"I know you do."

"Today. I have to talk to him today. I have to understand, Laura. I have to know why this is happening to me." To both of them, she silently corrected.

Laura just nodded. Julie knew her sister wanted to understand, too. Maybe Patrick could help them both.

Standing like a mannequin, Julie let Laura help her change out of the beautiful silk gown into her brown slacks and cream silk blouse. Once she had slipped back into her loafers and fastened the buckle on her belt, Laura handed her a small gold compact.

"Here. You smudged your mascara."

"Thanks." Julie wiped the black streaks away and ran the powder puff over her red nose and flushed cheeks. She put on fresh lipstick and ran a comb through her hair.

"Thanks for coming today." She glanced up at her sister. "I really needed you."

A good six inches taller, Laura bent and hugged her. "It felt good to be needed, Julie. I'm glad I could help you for a change."

Julie smiled, thinking how much stronger Laura seemed lately. "Let's go get our cars. Then I'm going to see Patrick. I'm going to the office and confront him."

"This isn't going to be easy. I'll go with you if you want."

Julie shook her head. "Thanks, sweetie, but this is something I have to do myself."

Twenty.

As luck would have it, Patrick wasn't at the office when Julie arrived. She had been primed to face him, her blood running high, every nerve ending alert. He was out with Fred Thompkins, Shirl said. She wasn't quite sure when he was scheduled to return.

The adrenaline slowly faded, and now as she slumped in the chair behind her desk she just felt nervous and tense. Her mind kept going over the things she had read in the journal, the questions she wanted to ask, the answers he might give. Mostly, she just wanted to see Patrick's face, even if the face wasn't really his.

The light stiletto click of a woman's heels sounded but Julie barely heard it. Then the door slammed open and Babs walked in.

"All right, what the h.e.l.l have you done to him?"

"Who?" Julie sat up straighter in her chair, trying to gather her wits, but it took a gargantuan effort.

"Patrick. He must have lost ten pounds in the past three days. He isn't sleeping. He barely speaks to anyone. He sure as h.e.l.l isn't eating. I'm worried about him, Julie. I can't believe I actually feel sorry for the man, but the truth is I do. What in G.o.d's name have you done?"

In her flashy magenta pantsuit, her striking features tense, Babs marched across the office. She frowned as she drew near, her sleek black brows pulling together over eyes nearly as dark as her hair.

"On second thought, you don't look a whole lot better than he does. Honey, what the h.e.l.l is going on?"

Julie shook her head, fighting back tears. "Patrick and I aren't seeing each other any more."

"Yeah, well, I already gathered that. What happened? Was the SOB cheating again?"

"No, Babs, it's nothing like that. I wish it was something that simple."

"So tell me."

She wished she could. G.o.d, did she ever wish she could. If she even tried to explain, Babs would think she'd gone over the edge. "We've just...we've just decided to go our separate ways. It's the best thing for both of us."

"Somehow I don't think Patrick would agree with that."

"Please, Babs. You're my very best friend. I'd tell you if I could, but this is something Patrick and I have to work out by ourselves." That was beyond the truth. Telling someone Patrick Donovan was really a man from outer s.p.a.ce was a good way to wind up in the loony bin.

Babs c.o.c.ked her head toward the door, catching the sound of approaching footsteps. "Well, here's your chance. I think he just came in, but I doubt he intends to stay for long. You better hurry if you're going to catch him."

Julie just nodded. Her adrenaline had started pumping again the moment she had heard the rough-smooth cadence of his voice.

Shoving back her chair, she took a deep breath for courage, and walked past Babs into the main part of the office. "Patrick?" It came out high and a little bit squeaky. She cleared her throat. "Patrick, could I have a moment, please?"

His eyes found hers. They were a more intense blue than she had ever seen them. "Of course."

She followed him down to his office, but neither of them took a seat. Finally he motioned her toward one of the black leather chairs in front of his desk. Julie sat down and Patrick took his usual seat in the high-backed leather executive chair across from her, deciding, she supposed, to allow some distance between them.

"I'm glad you came." Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the desk. "I've been worried about you."

"Have you really?" A brow arched up. "Just because I happened to discover the man I loved is actually an alien from outer s.p.a.ce-why would you possibly be worried?"

His mouth curved faintly. She noticed, as Babs had said, there were faint gray smudges beneath his eyes and his cheeks looked hollow and pale.

"Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"In love with me?"

A shot of anger rippled through her. "I was in love with Patrick Donovan. Where is he, by the way? You said you didn't kill him."

He sat back in his chair. "Patrick killed himself. I merely borrowed his body."

The breath whispered out of her lungs. She sagged back against her chair. "Patrick is dead?"

"Not exactly. In a number of ways, Patrick is still here, sitting right in front of you. I'm all the things Patrick was-his memories, his dreams, his likes and dislikes. But I'm also Valenden Zarkazian. I don't live the same life Patrick did. I don't believe in that sort of behavior."

Julie digested that, or at least she tried to. She had read the explanation in his journal, but hearing him say it aloud made her somehow more able to accept it. "I don't know what to call you...Valenden or Patrick?"

"At home I'm mostly called Val, but you've always called me Patrick. I used to love the way you said it...the way you looked at me when you did."

She felt like crying. Dear G.o.d, she refused to cry in front of him. "I came here as you asked. To hear what you have to say. I have no idea what will happen after that."

He smiled but there was a sad, regretful twist in the line of his mouth. "I'll tell you whatever I can."

And so he began, telling her first about Toril, about how far away it was from Earth, and how Torillian travelers had long ago discovered Earth's existence. He told her about his life as a scientist, about his research, and that they had been studying the planet for quite some time.

"We had no choice but to come here," he said. "Your technology has gotten way out of hand. Your nuclear discoveries, combined with your interest in s.p.a.ce travel, makes Earth a threat to other populations. We need to learn about the people of your planet in order to protect ourselves."

"s.p.a.ce travel-if it ever really happens-is still well into the future. You said yourself that even if we could figure it out, it could be years before we break the light speed barrier. How could we possibly pose a threat?"

"Innovation comes when one least expects it. Think about radio waves and how rapidly their discovery altered communications. Think about computers and cell phones and how they've changed the face of the world. A breakthrough could come at any time. Even now your scientists are working in that direction."

He was talking about Dr. Stover and the charts they had seen on the university walls. NASA wanted to send a manned mission to Mars. Expeditions to other planets might follow. Nothing seemed impossible anymore.

"What about Laura and the others?" she asked, feeling a shot of the old anger. "How could you let your people do those awful things? How could you let them hurt her that way?"

He shook his head. "At first I didn't understand. I was one of them. I believed as they did, that what we were doing was necessary to advance the cause of science. Once I understood, I've tried to make them see how wrong it is. I hope I succeeded, but I'm not really sure."

She could see the regret, the pain, and something softened inside her. "How long...." She fought down the high-pitched note in her voice. "How long will you be here...as Patrick, I mean?"

He looked at her with those blue, blue eyes. "A little over a week. My greatest regret is that I'll have to leave you."

Her heart wrenched hard inside her. "Don't say that...please."

"Why not? It's the truth. I love you, Julie. Until I came here, I didn't know such a thing existed. Now I can't imagine living life without you."

A thick lump rose in her throat. Her heart beat painfully inside her chest, making an ache swell there. She looked at him and saw Patrick. Patrick's beautiful face. Patrick's lean, hard-muscled body. She saw a man of intelligence, a strong man, a caring man. She saw a man of principle who had gained the respect of the people around him.

"I don't...I don't even know what you look like."

"If you're asking if I have two legs, two arms, two eyes, two ears-the answer is yes I do. Torillians are a mental race, Julie. We're not as physical as you, but in other ways we aren't so far apart."

She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. She hadn't thought seeing him would make her feel this way, but she had been wrong. "It said in your journal that you've grown to like it here, yet you still plan to leave."

He straightened a little in his chair. "Earth is a place of great beauty, of even greater pa.s.sion. It's unlike anyplace I've ever known, unlike anything I could ever have imagined. I'm fascinated by the strength of its people, by the challenges they face each day and overcome. But my time here is almost ended. I have to go back to Toril. I don't have any other choice."

Her heart ached. His handsome face began to blur. Oh, G.o.d, she was going to cry. She blinked to hold back the tears, determined that he would not see. "What...what will happen to Patrick when you're gone?"

Concern darkened his features, regret and something more. "He'll die, Julie. Just as he would have before."

Her eyes slid closed. Tears slipped down her cheeks. Patrick would die. She would lose him all over again. The thought sent a shaft of agony straight into her heart.

"What about you?" she whispered. "What will happen to you?"

He glanced away, the skin taut over his high cheekbones, pain making his features look harsh. "I'm not sure anymore. Since I came here, everything about me has changed. I can't imagine living a life without bright colors and explosive sounds, without exotic foods and violent storms. In the time I've been here, I've known great joy and great pa.s.sion, experienced great sorrow. I've learned to feel things I never knew how to feel before."

He shifted in his chair, leaned toward her across the desk. "And there is Patrick. Patrick and I have bonded in a way I never expected. The memories he carries will never leave me. Not through all the days of my life." His eyes came to rest on her face, caressing her almost as if he touched her. "But mostly I'll remember you, Julie. And I will love you always, from the deepest part of my soul."

A sob escaped, a cry of anguish erupting inside her. Without a glance at Patrick, she leapt up from her chair, turned and raced for the door.

"Julie, wait!"

But she didn't stop running. She could hear him calling her, hear his heavy footfalls behind her, but she didn't slow. She raced out of the office, across the parking lot to her car, and jerked open the door. Through a haze of tears, she glanced one final time in his direction, saw him standing alone beside the door.

Her heart tugged painfully, felt like it was tearing itself apart. It took sheer force of will to climb into the car and turn the key, to pull the car into gear and drive away. She felt battered, beaten. Felt as if a great hot stone was burning a hole in her chest. There was no hope for them, yet her mind kept whispering his name, urging her to go to him. Reminding her that in a few brief days he would be gone.

It didn't matter, she told herself. Patrick was already dead. She didn't even know this man. He wasn't even human.

But she couldn't make herself believe it. Instead every time she closed her eyes she saw Patrick telling her his greatest regret was that he would have to leave her. That he would love her always, from the deepest part of his soul.

The storm had finally arrived. It was a day late, much to the weatherman's chagrin, but the ground was so dry and parched the Earth itself seemed grateful for the life-giving moisture.

Julie stared out the big gla.s.s windows toward the gray, turbulent sea and the brooding clouds beyond. Wind whipped the waves into white-capped peaks and rattled against the windowpanes. Rain pelted the sand on the beach below, turning it a muddy, discolored brown. Soon the dull edge of light beyond the clouds would fade and without moon or stars the house would be shrouded in blackness.

Thinking of Laura, and of the things she had read in the journal, Julie wondered if she should be afraid.

She felt no fear, only numbness. And the constant ache for Patrick that wouldn't go away. She had thought of him every moment since their confrontation three days ago, had told herself a dozen times that the man she loved was gone from her life for good. Patrick wasn't Patrick. The Patrick Donovan she loved did not exist.

But as she had watched the storm, entranced as always by its dark, majestic power, she couldn't help thinking how Patrick would have chafed at the storm's intrusion, and how the man named Valenden would have loved it.

It occurred to her in a way it hadn't before that it wasn't really Patrick that she had fallen in love with. The best parts of him, perhaps: his physical beauty, his charm and warmth-but the qualities she loved most about him belonged to Val Zarkazian. She wouldn't be drawn to one without the other, but together they were a man unsurpa.s.sed by any she had known.

The question nagged-did who he was really matter? The man she had loved was the tenderest, most caring individual she had ever known. He was strong and courageous and deeply committed to helping the people around him.

And she was still in love with him.

G.o.d help her, no matter who he was, what he was, she loved him still.

Julie leaned her forehead against the cold gla.s.s pane, absorbing the chill against her skin. Somewhere inside her, the voice she had heard before rose up, urging her to go to him. It challenged her to shove aside every notion she had ever had of the way her life should be, to bury the prejudice she felt and see instead the gift that she had been given.

It taunted her with memories, goaded her with her pain and loss.

Be as brave as he is, the voice whispered. Claim the love he has offered for as long as you can.

She moved her head from side to side against the window, trying to deny the voice, to tell herself she couldn't possibly do such a thing. But as darkness settled over the water, the voice persisted, a hollow, nagging echo inside her head.

Go to him, Julie. You love him. If you don't go you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Lightning cracked outside the window, a wild, jagged yellow shaft of beauty, glorious to her...as it would be to the man she had loved.

Julie turned away from the window, her heart awakening as if from a deep, mournful sleep, her pulse increasing. Purpose burned through her, her steps more certain than they had been in days. Grabbing the car keys out of the woven straw basket on the table in the hall, she jerked open the closet door and hauled out her rarely used raincoat.

Ten minutes later, she was driving the Pacific Coast Highway, listening to the slap of the windshield wipers against the gla.s.s, nervously worrying her bottom lip.

Trying to decide what she could possibly say to a man who came from outer s.p.a.ce.

Val stood at the window of his apartment, staring out at the storm. Lightning flashed. A few seconds later, thunder rumbled over the empty streets. As long as he lived, he would never forget the wild pagan beauty of a storm.

Just as he would never forget the woman he had met here on Earth. He thought of her now as he had a dozen times, with a heart that felt heavy inside his chest. He wondered where she was and what she was doing. He wondered if she felt half the awful grief that he did.

And more than anything else, he wished he hadn't hurt her.

At least she was safe for a time. The council had acquiesced to his wishes. They would suspend their testing of humans for the balance of time the Ansor remained above Earth.