has no idea how beautiful she is. It always looks like she has something on her mind. It seems like she has the world on her shoulders and I just wish that I could take away all of her pain. I know she's been through a lot in her life, but she never lets it get to her. I can tell that somebody has really beaten her down and broken her spirits. It just makes me want to beat the living s.h.i.t out of that person for making her feel the way she does. While she's the smartest person I know, she can also be so blind because I thought I'd gotten my feelings across, but I'm either not trying hard enough or she just thinks very little of herself. I want to be the one who helps her. Takes care of her. I know we could be something really great. The only question is whether she's willing to take that leap of faith with me. I'm just waiting for her to open her eyes and see what's standing right in front of her."

The whole time he was talking I was playing with a loose string on the end of my pillow. I could feel his eyes on me and I looked up and saw that I was right. He was looking at me with such sincerity. Like he was trying to send a message that only I could receive, but I didn't understand what it was.

The only thing I could think about was how I wished that girl was me, but n.o.body would ever love me the way Maddox described that girl on his mind. So I did what I do best and shrugged my shoulders.

"Ah, unrequited love? Well, all I can say is, that girl is really lucky and I hope that maybe someday I'm lucky enough to have somebody think that way about me. Maybe. And Maddox, sometimes we girls just need the guy to be straightforward with us. No games." He let out a low laugh and then looked at me.

"Yeah, I guess you do."

I felt like a topic change was in order, enough of sharing my feelings for one night. I also couldn't take the sad puppy dog look in Madd's eyes for much longer. "Maddox, can I ask you a question?" He was now twiddling his thumbs and looking down at his lap. "Yeah sweetheart, you know you can ask me anything."

"I want a tattoo and I want you to design it for me. Will you do that?"

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me with a glimmer in his eyes. "Yeah, I can do that. Is there something in particular you're looking for or do I get free rein?" That was the way I liked Maddox; happy and carefree.

"You have free rein but nothing stupid like a cheeseburger." He started to ask me a question when I interrupted him and said, "No, you cannot put your name on me."

He started to laugh, "d.a.m.n, how'd you know I wanted to make you mine?"

I knew Maddox was joking around but a little part of me wished that he was being serious. But that wasn't my reality. We sat for a few moments in silence and then Maddox grabbed his soda and finished it off. "Alright well, I'm all done with my paper and now I have to design a pretty bad a.s.s tattoo for my girl. So I'll see you tomorrow." He got up off the couch, bent down in front of me and kissed me on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart." Then he walked into his bedroom, closed the door, and turned on the stereo.

I took a few minutes to let everything sink in. I took a few more sips of my soda and made my way back over to the fridge. I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine and then opened the freezer and pulled out a pint of cookie dough ice cream.

Yeah, nothing like eating some ice cream to mend my heart and drinking wine to help me forget about it. For now at least.