BLENKINSOP You certainly do stand by one another, you chosen people, Mr Schutzmacher.

SCHUTZMACHER Not at all. Personally, I like Englishmen better than Jews, and always associate with them. Thats only natural, because, as I am a Jew, theres nothing interesting in a Jew to me, whereas there is always something interesting and foreign in an Englishman. But in money matters it's quite different. You see, when an Englishman borrows, all he knows or cares is that he wants money; and he'll sign anything to get it, without in the least understanding it, or intending to carry out the agreement if it turns out badly for him. In fact, he thinks you a cad if you ask him to carry it out under such circumstances. Just like the Merchant of Venice, you know. But if a Jew makes an agreement, he means to keep it and expects you to keep it. If he wants money for a time, he borrows it and knows he must pay it at the end of the time. If he knows he cant pay, he begs it as a gift.

RIDGEON Come, Loony! do you mean to say that Jews are never rogues and thieves?

SCHUTZMACHER Oh, not at all. But I was not talking of criminals. I was comparing honest Englishmen with honest Jews.

One of the hotel maids, a pretty, fair-haired woman of about 25, comes from the hotel, rather furtively. She accosts RIDGEON. comes from the hotel, rather furtively. She accosts RIDGEON.

THE MAID I beg MAID I beg your your pardon, sir- pardon, sir- RIDGEON Eh?

THE MAID I beg pardon, sir. It's not about the hotel. I'm not allowed to be on the terrace; and I should be discharged if I were seen speaking to you, unless you were kind enough to say you called me to ask whether the motor has come back from the station yet.

WALPOLE Has it?

THE MAID Yes, sir.

RIDGEON Well, what do you want?

THE MAID Would you mind, sir, giving me the address of the gentleman that was with you at dinner?

RIDGEON (sharply] (sharply] Yes, of course I should mind very much. You have no right to ask. Yes, of course I should mind very much. You have no right to ask.

THE MAID Yes, sir, I know it looks like that. But what am I to do?

SIR PATRICK Whats the matter with you?

THE MAID Nothing, sir. I want the address: thats all.

B. B. You mean the young gentleman?

THE MAID Yes, sir: that went to catch the train with the woman he brought with him.

RIDGEON The woman! Do you mean the l a d y who dined here? the gentleman's wife?

THE MAID Dont believe them, sir. She cant be his wife. I'm his wife.

THE MAID I could run upstairs and get you my marriage linesez in a minute, sir, if you doubt my word. He's Mr Louis Dubedat, isnt he? in a minute, sir, if you doubt my word. He's Mr Louis Dubedat, isnt he?

RIDGEON Yes.

THE MAID Well, sir, you may believe me or not; but I'm the lawful Mrs Dubedat.

SIR PATRICK And why arnt you living with your husband?

THE MAID We couldnt afford it, sir. I had thirty pounds saved; and we spent it all on our honeymoon in three weeks, and a lot more that he borrowed. Then I had to go back into service, and he went to London to get work at his drawing; and he never wrote me a line or sent me an address. I never saw nor heard of him again until I caught sight of him from the window going off in the motor with that woman.

SIR PATRICK Well, thats two wives to start with.

B. B. Now upon my soul I dont want to be uncharitable; but really I'm beginning to suspect that our young friend is rather careless.

SIR PATRICK Beginning to think! How long will it take you, man, to find out that he's a damned young blackguard?

BLENKINSOP Oh, thats severe, Sir Patrick, very severe. Of course it's bigamy; but still he's very young; and she's very pretty. Mr Walpole: may I spunge on you for another of those nice cigarets of yours? [He changes his seat for the one next WALPOLE]. [He changes his seat for the one next WALPOLE].

WALPOLE Certainly. [He feels in his pockets]. [He feels in his pockets]. Oh bother! Where-? Oh bother! Where-? [Suddenly remembering] [Suddenly remembering] I say: I recollect now: I passed my cigaret case to Dubedat and he didnt return it. It was a gold one. I say: I recollect now: I passed my cigaret case to Dubedat and he didnt return it. It was a gold one.

THE MAID He didnt mean any harm: he never thinks about things like that, sir. I'll get it back for you, sir, if youll tell me where to find him.

RIDGEON What am I to do? Shall I give her the address or not?

SIR PATRICK Give her your own address; and then we'll see. [To the maid] Youll Youll have to be content with that for the present, my girl. have to be content with that for the present, my girl. [RIDGEON gives her his card]. [RIDGEON gives her his card]. Whats your name? Whats your name?

THE MAID Minnie Tinwell, sir.

SIR PATRICK Well, you write him a letter to care of this gentleman ; and it will be sent on. Now be off with you.

THE MAID Thank you, sir. I'm sure you wouldnt see me wronged. Thank you all, gentlemen; and excuse the liberty. She goes into the hotel. They watch her in silence. She goes into the hotel. They watch her in silence.

RIDGEON [when she is gone] [when she is gone] Do you realize, you chaps, that we have promised Mrs Dubedat to save this fellow's life? Do you realize, you chaps, that we have promised Mrs Dubedat to save this fellow's life?

BLENKINSOP Whats the matter with him?

RIDGEON Tuberculosis.

BLENKINSOP [interested] [interested] And can you cure that? And can you cure that?

RIDGEON I believe so.

BLENKINSOP Then I wish youd cure me. My right lung is touched, I'm sorry to say.

BLENKINSOP [putting his, fingers in his ears] [putting his, fingers in his ears] No, no: it's no use. I know what youre going to say: Ive said it often to others. I cant afford to take care of myself; and theres an end of it. If a fortnight's holiday would save my life, I'd have to die. I shall get on as others have to get on. We cant all go to St Moritz or to Egypt, you know, Sir Ralph. Dont talk about it. No, no: it's no use. I know what youre going to say: Ive said it often to others. I cant afford to take care of myself; and theres an end of it. If a fortnight's holiday would save my life, I'd have to die. I shall get on as others have to get on. We cant all go to St Moritz or to Egypt, you know, Sir Ralph. Dont talk about it.

Embarrassed silence.

SIR PATRICK [grunts and looks hard at RIDGEON]!

SCHUTZMACHER [looking at his watch and rising] [looking at his watch and rising] I must go. It's been a very pleasant evening, Colly. You might let me have my portrait if you dont mind. I'll send Mr Dubedat that couple of sovereigns for it. I must go. It's been a very pleasant evening, Colly. You might let me have my portrait if you dont mind. I'll send Mr Dubedat that couple of sovereigns for it.

RIDGEON [giving him the menu card] [giving him the menu card] Oh dont do that, Loony. I dont think he'd like that. Oh dont do that, Loony. I dont think he'd like that.

SCHUTZMACHER Well, of course I shant if you feel that way about it. But I dont think you understand Dubedat. However, perhaps thats because I'm a Jew. Good-night, Dr Blenkinsop [shaking hands [shaking hands].

BLENKINSOP Good-night, sir-I mean-Good-night.

SCHUTZMACHER [waving his hand to the rest] [waving his hand to the rest] Good-night, everybody. Good-night, everybody.

B. B. repeats the salutation several times, in varied musical tones. SCHUTZMACHER goes out.

SIR PATRICK It's time for us all to move. [He rises and comes between BLENKINSOP and WALPOLE. RIDGEON also rises]. [He rises and comes between BLENKINSOP and WALPOLE. RIDGEON also rises]. Mr Walpole: take Blenkinsop home: he's had enough of the open air cure for to-night. Have you a thick overcoat to wear in the motor, Dr Blenkinsop? Mr Walpole: take Blenkinsop home: he's had enough of the open air cure for to-night. Have you a thick overcoat to wear in the motor, Dr Blenkinsop?

BLENKINSOP Oh, theyll give me some brown paper in the hotel; and a few thicknesses of brown paper across the chest are better than any fur coat.

WALPOLE Well, come along. Good-night, Colly.Youre coming with us, arnt you, B. B.?

B. B. Yes: I'm coming. [WALPOLE and BLENKINSOP go into the hotel]. [WALPOLE and BLENKINSOP go into the hotel]. Good-night, my dear Ridgeon [ Good-night, my dear Ridgeon [shaking hands affectionately]. Dont let us lose sight of your interesting patient and his very charming wife. We must not judge him too hastily, you know. [With unction] [With unction] G o o o o o o o o d-night, Paddy. Bless you, dear old chap. G o o o o o o o o d-night, Paddy. Bless you, dear old chap. [SIR PATRICK utters a formidable grunt. B. B. laughs and pats him indulgently on the shoulder]. [SIR PATRICK utters a formidable grunt. B. B. laughs and pats him indulgently on the shoulder]. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. [He good-nights himself into the hotel]. [He good-nights himself into the hotel].

The others have meanwhile gone without ceremony. RIDGEON and SIR PATRICK are left alone together. RIDGEON, deep in thought, comes down to SIR PATRICK.

SIR PATRICK Well, Mr Savior of Lives: which is it to be? that honest decent man Blenkinsop, or that rotten blackguard of an artist, eh?

RIDGEON It's not an easy case to judge, is it? Blenkinsop's an honest decent man; but is he any use? Dubedat's a rotten blackguard; but he's a genuine source of pretty and pleasant and good things.

SIR PATRICK What will he be a source of for that poor innocent wife of his, when she finds him out?

RIDGEON Thats true. Her life will be a hell.

SIR PATRICK And tell me this. Suppose you had this choice put before you: either to go through life and find all the pictures bad but all the men and women good, or to go through life and find all the pictures good and all the men and women rotten. Which would you choose?

RIDGEON Thats a devilishly difficult question, Paddy. The pictures are so agreeable, and the good people so infernally disagreeable and mischievous, that I really cant undertake to say offhand which I should prefer to do without.

SIR PATRICK Come come! none of your cleverness with me: I'm too old for it. Blenkinsop isnt that sort of good man; and you know it.

RIDGEON It would be simpler if Blenkinsop could paint Dubedat's pictures.

SIR PATRICK It would be simpler still if Dubedat had some of Blenkinsop's honesty. The world isnt going to be made simple for you, my lad: you must take it as it is.Youve to hold the scales between Blenkinsop and Dubedat. Hold them fairly.

RIDGEON Well, I'll be as fair as I can . I'll put into one scale all the pounds Dubedat has borrowed, and into the other all the half-crowns that Blenkinsop hasnt borrowed.

SIR PATRICK And youll take out of Dubedat's scale all the faith he has destroyed and the honor he has lost, and youll put into Blenkinsop's scale all the faith he has justified and the honor he has created.

RIDGEON Come come, Paddy! none of your claptrap with me: I'm too sceptical for it. I'm not at all convinced that the world wouldnt be a better world if everybody behaved as Dubedat does than it is now that everybody behaves as Blenkinsop does.

SIR PATRICK Then why dont y o u behave as Dubedat does?

RIDGEON Ah, that beats me. Thats the experimental test. Still, it's a dilemma. It's a dilemma. You see theres a complication we havnt mentioned.

SIR PATRICK Whats that?

RIDGEON Well, if I let Blenkinsop die, at least nobody can say I did it because I wanted to marry his widow.

SIR PATRICK Eh? Whats that?

RIDGEON Now if I let Dubedat die, I'll marry his widow SIR PATRICK Perhaps she wont have you, you know.

RIDGEON [with a self-assured shake of the head] [with a self-assured shake of the head] I've a pretty good flair for that sort of thing. I know when a woman is interested in me. She is. I've a pretty good flair for that sort of thing. I know when a woman is interested in me. She is.

SIR PATRICK Well, sometimes a man knows best; and sometimes he knows worst. Youd much better cure them both.

RIDGEON I cant. I'm at my limit. I can squeeze in one more case, but not two. I must choose.

SIR PATRICK Well, you must choose as if she didnt exist: thats clear.

RIDGEON Is that clear to you? Mind: it's not clear to me. She troubles my judgment.

SIR PATRICK To me, it's a plain choice between a man and a lot of pictures.

RIDGEON It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

SIR PATRICK Colly: when you live in an age that runs to pictures and statues and plays and brass bands because its men and women are not good enough to comfort its poor aching soul, you should thank Providence that you belong to a profession which is a high and great profession because its business is to heal and mend men and women.

RIDGEON In short, as a member of a high and great profession, I'm to kill my patient.

SIR PATRICK Dont talk wicked nonsense. You cant kill him. But you can leave him in other hands.

RIDGEON In B. B.'s, for instance: eh? [looking at him significantly].

SIR PATRICK [demurely facing his [demurely facing his look] Sir Ralph Bloomfield Bonington is a very eminent physician. look] Sir Ralph Bloomfield Bonington is a very eminent physician.

RIDGEON He is.

SIR PATRICK I'm going for my hat.

RIDGEON strikes the bell as SIR PATRICK makes for the hotel. A waiter comes.

RIDGEON [to the waiter] [to the waiter] Myi bill, please. Myi bill, please.

WAITER Yes, sir.

He goes for it.

ACT III.

In Dubedat's studio. Viewed from the large window the outer door is in the wall on the left at the near end. The door leading to the inner rooms is in the opposite wall, at the far end. The facing wall has neither window nor door. The plaster on all the walls is uncovered and undecorated, except by scrawlings of charcoal sketches and memoranda. There is a studio throne (a chair on a dais) a little to the left, opposite the inner door, and an easel to the right, opposite the outer door, with a dilapidated chair at it. Near the easel and against the wall is a bare wooden table with bottles and jars of oil and medium, paint-smudged rags, tubes of color, brushes, charcoal, a small lay figure, fa fa a kettle and spirit-lamp, a kettle and spirit-lamp,fb and other odds and ends. By the table is a sofa, littered with drawing blocks, sketch-books, loose sheets of paper, newspapers, books, and more smudged rags. Next the outer door is an umbrella and hat stand, occupied partly by Louis' hats and cloak and muffler, and partly by odds and ends of costumes. There is an old piano stool on the near side of this door. In the corner near the inner door is a little tea-table. A lay figure, in a cardinal's robe and hat, with an hour-glass in one hand and a scythe slung on its back, smiles with inane malice at Louis, who, in a milkman's smock much smudged with colors, is painting a piece of brocade which he has draped about his and other odds and ends. By the table is a sofa, littered with drawing blocks, sketch-books, loose sheets of paper, newspapers, books, and more smudged rags. Next the outer door is an umbrella and hat stand, occupied partly by Louis' hats and cloak and muffler, and partly by odds and ends of costumes. There is an old piano stool on the near side of this door. In the corner near the inner door is a little tea-table. A lay figure, in a cardinal's robe and hat, with an hour-glass in one hand and a scythe slung on its back, smiles with inane malice at Louis, who, in a milkman's smock much smudged with colors, is painting a piece of brocade which he has draped about his wife. She is sitting on the throne, not interested in the painting, and appealing to him very anxiously about another matter. wife. She is sitting on the throne, not interested in the painting, and appealing to him very anxiously about another matter.

MRS DUBEDAT Promise.

LOUIS [putting on a touch of paint with notable skill and care and answering quite perfunctorily] [putting on a touch of paint with notable skill and care and answering quite perfunctorily] I promise, my darling. I promise, my darling.