"Not a good idea, man."
"She hasn't answered my calls since she left this morning. Hasn't bothered to text me either. What if something happened to her? To her plane?" I paced the floor, rubbing a palm over my chest.
"Calm down. She only left this morning. Short Stuff's probably not even settled yet."
"I'll be back." I grabbed my keys off the end table by our couch, kissed Chloe, and took off, ignoring Max's groan about how pussy whipped I was.
"Collin!"
Was at my truck when I turned to look at Gavin on the porch. With his shirt off, no shoes, and half-buttoned jeans, he stared at me from the top step, the streetlights just flickering on. "Where are you going?"
"Airport."
Gavin laughed. "Damn. You made it longer than I thought you would."
"Fuck you." My hand hovered over my truck door, nerves eating me alive.
She'd left not even nine hours ago. I'd been the one to take her to the airport, the one who'd dropped her off at the terminal. The one who kissed her so hard I couldn't breathe.
Then she'd said to me: I don't have to go.
And because I loved her, knew that she needed this, I said: Yeah, I think you do. Even though I knew it was right at the time, saying that didn't stop the paranoid sensations going through me. Did she get lost and abducted on the way to Kenna's brother's house? Or worse yet, was she avoiding me?
"Damn it." I rubbed a hand over my forehead, hating the rational part of my brain for taking over.
I couldn't leave.
Had a daughter who needed her dad and a job that relied on me.
Footsteps slapped against the cement as Gavin came up from behind. Least he'd put on a sweatshirt.
Hands in the back pockets of his jeans, he leaned back against the bed of my truck, just staring at me.
"What?" I barked.
"You run on two speeds in life. You know that? Don't give a fuck, and give entirely too many fucks."
I frowned. "There a point to this?" My hand fell away from the door handle.
"The point is, if you want this girl to be yours forever, you've got to step back and let her go for a while."
I opened my mouth to tell him I didn't have a clue how to do that just as Lia pulled up to the curb. Her rusted, black Beetle rumbled and squeaked as she stopped. Pink hair pulled back, she shoved open her door and headed our way. Her black motorcycle boots thudded on the cement and crunched in the two inches of snow we'd just gotten that morning.
"Going somewhere?" She folded her arms over her stomach, smirking.
I cringed. "No."
She tucked her arm through mine, grinning. "Good boy." Rolling my eyes, I followed her inside, ignoring Gavin's laugh from behind as he held the door open for us. I was too tired to fight right now.
"Are you wearing a Batman mask?" Lia skipped into the room. Apparently it was another happy day for my sister.
"So what if I am?" Max lifted it up on his head, grinning, eyes only on my sister. "Chloe Bean loves when Uncle Max plays superhero with her."
"Jesus, you're nuts," she snorted, plopping down on the chair.
I blew out a breath, trying to keep my pride intact as I said, "I need help."
All eyes zeroed in on me, even Beaner's. The air seemed to be sucked out of the room. Nobody spoke, so I cleared my throat to try to curb the tension.
"I love her, but I don't know how to knock that love down to an acceptable kind. The kind where I don't seem..." I winced. "Crazy." My face burned at my admission. In all my years of boot camp and missions, middle-of-the-night base evacs and raids, I'd never been more nervous than I was admitting to my best friends and sister that I didn't know how to love a woman the right way.
And what the hell did they do when I bared my fucking soul to them?
They. All. Laughed.
And the laughs weren't just loud. They were hard and so damn big that by the time everyone was done, they were all wiping their tears.
"Screw you all." I walked over to Chloe, needing her with me. At least she didn't think I was an asshat.
Lia spoke first, in between coughing and laughing. "You, my brother, are growing up." She kissed my cheek. "Very proud of you."
I frowned and wiped at the spot she'd kissed.
Max was next. "Sorry." He laughed some more and shook his hand in front of his face. "Can't talk. Laughing."
"Hardy-har." I pointed at him. "Laugh at the dude who's got issues. Just wait 'til you get all messed up over a woman." His face fell, and his eyes dropped to the floor. This was the second time he'd reacted like that when I mentioned him finding someone besides the harem of woman that he called on a weekly basis.
Gavin frowned and said, "You've got to tone it down a little. Don't get so mad when she's got an opinion about something. And when she tells you she's not ready for a step, don't jump to the conclusion that she's going to run away."
"Yeah, man," Max said after finally wiping the last of his tears. "Girls wanna be loved. Chased, even. But they don't like to be pushed."
"Never tried to push her. Just came out that way is all."
Lia walked over to me and sat on the arm of my chair. "It's all right, Collinator. It's in the Montgomery blood to get what we want when we want it." She winked. "But when it comes to the person you love, you need to make sure those wants of yours are a two-way street."
Gavin-the wise owl he was-put a lot in perspective for me, but Max and Lia made sense too. But I knew it wasn't normal for me to let things happen naturally. Not when I was used to being the one who made them happen. Still, I knew I'd have to try-for Addison. Probably had known that for a real long time.
"Holy shit!" We turned to face Max, finding him at the edge of the coffee table, arms stretched toward Chloe. My throat closed off as Lia stood and gasped.
"Da-da-da-da." My baby girl held a hand on one of the dining room chairs and waved her fist at me, a giant smile on her little face. And then she let go. Then she took a step. And then another and another, until she was in Max's arms, squealing.
I jumped off the couch and raced toward my little girl, only to swipe her from Max's arms and into my own. I tossed her into the air and laughed. "Did you guys see that? Holy hell, she just walked!" I looked at my two best friends and sister, pride filling my heart. Chloe giggled, smacking the top of my head with her hand like she was saying, Put me down. Let me do it again. But I couldn't. Not yet. Just wanted to keep that moment in my head a little longer.
"She sure did, Big Brother." Lia smiled sadly and turned away, but not before I saw the tears on her cheeks.
I hugged Chloe close and kissed her nose, then her head, then her cheeks. But as happy as I was, I knew the pain in my chest wasn't gonna go away until I brought my other girl back home.
For now though, I knew I had to let her go.
At least for a little while.
Chapter 39.
Addison "I'm not sure if I'll be coming home tonight. So don't bother waiting up."
My eyes narrowed as I watched my best friend run around the small bungalow we'd been sharing for a week now. Her brother was very well off, a surgeon with more money than he could ever count. His two-story mansion-like home was less than a quarter mile up the road.
"I still can't believe you're leaving me alone on New Year's Eve."
McKenna rolled her eyes and grabbed a pair of bright-green pumps by the door. She slipped them on and said, "Sorry. I need a piece of ass, and as much as I love you, you're not quite man enough for me." She winked.
I slumped down on the couch, pulling my fleece robe tighter around my shoulders. The chilled wine and movies waiting on the coffee table in front of me were for naught, and all I could do was blink away my tears.
Of course I wanted my best friend to enjoy her last few days in Maine. She'd met a few guys, most of them of the bearded-lumberjack variety, but to ditch out on me on my last night here? Yeah, that had to go against some best friend's code. I was sure of it.
Still, I had been kind of a lump this week, so I couldn't exactly blame her for wanting to leave a miserable witch like me for the night.
Kenna crouched down in front of me, poured a glass of wine, and frowned as she handed it over. "Look, sweetie. I'm not trying to be mean, but you're miserable. Why don't you just call him already?"
I pulled the wine close to my chest but didn't drink it. Because drinking alone would surely bring me past the point of misery.
"He's avoided me all week. When I try to call him, he doesn't pick up. It's like he's just forgotten about me."
"Has he texted you?"
I nodded, staring into my glass.
"And has he told you he loves you in those texts?"
I nodded again, knowing how much I lived for those three typed words on my screen.
When I didn't move to drink my wine, Kenna grabbed my glass and sucked it down, then poured me another one and shoved it back into my hands. "He's just giving you space like you wanted him to, remember? Plus, the guy is absolutely miserable without you."
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees with a frown. "How do you know he's miserable without me?"
She reached for my next glass and drank it down too. Then stood and tossed another piece of wood into the fireplace. "I meant he's probably crazy miserable without you."
"Doubt it." Of course the tiny butterflies coming to life at the mention of Collin missing me like I did him were fluttering like crazy. His touches, his kisses, the way he spoke too loudly, and loved me louder... I missed him so much I could hardly think, let alone move from the couch most days.
"Seriously. Why don't you, I dunno, get dressed at least. Maybe put on some makeup, do your hair up pretty."
"What, for Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing?" I snorted and folded my arms over my chest as I leaned back. "Don't think so. I'll probably just go to bed early, maybe start packing up the rest of my things."
"Whatever," she grumbled. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
I followed her with my gaze as she walked toward the closet. She pulled out her gray peacoat and slipped it on.
The doorbell rang, and Kenna's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Love you!"
"Yeah, yeah," I called after her. "Love you too."
And there I was...alone. The epitome of a sad, broken woman in a gorgeous log cabin up in the hills of some ski town, alone on New Year's. This had the makings of a bad romantic comedy written all over it. Except that I wasn't Kate Winslet or Cameron Diaz. My happiness was far away, and he might or might not be missing me like crazy too.
"No crying, you idiot." I wiped at my damp cheeks. "You're the one who needed space, remember?" I mocked myself, stooping to a new life low.
This trip was supposed to give me time to wrap my head around my and Collin's relationship. But one night away from him had verified what I think I already knew deep down.
That I loved him and wanted to be with him all the hours I could, that he wasn't my father but instead a man who was overly emotional, not to mention broody, but loved me and let me make my own choices...most of the time. So yeah, I did want to move in with him. Pride be damned. Which was exactly why I'd put my house key on that key ring twenty-four hours after I'd stepped off the plane.
What I didn't expect was for him to actually abide by my need for space. God, if anything I needed him here more than ever. I needed his arms wrapped around me. I needed to hold his warm hand in mine. And I really, really needed to hear his laughter and feel his heartbeat against my ear.
Not to mention I'd missed a huge step in Chloe's life-learned about it in a text at that. Her first few steps, and I hadn't been there to see them.
Talk about a broken heart.
Outside the door, a crash sounded, breaking me out of my pity party. My back went rigid as I glanced at the window. A shadow flickered from the other side, indicating movement-someone was there. Suddenly my romantic comedy premise held a more thriller-horror vibe. All alone in this cabin, barely any cell service, and a trek up the road to get to McKenna's brother and family, who weren't even home.
Yeah, this wasn't creepy or anything.
"Quit hallucinating." I squeezed my eyes shut before standing.
Next to the door was a snow shovel-plastic and not really useful to take someone out, but it was better than nothing. I grabbed it, readying to whip it at a head just as I flung the door open. The whoosh of the icy air from outside burned my cheeks, but the shadow was no longer there.
"Hello?" I looked to my right, then my left, but the area was clear.
Taking a step back, I gulped. "God, I need that wine."
Frustrated and tired, I pulled the door half-closed, freezing in place when the shine of something caught my eye. On top of the small snowdrift next to the railing was a box wrapped with a red bow.
Slowly, I reached down to grab it. If there was some sort of freak out there, planting crap to get my or Kenna's attention, I sure as hell wasn't staying here to find out who it was.
Sticking the box in my robe pocket, I grabbed Kenna's sister-in-law's car keys off the rack hanging near the front door and took off down the cement stairs. Of course I didn't bother with a coat or actual shoes other than my slippers, or even my cell phone. This wouldn't be a real nightmare if I did.
Teeth chattering, I made it to the black Audi in record time, hopping in and slamming the door shut behind me. I clicked the locks, that sound the only noise I could hear. My heart raced like I'd run a mile, and my eyes bulged wide as I searched the perimeter of the cabin. Still, I saw nothing.
Until I flipped on the headlights.
"Fuuuuuck!" I screamed, slamming the car into reverse.
I didn't look where I was going, just went for it, crashing against something. Hard. My head whipped forward and the air bags blew.