"If you decide to cooperate with us, Mosab, I will do my best to see that you don't have to spend more time in prison."

A moment of hope. Maybe I could make him think I was going to cooperate and then he would let me out of here.

We talked a little about general things. Then he said, "What if I offer you a job with us? Israeli leaders are sitting down with Palestinian leaders. They have fought for a long time, and at the end of the day they are shaking hands and having dinner together."

"Islam forbids me to work with you."

"At some point, Mosab, even your father will come and sit down and talk to us and we will talk to him. Let's work together and bring peace to people."

"Is this how we bring peace? We bring peace by ending the occupation."

"No, we bring peace through people with courage who want to make change."

"I don't think so. It's not worth it."

"Are you afraid of being killed as a collaborator?"

"It's not that. After all our suffering, I could never just sit down and talk with you as a friend, much less work with you. I am not allowed to do this. It is against everything I believe."

I still hated everything around me. The occupation. The PA. I had become a radical just because I wanted to destroy something. But it was that impulse that had gotten me into this whole mess. Here I was sitting in an Israeli prison, and now this man was asking me to work for them. If I said yes, I knew I would have to pay a terrible price-both in this life and in the next.

"Okay, I need to think about it," I heard myself saying.

I went back to my cell and thought about Loai's offer. I had heard stories about people who agreed to work for the Israelis but were double agents. They killed their handlers, stashed weapons, and used every opportunity to hurt the Israelis at an even deeper level. If I told him yes, I figured Loai would most likely release me. He would probably even give me the opportunity to have real weapons this time, and with those weapons I was going to kill him.

The fires of hatred burned inside me. I wanted revenge on the soldier who had beaten me so badly. I wanted revenge on Israel. I didn't care about the cost, even if it cost me my life.

But working for the Shin Bet would be a lot riskier than buying weapons. I probably should just forget it, just finish my time in prison, go home and study, be close to my mother, and take care of my brothers and sisters.

The following day, the guard took me back to the office one last time, and a few minutes later Loai came in.

"How are you today? You seem to be feeling much better. Would you like something to drink?"

We sat there drinking coffee like two old friends.

"What if I get killed?" I asked, though I really didn't care about getting killed. I only wanted to make him think I did so he would believe that I was for real.

"Let me tell you something, Mosab," said Loai. "I've been working for the Shin Bet for eighteen years, and during all that time, I know of only one person who was discovered. All those people you have seen getting killed had no relationship with us. People became suspicious of them because they had no families and they did suspicious things, so people killed them. n.o.body will know about you. We will cover you so you aren't found out. We will protect you and take care of you."

I stared at him a long time.

"All right," I said. "I will do it. Will you release me now?"

"That's great," Loai said with a big smile. "Unfortunately, we cannot release you right now. Since you and your cousin were arrested right after Salameh was nabbed, the story was on the front page of Al-Quds Al-Quds [the main Palestinian newspaper]. Everybody thinks you were arrested because you were involved with a bomb maker. If we release you so soon, people will be suspicious, and you might be exposed as a collaborator. The best way to protect you is to send you to prison-not for long, don't worry. We'll see if there's a prisoner exchange or release agreement we can use to get you out. Once you are there, I'm sure that Hamas will take care of you, especially since you are the son of Ha.s.san Yousef. We'll see you after your release." [the main Palestinian newspaper]. Everybody thinks you were arrested because you were involved with a bomb maker. If we release you so soon, people will be suspicious, and you might be exposed as a collaborator. The best way to protect you is to send you to prison-not for long, don't worry. We'll see if there's a prisoner exchange or release agreement we can use to get you out. Once you are there, I'm sure that Hamas will take care of you, especially since you are the son of Ha.s.san Yousef. We'll see you after your release."

They took me back to my cell, where I stayed for another couple of weeks. I couldn't wait to get out of Maskobiyeh. Finally one morning, the guard told me it was time to go. He handcuffed me, but this time my hands were in front of me. No stinking hood. And for the first time in forty-five days, I saw the sun and felt the outside air. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs and relishing the breeze on my face. I climbed into the back of a Ford van and actually sat down on the seat. It was a hot summer day, and the metal bench I was cuffed to was blistering, but I didn't care. I felt free!

Two hours later, we arrived at the prison in Megiddo, but then we had to sit in the van for another hour, waiting for permission to enter. Once we finally got inside, a prison doctor examined me and announced that I was fine. I took a shower with real soap and was provided with clean clothes and other toiletries. At lunchtime, I ate hot food for the first time in weeks.

I was asked what organization I was affiliated with.

"Hamas," I answered.

In Israeli prisons, every organization was allowed to police its own people. The hope was that this would either cut down on some of the social problems or create more conflict among the factions. If prisoners focused their anger on one another, they'd have less energy to fight against the Israelis.

Upon entering a new prison, all prisoners were required to declare an affiliation. We had to choose something: Hamas, Fatah, Islamic Jihad, the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), the Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine (DFLP), or whatever the case might be. We couldn't simply say we were nothing. Prisoners who really were were nothing would be given a few days to choose an organization. At Megiddo, Hamas was in total control inside the prison. Hamas was the largest and strongest organization there. Hamas made the rules, and everybody else played their game. nothing would be given a few days to choose an organization. At Megiddo, Hamas was in total control inside the prison. Hamas was the largest and strongest organization there. Hamas made the rules, and everybody else played their game.

When I entered, the other prisoners welcomed me warmly, patting me on the back and congratulating me for joining the ranks. In the evening, we sat around and shared our stories. After a while, though, I started to feel a little uncomfortable. One of the guys seemed to be kind of a leader for the inmates, and he was asking a lot of questions-too many. Even though he was the emir-the Hamas leader within the prison-I just didn't trust him. I had heard many stories about "birds," another word for prison spies.

If he's a Shin Bet spy, I thought, I thought, why doesn't he trust me? I'm supposed to be one of them now. why doesn't he trust me? I'm supposed to be one of them now. I decided to play it safe and say nothing more than I had told the interrogators at the detention center. I decided to play it safe and say nothing more than I had told the interrogators at the detention center.

I stayed at Megiddo Prison for two weeks, praying and fasting and reading the Qur'an. When new prisoners came through, I warned them about the emir.

"You've got to be careful," I said. "That guy and his friends sound to me like they might be birds." The new arrivals immediately told the emir about my suspicions, and the next day I was sent back to Maskobiyeh. The following morning, I was brought to the office.

"How was your trip to Megiddo?" Loai asked.

"It was nice," I said sarcastically.

"You know, not everybody can spot a bird the first time he meets one. Go and rest now. Soon we will send you back to spend a little more time there. And one day we will do something together."

Yeah, and one day I will shoot you in the head, I thought as I watched him walk away. I was proud of myself for having such radical thoughts. I thought as I watched him walk away. I was proud of myself for having such radical thoughts.

I spent twenty-five more days at the detention center, but this time I was in a cell with three other prisoners, including my cousin Yousef. We pa.s.sed the time talking and telling stories. One guy told us how he had killed somebody. Another boasted about sending suicide bombers. Everybody had an interesting story to tell. We sat around, praying, singing, and trying to have fun. Anything to get our minds off our current surroundings. It was not a place for humans.

Finally, all of us except my cousin were sent to Megiddo. But this time we were not going to be on the side with the birds; we were headed to a real prison. And nothing would ever be the same again.

Chapter Twelve

Number 8231996.

They could smell us coming.

Our hair and beards were long after three months without scissors or razor. Our clothes were filthy. It took about two weeks to get rid of the stink of the detention center. Scrubbing didn't work. It just had to wear off.

Most of the prisoners started their sentence in the mi'var mi'var, a unit where everyone was processed before being moved to the larger camp population. Some prisoners, however, were considered too dangerous to be in the general population and lived in the mi'var for years. These men, not surprisingly, were all affiliated with Hamas. Some of the guys recognized me and came over to welcome us.

As Sheikh Ha.s.san's son, I was used to being recognized wherever I went. If he was the king, I was the prince-the heir apparent. And I was treated as such.

"We heard you were here a month ago. Your uncle is here. He will come to visit you soon."

Lunch was hot and filling, although not quite as tasty as what I had eaten when I was with the birds. Still, I was happy. Even though I was in prison, I actually felt free. When I had time alone, I wondered about the Shin Bet. I had promised to work with them, but they hadn't told me anything. They never explained how we would communicate or what it would mean to actually work together. They just left me on my own with no tips on how to behave. I was totally lost. I didn't know who I was anymore. I wondered if maybe I had been scammed.

The mi'var was divided into two big dorms-Room Eight and Room Nine-lined with bunks. The dorms formed an L and housed twenty prisoners each. In the angle of the L, there was an exercise yard with a painted concrete floor and a broken-down Ping-Pong table that had been donated by the Red Cross. We were let out for exercise twice a day.

My bed was at the far end of Room Nine, right by the bathroom. We shared two toilets and two showers. Each toilet was just a hole in the floor over which we stood or squatted, and then we doused ourselves with water from a bucket when we were finished. It was hot and humid, and it smelled horrible.

In fact, the entire dorm was that way. Guys were sick and coughing; some never bothered to shower. Everybody had foul breath. Cigarette smoke overwhelmed the weak fan. And there were no windows for ventilation.

We were awakened every morning at four so we could get ready for predawn prayer. We waited in line with our towels, looking the way men look first thing in the morning and smelling the way men smell when there are no fans or ventilation. Then it was time for wudu wudu. To begin the Islamic ritual of purification, we washed our hands up to the wrist, rinsed our mouths, and sniffed water into our nostrils. We scrubbed our faces with both hands from forehead to chin and ear to ear, washed our arms up to our elbows, and wiped our heads from the forehead to the back of the neck once with a wet hand. Finally, we wet our fingers and wiped our ears inside and out, wiped around our necks, and washed both feet up to the ankles. Then we repeated the whole process two more times.

At 4:30, when everybody was finished, the imam-a big, tough guy with a huge beard-chanted the adhan. Then he read Al-Fatihah Al-Fatihah (the opening sura, or pa.s.sage, from the Qur'an), and we went through four (the opening sura, or pa.s.sage, from the Qur'an), and we went through four rakats rakats (repet.i.tions of prayers and standing, kneeling, and bowing postures). (repet.i.tions of prayers and standing, kneeling, and bowing postures).

Most of us prisoners were Muslims affiliated with Hamas or Islamic Jihad, so this was our regular routine anyway. But even those who were members of the secular and communist organizations had to get up at the same time, even though they didn't pray. And they were not happy about it.

One guy was about halfway through a fifteen-year sentence. He was sick of the whole Islamic routine, and it took forever to get him up in the morning. Some of the prisoners poked him, punched him, and yelled, "Wake up!" Finally, they had to pour water on his head. I felt sorry for him. All the purifying, praying, and reading took about an hour. Then everybody went back to bed. No talking. Quiet time.

I always had difficulty falling back to sleep, and usually I didn't doze off until it was close to seven. By the time I was finally asleep again, somebody would shout, "Adad! Adad! [Number! Number!]" a warning that it was time to prepare for head count. [Number! Number!]" a warning that it was time to prepare for head count.

We sat on our bunks with our backs turned to the Israeli soldier who counted us, because he was unarmed. It took him only five minutes, and then we were allowed to go back to sleep.

"Jalsa! Jalsa!" the emir yelled at 8:30. It was time for the twice-daily organizational meetings held by Hamas and Islamic Jihad. Heaven forbid they should let anybody sleep for a couple of hours straight. It got really annoying. Again, the line formed for the toilets so that everybody would be ready for the nine o'clock jalsa. the emir yelled at 8:30. It was time for the twice-daily organizational meetings held by Hamas and Islamic Jihad. Heaven forbid they should let anybody sleep for a couple of hours straight. It got really annoying. Again, the line formed for the toilets so that everybody would be ready for the nine o'clock jalsa.

During the first Hamas jalsa of the day, we studied the rules for reading the Qur'an. I had learned all of this from my father, but most prisoners did not know any of it. The second daily jalsa was more about Hamas, our own discipline inside the prison, announcements of new arrivals, and news about what was going on outside. No secrets, no plans, just general news.

After each jalsa, we often pa.s.sed the time by watching television on the set at the far end of the room, opposite the toilets. One morning, I was watching a cartoon when a commercial came on.

BANG!.

A big wooden board swung down in front of the screen.

I jumped and looked around.

"What just happened?!"

I realized that the board was attached to a heavy rope that hung from the ceiling. At the side of the room, a prisoner held tightly to the end of the rope. His job, apparently, was to watch for anything impure and drop the screen in front of the TV to protect us.

"Why did you drop the board?" I asked.

"Your own protection," the man said gruffly.

"Protection? From what?"

"The girl in the commercial," explained the board banger. "She was not wearing a head scarf."

I turned to the emir. "Is he serious about this?"

"Yes, of course he is," the emir said.

"But we all have TVs in our homes, and we don't do this there. Why do it here?"

"Being in prison presents unusual challenges," he explained. "We don't have women. And things they show on television can cause problems for prisoners and lead to relationships between them that we don't want. So this is the rule, and this is how we see it."

Of course, not everybody saw it the same way. What we were allowed to watch depended a lot on who held the rope. If the guy was from Hebron, he would drop the board to cover even a female cartoon character without a scarf; if he was from liberal Ramallah, we got to see a lot more. We were supposed to take turns holding the rope, but I refused to touch the stupid thing.

After lunch was noontime prayer, followed by another quiet time. Most of the prisoners took a nap during this time. I usually read a book. And in the evening, we were allowed into the exercise area for a little walk or to hang out and talk.

Life in prison was pretty boring for Hamas guys. We were not allowed to play cards. We were supposed to limit our reading to the Qur'an or Islamic books. The other factions were allowed a lot more freedom than we were.

My cousin, Yousef, finally showed up one afternoon, and I was so happy to see him. The Israelis let us have some clippers, and we shaved his head to help get rid of the detention center smell.

Yousef was not Hamas; he was a socialist. He didn't believe in Allah, but he didn't disbelieve in G.o.d. That made him a close enough fit to be a.s.signed to the Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine. The DFLP fought for a Palestinian state, as opposed to Hamas and Islamic Jihad, which fought for an Islamic state.

A few days after Yousef's arrival, my uncle, Ibrahim Abu Salem, came to visit. He had been under administrative detention for two years, though no official charges had ever been brought against him. And because he was a danger to the security of Israel, he would be there a long time. As a Hamas VIP, my uncle Ibrahim was allowed to travel freely between the mi'var and the actual prison camp and from one camp section to another. So he came to the mi'var to check on his nephew, make sure I was okay, and bring me some clothes-a gesture of concern that seemed out of character for the man who had beaten me and abandoned our family when my father was in prison.

At nearly six feet tall, Ibrahim Abu Salem was larger than life. His ponderous belly-evidence of his pa.s.sion for food-made him appear to be some sort of jolly gourmet. But I knew better. My uncle Ibrahim was a mean, selfish man, a liar and a hypocrite-the exact opposite of my father.

Yet inside the walls of Megiddo, my uncle Ibrahim was treated like a king. All the prisoners respected him, no matter what faction they were with-for his age, his teaching ability, his work in the universities, and his political and academic accomplishments. Usually, the leaders would take advantage of his visit and ask him to give a lecture.

Everyone liked to listen to Ibrahim when he taught. Rather than lecturing, he was more like an entertainer. He liked to make people laugh, and when he taught about Islam, he presented it using simple language that everyone could understand.

On this day, however, no one was laughing. Instead, all of the prisoners sat in wide-eyed silence as Ibrahim spoke fiercely about collaborators and how they deceived and embarra.s.sed their families and were the enemy of the Palestinian people. From the way he was speaking, I got the feeling he was saying to me, "If you have something that you haven't told me, Mosab, you had better tell menow."

Of course, I didn't. Even if Ibrahim was suspicious about my connection with the Shin Bet, he wouldn't have dared to say so directly to the son of Sheikh Ha.s.san Yousef.

"If you need anything," he said before he left, "just let me know. I will try to get you placed close to me."

It was the summer of 1996. Though I was only eighteen, I felt as if I had lived several lifetimes in just a few months. A couple of weeks after my uncle's visit, a prisoner representative, or shaweesh shaweesh, came into Room Nine and called out, "Eight twenty-three!" I looked up, surprised to hear my number. Then he called out three or four other numbers and told us to gather our belongings.

As we stepped out of the mi'var into the desert, the heat hit me like dragon's breath and made me light-headed for a moment. Stretched ahead of us for as far as I could see was nothing but the tops of big brown tents. We marched past the first section, second section, third section. Hundreds of prisoners ran to the high chain-link fence to see the new arrivals. We arrived at Section Five, and the gates swung open. More than fifty people crowded around us, hugged us, and shook our hands.

We were taken to an administration tent and again asked our organizational affiliations. Then I was led to the Hamas tent, where the emir received me and shook my hand.

"Welcome," he said. "Good to see you. We are very proud of you. We'll prepare a bed for you soon and give you some towels and other things you need." Then he added with typical prison humor, "Just make yourself comfortable and enjoy your stay."

Every section of the prison had twelve tents. Each tent housed twenty beds and footlockers. Maximum section capacity: 240 prisoners. Picture a rectangular picture frame, bordered with razor wire. Section Five was divided into quarters. A wall, topped with razor wire, bisected the section from north to south, and a low fence bisected it from east to west.

Quadrants One and Two (upper right and left) housed three Hamas tents each. Quadrant Three (lower right) had four tents-one each for Hamas, Fatah, the combined DFLP/PFLP, and Islamic Jihad. And Quadrant Four (lower left) had two tents, one for Fatah and one for the DFLP/PFLP.

Quadrant Four also had the kitchen, toilets, showers, an area for the shaweesh and kitchen workers, and basins for wudu. We lined up in rows for prayer in an open area in Quadrant Two. And, of course, there were guard towers at every corner. The main gate to Section Five was in the fence between Quadrants Three and Four.

One more detail: The fence running east and west had gates between Quadrants One and Three and between Two and Four. They were left open during most of the day, except during head counts. Then they were closed so officials could isolate half a section at a time.

I was a.s.signed to the Hamas tent in the upper corner of Quadrant One, third bunk on the right. After the first head count, we were all sitting around talking when a distant voice shouted, "Bareed ya mujahideen! Bareed! [Mail from the freedom fighters! Mail!]." [Mail from the freedom fighters! Mail!]."

It was the sawa'ed sawa'ed in the next section, giving everyone a heads up. The sawa'ed were agents for the Hamas security wing inside the prison, who distributed messages from one section to another. The name came from the Arabic words meaning "throwing arms." in the next section, giving everyone a heads up. The sawa'ed were agents for the Hamas security wing inside the prison, who distributed messages from one section to another. The name came from the Arabic words meaning "throwing arms."

At the call, a couple of guys ran out of their tents, held out their hands, and looked toward the sky. As if on cue, a ball seemed to fall out of nowhere into their waiting hands. This was how Hamas leaders in our section received encoded orders or information from leaders in other sections. Every Palestinian organization in the prison used this method of communication. Each had its own code name, so that when the warning was shouted, the appropriate "catchers" knew to run into the drop zone.

The b.a.l.l.s were made of bread that had been softened with water. The message was inserted and then the dough was rolled into a ball about the size of a softball, dried, and hardened. Naturally, only the best pitchers and catchers were selected as "postmen."