"Abe says he'll have to burn the old thing to the ground and start over."

"Set the table, will you, Danny?"

"Abe says Levi is sweet on Sue Ann Yoder."

The spatula slipped from Rebecca's hand, and she burned her palm on the edge of the skillet. She gasped and tried to shake the pain away. "Don't forget the napkins," she said.

"But I told Abe right quick that Levi is sweet on you."

Rebecca ran her throbbing hand under the faucet. "Don't go spreading tales to your friends."

"It ain't tales. He brings a rose every morning."

"Fill a pitcher with water."

"Abe says you won't have Levi, and Sue Ann visits an awful lot."

Rebecca scraped the potatoes now stuck to the bottom of the pan. The spatula screeched gratingly against the skillet. "What does Abe know?"

"He lives right across from Levi. They're friends." Danny set the last cup on the table. "If you are not nicer to Levi, he won't bring roses. That's what Abe says. Do you want him to stop bringing the roses?"

Of course she wanted him to stop with the roses. He shouldn't waste his money. They meant nothing to her.

Nothing except knowing that someone, anyone, cared about her. Cared if she lived or died. Cared for her beyond what she could do for them.

Stop with the self-pity. Mamm cares. The Wengerds care.

"Why don't you like Levi?" Danny said, looking at her with those big brown eyes that always broke her resistance.

What could she say?

I do like him. I love him. But love is too painful. I don't want more pain.

Before she could formulate an insincere answer to his honest question, the front door flew open and Fater stormed into the kitchen like a tornado.

Dark clouds loomed in his expression. "What have you been doing behind my back, Becky?"

"What do you mean?"

"The elders know better what is going on in my home than I do. I look like a fool!" he yelled. "I have forbidden this relationship. How dare you defy me?"

Rebecca didn't risk a reply. Pleading ignorance would further enrage her fater.

The racket brought Mamm from her room. She appeared in the doorway in her slippers and robe. "Amos, what is the matter?"

He pointed at Rebecca. "She's been seeing that Englisch boy again." He took Rebecca's arm and yanked her toward him. "I will not stand for disobedience."

Terrified of his father's rage, Danny stepped back and bolted out the door.

Dumbfounded, Rebecca opened her mouth and closed it again. She'd only seen Fater so angry once before. She couldn't help her trembling. "I'm not," she managed to stammer.

"Don't compound your sin by lying," Fater said. "You cannot hide it from me. I met the bishop just as I got off the bus. He saw that boy working here. And I have made it clear that he is not allowed on our farm."

"You jump to conclusions, Amos," Mamm said. "I told you. Levi came the day our stove went out. He apologized even though he saved us from freezing."

"Nae, the bishop saw him today!" Fater yelled. "This afternoon, mending fences in our pasture. What do you have to say, Becky?"

Rebecca stared at her fater in confusion. "That's impossible."

"What must I do to weed the disobedience out of you?" he growled, his face inches from Rebecca's.

The back door swung open and banged against the wall behind it. To Rebecca's complete astonishment, Levi rushed into the kitchen, with Max and Danny close behind. His expression was every bit as dark as Fater's. He took one look at Rebecca and immediately moved himself between her and Fater.

Panting, Rebecca retreated a step and stared at Levi's back, at his fists clenched and the muscles taut under his navy shirt. She couldn't help herself. Relief washed over her even as her hands shook.

Levi's size and demeanor commanded respect. "Don't hurt Rebecca. I'm responsible. She knows nothing."

Fater stood his ground. "I would never lay a hand on my daughter."

Rebecca held her breath. Would Levi share her secret and contradict her fater? Please don't, please don't, she thought over and over. Maybe Levi would hear the words reverberating inside her skull.

Levi glanced her direction but otherwise didn't betray that he knew the truth. "You told me not to set foot on this farm until I had been baptized," he said. "I made my covenant to God three weeks ago. You said I could come back then, so I came."

"I wouldn't have given my permission had I known."

"I assumed it was already given."

Fater stepped to the side to look at Rebecca. Levi moved to stay between them. Fater scowled. "And you still claim to know nothing about this, Becky?"

"She didn't know," Levi said. "She is uncomfortable when I'm around, so I've been leaving work early on Tuesdays to help here while she is at Mrs. Johnson's."

Rebecca caught her breath in amazement.

Fater had no answer to that. He sputtered and grunted until he gathered his wits. "Marvin Yutzy already comes on Wednesdays. We don't want your charity."

Rebecca wanted to bury her head in shame. How could Fater be so ungrateful for all Levi had done for them?

The truth fell on her head like a splash of water from the eaves of the house. No one was more ungrateful than herself. She had treated Levi so contemptibly that her father's behavior paled in comparison.

Say something, a voice inside her head urged. Defend him.

Mamm's soft voice overpowered Fater's yelling. "Amos, the boy has done nothing wrong."

Fater turned down the volume, if not the intensity. "You know I do not want you working here, and you have gone behind my back. I want you off my property-for good."

"Okay," Levi said. Rebecca heard the sorrow, the resignation. "I would never intentionally do anything to cause you embarrassment. Please don't take your anger out on Rebecca."

"Becky will marry Marvin Yutzy."

"Becky?" Levi murmured. "Becky."

"My girl is none of your concern," Fater said.

Levi nodded curtly and turned to Rebecca. She couldn't look into his eyes for fear of what she would see there. Keeping her gaze to the ground, she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

He wouldn't let her get away with that. He nudged a finger under her chin until she looked at him. "I'm never far away, kid. If you need anything, if you're ever in any trouble, I'll be right there." He brushed his thumb against her cheek then took his hat from Danny, and just like that, he was gone.

Rebecca felt like she might never breathe again.

Rebecca hadn't slept well since the ski accident, but last night broke some sort of record. Thinking of Levi kept her tossing and turning all night. If she slept at all, her dreams haunted her with memories of his pain-filled eyes pleading with her to show a little kindness. Could she even remember him with a smile on his face? Her restlessness amplified the sounds of the night, a howling dog, the creaks of the house, and the distant moaning of police sirens on the highway.

Her waking hours weren't much better. Fater had given her a tongue-lashing at dinner for buying such expensive chicken and then burning it. Had she possessed a weaker will, she might have escaped to Levi's house and sought his comfort. But the best way to handle Fater was simply to endure, and he soon gave up his ranting and went to bed.

Unable to sleep, Rebecca rose an hour earlier than usual. She tiptoed downstairs and stoked the fire in the woodstove that, thanks to Levi, still worked. Upstairs, she made herself a cup of cocoa and sat alone in the early morning silence as she watched the sky lighten. An icicle hanging from the eaves dripped slowly. Rebecca went to the window and peered into the half light. The ice was actually melting. She looked at the outside thermometer. Forty degrees. Practically a heat wave. She closed her eyes and thanked the good Lord for spring even as winter lingered in her heart.

Max and Danny stumbled into the kitchen, and she made them each a bowl of oatmeal. Linda emerged after the boys left for school, and Rebecca served her a heaping helping of oatmeal with a few raisins sprinkled in. Fater came out of the bedroom long enough to scoop two bowls of oatmeal for himself and Mamm. "This floor is filthy," he said, before disappearing down the hall.

After breakfast, Rebecca piled the kitchen rugs by the door and mopped the floor. Linda washed the dishes and tidied the kitchen before hibernating in their bedroom with a book.

When she finished mopping, Rebecca scooped up the rugs and stepped onto the porch to shake them out. She looked down at the welcome mat-black rubber molded in an elegant cursive Welcome, upon which Levi had laid a rose every day for the last three months.

Except for today. The mat was empty today.

Fater mustn't see her cry. No one would ever see her cry. Rebecca thought she might explode as she bolted off the porch and sprinted to the toolshed. Panting in an effort to delay the tears, she rushed into her tiny sanctuary, slammed the door behind her, and wedged the shovel under the handle to keep intruders out. She threw herself to the ground as the dam burst and great sobs shook her body.

Levi had given up.

Lying on the cold ground, she shattered into a million pieces. The pain left her so broken, she could barely breathe. This was how it felt to lose Levi. Really lose him.

Without her realizing it, the rose had become a lifeline of sorts, connecting her to Levi like a single golden thread. Now she had nothing to hold on to.

The voice inside her head urged her to be strong-for Mamm's sake.

She moaned and buried her face in the crook of her elbow.

Rebecca felt like that fourteen-year-old girl again, crying at Dottie Mae's grave-unable to think of anything but her all-encompassing pain. Would Fater break down the door and rebuke her for indulging in selfishness?

She bawled in the shed for over an hour, until the cold forced her to pay attention to her shaking limbs and numb fingers. Soon they would wonder where she was and come searching. But how could she face anyone?

She wiped the tears from her face and straightened the hair under her kapp. Cracking open the door a few inches, she peeked into the yard. All clear. Keeping a sharp eye on the house, Rebecca bent over and picked up a handful of snow. She took some in either hand and pressed it to her eyes to lessen the swelling. Hopefully she could pass herself off as fatigued. No one ever need know she'd watered the toolshed with her tears. Taking a deep breath, she trudged up the steps and through the front door.

The slosh of water from the back of the house told her that Linda had started the laundry. Rebecca rolled up her sleeves and made her way to the washroom.

Linda bent over the basin, pouring soap into the water. "Fater is furious," she said without looking up. "Where have you been? He made me start the laundry."

"I'll help."

"He and Mamm went to Walmart. They'll be back after lunch."

"Mamm must be feeling gute this morning."

"Good enough, I guess," Linda said. "I'll feed if you turn the crank."

Rebecca wasn't sure how she passed the morning. Had she scrubbed the toilet? Or just the shower? She must have helped Linda finish the wash, because a row of half-frozen clothes hung on the line outside. She recalled making dinner, because Linda complained that they had no butter for the bread and refused to eat another apricot for as long as she lived.

After dinner when Linda went to visit Sadie Bieler, Rebecca sat at the table and fingered the roses from previous days. She could barely breathe through the paralyzing ache in her chest.

When she heard the front door open, she jumped to her feet and busied herself by wiping the counter for a second time. No good to let Fater see a hint of idleness. She came in from the kitchen as Fater led Mamm to the sofa.

Panting with exertion, Mamm took the quilt folded over the sofa and draped it over her legs.

"Becky, cum. Help bring the groceries," Fater said.

Rebecca hurried to the buggy and slung half a dozen plastic grocery bags over her arms. She and Fater carried the supplies into the house and made two more trips before the buggy was empty. She deposited the groceries in the kitchen and went back to the front room to check on Mamm.

Max and Danny burst through the front door from school.

"Did you hear about Levi?" Max said.

Chapter Forty.

"Levi, stop. Put on the harness before going down there," Silas said. "High-moisture corn this year."

Levi quickly slipped into the body harness that fit between his legs and clipped around his chest. He and Silas were removing the crop, and frozen grain kept clumping and gumming up the augur. It was his first week on the job. The late-night work paid well, and he needed the money if he was going to fix up that house.

With one hand wrapped around the harness rope, he climbed into the silo and gingerly walked across the top of the corn. It seemed solid enough to support his weight. The grain crunched under his feet as he slowly made his way around the wall.

The air inside the silo was stifling, pungent and stagnant, like a cold sauna with too many sweaty bodies hanging around.

Breathe normally.

He was a little spooked about all those people on the news who'd died in silo accidents. He had a harness. He'd be fine. Just new-job jitters.

He bent over and picked up a clump of frozen corn then pounded it against the side of the silo to break it up. The harness line went taut. He wasn't going to die with this thing strapped around him. He risked letting go of the line, shifted his weight, and reached out with both hands. Suddenly, as if a giant underground snake opened its mouth to swallow him, he plunged into the grain. He screamed in terror and was soon buried up to his chest and struggling for breath.

The invisible snake clamped itself around his upper body and squeezed the air right out of him. He felt the crack of his ribs, accompanied by a searing pain.

Above him, he heard Silas shouting words he couldn't understand in his pain-induced state. The harness tightened, and it felt like a tourniquet squeezing the blood out of all his extremities.