Two songs later, she realized she'd just seen this guy on the show Nashville the night before. The city was amazing that way. They had all sorts of people show up to sing, whether they were people just starting out or artists that had awards. She loved music, so it was the perfect place for her to get lost.

At a break in the music, Noah strode into the bar and made a beeline to where she was sitting, second beer in hand.

"That was quick," she commented.

"I wasn't home, so it didn't take me too long to get here."

She inspected him. His hair was mussed and his face flushed.

"Oh," she said, but let it drop.

The music picked back up and Noah crowded into the small space between her and the person next to her at the bar, ordering them both beers. He was so close she could smell a woman's perfume on him. Her heart deflated a little; she didn't know why. They weren't together. It wasn't her place to be upset he'd been with someone else, especially since she'd told him to do it. He'd actually been respectful by doing it outside their condo, which allowed her the fantasy that they had something special. They laughed and enjoyed each other. He was showing her many ways she liked to be touched by him, but they were neither dating nor a couple. Emery tried to scoot away from him and give him some room.

He handed her a new beer and leaned into her, yelling in her ear so she could hear him. "So, where are you taking me on my date?"

"Were you just on a date?" The words slipped out before her brain caught up, and she was mortified. It was none of her business.

His lips were a fraction of an inch away from hers. His breath was warm on her lips and she rearranged herself on the barstool instead of kissing him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs, giving up her prime barstool real estate. She followed him, wondering what he was doing. He pulled her onto the back patio, which was empty due to the band inside. They looked at each other once they were by themselves. Emery was mesmerized by his tight navy sweater and could stare at him all night. He broke eye contact first, ran a hand through his hair, and sighed.

"It doesn't matter where I am, Em. I'm always with you." His eyes found hers again and held them with such intensity it was her turn to look away.

"I..." She twirled a curl around her finger, not knowing what to say. Her hair was now a light caramel color, since she'd let her brown dye fade over the past few months. "I didn't mean to interrupt your date. It's just when I got these tickets, you're the only one I wanted to go with."

"You didn't interrupt anything important," he assured her, beaming. "Who are we seeing, by the way?" He reached around her and pulled the envelope out of her back pocket. His nearness caused her body to react. Her breath hitched and her eyes fluttered up to his lips. Noah pushed her against the brick wall and kissed her.

It started slowly and cautious, his hands on the wall next to her head, but once she put her hand inside his sweater to feel his skin, he pulled her hair back and kissed her neck frantically.

"Noah," she moaned into his mouth. He tasted of spearmint.

He took a step back and smiled. "Sorry, Em. I lost myself for a minute." He rubbed his face with his palms.

Her hand fell out from under his sweater, where she'd been outlining his abs. She wanted to commit this moment to her memory. She'd flustered him. Emery was amused and stepped toward him, closing the gap he'd put between them.

"I'm taking you to see Counting Crows and then I'm taking you home. To my bed." Emery had just gotten the last word out when he attacked her mouth like a man possessed. His stubble rubbing her face pulled her from her unrealistic fantasy of them. Her entire body froze. This is why she couldn't do this. The memories would never allow her to be normal; a five o'clock shadow would forever send her retreating into the coffin of her mind. She wiggled out of his grasp, the memory of Phil's touch haunting her.

Noah stood there, chest heaving, his eyes intense on her. "What just happened?"

"Nothing." Lies. Emery straightened her clothes and smoothed her hair, then started moving toward the door. "We should go and get our seats."

He grabbed her hand, pulling her into him again. "I'm going to find where you go," Noah said into her ear, his lips grazing the lobe sending chills down her body. His body was hard behind her and she wanted to melt into him, but he was doing all the wrong things for her mind to relax. "I'm going to find where you go and lock the door so that you can never go back."

Without realizing it, Noah had left no doubt in her mind they could never be what he wanted them to be and that try as she may, she was not Emily Sanders. Emily Sanders didn't even exist. How could he even look at her that way? It made her sad for him. She was a pile of lies on top of deceit with a cherry of bullshit on top and he thought she was someone else. He thought he knew her.

No one knew her. Hell, she didn't even know herself.

They walked silently over to the Ryman. She read the history of "The Mother Church of Country Music," as they entered the venue and then found their seats. The seats were pretty small and Emery found herself pressed up against Noah. He smelled of a mixture of his usual cologne and a perfume that was definitely not him. Emery's mind was on overdrive.

The beat of the drums and the tone of the lead singer's voice took Emery away from her circumstances and she swayed with the beat. She felt Noah wrap his hand around hers. Then the lyrics pulled her from herself and chills rushed over her skin. She'd never felt so wrapped up in a song or the meaning of its words. The feeling lasted from one song to the next and Emery felt like every song was about her. The words washed over her and she knew there were going to be consequences to everything she was feeling. She certainly wasn't ready for them.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN.

What's my Name?

She and Rachel were eating sushi at a restaurant called PM close to Noah's house. The chef had been on Top Chef and the place never disappointed. When Noah had an away game, Rachel tried to come and keep Emery company. It'd been less and less since Emery worked almost every weekend, but Rachel still thought Emery shouldn't be by herself. Although Rachel was right in the fact that Emery hated it when Noah was out of town, it was only because she had to wait to touch him. When he was gone, she yearned to feel every inch of his six foot two frame.

"So, how's it going?" Rachel asked, looking over the rim of her pint glass. When Derrick had gotten Emery all of her new identification, Rachel had talked him into giving Emery another one so that she could drink.

"Well, things are okay. I really wish Noah would let me pay him rent."

"His parents pay for everything. Just enjoy it." Rachel smiled at a couple of guys at the table next to them.

"Well, he's amazing and so sweet to let me stay-"

"Wait, what?" Rachel's eyes snapped to her friend, interrupting her.

Emery sat back and knew what Rachel was asking. "I was saying that Noah is really nice to let one of your friends stay with him. I could've been someone super annoying, but he still hasn't kicked me out."

"Because you're not annoying." Rachel's eyes narrowed at Emery, scrutinizing her.

"Well, we sort of do our own thing, you know? I try not to bother him at all. I've been working a lot. I'm trying to save money."

"You think he's amazing?" Rachel asked, ignoring what Emery had just said.

Emery nodded and looked away from Rachel.

"Emery," Rachel whispered. "You're not supposed to do that."

"Do what?"

"You know what, and the fact that you're refusing to look at me means you're really doing what I was sure you wouldn't do." Rachel's shoulders sagged with the knowledge of what her cousin and Emery were, in fact, doing.

"Rachel," Emery finally faced her, "it's fine. I'm fine. Noah is a good guy and we make out and whatever, but he doesn't look at me like that. He's still dates and we're just having a good time."

"You just make out?" Rachel was incredulous.

Emery nodded.

"You couldn't find someone else to have a good time with?" Rachel shook her head; she didn't want this to happen, not at all. "What about that bartender at Jack's? He's sort of hot. I mean, Emery...shit."

"It's fine," Emery kept repeating, because that's what she'd been telling herself for the past several months.

"No, it's not fine. I want you to be in a happy, normal relationship. His dating other girls and making out with you is not normal."

Emery knew Rachel wouldn't understand. "Rachel, this makes me happy. Can you believe it? I'm actually smiling and laughing. When I started waking up in the morning and the pain was tolerable, I thought I might be dead, but I wasn't. It was him. He's healed some parts of me, the parts that have been open wounds." She sighed. "He peeled away all of my protective layers with a razorblade, slowly and carefully. He's not hurting me. He's healing me."

"You're falling for him."

The words stung Emery. "Rachel," she shook her head, "how can I fall for him? He doesn't even know my name."

Rachel examined Emery's face, then sighed. "This won't end well."

"It's my life, so that's a given." Emery's shoulders hunched over, resigned to her life. There were weeks that she could go and lose herself in Emily. Then there were times like this, when she would love to be able to tell Rachel that Noah wanted to be her boyfriend and they were going to make a go of it, but her messed up life prevented her from accepting anything from Noah that was real or even semi-permanent.

"No, Em. It's not a given. You have the right to have a happily ever after."

"No one has the right to a happily ever after."

"Fuck that," Rachel muttered. "We'll get you a happy ending if it's the last thing I do."

Noah was sitting at the kitchen table with Vanessa when Emery came in from her shift at Jack's. She'd worked the day shift and brought home dinner.

"Hey," Emery said to them both. "I brought home dinner. There's plenty for all three of us."

"Oh, thanks, Emily. You didn't have to do that." Vanessa smiled and then looked back at the book between her and Noah.

"Hey, babe, let us finish this up and then we'll eat, okay?"

Emery and Vanessa both stared at Noah. His head was down and he was writing something on a paper and then moved to type something on his laptop.

Emery was shocked by his words. "Don't 'babe' me."

Noah raised his head at her tone, confusion evident on his face. "What?"

Vanessa looked like she was watching a tennis match.

Emery's eyes narrowed at him. "I'm not your 'babe.'"

"Aw shit, Em. Sorry. I was deep into this problem."

They engaged in a stare down for a few seconds before Vanessa cleared her throat. "Um, I need to use the restroom."

"You can use mine, V, I'll show you," Noah said and gently squeezed Emery's arm as they passed her.

Emery shrugged, put the food in the fridge, and then went into her room. She locked the door, not because she needed to, but because she could.

After a few hours of reading a book about a prosecutor whose son was accused of murder, a soft knock on the door broke her concentration.

"Yeah," she called.

"Emily, you want to eat?"

Emery rolled out of the bed and opened the door. Vanessa stood there with a look on her face that Emery wasn't entirely comfortable with. Her deep auburn hair fell in waves around her face and her low-cut shirt gave away the fact that she was trying to get Noah's attention.

"Where's Noah?" Emery asked as she followed Vanessa to the kitchen.

"Oh, he got a call and stepped outside. He told me it was dinner time."

They walked into the kitchen and Emery pulled the food out of the fridge, setting it on the counter. Vanessa stood in the doorway and watched Emery with avid curiosity.

"I have pulled pork, chicken, and ribs. Sides are okra, corn, and mac and cheese."

"Good grief, that's a lot of food," Vanessa commented.

"Yeah, well. Noah eats like three grown men sometimes, so it's just best to bring a lot home. I'll eat the leftovers tomorrow, if there are any."

The front door slammed and Noah walked in with a grin. "Damn, woman, that looks good."

"Here," she handed them both plates, "I'll warm everything up and bring it to the table."

Noah leaned past Vanessa and grabbed a cold rib, taking a bite.

The microwave signaled it was done and she walked over to the table. "So, how's the tutoring going?" she asked as she set the food out.

"Good," Noah answered as he started piling his plate up with meat and sides.

Emery gave Vanessa a knowing look. Vanessa giggled.

"What?" Noah asked as he started shoveling food.

"Emily was telling me that you eat like three grown men. She was right."

"I usually am." Emery nodded.

"You're constantly wrong," Noah commented.

"About what?" She teased him.

"You know what," he grumbled as he continued to shovel food in his mouth like he hadn't eaten in days.

Emery shook her head. "Sorry, Vanessa, Noah must've gotten bad news on the phone."

"Why's that?" Noah sat back in his chair and examined her.

"Because you're being an ass to your friend." Emery nodded toward Vanessa.

Realization washed over his face. "Shit, you're right. Sorry, V. Listen, that was Shannon and she wants me to come over. I'm going to get in the shower and head that way. I'll see you next week?"