"Collin, stop," Addie hissed.

I didn't. "Hell, if she didn't want to, Addie would never have to work another day in her life."

Addie jabbed me in the ribs, but I barely felt it.

"It's the truth." I glared at her; she glared back.

"Marriage?" Alexander scoffed and leaned back in his chair, bringing his wife along with him.

"Yes, sir. Plan on marrying her within the next year." Daring him, I leaned forward in my chair this time. My jaw clenched and unclenched like my hand as I pulled it out of Addie's hold to lower it around her thigh instead. She jumped, but I couldn't stop. Needed to touch her bare skin so I could keep my head on straight-or distract myself from freaking the hell out.

Dark eyes narrowed, Alexander opened his mouth, probably to tell me off, but Suzie said first, "But you two have only known each other two months." She looked to me, a plea in her eyes. "You and Amy were together for much longer than that, yet you didn't ask her to-"

"Thank you, Alexander, for the job offer," Addie said, her words fast yet poised, just enough to break through to me. "But unfortunately I will have to pass." She cleared her throat. "I actually just received a call about a new job opening in Matoona. It's for a lead teacher position in the district-run preschool. A dream job for me, really. The pay would be that of a teacher's salary."

What?

I froze, careful not to move a muscle, not even acknowledging the fact that Addie's hand was now on my leg, squeezing-our roles reversed.

"That's...that's fantastic, Addison. I'm so glad you get to follow your dreams. N-not many people get to do that." Suzie's eyes filled with tears. She moved her chair back from the table, and the wood screeched across the floor, echoing around us in the restaurant. I was the only one who didn't flinch at the noise. "Now, if you will all please excuse me," she whispered, the sound barely reaching my ears over the roaring inside my head. "I need to use the ladies' room."

"Collin?" Addie touched my shoulder.

I shook my head, not giving a damn where we were as the words spilled out of my mouth. "You gonna leave us?" I asked Addie.

"Leave you?" She jerked back. "Why would I leave you?"

"You're gonna find a new job, gonna leave us for something better." I know I sounded like a goddamn idiot, a child even, but everything she was saying...everything she didn't say... I couldn't help myself.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, the paranoia too much. I had to get out of here. Get her out of here.

"Well, this dinner was stimulating to say the least." Alexander chuckled and folded his arms over his coat as he looked at his watch.

From across the table, I glared at him. "Yeah. And a big mistake, actually." I stood and reached for Addie's arm to pull her up with me.

"Collin, stop it." Addie stood up too and pressed her chest against my arm. Not even the feel of her breasts against me could curb my anxiety. "You're making a scene."

"Don't give two fucks."

Her eyes widened. "Do not talk to me like that. I am not one of the guys from your unit. And you are not my father either. I. Am. Your. Girlfriend."

"I think I'm just going to go find my wife and take off. Don't worry about the meal. We will take care of the bill," Alexander said.

"No." I jerked my finger at him, then motioned for the waiter, the pain of Addie's words slicing through me. Still, I couldn't control myself. "I'm payin' for dinner."

"Really, Collin. Let us-"

"I'm. Paying."

Alexander lifted his hands in defense, zeroing in on Addie, who'd taken two steps back and was already grabbing for her coat. No. No. No.

Needing to hold her close, not let her go, I reached for her back just as Suzie approached.

"It was nice meeting you, Addie. And, Collin, please call us if you need anything at all."

Then they left like a storm, the aftereffects almost worse than the actual moment it all happened.

Addie turned to me, her lips pursed, more pissed than I'd ever seen her. And it scared the hell out of me. "I'll meet you in the truck."

Addison The entire ride back to Collin's house was undoubtedly the worst moments of our relationship thus far. He was scary silent, other than the first few minutes when he'd begged for me to look at him, talk to him, hold his hand. To get him to relax, I did interlock our fingers, but I wasn't ready to forgive his behavior in the restaurant, not that he even apologized.

After that, he'd completely shut down on me, to the point that my stomach burned with uneasiness. There was one thing Collin struggled to do, and that was step down when told. If I hadn't feared that he might go off the deep end, I would've asked him to take me back to my apartment for the night. I might have loved him, but the way he pushed things to the extreme was exhausting. And there was no way I would ever let him treat me the way my father treated my mother.

And then there was the whole subject of marriage. How could he do that? Say what he had in front of his dead ex's parents-parents who were obviously still in mourning? I had no doubt he felt he was saying the truth, but Collin had issues when it came to using a filter for his words. Soon, I'd approach the subject of his assumption, that I would marry him within the next year. But tonight wasn't the time, at least not for me.

The lights were on in living room when we got to his place. Lia was sitting on one end of the couch, a bowl of popcorn in her lap, and Max was on the other, looking like he was seconds away from snoring. I barely acknowledged them before I headed straight back to check on Chloe in her crib.

Curled up on her side with a thumb in her mouth, she looked like the princess I always knew she was. Even with the feelings stirring inside me, I couldn't help but grin when I looked down at her. Chloe was the reason the reason I'd wanted this job in the first place-her father was the reason I stayed. I needed to remind myself of that, even though he didn't always handle himself the way he should-like tonight.

Not wanting to wake her, I slipped from the room, fingers wrapped around the door handle as I pulled it shut with a quiet click. What-if thoughts ran through my mind as I made my way down the hall to Collin's room. Had Amy not died, would she and Collin and Chloe be where we were now? My throat burned at the thought, the possibility too much to take in.

Refusing to go there right now, I turned the corner to Collin's room and froze at what I saw. Sitting on the edge of the bed, face in his hands, he looked more broken than any man should. A little of my anger slipped away at the view, my shoulders falling at the same time. But I still couldn't forget his behavior tonight like I wished I could. He'd acted like an idiot, embarrassing himself and me. Part of me realized that some of it was my fault he'd gone off like he did-me dropping the bomb about my interview. So I was going to woman up and apologize for it, even though he owed me an apology just as much.

Silently, I settled my purse on his dresser and slipped my heels off, kicking them to the side. I could feel his gaze trailing over my legs, my body too, but I wouldn't let his seduction mess with me when things needed to be said. Very important things.

"We need to talk, Collin." I sat down on the bed next to him, my hands fidgeting against my lap. For once, he didn't try to interrupt or touch me. Instead he just sat there, quiet, listening. "I should have told you about my interview. It wasn't right of me to spring it on you the way I did-and in front of Suzie and Alexander at that."

I waited, thinking he'd turn to me, give an excuse, tell me off, or even kiss me to shut my mouth. But he barely moved.

Clearing my throat, I kept going. "I got the call the Friday before we went to O'Paddy's. I wasn't...expecting it. I'd applied there before I even met you, before you hired me, thinking I didn't have a chance all along." I rubbed a hand over my forehead. "I was going to tell you, but-"

"It's fine."

I frowned and looked at his profile. His jaw ticked, the first sign of emotion I'd seen from him in an hour.

"It's not fine. I didn't tell you, and then I wound up blurting it out in front of your dead girlfriend's par-"

"I said it's fine." He pulled his knee up on the bed and turned to face me.

"If it's so fine, then why are you looking at me like I killed your puppy?"

One side of his mouth tipped up. "I don't have a puppy."

I groaned. "That's not the point."

"Tell me what the point is then, huh? That you wanted a new job but didn't have the guts to tell me? That working for me-being with me-was only temporary?"

"I... What? That's what you think? I told you I applied for that job before I met you. What part of that don't you understand? You're twisting around everything I've told you, and it's not fair."

He scrubbed his hand up and down his face until he finally let out a heavy sigh. "I'm not stupid, Addie. I know that you have bigger plans than just being my daughter's nanny for the rest of your life. That being with me is a stepping-stone to more. I just didn't think it'd be happening already."

"No. Just stop right there." I grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands to my neck, needing him to touch me, to remind him that I was real, not just some figment of his overexaggerating imagination. "I'm not going anywhere."

He moved closer, bringing his forehead to mine-a Collin move that I recognized as pure desperation. "I don't wanna talk anymore." His eyes shut. "Not tonight." Moving in to kiss me, he paused, less than a breath separating our mouths. "Just wanna forget tonight ever happened and wake up with you in my arms."

"We can't avoid talking." I shut my eyes at the feel of his lips as they moved to touch the corner of mine. The sensation nearly overrode my emotions, my frustration. And he was doing it on purpose. But somehow I managed to push past it. "Collin, wait. Sex and orgasms won't fix this."

He froze. "Addie, please..."

"I'm here to stay-for as long as you want me around. If I take another job, it's not because I'm done with you or Chloe. It's because I want to do more in life than just stay home and pop out babies. Not that there's anything wrong with staying home and popping out babies. Because honestly, there isn't. It's just not for me." I was rambling. Again. But that didn't faze him like it usually did, which should have spooked me but didn't because I was also on a roll.

"Tonight was pretty damn awful. I felt like an idiot trying to prove myself to those two people. And you...you just spouted off bullshit about forever and insurance, a-and-"

"Why?" He finally spoke, pulling back to look me in the eyes at the same time. I could see the pain in his blue eyes, the stab of my angry words having pushed him to a point I'd never seen. Not just sadness and desperation. But fear too. I'd never seen Collin-the big, bad, tough marine-look scared in all the time I'd known him.

"Why?" I softened my voice, for him and me both. There was no point in getting all worked up when it might not lead us anywhere. "You really have to ask me that?"

He nodded, just once.

"To them, I'm Amy's replacement, and if I don't live up to their standards..."

His breath fanned over my lips as he exhaled. "You're amazing, Addison Booker. And I don't care what anyone else says, especially not Suzie and Alexander."

I winced, wishing I felt the same way he did. With Amy's parents around, I felt like I had to prove myself-fill the shoes of a ghost, which was nearly impossible. Collin had insisted that he'd never loved Amy the way he loved me, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I might not be enough. Not necessarily for him, but for his daughter.

"I'll never be her, Collin." I looked down at my lap, the sting of tears burning my eyes.

A finger pressed under my chin, lifting my head. "Good. Because I don't want anyone but you."

He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. Still wearing my dress, I lay against his chest as we settled our heads on the same pillow. It was more intimate than a kiss, a touch, or a caress could ever be, but it did nothing to curb the anxiety fluttering through my chest.

Chapter 37.

Collin On Christmas morning, I woke with Addie in my arms-spooned against my chest-and to the sound of Chloe babbling over the baby monitor.

Later in the day, Gavin came over for dinner. Lia too.

Addie and I cooked for the five of us, since Max was out of town with his family in Tennessee, and Lia and my parents were in Arizona until April. We didn't make a big hoopla out of things, but I'd wanted to make this day as nice as I could for Chloe, since this was her first Christmas.

Plus, today was the day I planned to make up for every mistake I'd made with Addison so far.

Between last-minute shopping, my job, and Addie hanging out with McKenna, the two of us hadn't been spending a lot of time together, and it bugged the hell out of me. I'd been a dick the night we'd gone to dinner with Alexander and Suzie, but I couldn't figure out how the hell I was gonna apologize without sounding like a whiny loser. Unlike me, Addie had apologized the second she'd gotten me alone that night, even though she didn't have anything to really be sorry for, unlike me. But even as she'd said the words, I knew I didn't have a clue how to say them back the way I needed to, to express how fucking sorry I really was.

She didn't complain when I pushed her to forget about things for the night. Nor did she complain the four times I'd made her come. But I felt her resistance, felt the way she closed herself off after every orgasm and moan of my name from her lips.

Bottom line? I knew she needed the I'm sorry, but I didn't have it in me. At least not then.

But I did now.

"She's eleven months old, yet she has more crap than I do." Lia picked up Chloe from the floor and planted her on her hip, staring down at the piles of wrapping paper flung all over the place from the day.

"She's a beautiful, spoiled princess." Gavin yawned as he stretched his hands over his head. "She deserves the world."

"You think?" Lia kicked him in the shin with a toe, grinning.

At my side, snuggled up with a cup of hot chocolate and some sort of Philippine dessert, the one with the duck eggs, Addie looked at my friends, contentment in her dark gaze. Damn, she was beautiful. That long, thick hair of hers was done up in a braid hanging down one side of her neck. I twisted my hand at the end of it, tugging it lightly to get her eyes on me.

She smiled.

"Thank you. Today was incredible." I swallowed, overcome by her beautiful eyes as they sparkled my way-for me.

"Thank you for giving me the first sense of family I've had in a long time." She pressed her nose to mine, kissing my lips.

Taken aback by the love I felt for this woman, I leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder when she looked away. The big, poofy sweater she wore kept falling off her shoulders.

"You ready to open your present?" I asked.

She bit her lip, and I jumped up from the floor, heading toward the Christmas tree across the room and not waiting for her answer.

Chloe was back on the floor, crawling toward the tree, while Gavin slipped into the kitchen. My guess was for another beer. I'd not taken a drink today and didn't figure it was a good idea for what I had planned for Addie and me later tonight when everyone had gone home and Beaner was asleep. Part two of her gift from me.

At least five long orgasms.

"First, she's gotta open mine." Lia rubbed her hands together and dove toward the tree in front of me, producing a huge-ass box in the process. She shoved it against Addie's chest, smiling wider than I'd seen in weeks. My sister was so up and down lately, crying and closed off one minute, ass-kicker mode the next. A lot of it had to do with the fact that she'd been seeing a new psychologist-dealing with the bad crap from her college years. Luckily, today had been one of her better, calmer days.

"Fine. As long as she opens mine next." I turned and winked at Addie.

She batted her lashes as she glanced at me from her spot on the floor. The quiet excitement in her eyes had my gut going hard. Loved all things happy Addison almost as much as I loved all things spent and well-loved Addison.

"Fine, fine, whatever. Just open mine already." Lia jumped up and down when she stepped in front of Addie. Gavin came back into the room, a beer in one hand and a piece of leftover ham in the other.

"Oh jeez, Lia. I can't believe you got these. They're too expensive." From the giant box, Addie pulled out a pair of boots, all leather and brown, with fuzzy stuff on the inside. She hugged them close, like they were her best friends.

"They were on sale. Figured they'd be awesome for when you start teaching next year. Not only will they keep your feet warm and fuzzy, but they are comfy too."

My chest grew hot, but somehow I managed not to flinch. Had she talked to my sister about this job too? She'd had no problem blurting it out in front of Amy's parents either. And, yeah, sure, she'd tried to talk to me about it, but that was after the fact. Wasn't gonna let it get to me though. Not tonight.

"Thank you so much." Addie hugged Lia with one arm, then stuffed the boots back into the box, reaching down to grab my small, square box sitting on her lap.