'Hear, hear!' Paul raises his empty mug in a silent toast as the others join in.

'Not a replacement for Tom,' Olivia says, munching her way through the rest of the biscuits that are rapidly disappearing from the plate. 'Know that we're not saying that, but you fit in, in your own right. It's lovely having you here.'

'And to Tom.' Holly raises her mug and looks up at the ceiling. 'For in his own twisted way, he's brought us all back together again. Thank you, Tom.' The others look up and raise their own mugs. 'To Tom,' they say, and as they sip their tea there are tears in all of their eyes.

'Mummy?' Daisy and Oliver come in, their hands and faces covered with purple felt-tip ink. 'We've finished colouring and now we don't know what to do.' They scan the table, spying the biscuits and both faces light up.

'Go on.' Holly laughs and pushes the plate towards them. 'Just one. How would you like to watch a film?'

'Yay!' Both kids jump up and down.

'Can we watch Ice Age 2 Ice Age 2?' Oliver asks.

'No!' Daisy squeals. 'I want to watch The Little Mermaid The Little Mermaid.'

'No way,' Oliver says. 'I'm not watching a girl film. Ice Age 2 Ice Age 2, Mummy.'

Daisy starts to cry.

'Enough!' Holly looks at both of them sternly. 'I'm choosing the film.' And she goes out to the car, bringing back Shrek Shrek.

'Oh not again,' Oliver groans, but he follows them quietly as Holly sets the computer up in their room and puts the DVD on.

'You know what we should do?' Anna breaks the silence that descends. 'We should cook a wonderful dinner tonight. Fancy clothes. Candlelight. Delicious food.'

Paul bursts out laughing. 'There's just one problem, my darling wife: we haven't got a table big enough for all of us to fit around at the same time.'

'Not yet, but there's a filthy old trestle table in the barn. We could grab a tablecloth from the supermarket in Gloucester.'

'Chairs?' Paul persists.

'Don't be such a killjoy,' Anna tuts. 'We could drag the benches in from the garden.'

'Great idea!' Holly echoes. 'Let's do it. God knows all of us could do with a bit of fun, and God knows I could do with a few drinks. Oh shit...' Her face falls and she looks nervously at Saffron. 'I forgot. Obviously no drinks.' She tries hard to hide her disappointment.

'I'll be fine,' Saffron lays a hand on her arm. 'I know I've had a couple of slips, but remember, guys, I've spent years surrounded by alcohol without wanting to have any. I don't mind if you have alcohol. Especially if it's red wine.' She grimaces. 'I've always hated red wine.'

'Done!' Anna says, excitement sweeping her up, sweeping all of them up, removing all sensible thought. 'Why don't we pack up and hit the shops now? We should make it there and back by six.'

The iPod is plugged into Paul's speakers and KT Tun-stall's sweet voice fills the room. Holly has made a deliciously retro coq au vin, Olivia is tackling the salad, and Anna is finishing off a gingerbread trifle. Saffron is whipping up some disgusting-looking fat-free, sugarfree concoction that is masquerading as some sort of butterscotch pudding, which she swears is delicious.

Paul walks past and swipes a finger around the top of her mixing bowl. 'Mmm,' he looks at Saffron in surprise, 'that's pretty good. Sugar-free, fat-free, eh? What's in it?'

Saffron looks at him coolly. 'Chemicals,' she says, and as he recoils in horror Anna starts to laugh.

'Seriously,' Anna says as she comes over. 'What is in it?'

'Seriously,' Saffron proffers the box proudly, 'chemicals additives and preservatives. Disgusting things that are probably making my insides melt. There ain't nothing natural about this gig.'

'At least you'll die thin.' Olivia doesn't get it, has never got this whole obsession with supposedly 'healthy' eating, preferring to have a teaspoon of double cream than a gallon of fat-free milk.

'Exactly, my love.' Saffron laughs, licking the spoon with rapturous, put-on joy. 'I vill be sin and bee-yoo-tee-ful even ven I am ded.'

Holly laughs and walks into the living room to finish setting the table. She stands back, delighted with how cosy it looks. The fire is blazing, there are candles filling the room with a warm glow and the table, complete with place settings designed and executed by the kids, looks gorgeous.

'Come on, kids.' Holly holds her hands out for Daisy and Oliver. 'Bedtime.'

'But Mummy...' Oliver starts to whine.

'No buts.' She smiles. 'It's already half an hour later than your usual bedtime. Come on. Up we go.'

Holly kisses Daisy on the top of her head, standing back and watching her for a few seconds as she snores quietly, already fast asleep. 'Goodnight,' she whispers, 'I love you,' and as she tiptoes out of the room, she bumps into Will, who leans back on the wall, arms crossed, smiling down at her.

Holly's heart misses a beat.

There is a chemistry in the air, a static that is almost palpable. She looks expectantly up at Will, and he shakes his head as he continues smiling.

'It's really weird, seeing you as a mother,' he says softly.

'Weird, how? Weird bad?'

'No, no. God, no. You seem to have a really warm, loving relationship with the kids. But weird because I've never thought of you as a mother, never known you as a mother. I mean, obviously I knew you had kids, but to see you so... I don't know... so grown-up, I suppose. I just always think of you as being young and, well, like me.'

Holly raises an eyebrow. 'You mean young and irresponsible?'

He shrugs. 'I'm afraid so. I think I just never thought about the responsibilities you actually have. I mean, you're a grown-up. A proper one.'

'So... does that mean you think of me differently now you've seen me with my kids?'

'A bit,' he says.

'Uh-oh. Different good or different bad?'

'I could never think of you as anything bad,' he whispers.

Neither of them is smiling any more, and Holly's heart is beating very fast.

'So what are you thinking?' Her voice almost catches with apprehension.

'I'm thinking,' he leans forward ever so slightly, 'I'm thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.'

If you had asked Holly what it was like to kiss someone for the first time, she would laugh and say she couldn't remember. She would say that she would be terrified to kiss someone now, that at approaching forty she has pretty much forgotten how it is done.

But she hasn't forgotten. Had forgotten perhaps how gorgeous it feels to kiss the man you've been longing for, to kiss the man who has occupied all your thoughts and fantasies for the best part of every day, to kiss the man who may be the one to save you from yourself, or at least, save you from your marriage.

She had forgotten the sweetness of a first kiss. Had forgotten how you lean your foreheads on one another's, looking into one another's eyes with a sweet smile when it is over, cupping one another's faces with your hands, wanting to drink the other in, wanting to just eat them up with a spoon.

She had forgotten.

Now she remembers.

Chapter Twenty-five.

Each time Olivia leaves the table, Anna feels as if someone were twisting a knife in her heart. There is no mistaking why Olivia leaves her face turns that peculiar shade of grey, and she runs to the bathroom, hand over her mouth.

This time Saffron follows her to see if she's okay, Anna going into the kitchen to bring out the salad.

It has been a wonderful meal. A meal filled with laughter. It is almost as if the tears they all cried earlier were extraordinarily cathartic, as if they were all able to shed perhaps temporarily, perhaps not the mantle of grief they have carried since arriving, with Tom's absence being so very noticeable.

But not Anna. Anna who never really knew Tom. Anna is carrying her grief for a different reason. Anna is trying so hard to focus on getting on with her life, trying to accept that perhaps she and Paul are not destined to have children but will have to adopt instead.

She is trying so hard not to resent Olivia, but as the evening wears on, with Olivia rushing off to the bathroom all the time, she is finding the sadness settling on her shoulders once again, her bravado slowly melting away.

Anna leans her hands on the counter for a second, breathing deeply. The bathroom is directly above the kitchen, and she realizes that she is able to hear everything from upstairs.

She hears Olivia retch into the toilet bowl, then a soft knocking before Saffron walks in. She can picture Saffron rubbing Olivia's back and hears her gently asking if she's okay.

'Why do they call it morning sickness?' She hears Olivia groan. 'It lasts all all bloody day.' bloody day.'

'I had a friend who had this during the entire pregnancy,' Saffron says. 'Can you imagine? Her gynaecologist told her it would be over at three months, but it went on for nine. Ghastly. They had her on all sorts of drugs, but nothing worked.'

'Oh God, that's horrific,' Olivia says. 'Thank God this is going to be over soon.'

'You're definitely not having it?'

There's a silence. 'I can't,' Olivia says in a soft voice. 'What would I do with a baby? There's no room in my life, and frankly I've never been one of those women whose biological clock started ticking. Either mine wasn't working or I didn't have one.'

'What about adoption?' Saffron asks. 'Would you ever consider that?'

'I don't know. I've never thought about it.'

Everyone looks up as Anna rushes into the living room.

'Paul,' she blurts out urgently. 'I have an idea! We could adopt Olivia's baby!'

'What?' Paul shakes his head. Did he understand her correctly?

'No, no, I am serious! She does not want a baby and we do. Doesn't it make perfect sense?'

'Oh Anna,' Paul says sadly. 'I don't think she wants to have a baby at all. Listen to her, she's been throwing up for days. The last thing she wants is to go through a pregnancy. It's a wonderful idea, but I don't think it's ever going to happen.'

'Why not ask?' Holly interrupts. 'It is a wonderful idea, and you won't know unless you ask.'

'Do you think?' Paul says doubtfully. 'I think it's incredibly presumptuous.' '

It's not!' Anna insists. 'Imagine if she said yes! This could be the answer to everything. I swear, Paul, do you not think it is too much of a coincidence that Olivia is pregnant and does not want a child? And here she is, staying with us, when we have been trying for a baby for two years and now we are talking about adoption? I think God brought us all together for a reason, and I think this is it. I swear to you, I really do.'

'God brought us together for what reason?' Saffron and Olivia have come down the stairs.

Paul looks down at his plate, not wanting to be the one to ask.

Anna waits until Olivia sits down, then looks straight at her. 'Olivia...' She is suddenly nervous. 'You know Paul and I have been trying IVF, and it has not worked. Well, we were thinking that, um, maybe, now you are pregnant and you do not want the baby... we were thinking that if you would consider having the baby, perhaps we could adopt it.'

It is far more difficult for Anna to say this than she realized. She has always been impulsive, has never had any problems with asking for what she wants you don't get to run the third most successful Internet company in the UK without knowing how to ask for what you want, but this is so important to her, something she wants so so badly, she is uncharacteristically nervous, terrified the answer will be no. badly, she is uncharacteristically nervous, terrified the answer will be no.

'God... I... I don't know what to say.' Olivia is shocked. Has never truly considered adoption as an option. For it's not simply that she doesn't want a baby, it's that she doesn't want to be pregnant, doesn't want to be any place other than where she was a few short weeks ago. She wants to pretend this never happened.

She doesn't want to have a growing bump, to have everyone ask her when the baby is due, only to turn up after nine months with no baby. She doesn't want to oh horror throw up for the next seven months.

But can she deal with an abortion? She has never had any particularly strong feelings about abortion. It's never been an issue that she's had to consider. Of course, she must know people who have had them, but if they have, they have never turned to her for help. It has never been a factor in her life until in a few weeks ago.

She has tried not to think about it. Not to think about what she will be doing that there is a life growing inside her which she has the ability to end. She hasn't thought about that but has merely thought of the one thing she wants, and the quickest way to achieve it to turn the clock back.

'I don't know,' she repeats, thinking for the first time about carrying a baby to term, what that would mean, giving birth and then giving a child away. 'I didn't seriously think... hadn't thought...'

'We realize you'll need to think about it. Obviously,' Paul interjects. 'And we don't want you to feel any pressure or to do anything you don't want to do, but if you did decide to go through with the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption, we would love to adopt your child.'

'And think,' Anna knows she is too eager, too excited, but she can't help herself, 'you would still be around, still be part of the child's life.'

'I need some time.' Olivia looks first at Paul, then at Anna. 'I think it's an incredible offer, but I need some time to think about it.

'Of course,' Anna says. 'Take as much time as you need.'

Under the table, Will strokes Holly's hand. They are sitting next to each other. They have barely been able to function throughout this meal, have certainly not been able to keep their hands to themselves.

Their hands have been clasped the entire time. Will lays down his knife and reaches down to where no one can see, resting his hand on Holly's leg, or running a finger stealthily around her wrist, sending shivers of electricity up and down her spine, an electricity she hasn't felt in years. An electricity she never expected to feel again.

The others may not see, but they know. The air around Holly and Will is fizzing. Holly may think she is being subtle by not looking at Will, not giving any indication that anything has happened, but there is now a thread joining them, a thread that may not be visible but can clearly be felt.

Saffron sees. She clears the plates, and on the way back from the kitchen her eyes are drawn to Will's hand drawing quickly back from Holly's lap. She already knew, of course, but she is too caught up in her own troubles to give it much thought.

For Saffron did think she could handle the alcohol. She thought tonight would be like all those other nights when she could happily sip her water or her juice and not feel the taste of alcohol on her tongue, not feel the happy buzz as the vodka loosens her up, makes her warm and silly.

But as the evening progresses it is becoming harder and harder to think about anything other than alcohol. Her mind is barely focused on the conversation; she loses herself in a fantasy of everybody leaving the room so she can grab the bottles of wine, tip her head back and pour them down.

It is so real, she has to physically stop herself from reaching for a bottle, grabbing it and drinking the contents, there and then, in front of everyone.

She can't sit still. She keeps jumping up from the table, her body suffused with an itch for which there seems to be only one cure. And yet there is the part of her that doesn't want to and knows she shouldn't, but she's pretty certain she doesn't have the strength or the willingness to fight.