"You have to rest sometime. Remember, the more you do, the more they'll find for you to do. You're part of the corporate fodder, and they won't mind eating you alive."

"I guess I feel guilty that I just got here and all of this stuff is happening. I've not had time to get established. I'm not normally this...this ..." She stopped and sighed.

"It's all right. You're just in one of those cycles where everything turns to c.r.a.p. We all get stuck in them sometimes. Things will settle down soon." Jody squeezed Ellen's hand. Despite the warmth of the day, her hand felt cold. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Ellen glanced out the window. "Truthfully, I'm scared, but I can't talk about it right now. I need to not think about the biopsy or the results until later."

Jody nodded. "Okay."

Ellen seemed content to sit quietly and stare out the window of the Jeep. Jody decided to wait for her to break the silence. Ellen was still gazing out the window when they pulled into the parking lot at the doctor's office.

As they stepped out of the Jeep, Jody struggled to think of something to say to rea.s.sure her, but nothing original came to mind.

Inside the crowded office, Ellen went to the desk to sign in, and Jody made her way to the far corner where there were two empty seats. Three small boys and a young girl sat on the floor staring at a Disney movie. The girl looked up and smiled as Jody sat down. She was missing a front tooth.

Jody smiled back and the child giggled.

"What happened to your tooth?" Jody asked.

"The tooth fairy came and got it," she replied. "But she left me a dollar."

"A dollar. That's a lot of money for a tooth."

"Hush. I'm trying to hear the movie," the oldest boy snapped.

Jody stared at him. He was no more than seven and already he clearly felt he had the right to talk to her as he pleased.

"I see you've made a new friend."

Jody looked up to find Ellen standing next to her.

"Hush," the boy said without looking up.

Ellen grimaced and took the empty seat next to Jody. "Was I ever that rude?"

Jody chuckled. "Do you remember when we went to the coast for your high-school graduation?"

Ellen groaned and covered her face. "I had such a crush on you, I nearly died. Five entire days with you sleeping in the next room. It was almost more than I could stand."

"I don't believe it."

"It's true. I thought you were absolutely the hottest thing."

Jody looked at her and frowned. "I don't like the past tense of that statement."

A loud burst of laughter erupting from the television temporarily distracted them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jody asked as the noise died down.

Ellen looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Get real. How could I tell you? You were Mom's best friend. I mean, I knew you were gay, but there was no way I could have said anything."

"So you were serious about having a crush on me all these years?"

"Yes."

"Why were you such a brat?"

Ellen looked embarra.s.sed. "I guess I thought you would think I was cute or something. You were so hot."

Jody smiled and sat a little straighter.

"Look at you," Ellen teased. "Before your head gets so large you won't be able to get out the door, I should remind you that I did go on with my life. It wasn't like you were in my every thought."

"Oh," Jody said as her ego deflated.

"It's just that you kept coming back."

Just then the nurse called Ellen's name.

Jody heard Ellen take a deep breath as she reached for her purse. "I'll be right here," Jody reminded her.

Ellen nodded and headed toward the door.

"Now maybe I can hear," the little boy muttered.

Jody saw an empty seat across the room and decided to move. She found an investment magazine on the rack and tried reading an article on IRAs, but every time the door separating the waiting room from the back offices opened, she would sit forward. After starting the article for the fourth time, Jody finally gave up and set it aside.

Jody had never been a nail-biter, but by the time Ellen emerged from the doctor's office over an hour later, she had gnawed three nails and was working on the fourth.

Ellen looked pale as she gave a small smile and patted Jody's arm. Jody managed to control her questions until they were in the Jeep and she had the motor running.

"What did she say?" Jody asked.

"She won't know anything for twenty-four to thirty-six hours." Ellen pulled the seat belt across her and carefully fastened it.

"Are you hurting?" Jody peered at her. There was a fine film of sweat on her face.

"No. It feels a little odd, but it doesn't hurt. The local hasn't worn off yet."

Jody started out of the parking lot. "Are you sure you want to go back to the office?"

Ellen nodded. "I have to get caught up."

Reluctantly, Jody drove her back. They rode in silence.

When she pulled the Jeep up to the curb, she said, "If you need anything, you call me."

"I'm fine, and thank you for going with me."

Jody shrugged. "I'm glad you asked. When will I see you again?"

Ellen tilted her head and said, "What if I came by after work today? You can show me that big secret you're hiding."

It took Jody a moment to realize that she meant the rose garden. "I'll fix dinner. What would you like?"

Ellen shrugged. "Let's wait and see what we feel like eating." She stepped out of the Jeep and gave Jody a small wave.

Jody waited until Ellen disappeared inside the building before she pulled away from the curb. She drove home and made herself a sandwich. She sat at the kitchen table and picked at her food as she battled the fear building within her.

In the last few days, her world had started to implode. Somehow, she had to find a way to repair the rift with Denise. A frightening thought struck. What if the rift was already beyond repair? What would her life be like without Denise?

Jody dumped the mangled sandwich into the garbage disposal and went outside. She retrieved a pair of clippers from the tool shed and pruned the new shoots emerging from the crepe myrtle trees. She edged the gra.s.s and filled the half-dozen bird feeders around the yard.

She was putting away the extension cord for the edger when the phone rang.

Jody grabbed the phone and smiled when she heard Ellen's voice. "This is a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

She heard Ellen sigh. "Jody, I'm not going to be able to come by tonight."

Jody tried to swallow her disappointment. "What happened?"

"I've got to work. We're being hit with an internal audit. They're always a royal pain. They come in and pull our recommendations and we have to justify how we came to our decisions. I'll probably be working the entire weekend. I'm really sorry."

"It's all right. I wish there was something I could do to help you."

"You already have. Just talking to you makes it better."

Work kept Ellen busy the entire weekend. Jody didn't feel like going out. She ran each morning and spent the remainder of the day either reading or puttering around in one of her flower gardens. As she worked, she made mental notes of things that needed attention. At the top of her list, she added the maintenance of her privacy fence. It was in dire need of stain.

Ellen called her twice that weekend. Both calls were rushed, because she was still preparing for the upcoming audit.

By Monday morning, Jody had completed everything on her list, except staining the privacy fence. Unable to sit still she finally called a rental agency and rented a power-washer. Two hours later, she was power-washing the privacy fence around her backyard.

Chapter Twenty-One.

On Tuesday morning, Jody received the call she had been dreading.

Ellen began talking as soon as Jody answered the phone. "Dr. Chavez called with the biopsy results. The lump is malignant. Dr. Chavez has referred me to a surgeon, Dr. Kenneth Wray, for a lumpectomy. I have an appointment with him at one today."

"Why is he seeing you so soon?"

"I got lucky. Someone canceled just before I called."

Jody felt sick. Everything was happening so fast. She tried to think of something positive to say but couldn't form any rational response. She refused to acknowledge the word that hovered between them. If she didn't think it, maybe it wouldn't exist.

"Say something," Ellen said.

"Have you talked to your mom?" Jody asked, still not sure what to say.

"No. I thought I would wait until after I've talked to Dr. Wray and hear what he has to say."

Jody took a deep breath, trying to control her fear. "You have to tell her."

"I know. I just can't right now. I promise I'll talk to her as soon as I meet with Dr. Wray."

Denise should be told and Ellen seemed determined to keep putting it off. Jody decided not to push the issue until after Ellen talked to the surgeon.

"Can I go with you to the doctor's office? I'll sit outside if you want, but I'd like to be with you."

"Oh, thank you. Would you please? I didn't want to ask, but I'd rather not go by myself."

"Ellen, please don't ever hesitate to ask for my help. I love you. I want you to know I'm going to be here for you, no matter what."

"I know you will be. I'm not used to depending on someone else." She paused. "I don't want to become so dependent on someone that I couldn't survive without them."

Like I almost did with Mia, Jody thought. "If you like, I can pick you up at your office again."

"No. Dr. Wray's office is near you, over in the medical center. It would be easier if I drove to your place and we go from there."

"I'll be waiting," Jody a.s.sured her.

Jody hung up the phone. Fear unlike any she had ever known invaded Jody's body. She shook so hard her teeth started to chatter. She stepped into the shower and let the hot water pour over her, but it couldn't remove the chill that had settled deep within her. She moved gingerly, afraid any sudden movement would send her spiraling out of control. She dressed with slow deliberation. Her subconscious remained on constant alert to keep the horrifying word from entering her thoughts. If she didn't think about it, didn't admit it existed, she could avoid facing the possibility of what it could bring.

She got dressed, made a pot of coffee and took her cup to the rose garden. She carefully examined each rosebush until she was satisfied they all looked healthy.

She sat in the swing and stared out over her backyard and patio. Tension was beginning to build in the pit of her stomach. She shifted in the swing, trying to ease the dull ache growing along with her nervousness. Unable to get comfortable, she focused her attention away from the upcoming doctor's visit and back to her yard. During the four years she'd lived here, she'd made several changes. Slowly the yard was beginning to look the way she wanted. She tried to picture Ellen puttering around in the flower gardens with her. Did Ellen even like to work outside? Did she have a green thumb, or was she one of those individuals who couldn't grow a weed?

"I don't even really know her," Jody said aloud.

A b.u.t.terfly landed on one of the landscaping rocks near the swing. Jody watched as it sunned itself, its yellow and black wings slowly folding and unfolding.

She had once heard b.u.t.terflies described as G.o.d's smallest angels. She stared at the swallowtail. Her Lutheran parents attended church regularly, but after moving away from home, Jody had given up on the inst.i.tution that worked so hard to exclude her.

"G.o.d, if you're listening, please, don't let her die," she prayed.

The b.u.t.terfly sailed off to a nearby flower.

She thought about Denise and her heart ached. Ellen's decision not to tell her mom was wrong. Denise had a right to know. The longer Ellen waited, the harder it would be.

Jody wondered if Beth was still staying with Denise, and if so, how long she intended to remain there. Jody felt a mild curiosity about her. What kind of woman was she? What was it about her that had attracted Ellen originally?

Jody stayed in the swing until she heard a car door slam. She glanced at her watch. Ellen was a few minutes early. Jody went through the house and opened the door to find Denise, pale and clearly shaken, standing beside a tall, exceedingly beautiful young woman.