Just then, a pair of open straw sandals and ten tanned toes with neon-pink toenails appeared before her eyes. "Why, hi," Lorell crooned down at her.

Behind Lorell, as always, stood Daphne, fidgeting anxiously with the zipper of her baggy raincoat. "We ... uh ... heard you had quite the wild time last night," Daphne said, doing a poor imitation of Lorell and Diana De Witt.

"My, my, did we ever," said Lorell conspiratorially. "Diana told us you were one hundred percent buck naked in that police house. In fact, she said you were the one who got the whole thing started." "That's not true," snapped Carrie, getting to her feet. A quick glance at Ian and Chloe showed her what she had feared.

They were all ears.

Another quick glance over Lorell's shoulder made her heart sink. Billy had turned back. The van was pulling out of its s.p.a.ce and driving away in the opposite direction. d.a.m.n you, Lorell! Carrie thought angrily as she watched the van disappear around a corner.

"Oh?" Lorell asked in a cloying voice. "Which part isn't true?"

"I did not start it. And I was wearing something at the police station," she told Lorell angrily. Placing her hands on Chloe and Ian's shoulders, she began to steer them quickly past Lorell and Daphne.

"Now I remember. Diana did tell me that eventually you put on a dishrag or something," said Lorell.

Ian looked up at Carrie. "It was a beach towel," Carrie said evenly. "And I can't say I think much of your judgment," she added, looking meaningfully at the children.

By now she had moved several paces away from Lorell. "Oh, so you were naked in the police station except for a beach towel, is that right?" Lorell said loudly.

Several people pa.s.sing by stared at Carrie.

Mortified, Carrie turned and hurried the kids down the street. "Why were you wearing a towel in the police station?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, why?" Ian asked, less innocently than Chloe.

"Because I went to a swim party and somebody took my bathing suit," she hedged.

"And the police were helping you find your suit?" Chloe volunteered.

"You could say that, I suppose," she said. "That's one of the things they were doing." "Where were the rest of your clothes?" Ian challenged.

Carrie let out a long gush of air. She might as well tell them the truth. She was tired of lying, anyway. "Sit down," she said, stopping at a public bench along the sidewalk.

"Did you ever hear the term skinny-dipping?" "You went swimming with no clothes on?" Ian cried. "In front of other people?" "Well, it was dark," Carrie said, cringing inside. "Very dark. Extremely dark." "You could have drowned," said Ian with surprising seriousness.

Up until that moment, Carrie hadn't even considered that possibility. But Ian was right. "You're right. And the police made us stop doing it, but then I couldn't find my suit, so I wrapped a towel around myself." Chloe patted Carrie's arm sympathetically. "Is that why Mommy and Daddy were mad at you?"

asked Chloe.

"That was part of it, yes." "It's okay," said Chloe, resting her curly head on Carrie's arm.

"Yeah, don't worry," said Ian. "They didn't fire you or anything, so you're cool." Suddenly the sky opened, letting down a torrent of rain on them. Grabbing both kids by the hand, Carrie ran down the block toward the Mercedes. Overhead, a clap of thunder made Chloe scream. "It won't hurt you, Chloe," Carrie said.

"Let's get in the car." Soon they were headed toward home, the wipers slapping the windshield. At the top of their voices they sang the theme song from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon show. Carrie realized that for the first time in days she felt happy and relaxed. Like her old self. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Right.

Who needs Billy Sampson, anyway? she thought. / certainly don't. I'm better off without him.

That's what she wanted to believe. But despite her buoyant spirits, a small voice inside told her it just wasn't so. She still wanted to be with Billy-no matter how much she told herself otherwise.

She just wished she didn't have to change herself completely in order to keep him.

The next day, the sun came out in full force and the sky was a brilliant blue. Ian asked to go to the public beach on the ocean. "Maybe you'll see your new pals there," Carrie said, loading the trunk of the Mercedes with towels, beach chairs, an umbrella, and sand toys.

"I hope not," Ian grumbled.

"Why not?" Carrie asked, slamming the trunk shut.

"They think I'm a total dweeb because that stupid lifeguard wouldn't let me swim to the raft." Carrie lifted Chloe, placed her in the middle of the back seat, and fastened her seatbelt. "Did one of the kids say something to you?" she asked Ian, who had climbed into the front seat.

"No, I didn't give them the chance. But I know they were thinking it." "I need my new uni-horsie," Chloe cried out. "We forgot it." Chloe had grown very fond of the toy unicorn Carrie had bought her the day be- fore. She'd hardly put it down since walking out of the store.

"Oh, -okay," said Carrie. "Don't you guys move, I'll be right back." Racing upstairs, she found the toy unicorn on the bathroom sink and quickly returned to the car with it.

"Thank you," said Chloe, hugging the toy tightly as soon as Carrie handed it to her.

Getting into the driver's seat, Carrie buckled up and started the car. "I don't see why they would think that," she told Ian, picking up where they had left off as she backed out of the garage. "You wanted to swim out there, but the lifeguard stopped you. It wasn't your fault." Ian slumped sullenly in his seat, and Carrie decided not to pursue it. She wished she could comfort him by telling him that it was just a matter of time before he grew, that she herself had been one of the shortest girls in her cla.s.s until sixth grade, when she'd suddenly shot up to her present height.

She glanced over at Ian again as she cruised towards the beach. No, it was better to drop it. His small size was a sensitive subject and he looked in no mood to talk about it, however much good Carrie thought it might do him to vent his frustrations or benefit from hearing about her own growing experience.

Growing up was a lot of pressure-pressure that Carrie had thought was behind her when she left high school. Who am I kidding? she asked herself bitterly. It's just beginning for me.

It was true that Carrie had been so content- with herself and her long-term relationship with Josh-that it had never occurred to her to try to change. She didn't want to. She'd just sort of stopped growing. I'm practically the same now as I was when I was twelve, she thought disgustedly.

She didn't want to have to change in order to attract Billy, but she wondered whether she would feel at such a disadvantage now if she'd been growing and changing all along. Maybe if she had, she wouldn't feel so much like a little girl playing with big kids.

"I love you just the way you are," Josh always used to tell her. What did that really mean? Was it total acceptance of her true self? Or was it just another way to keep her stuck in a rut-or in a relationship? Why am I feeling so resentful? she thought. Like I'm trying to blame Josh or something. Is it anyone's fault?

All the fashion magazines and ads for makeup and hair-care products were targeted at women's self-esteem. It seemed so wrong, all this pressure to compete over whose hair was shinier and had more body, whose lips were fuller, redder.

Daphne was a perfect example. "I look like a hippo," she'd said. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, she looked emaciated. Did she really believe she looked fat? Was it because she looked in the mirror and didn't see a fashion model looking back?

How could anyone compete with models who devoted their entire lives to their looks, who had their hair and makeup done by the best professionals in the world before they stepped in front of the camera? Even then, if the picture revealed a flaw, Carrie knew the photographer could blur it or fade it out in the development process. Or an artist might actually touch it up, hiding blemishes and fluffing hair with an airbrush. Even models didn't really look as good as they looked in their pictures! But I knew all that, Carrie told herself as she pulled into the parking lot. Still, she'd let herself fall into the same trap. Why?

In her heart she knew why. She hadn't trusted herself. She'd wanted Billy so badly that she'd lost faith in her own judgment.

She tried to tell herself that if Billy wanted a girl who looked and dressed like a high-fashion model, then he wasn't worth it. If he couldn't look past that at the real person underneath, he was too shallow for her to really care about. But she did care. She still felt strongly attracted to Billy. And she didn't really believe he was shallow. Hadn't he always seemed nice? More serious than the party kids who often surrounded him? That was just your own foolish, wishful thinking, she told herself coldly. Trying to make him something he wasn't^-just because you were interested in his superficial good looks.

Shut it off, Carrie, she commanded herself as she unloaded the trunk. It's a gorgeous day. Stop worrying for a minute and just enjoy the day.

"Can I have ice cream at the beach?" Chloe asked as they headed toward the sand.

"After lunch," said Carrie.

"Do you promise?" "Yes, I promise," Carrie laughed.

"Could I have a hot dog for lunch?" "Yes! I promise, I promise, I promise." The beach was teeming with people, all eager ^to enjoy the sun after being cooped up in their houses by the rain the day before. Carrie had to search for a spot to spread out her blanket. "Turn around," Ian said quickly. "Here comes that guy.

Maybe he won't see us." At first Carrie thought he was talking about Billy. Then she realized he didn't even know Billy. She looked up and saw a tall, thin, gangly boy of about eleven coming toward them. He was tanned, had very blue eyes, and wore his hair in a crew cut. "Who is he?" she asked Jan.

"He's one of those guys, you know," muttered Ian, turning his back to the boy.

"His name is Ralphie Krumnitz. He's like their leader." "It looks to me like he's coming over to say hi," said Carrie as she slathered Chloe with sunblock.

Ralphie finally arrived and stood at the edge of their bIanket. Ian was forced to look up at him. "Hi, Ralphie," he said.

"Hi," Ralphie replied, sitting right down on the edge of the blanket. "Hey, are you really Graham Perry's kid? Somebody told me you were," Ralphie asked bluntly.

Carrie noticed Ian's eyes dart quickly from side to side. He was weighing the best response. She had a feeling that these boys were local kids. She wasn't sure which reply would be seen more favorably by them, a yes or a no. Obviously Ian wasn't sure, either.

"What do you care?" Ian evaded the question.

"That means you are," said Ralphie. "Otherwise you would have said no." Smart kid, thought Carrie, impressed. She began digging in the sand with Chloe, but she kept one ear on the conversation between Ian and Ralphie.

"So what if I am?" said Ian, a challenge in his voice.

"No big deal," the boy replied. "We didn't know you were his kid the other day.

But then we found out, and we were wondering why you didn't just tell the lifeguard who you were and make him let you swim to the raft." The look of confusion on Ian's face told Carrie that Ian had never even considered that a possibility. In fact, one of the things she liked about Chloe and Ian was that they didn't consider themselves special. Sure, Ian knew they were rich and that his father was famous. But that was his father, not him. It was probably a credit to Claudia and Graham that they'd kept their kids so unspoiled.

In a way, Carrie wished Ralphie hadn't suggested that possibility to Ian. If Ian liked the idea, it could be the beginning of a bad trend. "I didn't want the lifeguard to get in trouble," Ian answered sensibly.

Ralphie nodded. Good answer, thought Carrie proudly.

"I bet you could get out there today," Ralphie suggested. "The water is so crowded, the lifeguard would never notice that you weren't big enough." Carrie cringed at the reference to Ian's shortness, but Ian took it in stride. "Maybe I'll try," he said.

"Ian, I don't think so," said Carrie, trying not to embarra.s.s him. "I don't want to get us in trouble with the lifeguard." The truth was that Carrie felt the policy was probably sound. If Ian didn't have the weight to fight the undertow, then he shouldn't try it.

"He won't even see me," Ian argued.

"Ian, please. I'm asking you not to," she insisted.

Sticking out his lower lip, Ian blew out his breath in a huff to show his irritation. "Come on, let's go swimming," said Ralphie, getting up.

Ian began to follow him. "Ian," Carrie called as quietly as she could. The boy turned and looked at her. "I'm not kidding, okay?" Twisting his mouth to one side, Ian shrugged and nodded. Then he ran off to catch up with Ralphie.

For the next hour, Carrie and Chloe played in the surf and built a sandcastle.

Carrie prided herself on being an ace sandcastle maker, creating graceful turrets of dripped wet sand along the walls and elaborate, tunneled moats around the castle. The castle was soon so large that other kids began to join in, adding towers and tunnels of their own.

"I'm making a little house for uni-horsie," said Chloe as she patted together a small, crooked tower next to the castle. Chloe dug out a tunnel and stuck in her toy unicorn. "There," she said proudly.

"The royal stables, very good," Carrie praised her. "I'm sure uni-horsie is very happy." Engrossed in the castle as she was, from time to time Carrie checked on Ian. At one check, Ian and Ralphie were busy body-surfing into sh.o.r.e. Another time they were tossing a Frisbee on the wet sand. Good, she thought. She was sure Ian was happy to have someone besides Chloe and her to hang out with.

"I'm hungry," said Chloe after a while. Leaving the other kids to complete the castle, Carrie took Chloe's hand and returned to the blanket. She dug her wallet from her beachbag and took Chloe up the wooden steps to the boardwalk, where a line of food stands, shops, and video arcades stood side by side. The shops had front walls, but the foods stands were open in front, with gates that came down only at night. That day the people waiting for food spilled out of the concessions onto the boardwalk.

"Where did all these people come from today?" she muttered as she made her way through the crowd on the boardwalk. She'd never seen the place so crowded. With Chloe in tow, she went to one of the three hot dog stands and got on line.

And waited.

And waited.

The line didn't seem to move at all. "Pick me up," Chloe whined. Chloe weighed almost fifty pounds, but Carrie felt sorry for her, having to stand so long, and lifted her up.

It was hot and smelled like sauerkraut inside the concession. Carrie started to sweat and her arms ached under Chloe's weight. "I'm going to put you down for a little while, sweetie," she said.

"Noooooooooooo!" Chloe wailed, wrapping her arms more tightly around Carrie's neck. "I want my hot dog. I'm hungry. I want my hot dog!" Finally Carrie's turn came and she ordered hot dogs for herself, Chloe, and Ian, and then added another for Ralphie. She ordered fries, sodas, and two large bags of chips. I am not getting back on this line again, she thought adamantly, adding yet one more hot dog to her order.

Chloe and Carrie returned to their blanket just as Ian and Ralphie were coming out of the water. "Ah," Carrie laughed, shielding herself as the two boys shook themselves dry like big puppies just getting out of the water.

Ian was beaming, proud that Ralphie seemed to like him. "Have a hot dog," he offered Ralphie, without checking to see if there was one for the boy.

Carrie was glad she'd gotten him one, and glad she'd ordered an extra since Ralphie didn't hesitate to request another. When Chloe was three-quarters of the way through her hot dog she put it down and announced, "I'm ready now." "For what?" Carrie asked, bewildered.

"Ice cream!" said Chloe triumphantly.

Carrie's face fell. Ice cream! How could she have forgotten the ice cream? She'd have to get on that eternal line all over again. The thought of holding Chloe again was too much.

"I have to go get the ice cream, Chloe," she said, getting to her feet. "Ian, would you and Ralphie please stay here with Chloe while I'm gone?" "Get me and Ralphie fudgsicles," Ian bargained.

"Okay. But n.o.body move until I get back. I'll be right back." Carrie hurried to the boardwalk. It was as crowded as before, and the lines were just as long.

"Hi," Emma called to her as she got on the ice cream line.

"Hi," Carrie called back. "What are you up to today?" "I'm working," Emma told her, getting in line behind her. "Jeff and Jane are with the kids now. I've been sent up to get ice cream, which appears to be an all-day a.s.signment from the look of the lines." "Tell me about it," Carrie agreed.

"I have some news that you might find interesting. I spoke to Trent today."

"You did?" Carrie asked, surprised. "What did your old pal want?" "A date,"

Emma said matter-of-factly. "He's two-timing Diana, so he a.s.sumes I might want to two-time Kurt. 'For old times' sake,' he said. What a snake! That wasn't the only reason he called, though. His father wants Jeff or Jane to represent Trent in case this skinny-dipping things goes to court." Carrie could feel herself go pale. If that happened, her parents would have to be notified. She might wind up with a criminal record. "Sam told you what happened, I guess," she said, crestfallen. "What a mess!" "I'll say. Don't worry, though," said Emma, noticing Carrie's expression. "I asked Jane about it. She told me that the neighbors who called the police aren't pressing charges. Kristy and some other girl admitted to buying the pot, so that's going to be tried separately. It looks like the rest of you are off the hook." Letting out a whoosh of relief, Carrie relaxed.

"That is good news." "No word from Billy?" Emma asked.

Carrie shook her head. "That's one relationship that never even had a chance.

Thanks to me." "Why just you? It was his fault, too. He took you to the stupid party," Emma insisted loyally.

"Yeah, but he wanted to leave. I wouldn't go." "Oh," said Emma. "Still, maybe it's not over." "He wouldn't even speak to me at the station house. I saw him yesterday, but good old Lorell got between us. I have to face it, my relationship with him D.O.A." "What do you mean?" "Dead on arrival," Carrie filled her in.

'Emma smiled wanly and shrugged. "Maybe it wasn't meant to be. You'll find someone better." After five minutes the line inched forward two paces. "This is ridiculous!" Carrie sighed. "I can't leave the kids alone any longer. I'll send Ian and his new friend back to get the ice cream." "Good idea," said Emma. "Call me later. Maybe the three of us can do something tonight." "All right," Carrie replied as she got off the line and walked back out to the boardwalk. Stopping on the wooden steps, she shielded her eyes from the sun and scanned the area.

Where was her blanket? Then she spotted her red-and-white striped beach umbrella. "Oh, no!" she gasped.

She hadn't been able to find the blanket because she'd been looking for the kids. And the kids weren't there!

"Ian, where the h.e.l.l is Chloe?" Carrie asked frantically, her hands on Ian's wet shoulders. She'd spotted him coming out of the ocean as she raced to the blanket..

"She's with Ralphie," Ian replied. "Hey, did you see me? I swam to the raft and back. The lifeguard didn't even notice." A blaze of fierce anger filled Carrie, but she couldn't let it get the best of her. "Where is Ralphie?" she asked.