Chapter 50 - I Stab, Stab, Stab, Stab, Stab

Translated by Eve

Edited by Kara

15. I Stab, Stab, Stab, Stab, Stab

In the end, Xie He wasnt severely injured. Aside from the abdominal bruises, there was only the one wound on his face. When he woke up, he found himself lying in Deng Jingwens arms. Below them was the same huge bed that he knew so well.

He had returned home.

Xiao Zhuo Deng Jingwen hadnt slept all night. He noticed the boy waking at once. When he recalled the boys condition when he had found him, when he recalled that sinister wound, his heart ached dully. However, he could not let his feelings show, because he had to be strong, strong enough for the boy to depend on. Thus, he only held the boy and used a nonchalant voice to say, Youre awake. Are you hungry?

Xie He looked up and gazed at him with a dull and distant look. He did not respond.

Deng Jingwen didnt know why, but his heart felt empty when facing this kind of gaze. In those eyesthere was no longer any wors.h.i.+p or dependence. There wasnt even fear or reverence either. There was simply nothing. It was like the boy was indifferently looking at a stranger.

Although the boy was in his arms, he felt like he had already lost him.

This realization made Deng Jingwens heart gradually sink.

Mn? Why arent you responding? Deng Jingwen lowered his head slightly, lips nearly touching the boys forehead. His voice was gentle, but beneath was an undertone of extremely stifled, nearly imperceptible unease. He smiled, Are you blaming me for coming so late? Im sorry. Its my fault. Only, I promise that you will never be in danger like this again. Forgive me this once, OK?

Xie Hes expression finally relaxed just a bit. He s.h.i.+fted his eyes a bit and looked at Deng Jingwen, I dont blame you. Thank you.

Deng Jingwen froze. The smile on his face seemed rather forced, Whatare you thanking me for?

Xie He calmly said, Thank you for coming to save me.

I thought that you wouldnt come. Actually, it wouldnt have mattered even if you hadnt.

Deng Jingwens arms slowly tightened around the boy as if he could confirm that the boy was still in his arms, confirm that he still had him.He said, Me coming to save you is to be expected. No need to thank me.

Xie He shook his head slowly, voice very soft but his enunciation very clear, Im not your son. You didnt have to save me, but you still saved me So, I should thank you. Unfortunately, I dont have anything to pay you back with. Sorry.

As he spoke, his expression remained calm from beginning to end. He didnt throw a fit. It was as if he was calmly reciting a fact.

He no longer had any expectations. It was only natural that he would have neither anger nor discontent.

Deng Jingwens heart finally sunk to an all-time low.

He had always wished that the boy would acknowledge that he was not his fathernow, the boy finally did, but he didnt feel happy at all. This wasnt what he had wanted. He had wanted the boy to see him as his lover, not a stranger.

There was pain in Deng Jingwens eyes. He forced himself to remain calm though and said, I know that youre not in a good mood right now, which is why youre trying to make me angry.

Xie He looked at him calmly, Sorryit wasnt my intention to anger you.

Deng Jingwen fell silent for a long while and said, Then, dont say things like that anymore. Rest well. Ill go get you something to eat.

He left the room. Where Xie He couldnt see him, he landed a heavy punch against the wall!

Who could have expected that there would be a day where he would want to deceive himself?

He didnt want to admit that the boy didnt love him, that he didnt care about him.

He didnt want to admit that in the boys eyes, he was nothing but a cold-hearted, ruthless stranger who would hurt him.

Once Deng Jingwen left, Xie He got up and went into the washroom. However, the mirror in the washroom had disappeared. He lifted a hand to touch his face. On his right cheek, there was thick gauze. Because the anesthetic had already worn off, there was a burning pain. Nonethelesseven without seeing it, he could tell how horrifying he probably looked.

When Deng Jingwen returned, he saw that the boy was no longer in bed. A bad premonition arose in his heart. Indeed, he found the boy standing in the washroom, quietly facing where the mirror had once been.

His heart felt like it was being squeezed all over again. He paid no attention to his own pain and despair, quickly walking overbefore he had taken the boy home, he had ordered people to get rid of all of the mirrors. He was afraid that the boy would be devastated upon seeing himself.

However, who would be fooled, ne?

This was the boy he loved. Originally, he had wanted to protect him, but he wasnt able to do it.

He didnt know how he could ever forgive himself.

Deng Jingwen gazed at the boys weak figure. He wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. He did his best to make his voice evidently calm and gentle, Xiao Zhuo, lets go eat, OK?

But, the boy did not react. He only stood there, expressionless, as if he hadnt noticed the others presence at all.

Deng Jingwen held the boy. He felt like his throat was being choked by something. Although he wanted to say something, it was difficult. He slowly said, Be good. Come out with me, OK?

A long time afterXie He finally turned around. The gauze on his right cheek had been peeled off, revealing a sinister wound. The blood-red wound extended from his lips to his ear. The dense, crisscrossing, black lines looked like a frightening centipede entrenching itself into a red gorge.

He fixed his gaze firmly onto Deng Jingwen. At this distancehe could faintly make out his own face reflected in the others eyes.

Although there was no mirror, he knew that he was no longer beautiful. If one looked a bit longer, they would even find him nauseating, ba.

When he thought of this, he suddenly smiled. His smile was very relaxed, very pleased, as if he was finally relieved of a heavy burden. He had always known that he was good-for-nothing trash aside from his face. That was probably the only part of him worth taking a second look at.

Therefore, what Deng Jingwen must have taken a liking to was his face, thats all.

He had thrown away his dignity and used this face to beg the man for mercy. He had stayed by the mans side using contemptible, lowly ways. He clearly knew that although he did all this, all that would come from it was humiliation, but he couldnt bear to leavehe held onto a tiny bit of hope. He thought that this man would care for him, even just a little bit.

Now, he no longer needed to hesitate, because he had lost his final bargaining chip.

However, he didnt feel upset. Instead, it felt like he was a gambling addict, who could not free himself from his addiction, who finally lost all his money. He only felt free.

The corner of Xie Hes lips raised, causing the wound to move too. That once extremely gorgeous smile currently looked ugly and twisted. However, his tone was relaxed and happy as if he didnt mind at all.

He said, Sir, you once said that I am only worth keeping here if I can please my man.

I think that I cant stay any longer.

Because, I already have no means to please you.

Every single one of the boys harsh words fell onto Deng Jingwens ears. Each one was like another sharp needle stabbing into his heart.

He had personally said this. If he had known that one day he would love his boy like this, he would have never treated him so cruelly. Deng Jingwen shut his eyes, covering the deep pain within. He was guilty, and all of this was the punishment he deservedbutthe boy shouldnt have been the one to bear the consequences.

He reached out to rub the boys head softly and whispered, Whether or not youre worth keeping, so long as I think you are, its fine. I think that youre worth keeping, so dont let that imagination of yours run wild, OK?

Xie He stared at him, slowly shaking his head, But, Sir, I dont want to stay.

Even if the boy didnt say this, Deng Jingwen already knew. Be that as it may, he could not let him go, let him leave his side. Who else could protect his boy? The boy would be humiliated by others. He would drift through a difficult life. He might evendie in a remote area without him knowing. He absolutely could not bear this.

What was even more unbearable was the thought that there would be a day where he could not see the boy.

Deng Jingwen was silent for a few seconds. He then said, I wont allow it.

Xie He glanced at him. He then cast his eyes downwards and did not speak again. In front of Deng Jingwen, he had never had any leeway to resist. Since it was always like this, why even bother fighting things? In any case, this personwould never care about his opinion.

Deng Jingwen carefully carried the boy and placed him on the bed. He quickly called the doctor over to re-wrap the wound.

From beginning to end, Xie He was exceptionally calm. He did not cry out that it hurt or make a fuss. Even the doctor was astonished. He quickly dealt with the wound and warned that Xie He must not remove the gauze again or let the wound get wet. He then left.

The soup Deng Jingwen had carried in was already cold. He went out and got a new bowl before coming back in. He used a spoon to scoop some up and blew on it to cool it a bit. He then brought it to the boys mouth, Eat a bit, ba.

Xie He didnt move. He was like a lifeless wooden doll just sitting there.

Deng Jingwens heart spasmed with pain, but he remained patient. He coaxed, I know it really hurts, but you have to eat something.

Xie He still didnt move. He didnt even look up.

Deng Jingwens eyes darkened. He suppressed the pain and helplessness inside. His lips were pressed into a straight line. A long time after, he lowered his voice, Listen to me. Otherwise, Ill punish you.

Hearing the word punishment, Xie Hes expression finally changed a bit. After a while, he slowly opened his mouth, closed his lips around the spoon, and swallowed.

Deng Jingwen was finally able to feed him a bowl of soup at last.

Deng Jingwen went back to the kitchen. He placed the bowl down and stood at the sink for a long time, not moving.

He didnt want to admit that he was hurting so bad that he wanted to escape right now.

This version of the boythat numb appearance without a single ounce of the liveliness that he once had.

Before, so long as he showed even the slightest bit of gentleness, the slightest hint of a smile, the boy would smile at him happily. The boy who would circle around him joyously had completely disappeared. He no longer needed his gentleness. He no longer wanted his kindness. He didnt need him.

Only after losing him did he realize just how rare and precious the shabby, worn-out shoes that he had abandoned were.

Yet, because it had been so easy to get him before, he hadnt known how to cherish him. That was why he could so easily trample all over himhe used to think that he wouldnt care, but the reality was different. He really neededactually, the one who needed the other person was actually him all along.

Ding, the target, Deng Jingwens Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 94.

While Xie He was drinking soup, he was actually maintaining an expressionless appearance of having nothing to live for while browsing the system exchange store and chatting with 444.

Xie HeHow are the painkillers from the system store?

444Theyre all pretty good!

Xie HeAnd, theyre not expensive. Give me 10 packs.

444OK!

Xie HeAre there any new low calorie delicacies that wont make me fat? Recommend me something, Baby.

444OK! ()/

Xie HeWaitgive me an emetic first! Ill eat after throwing it all up.

When Deng Jingwen returned, he saw the boy collapsed on the side of the bed without any strength. The food he had eaten with much difficulty had all been vomited out. Deng Jingwen rushed to support the boy and personally helped him wipe his mouth. He then brought water to his lips, Rinse your mouth.

The boy didnt resist him. He obediently took a sip. Because his wound had been pulled when he was throwing up, he couldnt help but finally reveal a pained expression. His fingers clenched tightly around the bedside.

Deng Jingwens heart ached terribly. His boy had been pampered and spoiled since childhood. How could he bear this kind of pain.?

He gently hugged the boy. Zhao HongAn extremely cold expression appeared in Deng Jingwens eyes. He would not let off anyone who hurt his boy.

From that day on, Deng Jingwen didnt take a single step away from Xie He as he took care of him. Xie He was very cooperative and did not fight him. He seemed to really know how to encapsulate being disobedient when he should be obedient and being obedient when he shouldnt. He used his docile and subservient manner to slowly stab Deng Jingwens heart.

For example, when Deng Jingwen fed him, hed eat it obediently. However, when he finished eating, hed throw it all up, causing himself to get much thinner.

Another example: he wouldnt resist when Deng Jingwen held him to sleep. However, he would wake up with a blood-curdling scream in the middle of the night, scaring Deng Jingwen awake. Deng Jingwen would then have to coax him until the wee hours of the morning.

Or, another example was how he never called him Dad anymore. He would only call him Sir. Moreover, he would look extremely afraid to see him.

Each knife stabbed at his heart with amazing precision.

Some time pa.s.sed by in this fas.h.i.+on. They finally removed the st.i.tches from Xie Hes wound. Acc.u.mulated pain and powerlessness had gradually filled Deng Jingwens eyes with darkness and dejection. At the slightest sign of trouble, Deng Jingwen would become awfully nervous.

And yet, Xie He was still not satisfied.

Xie HeDad has proven himself to be a strong person. Even like this, his Favourability Value doesnt rise. I feel the joy that comes from a good challenge again. ?

444Why did he suddenly feel a bit sympathetic towards Deng Jingwen? This must be a misperception, ba.

Xie HeIts clear to see that I am being too gentle and understanding to Dad.

444O(_)O~Indeed, really gentle.

Xie HeIt seems like Dad isnt biting with this method. A rough person like Dad would certainly prefer a more rough method. Smile.JPG

Xie HeTime for drastic measures. :)

444I will maintain my silence.

While Xie Hes wound had healed and did not look as malevolent as before, that long, faint red scar was still very eye-catching on his pale face. It was as if there was a single slash on the most beautiful painting. It made people feel that it was such a pity, and they would feel helpless as well.

Deng Jingwen had contacted the best plastic surgeon in the field. He had an entire team a.s.sembled. He was just waiting for the boy to recover before having him undergo surgery.

Today, he watched the boy force himself to eat. He couldnt help but feel greatly distressed at the sight.

Deng Jingwen hugged the boy and spoke with a soft voice, I hired the best plastic surgeon for you. He will definitely make you better. You will get better.

Xie He finally reacted to this. He lowered his head and asked, Really?

This was the first time in a long time that the boy had taken the initiative to speak to him. Deng Jingwen looked happy and said, Yes. You will definitely go back to the way you were. Trust me.

Xie He did not respond for quite some time. A long time later, his body shook slightly. He raised his head, and with an indifferent gaze, he looked at Deng Jingwen and said, Sir, I dont have to get treated.

Deng Jingwen stared back at that blank gaze of his. His heart instantly sunk. There was no joy in those eyes, only endless indifferencethis kind of reaction was outside of his expectations, making him feel exceptionally uneasy. He asked, Why?

Xie He looked at him coldly. Gradually, hate and loathing appeared in his eyes, but his tone was calm, I think that I am very good like this, so I dont want to get treated.

Deng Jingwen fell silent for a moment and then attempted to persuade, Dont make a fussI just want you to get betterlisten to me, OK?

However, these words seemed to agitate Xie He instead. He could no longer continue feigning serenity. He suddenly pushed Deng Jingwen away, shaking from head-to-toe, and shouted, I said that I dont want to get treated! I wont do it, I wont do it!

As he shouted, tears filled his eyes. The red scar on his beautiful face warped, expression grim and terrifying. He stared at Deng Jingwen with red eyes and enunciated, This is the reason why you kept me here this whole time, right? After I get better, I can please you again.

Sir, is my face really that good-looking? Is it so good-looking to the point where you wont let me go even now?

Xie He reached out and touched the b.u.mpy scar on his face. Very nice. He had originally thought that he wouldnt have to please this man if he was like this. But, he unexpectedly wanted to have him treated. He glared at Deng Jingwen fiercely and parted his lips, nearly sobbing, I only regret that at that time, Zhao Ling didnt slash me a few more times. That way, I wouldnt be able to get treated.

That wayyou wont like me.

If you didnt like me, how good would it be?

Deng Jingwen stared at the boy fixedlya sharp pain in his heart made him numb.

So, this was what the boy really thought? Had he always thought this? Did he think that the reason why he had kept him here, why he had given it his all to take care of him, why he had found a way to treat him, was because he wanted to continue possessing him? Underneath that meek exterior hid an indignant and helpless surrender, complete despair from being unable to escape.

The boy, who had always yearned for his love, actually said to him: If you didnt like me, how good would that be?

For the boy, his affection was no longer something he wanted anymore, but rather, it was even a kind of burden and torture.

He had never hated himself like he did now.

He hated his cold and ruthless past self.

Many people had said that he would one day meet with his retribution. He hadnt believed them thenbut now, he did.

He was already in so much pain that he couldnt breathe, but Deng Jingwen still didnt leave. He swallowed down all of the b.l.o.o.d.y pain and didnt show any of it on his face. In front of the boy, he only ever showed a feigned expression of gentleness and tolerance. He didnt want to scare him ever again.

Deng Jingwen reached out to hold the boy and said, You dont need to please me. I just want you to get better. I dont have any other intentions.

I just hope that you can smile happily, continue standing under the sunlight, and live joyouslyits me who wants to please you.

Unfortunately, his words of comfort were of no use.

After all, you can only make someone happy if they are willing to let you.