Ellen nodded. "I was just thinking about Mom. I know she's worried sick. I was mean to her at the doctor's office."

"She left before I could talk to her. You can invite her over if you want."

Ellen hesitated a moment and then shook her head. "This may sound cruel." She touched her breast. "I'm afraid," she admitted, "and seeing Mom so frightened makes it worse."

Jody nodded. She was about to say she understood, then the doorbell rang.

Jody moved her salad aside and stood. "I'll be right back." She went to the door and glanced through the peephole. Denise stood on the other side. Jody opened the door.

"I'd like to talk to Ellen," Denise said. Jody stood back and invited her in, but Denise declined. "I'll wait here."

"Denise," Jody began, "why are you doing this? Ellen doesn't need more stress. If you want to see her, then stop acting like a spoiled brat. We're in the kitchen having a salad if you'd like to join us."

Leaving the door open, Jody turned and headed back to the kitchen. She was almost to the kitchen door when she heard the door softly close. She started to ask if Denise would like a gla.s.s of tea, but Denise wasn't there. She had left. Jody hesitated, not knowing what she should do.

"Let her go," Ellen said from the kitchen doorway. "She'll be all right. I'll walk over and talk to her in a little while. But right now, show me your latest creation that you were bragging about the other day."

Jody led her out the back door and onto the patio.

"I've never seen your backyard. It's huge."

Jody beamed. "I actually bought the house because of the yard. Of course, I liked the house too, but I fell in love with this yard. It has so much potential."

"I guess you like birds," Ellen said, pointing to the feeders scattered throughout the yard.

"Birdseed is a big expense. Denise thinks I'm crazy, but I enjoy watching the birds at the feeders. A pair of Carolina wrens nest in an old birdhouse that's attached to the far side of the garage. I love to hear them sing." Jody stopped, embarra.s.sed. "You'll think I'm weird, gushing over birdsongs."

Ellen placed her hand on Jody's arm and leaned into her. "I think it's sweet, or should I say tweet?"

Jody groaned. "That's my latest addition." She pointed out the rose garden.

"I really like the swing," Ellen said as they walked over and sat down in it. "What kind of roses are these?"

"A mixture of hybrid teas and antiques. I just planted them, but look at all those buds. They'll be in full bloom in a few days."

"It's odd, I've spent a large portion of my life around flowers, but I've never actually planted anything," Ellen said.

"That's not so odd. Your mom was never a gardener. My mom and dad both are avid gardeners. Dad grows so many vegetables, he can feed half the small town they live in, and Mom's flowers are the talk of the county."

"Doesn't that strike you as funny, about Mom?" Ellen asked. "She has worked around flowers all these years and she doesn't garden."

"Maybe it's like a butcher who's a vegetarian."

Ellen shuddered. "That I can understand. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a carnivore at heart, but if I had to be around all those animal carca.s.ses all day, I can see where it would be easy to become a vegetarian."

Jody grimaced. "Point taken." She pushed her toes into the mulch. "I need to put some flagstone down so we won't be sitting with our feet in mulch whenever it rains, or after I've watered the plants."

"I like the sound of that we."

Jody looked at her and smiled. "It does have a nice ring."

"Tell me about the roses. What color will they be?"

Jody stood and took Ellen by the hand. "Come on and I'll show you. This one," she said pointing to the first rosebush, "is a Mr. Lincoln. It's a deep red. And this one is a John F. Kennedy. It's white."

"Are they all named after presidents?"

Jody laughed and said, "No. In fact this one here is Belinda's Dream."

"How funny."

"What do you mean?"

Ellen touched the tender leaves of the plant. "When I was a little girl, I had an imaginary friend whose name was Belinda. Whenever I was scared or in trouble, Belinda would appear to cheer me up or help me out."

Jody slid her arm around Ellen. "I remember that. You almost drove your parents nuts. Your dad wanted to send you to a child psychologist, and your mom wanted to have another baby."

"Dad always did overreact."

"Do you ever see your dad?"

Ellen nodded. "Yeah, I see him every three or four years. He and Trish, his latest wife, were driving around the country in their RV and drove through Los Angeles a few weeks before I moved. We had dinner together."

"I didn't realize he had remarried."

"Oh, yeah. This is wife number four."

Jody realized the conversation was depressing Ellen, so she changed the subject. "You've not seen the other improvement." Jody turned to the birdbath.

"That's cute," Ellen said as she stuck the tip of her finger into the water. "Do the birds really use it?"

"They sure do. I have to add fresh water each morning."

The sound of the doorbell drifted back to them. Jody stood up. "This place is like Grand Central Station today. I'll be right back." She trotted across the patio and into the house. Maybe Denise had decided to come back. The bell sounded again. "I'm coming," Jody called as she hurried through the kitchen and into the living room. She pulled the door open to find Beth Wilson.

Jody froze. The woman had obviously been crying for some time.

"I have to talk to Ellen."

Jody considered slamming the door, but it wasn't up to her to decide who Ellen did or did not talk to. Instead, she motioned Beth inside. "Ellen's out back." She pointed to the back door. "You can go on out." She watched as Beth walked through the house and out to where Ellen sat. Jody realized she was spying on them and made herself find something to do in the guest room. It was the only room in the house that didn't have a view to the backyard. She was certain she wouldn't able to resist staring out a window if one was available.

Jody sat on the edge of the bed waiting. What did Beth want? She was a beautiful woman. It was easy to see what had attracted Ellen to her in the first place. Her nose was too big, Jody thought with a sense of satisfaction. She probably hadn't been crying at all. Her eyes were just red from allergies created from ma.s.sive inhalation with that honker.

Jody jumped up, ashamed of her pettiness. There was nothing wrong with Beth's nose. She was just being catty. She glanced at her watch. How long had they been out there? She considered going into the kitchen to see what they were doing. If she got a gla.s.s of water, she would be able to see the entire backyard.

"This is pathetic," she growled as she jumped up and went into the guest bath to find a dust rag and a bottle of furniture polish. She dusted the furniture in the guest room and straightened the bed, even though neither ch.o.r.e needed doing. She was scrubbing the sink in the guest bath when Ellen found her.

"I've been looking all over for you. Do you always do so much housework?"

Jody looked up guiltily. "It keeps me out of trouble."

Ellen stepped in and kissed her cheek. "I can't imagine you ever being in trouble."

Jody rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry about Beth. She says Mom is having a hard time. Beth wanted me to come back to Mom's and stay there." When Ellen stepped away, Jody saw she had her purse.

Jody held her breath. She knew how close Denise and Ellen were. Ellen was going to go back to Denise's.

The sense of sadness that swept through Jody shocked her. She had been so happy to have Ellen here with her, and she wanted her to stay.

"I'm going to go over and talk to Mom, but I'll be back, so stop looking so scared."

Jody looked down at the sink she had been scrubbing. "I'm not scared."

Ellen made a small noise of doubt. "I'll be back soon."

Jody nodded.

"Are you okay?"

Jody hesitated. "I'm in love. Is that ever okay?"

Ellen smiled and said, "This time it is." She gave Jody a quick kiss.

As Ellen left, Jody thought about Thursday and what it could bring. A chill raced over her. She began to scrub the sink again.

Chapter Twenty-Four.

Jody lay on her queen-size bed and stared at the muted television screen. She had spent the last few hours alternating between worrying about Ellen's health and wondering what was happening at Denise's. It wasn't that she didn't trust Ellen, but there was the chance that Ellen would come to her senses and see the difficulties a nineteen-year age gap could create.

Jody's heart pounded when she heard the unfamiliar scratch of the key in the lock. She clicked the television off and waited as Ellen made her way back to the bedroom.

"There you are." Ellen smiled. "I'm sorry I took so long. Mom had worked herself up into a pretty good frenzy."

"How is she now?" Jody asked, when what she really wanted to know was whether Ellen had talked to Beth.

Ellen shrugged and sighed. "She's worried, of course, but I think I calmed her down a little. Our family history petrifies her. I reminded her that Grandma Murray died almost fifteen years ago and she was in her sixties. Poor Aunt Alice was so paranoid of doctors, by the time she finally went to see one, the cancer was out of control. No one could have saved her."

"I've been meaning to ask you, are you going to call your dad?"

Ellen shook her head. "No. I wouldn't even know where to look for him, since he's running around somewhere in his RV. Besides, there's no need in making this any harder on Mom. You know, she hasn't spoken to him since the divorce."

Jody patted the bed beside her. "Come and lie down."

Ellen kicked her shoes off and stretched out. She tucked her feet beneath the blanket that lay across the foot of the bed, and placed her head on Jody's shoulder. For several minutes, they lay in silence as Jody slowly rubbed Ellen's back.

Jody had about decided Ellen had fallen asleep when Ellen finally said, "I would understand if you decided to end this."

Jody kissed the top of her head. "You have no idea how many times I've prayed to hear those words come from a girlfriend." She hugged Ellen tighter. "But the thing is, now I don't want to hear them."

"Jody, it's not fair to pull you into this."

"It's a cliche, but life is not fair. I'm not going anywhere, Ellen. I'm in this for the long haul."

"No one knows what's going to happen. You know there's a chance it has spread. They won't know until after the lumpectomy. Even then that slight possibility of a reoccurrence will always be there. I'll never be without that fear."

Jody stiffened. Of course she had known there was a possibility that it had spread and Ellen could die, but to hear Ellen say so cut deep.

"I'm sorry," Ellen said. "I know my speaking so bluntly bothers you, but I have to face the reality of my situation." She rubbed her hand across Jody's stomach.

Jody nodded and took a shaky breath. "Will you tell me everything Dr. Wray told you?"

Ellen hesitated. "I'll try. He recommended a lumpectomy plus radiation. Then because of the family history, tamoxifen. He'll also remove some of the lymph nodes from beneath my arm. He told me he would be injecting a dye, and by following the dye he'll be able to determine which node is the sentinel node. I'm not sure I fully understand the process. The lymph nodes are like filters. If any of the cancer cells have tried to leave the breast area, they would have to go through this sentinel node first. So, if there's no sign of cancer cells there, then Dr. Wray will know it hasn't spread to any other part of my body."

"And if they have?" Jody asked.

"That's what the radiation is for. It'll kill off any of the cancer cells that may have gotten through and are hiding somewhere else."

"What about your other breast? Could they have gone there?"

Ellen shook her head. "No. Cancer cells don't move from one breast to the other. Cancer cells would have to develop on their own in the other breast. I asked him about that and it's not unheard of, but it's rare that it ever happens. The lump is about two and half centimeters, that's about an inch. And I'm in stage one."

Jody pulled the blanket over them and waited for Ellen to continue.

The silence pressed against her. She could hear the small travel clock in the bathroom ticking. A mockingbird called out from the top of the oak tree in her backyard. The sound of a basketball bouncing told her the Johnson boy across the street was shooting hoops.

Ellen sat up. "I'm not sure how much detail to give you. I don't want to gross you out or anything."

Jody sat up and kissed her. "It doesn't gross me out. I admit hearing about it scares me, but I want to know. The more I know, the more I'll be able to understand."

Ellen nodded. "With all three treatments-the surgery, radiation and tamoxifen-I have ninety-eight to ninety-nine percent chance of remaining cancer-free."

One or two percent had never seemed so large to Jody before. She bit her lip and forced herself to remain sitting on the bed. Her legs burned from the effort of keeping them locked in place on the bed. She slipped her hands beneath her legs and grabbed a handful of the sheet and gripped it. "Go on," she prompted.

"The surgery will only be one to three hours long, and I'll have to spend at least one night in the hospital, possibly two."

Jody gripped the sheet tighter. Her stomach burned. She swallowed convulsively to rid herself of the knot growing in her throat.

Ellen leaned toward her and placed a hand to Jody's cheek. "Don't do this."

To Jody's amazement, she realized she was crying. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the flow of tears.