When I did not answer his questions, the man slammed the desk with his fist. Again, he lifted my chin.

"I'm going home to spend the night with my family. You have fun here."

I sat in the small chair for hours, still leaning forward awkwardly. Finally, a guard came in, unlocked my handcuffs and shackles, threw another hood over my head, and pulled me back through the corridors. Leonard Cohen's voice grew louder and louder.

We stopped, and the guard barked at me to sit down. The music was deafening now. Once again, I was chained hand and foot to a low chair that was vibrating to the merciless beat of "First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin!"

My muscles were cramped from the cold, uncomfortable position. I tasted the stench of the hood. This time, however, I was clearly not alone. Even over Leonard Cohen, I could hear other people crying out in great pain.

"Is someone there?" I yelled through the greasy cloth.

"Who are you?" a voice close by yelled over the music.

"I am Mosab."

"How long have you been here?"

"Two days."

He said nothing for a couple of minutes.

"I have been sitting on this chair for three weeks," he said finally. "They let me sleep for four hours every week."

I was stunned. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Another man told me he had been arrested about the same time I was. I guessed there were about twenty of us in the room.

Our talking was suddenly interrupted when someone struck me in the back of the head-hard. Pain shot through my skull, forcing me to blink back tears inside the hood.

"No talking!" a guard shouted.

Every minute felt like an hour, but I could no longer remember what an hour was anyway. My world had stopped. Outside, I knew that people were getting up, going to their jobs, and returning home to their families. My cla.s.smates were studying for their final exams. My mother was cooking and cleaning and hugging and kissing my little brothers and sisters.

But in that room, everyone sat. No one moved.

First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin! First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin! First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin!

Some of the men around me wailed, but I was determined not to cry. I was sure my father had never cried. He was strong. He didn't give in.

"Shoter! Shoter! [Guard! Guard!]" one of the men yelled. n.o.body answered him because the music was so loud. Finally, after a while, the shoter came. [Guard! Guard!]" one of the men yelled. n.o.body answered him because the music was so loud. Finally, after a while, the shoter came.

"What do you want?"

"I want to go to the toilet. I have to go to the toilet!"

"No toilet now. It is not the time for the toilet." And he left.

"Shoter! Shoter!" the man screamed.

Half an hour later, the shoter returned. The man was getting out of control. Cursing him, the shoter opened his chains and dragged him away. A few minutes later, he brought him back, chained him again to the small chair, and left.

"Shoter! Shoter!" screamed another.

I was exhausted and sick to my stomach. My neck ached. I never realized how heavy my head was. I tried to lean against the wall next to me, but just as I was about to drift off to sleep, a guard came and hit me in the head to wake me up. His only job, it seemed, was to keep us awake and quiet. I felt as if I had been buried alive and was being tortured by the angels Munkar and Nakir after giving the wrong answers.

It must have been morning when I heard a guard moving around. One by one, he opened handcuffs and shackles and led people away. After a few minutes, he brought them back, chained them up to the little chairs again, and went on to the next one. Finally, he came tome.

After he unlocked my chains, he grabbed my hood and pulled me through the corridors. He opened a cell door and told me to go in. When he removed the hood, I saw that it was the same hunchbacked, apelike guard with my breakfast. He shoved the blue tray with egg, bread, yogurt, and olives toward me with his foot. Nearly an inch of stinking water covered the floor and splashed into the tray. I would rather have starved than eaten it.

"You have two minutes to eat and use the toilet," he told me.

All I wanted to do was to stretch, lie down, and sleep, just for two minutes. But I just stood there as the seconds slipped away.

"Come on! Come here!"

Before I could grab a bite, the guard pulled the bag over my head again, led me back through the halls, and chained me to the little chair.

First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin!

Chapter Eleven

The Offer1996.

All day long, doors opened and closed, as prisoners were pulled by their foul hoods from one interrogator to another. Uncuffed, cuffed, questioned, beaten. Sometimes an interrogator would shake a prisoner hard. It usually took only ten shakes before he pa.s.sed out. Uncuffed, cuffed, questioned. Doors opened and doors closed.

Every morning we were taken for our two-minute blue breakfast tray, and then hours later, for our two-minute orange dinner tray. Hour after hour. Day after day. Blue breakfast tray. Orange dinner tray. I quickly learned to long for mealtimes-not because I wanted to eat, but just for the chance to stand erect.

At night after we were all fed, the opening and closing of doors stopped. The interrogators went home. The business day was over. And the endless night began. People cried and moaned and screamed. They no longer sounded like human beings. Some didn't even know what they were saying. Muslims recited verses from the Qur'an, begging Allah for strength. I prayed, too, but I didn't get any strength. I thought about stupid Ibrahim and the stupid guns and the stupid calls to my father's cell phone.

I thought about my father. My heart ached when I realized all that he must have endured while imprisoned. But I knew my father's personality well. Even while being tortured and humiliated, he would have accepted his fate quietly and willingly. He probably even made friends with the guards a.s.signed to carry out the beatings. He would have taken a genuine interest in them as people, asking about their families, their backgrounds, their hobbies.

My father was such an example of humility, love, and devotion; even though he was only five foot seven, he stood head and shoulders above anyone else I had ever known. I very much wanted to be like him, but I knew I still had a long way to go.

One afternoon, my routine was unexpectedly interrupted. A guard came into the cell and unchained me from my chair. I knew it was much too early for dinner, but I didn't ask questions. I was just happy to go anywhere, to h.e.l.l even, if it meant getting off that chair. I was taken to a small office where I was chained again, but this time to a regular chair. An officer of the Shin Bet entered the room and looked me up and down. Though the pain wasn't as sharp as it once had been, I knew my face still bore the marks from the soldiers' rifle b.u.t.ts.

"How are you?" the officer asked. "What happened to your eye?"

"They beat me."

"Who?"

"The soldiers who brought me here."

"That's not allowed. It's against the law. I'll look into it and find out why this happened."

He seemed very confident and spoke kindly and respectfully to me. I wondered if it was a game to get me to talk.

"You have exams soon. Why are you here?"

"I don't know."

"Of course you know. You are not stupid, and we are not stupid. I am Loai, Shin Bet captain of your area. I know all about your family and your neighborhood. And I know everything about you."

And he really did. Apparently, he was responsible for every person in my neighborhood. He knew who worked where, who was in school, what they studied, whose wife just had a baby, and no doubt what the baby weighed. Everything.

"You have a choice. I came all the way here today to sit down with you and talk. I know that the other interrogators have not been so nice."

I looked closely into his face, trying to read between the lines. Fair skinned and blond, he spoke with a sense of calm I had not heard before. His expression was kind, even a little concerned for me. I wondered if this was part of the Israeli strategy: throwing off the prisoner by beating him one minute, then treating him kindly the next.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

"Listen, you know why we brought you here. You've got to bring everything out, whatever you have."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Okay, I want to make this easy for you."

On a whiteboard behind the desk he wrote three words: Hamas Hamas, weapons weapons, and organization organization.

"Go ahead and tell me about Hamas. What do you know about Hamas? What is your involvement in Hamas?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything about the weapons they have, where they come from, how they get them?"

"No."

"Do you know anything about the Islamic youth movement?"

"No."

"Okay. It's up to you. I don't know what to tell you, but you are really choosing the wrong path. . . . Can I bring you any food?"

"No. I don't want anything."

Loai left the room and returned minutes later with a steaming plate of chicken and rice and some soup. It smelled wonderful, causing my stomach to grumble involuntarily. No doubt the food had been prepared for the interrogators.

"Please, Mosab, eat. Don't try to be a tough guy. Just eat and relax a little bit. You know, I have known your father for a long time. Your father is a nice guy. He is not a fanatic, and we don't know why you got yourself into trouble. We don't want to torture you, but you need to understand that you are against Israel. Israel is a small country, and we have to protect ourselves. We cannot allow anybody to hurt Israeli citizens. We suffered enough our whole lives, and we will not be easy on those who want to hurt our people."

"I never hurt any Israeli. You hurt us. You arrested my father."

"Yes. He is a good man, but he is also against Israel. He inspires people to fight against Israel. That's why we have to put him in prison."

I could tell that Loai really believed I was dangerous. I knew from talking to others who had been inside Israeli prisons that Palestinians weren't always treated as harshly as I had been. Nor were they all interrogated at such lengths.

What I didn't know at the time was that Ha.s.san Salameh had been arrested about the same time I was.

Salameh had carried out numerous attacks in revenge for master bomb maker Yahya Ayyash's a.s.sa.s.sination. And when the Shin Bet heard me talking to Ibrahim on my dad's cell phone about getting weapons, they a.s.sumed I wasn't working alone. In fact, they were sure I had been recruited by Al-Qa.s.sam.

Finally, Loai said, "This is the last time I will make this offer, then I will be gone. I have a lot to do. You and I can resolve this situation right now. We can work something out. You do not have to go through more interrogation. You're just a kid, and you need help."

Yes, I had wanted to be dangerous, and I had dangerous ideas. But clearly, I wasn't very good at being a radical. I was tired of the little plastic chair and smelly hoods. The Israeli intelligence was giving me more credit than I deserved. So I told him the whole story, leaving out the part about my wanting the weapons so I could kill Israelis. I told him I had bought the weapons to help my friend, Ibrahim, protect his family.

"So there are weapons now, I see."

"Yes, there are weapons."

"And where are those weapons?"

I wished they had been at my house because I would gladly have surrendered them to the Israelis. But now I had to involve my cousin.

"Okay, here's the thing. Somebody that has nothing to do with this has the weapons."

"Who is he?"

"My cousin Yousef has them. He is married to an American, and they have a new baby." I hoped they would take his family into account and just go get the weapons, but things are never that easy.

Two days later, I heard scuffling on the other side of the wall in my cell. I leaned down and toward the rusted-out pipe that connected my cell with the one next to it.

"h.e.l.lo," I called. "Is anybody there?"

Silence.

And then ...

"Mosab?"

What?! I couldn't believe my ears. It was my cousin!

"Yousef? Is that you?"

I was so excited to hear his voice. My heart started beating wildly. It was Yousef! But then he started cursing me.

"Why did you do this? I have a family. . . ."

I started to cry. I had wanted so much for a human being to talk to while I was in prison. Now a member of my own family sat just on the other side of the wall, and he was yelling at me. And then it hit me: the Israelis were listening; they had put Yousef right next to me so they could listen to our conversation and find out whether Iwas telling the truth. That was fine by me. I had told Yousef I wanted the guns to protect my family, so I wasn't worried.

Once the Shin Bet realized that my story was true, they moved me to another cell. Alone once again, I thought about how I had screwed up my cousin's life, how I had hurt my family, and how I had thrown away twelve years of school-and all because I trusted a jerk like Ibrahim!

I stayed in that cell for weeks with no human contact. The guards slid food under the door but never said a word to me. I even began to miss Leonard Cohen. I had nothing to read, and my only sense of pa.s.sing time was the daily rotation of colored food trays. Nothing to do but think and pray.

Finally one day I was again taken to an office, and again, Loai was waiting to talk to me.