8:20 A. M.--FIRST CALL FOR TROOP I shaved and washed, then cleaned the Gat, And had ten minutes left at that.

8:30 A. M.--TROOP The Captain sized us up for fair, But no kick comin' anywhere.

8:45 A. M.--GUARD MOUNT Guard Mount, my name wasn't booked; How is it I was overlooked?

RESPITE

No more calls to answer now Til I hear them holler, "Chow"

For this is my easy day: Guess I rate it anyway.

12:00 N--CHOW--LIBERTY

Chow was the regular menu, Spuds et cetera--carabao.

I heard "Liberty" when it went But I didn't have a cent.

1:00 P. M.--POLICE Glad I have no work today; I'll turn in and hit the hay.

AFTERNOON--NO CALLS Woke up promptly, half past two; Walked around Olongapo.

Came in--played a checker game; Wrote a letter to my dame.

5:00 P. M.--CHOW Supper surely was some cla.s.s!

Steak and Onions--Apple "sa.s.s."

6:00 P. M.----COLORS Six o'clock when colors went; Guard turned out and gave "present."

8:30 P. M.--TATTOO Came in early, took a shower, Read a book for half an hour.

9:15 P. M.--CALL TO QUARTERS Let down my Mosquito net-- Puffed a Durham Cigarette.

TAPS--P. M.

Safely in my bunk I curled And was soon--dead to the World.

THAT UNIFORM

Tis strange, but yet 'tis true, we see Sane men who seem to think that we, Who wear the blue, are not the same As other men. We have a name Scarce thought of with respect; 'tis used To frighten children, and abused By those who only wish to show A few of the many things they don't know.

We read "the soldiers came to town And raised particular ----," and so on down A column or more of such vile stuff; 'Twould make us all cry "Hold! Enough!"

You see, there's scarcely anything To write about. While these things sting, What's that to us? We may lose by it; But the public's fed, ye G.o.ds, the diet.

An old saw, which, perhaps, e'en you Have heard, and some thought true, Seems to have been forgotten, quite, Or else we do not think it right.

Our fathers used to think that way, But we are wiser (?) in our day.

Try to remember it, if you can, Tis this: "The clothes don't make the man."

Don't turn the soldier down. You may, For aught you know, or others say, Be entertaining, unawares, An angel; and, if not, who cares?

For, be he good, bad, weak or strong, 'Mid summer's sun or winter's storm, You call on him to right your wrong, Altho he wears a uniform.

IN THE COLD GREY DAWN OF THE MORNING AFTER

Bring me a dry Martini, waiter, Chase in something that's wet, I was out to a clam bake yesterday, And I haven't got over it yet.

Throw me a pleasant look, waiter, Smile at me pretty, don't frown, And pour some glue on my breakfast So I can keep it down.

I hear they have discovered the pole, waiter, I wish I had it here now, They can't come any too cold for me To put on my aching brow.

Many a schooner was wrecked last night, And the waves ran mountain high.

Personally, I was soused to the gills, But today I'm awfully dry.

It was a terrible night at sea, waiter, And many are missing, I think, But as near as I can remember I never missed a drink.

The one in blue got my purse, waiter, Her side-kick got my clock, I don't want to know what time it is, Please lead me down to the dock.

Lead me down to the dock, waiter, For a watery grave I pine, The place for a man that is pickled Is over my head in brine.

Tell them in Olongapo, I died as a hero should, Up to the neck, in cold, cold suds Guaranteed drawn from the wood.

I'd like to leave you a gift, waiter, Just to remember me by And to show you that I'm not tight, You can have my piece of pie.

And after I sink in the water, waiter, You'll do me a favor, I hope.

Tell them, if I blow up bubbles It wasn't from eating soap.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POSTER

They told me that the Army was a joy for evermore; They told me of the pleasures I'd have in it by the score; They told me of its comforts and the jolly life I'd lead, But by thunder they have fooled me and I'm sorrowful indeed-- I ever joined the Army.

They told me of the polished boots and the b.u.t.tons bright I'd wear, And of the splendid things I'd find upon the bill-of-fare; But never a word they told me in the fine recruiting shop, Of hoeing weeds upon the roads, or hauling out the slops-- When I joined the Army.

They told me of the pleasant hours, away from every care, I could spend when not on duty, in town or anywhere; But a thing they never told me is the punishment they'd mete Out to a luckless rookie who went absent from retreat-- In Uncle Samuel's Army.

They told me of the canteen, where good lager beer is sold, And of the fine post hospital, that cures all kinds of colds; But a hint about the guard-house they never to me gave, That skeleton they kept hidden as though buried in a grave-- Until I joined the Army.

They showed me good looking chromos of good looking soldier men, With little V's upon their sleeves and hats they shone like tin; But there is one uncanny picture they never to me showed Of a soldier with a knapsack, and he hitting up the road-- In the U. S. Army.

They told me of the nice soft bunk, made out of woven wire, Where I could lay my carca.s.s, whenever my bones would tire; But a whisper of the pick and shovel was never to me told, So I'm pondering o'er my contract, and I think I was sold-- When I came into Uncle's Army.

They told me of the non-coms, who knew a soldier's worth, Who made the Army jolly, a place of endless mirth; But not a word they told me of the amount of beer I'd buy, Just to keep a "stand in" with those that rank up high-- In Sammy's splendid Army.

They told me of the bill-of-fare that changed with every day, And when landed in the Army for thirty years I'd stay; But not a word they told me (No wonder they were mum), About the stuff they feed us, commonly known as "Slum"-- In our conquering Army.

It is hinted that experience of all others is the school, Where common sense alone is learned, by him that plays the fool; And though I hate the medicine, I must take it with a will, And keep convincing myself, it does me good-- It's time to leave the Army.

ARMY FEVER