I started doing the math in my head. So $2,000 times 12 equals $24,000 times 5 is around $125,000. f.u.c.k, I really should've paid more attention to our banking.

"Alexis, you already know?" Bryce asked slightly shocked.

"Yes, I told Rick last night that from the moment I spilt my drink on you, I was yours. I told him that you and I just have something that cannot be explained, that we were inevitable and that we still are, and always will be." Bryce's jaw basically hit the floor. "Once Rick let that sink in, the unbearable guilt he had held for five years just spilled out. He told me what they did, why they did it, how she blackmailed him, how he paid her, how when you came along with your offer he saw a solution, and he told me how sorry he was for everything." Both Lucy and Bryce sat there in silence. "It's fine. I'm fine. Rick is fine, well at least I think he is, I didn't see him this morning when he left for work."

"He's stayed at the house?"

"Yes, Bryce he did, and will continue to." Bryce looked at me worried. "He is sleeping in the spare room, and the kids have no idea. We are going to tell them tonight, but for now he can stay in the spare room until he finds a new place. It's just easier that way." I watched Bryce dissect everything I had told him. He looked up to Lucy with pleading and desperate eyes.

"f.u.c.k, what do I do now, Luce?" He dropped his head in my lap.

"Do about what?" I asked lifting his head. He had so much regret in his eyes, there was more to the story, I could see it right there.

"f.u.c.k, I have to tell you, Hunny. No more secrets, I promised. The problem is, Rick doesn't even know about this one." He looked to Lucy and nodded. She got up and headed into the foyer.

"Where's she going?"

"To get Claire."

I stood up. "Claire is f.u.c.king here?"

"Yes, and there's someone..."

Lucy opened the door, and moved aside for Claire to walk in. She looked different, somewhat grown up and more mature, tired even, and she didn't carry the self-righteousness like I remembered she had all those years ago. My anger was bubbling near boiling point, I was just about to lose control and hurl abuse at her when she put her hand down and encouraged a small child to come out from behind her legs. His little innocent and slightly nervous eyes met mine. Oh my f.u.c.king G.o.d, he looks just like Rick!

I'm not exactly sure what happened next, well at least for a few seconds anyway. My mind seemed to go into survival mode. I could imagine a teeny tiny drill sergeant standing in the centre of my brain, barking orders, telling some emotions to go this way and the others to go that way. Right, anger you go stand over there and keep at bay until told otherwise, understand me? You, fear, yes you, you are no longer needed here, be on your way. Sadness you p.u.s.s.y, bring yourself together and stand tall. Composure, you are going to lead by example. Did you all hear me? My inner drill sergeant blew his teeny tiny whistle, snapping me back into reality.

Claire hesitantly looked at me while holding her son in front of her. Bryce had stood up next to me, waiting for my reaction, which apparently hadn't really come yet. I sat back down on the couch and put my head in my hands.

"Alexis." Bryce knelt back down in front of me. "Alexis, I'm sorry, Hunny..." I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, then put my head back down and held up one finger to indicate I needed a moment. You can do this, Alexis. I stood up and placed my hand on Bryce's shoulder for support while rising, and to rea.s.sure him that I was good. I walked over to my handbag and pulled out my iPod, then flicked through the screen until I came across the app I was looking for. As I walked towards Claire I noticed her grip her son's shoulders tighter. I bent down so that I was eye level with him. s.h.i.t. c.r.a.p. b.a.l.l.s. He has Rick's eyes.

"Hi, what's your name?" I tried to sound as pleasant as I possibly could given the situation. He looked up to his mother as if to ask permission to answer. Claire nodded and smiled gingerly.

"R...RJ." He said nervously with a stutter. RJ? Rick Jr. f.u.c.k. I looked up and glared at Claire. The hatred that was festering within me was bordering on the brink of explosion. Anger, stay in that corner man. Do you hear me? I said do you hear me? I closed my eyes for the smallest of seconds then looked into RJ's, feeling just a tiny bit of familiarity, as if I had looked into those eyes before. "RJ, do you like Angry Birds?" He nodded. "Good, how about you come sit over here on this sofa, and you can play it on my iPod." He looked up at Claire, and she nodded again. I handed him the iPod, "If you can get past level 7, I'll be your biggest fan." He smiled and relaxed a little as Claire led him to the lounge.

I stood up and walked straight out to the balcony, desperate for the view of the city that had once before helped calm my nerves and find clarity. I sure as h.e.l.l hoped it would do the same today, but I couldn't be sure as to how I was going to react when Claire and I were alone. Moments later and from the corner of my eye I noticed Claire standing at the bal.u.s.trade only meter away from me.

"I'm sorry, Alexis, but it is what it is." Her voice was shaky as she said the words. I scoffed at her and gripped the railing. I wanted to pick her up and flip her over the f.u.c.king side, then dangle her there.

"It is what it is because you have made it that way, Claire." I hissed from between my teeth.

"I know and I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for RJ, I love that little boy and don't regret what I did for a second, because if I did I wouldn't have him." Tears began to well in her eyes.

"I know the love a mother has for her child, Claire, I'm more than f.u.c.king aware of it." I understood what she was saying though, no matter how your children come to be, there is no possible way you could regret them. I turned to look at her "Why have you kept RJ a secret for five years?" She didn't answer straight away, instead a lone tear streaked down her cheek and dropped, falling forty-three stories. I wondered if it ever made it to the ground.

"Because I didn't want to ruin your perfect family."

"You did ruin our perfect family, Claire. You ruined it the moment you decided to sleep with my husband." I relaxed my grip on the railing. "But none of that really matters anymore, does it? What matters now is Rick has a son that he knows nothing about."

"He doesn't have to find out." She fidgeted. "He'll hate me and RJ, and RJ deserves better than that." She looked down at her fingers and picked at her nail.

"You don't know that, Claire. Rick is many things, but an a.r.s.e of a father is not one of them. You never even gave him a chance. You've robbed him of five years of RJ's life, five years he can never get back."

She turned and looked at me for the first time since meeting me out on the balcony. "I panicked Alexis. I was young. I had slept with a married man, a man whose wife I had known since I was a kid, a man whose wife I respected, and a man whose wife I envied and wanted to be more than anything in this world." She turned back to look across the city and sighed. "I was so disgusted with myself, but I loved him. I couldn't help it, I knew it was wrong, but I wanted him more than anything and because of that I didn't care what I was doing."

My stomach wrenched as I realised I could relate to what she was saying. I also knew how wrong it was to have feelings for someone I shouldn't, I also knew how wrong it was to cross the line and not care as I did it, because when you love somebody like that you can't help yourself.

"Claire, I can understand that...But, why blackmail him?"

"Because I needed the money, and I couldn't exactly ask him for child support, could I?" She pulled away from the railing and tilted her head to see if RJ was still captivated in Angry Bird land. He was smiling as he ran his finger along the screen, and a happy little aYes' escaped his mouth suggesting he was successful in his actions. "He is my aeverything' Alexis. I f.u.c.ked up and brought him into this world, a world where his father didn't know he existed, and a world where his mother was an immature s.l.u.t who had no money to her name. That little boy deserved more than what he got. I'm already a worthless excuse for a human being, so why not accept that and resort to blackmailing. That's why I did it." She started to cry and something inside of me broke. Then, I did something I thought was never possible for me to do. I grabbed her and hugged her as an act of comfort.

"Claire, you are not a worthless excuse for a human being. You made a terrible, terrible mistake, one that you could not take back...But, your mistake resulted in that adorable little boy in there, and there is nothing worthless about that, you said so yourself." She pulled back from me, her mouth wide open in disbelief.

She wiped her eyes and laughed mockingly.

"I deliberately slept with your husband, Alexis, had his child, kept it a secret, and bribed him. And here you're hugging me and telling me I'm not worthless? I think you are slightly crazy." She laughed again.

"Yeah, you could be right, Claire." I mimicked her laugh. "Look, like you said when you first came out here, and back when I wanted to push you over the edge..." She stepped away slightly, and I smiled to myself. "Like you said, aIt is what it is'. You f.u.c.ked up, but now you need to make it right, and I can't believe I am going to say this, but I am." I sighed. "I will help you."

"Why, Alexis? Why would you help me?"

"It's really quite simple, Claire, because you need it, because Rick needs it, because RJ needs it, and because Nate and Charli deserve to know their half-brother." I walked back into the lounge, with her following behind me. "I will ring you in a few days, Claire."

I knelt down by RJ. "How did you do, RJ?"

He turned the iPod around. "I'm up to level 10."

"Wow! Good job, I'm now your biggest fan." I put my hand up for a high-five, he slapped it hard and smiled. "It was really nice to meet you, RJ. I'll see you next time okay, and maybe you can get up to level 15?"

"Yep, I will."

"I reckon you just might." I gently placed my hand on his head. Then I smiled and walked upstairs.

As soon as I closed the door to the spare room behind me, I let go. I knew I could no longer hold in the anger and hurt I had kept at bay while downstairs. It took everything in me not to expel the inner ball of fury I was harbouring in front of RJ. I was a mother too, and there was no way I would allow that poor little innocent boy to see me berate his mother. I picked up the pillow and screamed into it, then threw it across the room. I pulled my blouse over my head scrunched it into a ball and slammed it on the ground, then wrenched off my shoes and launched them at the door. I needed my shower, I needed the clarity it had brought me once before, I needed to see the anger wash down the drain so that I could be content with the fact I had let it go. I wrestled with the zip on my skirt, yanking and screaming at it to come down. Suddenly, Bryce had his arms around me tightly. I fought them, trying to push him away, but he was too strong.

"Shhh, Hunny, it's okay." He pressed his lips to the back of my head. I surrendered the fight and fell limp.

"I can't do it, I can't get my skirt off. I can't do it anymore. I just want to get in that shower, Bryce."

"Okay, my love. Let me help you." He gently released his grip, and eased down my zip, allowing my skirt to fall to the floor. I felt his hands undo the clasp of my bra, then it was on the floor too. He pulled down my underwear, lifted me into his arms, and carried me into the bathroom. He placed me gently onto the bathmat then removed his own clothes as I stepped into the shower. I put my hands against the wall with my arms locked, just staring down at the drain. I was exhausted, emotionally depleted, and completely f.u.c.king drained. Bryce put his hands on my shoulders and gently ma.s.saged them. He didn't say a word to me, he knew I would talk when I was ready. He knew that by just being there with me was all I needed. When I was sure I had finished watching all the anger from my body wash away, I turned around and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you."

"It's what I do, Ms. Summers."

I laughed, but thankfully not the awitch on crack cackle' laugh. That laugh had started to worry me. "It is, Mr. Clark."

"Hunny, you are beyond incredible. Have I told you that?"

"Yeah, I think you might have mentioned that a couple of times."

"Oh, in that case you are f.u.c.king incredible."

I laughed again. "So are you."

We spent a little while longer holding each other in the shower. I came to the conclusion that not only was that shower my miracle mood clarifier and enhancer, but also that when Bryce was in there with me it helped with the healing even more so. Bryce had offered to take me out for the day to take my mind off things, but I knew his work was piling up. Apparently Lucy had been doing most of my work since the Tel V Awards. I told him ano' and that working was probably the best thing for us both at that moment. However, my ability to focus was quite minimal, therefore I was far from productive. When 5 p.m. rolled around, Bryce emerged from his office.

"That's it, enough. I can't f.u.c.king wait any longer." He walked over to my chair. "Get up." What? What have I done? I stood up. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me over his shoulder.

"Bryce, what are you doing?" I laughed.

"What I should've done hours ago." He carried me into the apartment and upstairs to his room then laid me down on his bed. I started to remove my shoes when he stopped me. "No Hunny, you just lay back and relax, I've got this." He slowly removed my shoes and clothes, then he did the same with his own. He kissed up one of my legs, and across my c.l.i.toris, back down the other, then back up again. He was so gentle and soothing in his actions, it was perfect.

"You know, if I continue to work for you. We will never get anything done."

"I know." He agreed, smiling.

"Well that's not good."

"No it's not." He quickly answered, still smiling.

I giggled. He continued trailing kisses up my stomach until he reached my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. I shivered when the tip of his tongue touched my nipple, then almost instantly he engulfed it in his mouth, while ma.s.saging the other nipple between his thumb and finger. I pulled his head up to mine and kissed him tenderly, looking into his eyes and letting him know I appreciated everything about him. He entered me gently, rocking his body into mine, in slow deep thrusts. I gripped his back as hard as I could, pulling him into me as far as he would go.

"Bryce." I exhaled, breathing heavily as he continued to delve deep inside me. "Promise me you'll never hurt me." He slowed his momentum only slightly as he raised his head from kissing my neck to look directly into my eyes.

"Alexis, I would never hurt you."

"No, I mean it. Promise me you'll never go behind my back and do things like Rick has done, no matter how bad it is. Promise me you'll always tell me first. I...I don't think I could handle it. I...just don't."

"Hunny." He paused long enough to tell me what he needed to. "I promise you I will never hurt you, never keep anything from you. I promise you I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman alive, because you make me the happiest man alive."

"Okay, I'm yours then, Mr. Clark. Forever."

He smiled. "I know, my love." I pulled him down to meet my mouth, as he increased his rocking until we were both giving each other over to ourselves entirely.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN.

Leaving Bryce at the apartment after our wonderful love making session was terribly difficult. I felt at home falling asleep and waking up with him, and knowing that was not going to happen this particular night had dulled our moods. I made it home before dinner time with the intention to cook us one of the gourmet meals I had planned when I had done the food shopping. However, when I opened the front door, the smell of barbeque fumes wafted in from the backyard and squashed that idea very quickly.

I dropped my bag on the buffet and headed out to the pergola where Rick was standing over the hot plate turning sausages and hamburgers. Charli was on the trampoline, and Nate was shooting hoops. I decided I wouldn't mention anything to Rick about Claire and RJ, not now anyway, as my first priority was to tell the kids that their father and I were separating. I was dreading the fact I had to speak such words to my children. My heart felt like it was clawing at my chest, but I had to do it, at the end of the day it was for the best and it could not be avoided.

As I stood there watching them, I felt strangely separated from the scene. This wasn't life anymore for me. The man at the barbeque was no longer my husband, he was no longer my lover, or a man I could share my life with. Instead, he was a man who gave me two beautiful children, and for half of our life together had been a wonderful companion. I didn't hate him, I could never hate him, but when I looked at him now all I could see was a man who had lost faith-faith in me and faith in our marriage, and I felt sorry for him. It was very clear to me though that he had not lost faith in himself as a father, he was still carrying on his duties as aDad'. He might not have known how to be a faithful husband, but he clearly knew how to be a loving Dad, and I knew that when we told the kids that we were no longer going to be husband and wife, I could confidently say that we would still be Mum and Dad. Our separation was not going to change. He looked up and noticed me standing by the door.

"Hi, I figured I would BBQ, save you worrying about dinner when you got home."

"Thanks, good idea, it smells wonderful." I walked out and gave Charli a hug, then called for the ball from Nate and sunk a 3 pointer from the mark near our swing.

"Mummy Jordan, swish!"

"You're so embarra.s.sing, Mum." I winked at Nate; he was impressed despite his statement, I could tell. Sure, keep telling yourself that Alexis. I called to Charli, "Charli Bear come and help me set the table."

We ate our dinner outside under the pergola as it was the perfect night for it. The kids did their homework, then had a minor argument over which channel to watch on TV before going to bed. After they had both settled, Rick and I went back outside to talk about how we were going to handle breaking the news to the kids.

"Lex, you do realise Nate will want to know why?"

"All he needs to know right now is that we no longer love each other like a husband and wife."

"Well, that's not really true, is it?"

"Rick, please don't make this any harder than it has to be." I looked at him slightly disappointed.

"Well, it's not true. I still love you like a wife, I always will."

I tried to brush off his comment, it was a bit too late to tell me he loved me like a wife. I didn't dispute it now, but he didn't love me like a wife five years ago, and that could never be taken back.

"We'll tell them that you are still going to live here until you find a new home to buy, but after that they can stay over with you whenever they like." He nodded, but I could sense he was deliberating telling me something. "I'm going to tell them about Bryce in a couple of days, but on my own."

"So, are you planning to move into his apartment?"

"I don't know, Rick. I haven't decided yet. Maybe."

"Well, what's the point of me buying a new house if you are going to move out?"

"I don't know, you've got five million dollars Rick, wouldn't you like to buy something a little nicer? Something bigger, perhaps?"

"No, wouldn't it be best if I lived here and you moved in with Bryce, that way the kids still have the stability of this house, the only house they have ever known?"

"I'm not going to live away from my kids, Rick, forget it."

"No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that if you plan on moving in with Bryce, the kids can stay with you and with me, whenever they like. They could go between us, I guess. I don't know, I don't f.u.c.king know what to do anymore." He started to get up to leave.

"No, Rick, sit. I understand what you are saying, and I think that it might be a good idea to try first. That way, it is not so much of a change or transition for them. Look, I think we should just take each day as it comes, okay?" It was actually a good idea. They were going to have to deal with the shock of hearing we were splitting up. That was going to be hard enough, so sparing them the shock of having to leave their home as well. I agreed that it was not a bad idea. At least if I were to come and go, then ease both of them into coming and going, the notion of moving might not hit them as hard. "Rick I'm not about to pack my bags and move in with Bryce straight away. I will stay over there every now and again, and then wean the kids into it until it just becomes what it is. If you want to keep the house, then fine. I would not have been able to stay here anyway. There's just too many memories."

"I know, Lexi, that's why I want to keep it."