I stared out at the blue-collar section of Greensboro and smiled. My envy of Kiki Sunshine was at rest. It wasn't until then that I was fully conscious of my jealousy, of that anger inside me that made no sense, yet it was there. I had the kind of anger, the uneasiness that came from wanting to control something that was within reach, yet out of my power.

I was jealous, and yet I had fantasized about Karl taking Kiki Sunshine in the woods.

I wanted to understand me inside of this moment.

Karl peeped back at Kiki Sunshine and said, "You said you were a big NASCAR fan?"

I could tell that, despite being with me, he was transfixed by her beauty. The way he looked at her face, if I wasn't here, they'd share the same madness, the kind that would make him cross the line.

Kiki Sunshine shifted again. "Might go up to Charlotte and hang out on Speed Street."

"I like watching the pit crew competitions."

"Yeah, me too."

Karl asked, "Jeff Gordon fan?"

Kiki Sunshine moved around a bit. "Not really. Grew up on Dale Earnhardt."

"Gordon is making the record books in a big way. More than Earnhardt."

"Jeff Gordon can double up on race records and never be half the driver Dale was."

If Karl had heard her in the woods, if he had any idea that Kiki Sunshine had seen us, it didn't show in his actions, he didn't reveal his knowledge either by body language or with his words.

I enjoyed the ride, enjoyed looking at Greensboro for the first time, everything within my sight new, and yet everything in my sight familiar. I smelled the air, its humidity touching my skin with the gentleness of a new lover, let the wind caress me as we rode.

Karl's cellular rang. He answered, started talking, went into his own world.

Behind me Kiki Sunshine was stirring, as if she was on fire, un-shielded from the heat of the sun. With a smile I turned around and looked at her, wanted to make eye contact, but her eyes were closed and she was biting down on her bottom lip. Kiki Sunshine's body language said she was riding the waves of our eroticism. I watched her. She was as beautiful as the mythical girl from Ipanema.

I asked, "You okay back there?"

Not until then did Kiki Sunshine open her eyes and look at me.

I stared at her the way men stared at me, nervous because my stare was being reciprocated.

Twenty minutes later we were back at Kiki Sunshine's apartment.

Kiki Sunshine offered us wine. I declined, just took a glass of water. She had left the air conditioner set on high. The apartment was filled with jazz. Smelled of good food. Lots of plants.

Kiki Sunshine said, "Y'all want some leftover fried chicken and okra? I have stuffed pork chops and corn on the cob. And I got some macaroni and cheese, potato salad, watermelon...plenty of food."

Karl and I thanked her for the offer, but declined.

She left the music playing and turned her television on, news she had TiVo'd this morning, left the television muted with captions on. The top story was about the locals struggling with the concept of the Koran being used to swear in a black woman at their court house. Old-school Southernites only wanted the King James version of the Bible used. ACLU and the Muslim woman had been denied the use of the Koran, that issue had been in court for years. Christians against Muslims, the things that unnecessary wars were made of.

Kiki Sunshine said, "Her being black and Muslim probably didn't help."

Karl said, "Says she won."

"State of Carolina is going to appeal it."

"Why?"

"Because she's Muslim. You know how they hate Muslims."

Karl nodded in agreement, then asked, "Where's your bathroom?"

Kiki Sunshine pointed down the hallway.

While Karl was gone, she looked me in my eyes, held that unreadable stare until she lost the gazing contest and looked down at first, then looked the other way. Our host moved to the other side of the living room, looking like she was on fire, stimulated, unable to turn the heat down.

Kiki Sunshine whispered, "Didn't know you and Karl were..."

I lowered my voice, matched her clandestine tone. "We just met."

"Did you?"

"Met him and...he was with his brother...I had a severe toothache that night."

"Karl's sexy butt looks like he has suicidal dick."

"What does that mean?"

"Suicidal dick. You know, the type of dick that makes you sacrifice yourself, makes you give up all your hopes and dreams, dick that makes you quit your hobbies because you wanna spend twenty-four-seven making his world better. That's what I call suicidal dick."

The bathroom door opened and our clandestine conversation ended.

Kiki Sunshine and Karl went to the dining room table, looked at some of the digital shots.

My mind was elsewhere, on my own desires.

On Karl. On Mark. On fantasies that concerned both men, fantasies unfulfilled.

But there was more to me than orgasm.

Much more.

Next week my concerns might evolve to the spiritual, or revert to financial trepidations, or my anxiety might switch to heath issues, but I couldn't predict that. All I knew was this week my hormones were high, I was almost as wild as Georgia wildfires, out of control, desire the beast that raged inside me.

I asked myself how important sex was. In the big picture, how much did it really matter? Sex marked the beginning of a romantic relationship. I didn't want mediocre sex. Or a mediocre marriage.

I was thirsty for the marvelous.

That reminded me of what Karl had said. Marriage was when a man stopped disappointing many women and focused on disappointing one. There was a lot of truth in that joke. Disappointment came when things that were spectacular ceased to be marvelous. Reality yielded boredom.

Here I sat in a room with two other people. A handsome man who had the sweet taste of my yoni in his mouth, on his breath as he held a meeting with a woman who was aching for intimacy so bad every nerve in her vagina was alive. She was beautiful beyond reason, had the kind of beauty that disrupted common sense.

Karl's cellular rang again. He stepped to the side to take the business call.

Kiki Sunshine eyed me once again. Her glance was tepid and damp. She licked her lips and my body temperature rose to that of the devil's home. A sensation ran through me. I glowed like a red light in Amsterdam. I turned away from the sight of her. Now she had taken control.

It was the same sensation I had experienced when I saw a shirtless runner hiking the steep part of Stone Mountain, coming for me. A sensation that doubled when I saw that runner came as a pair.

I took out my cellular, checked to see if I had missed any calls. I had missed a few. A couple of friends had called. One was from a blocked number. But there weren't any explicitly from the 901.

I sent my mother a text message, just a smiley face.

Karl told Kiki Sunshine, "I need to get to the room so I can get your disc together. Won't take long to burn a CD. Pick the shots you want enlarged. I'll FedEx those back to you in a day or two."

"What are you and your assistant doing the rest of the evening?"

She was looking at me, so I took that to mean she wanted the answer to come from me.

I said, "I'm going to go work out. Going to run a bit."

"Well, from your hotel back this way to Guilford College Road is probably a little more than a mile. Down and back would be over two miles."

"I need to run farther than that."

"No wonder your legs look so good."

Karl's cellular rang again. Again he answered, then stepped to the side.

Kiki Sunshine looked at me, her look both inviting and nervous.

I asked, "You getting out to night?"

"Might stay in and deal with this toothache."

"Dentist coming by?"

"Nah. I might have to improvise."

Karl hung up his cellular, then said he was ready to go.

I stood up, told Kiki Sunshine that it was nice meeting and working with her.

She shook Karl's hand, then she came toward me. I wanted to run away from her, run like that bitch had run from her aggressors at Stone Mountain. I extended my hand but she moved closer and hugged me, my breasts pressing into her, her breasts pressing into me.

When she was done she held both of my hands, her right hand sneaking a small card into my left. She kissed my cheek, again smiling, and then she walked us to the door.

What ever else was said I didn't hear, I couldn't hear, every sound becoming a low hum.

My heartbeat had deafened me.

I had to focus in order to make it down the stairs.

I hopped in the Jeep with Karl, but I wished I could walk it out.

Needed to walk with my thoughts.

Needed to spend three days in fast and prayer.

I looked down at the card in my hand, a business card that had the name Marie Adams on the front, which had to be Kiki Sunshine's real name, then I flipped it over, saw a message to me.

You're irresistible. I want to please you.

Those simple, straightforward words made my breathing halt, made me feel loose and wet. I owned a constellation of emotions. Those emotions had me terrified. Lust was sitting on me, as heavy as a three-hundred-pound lover, yet as light as a cloud. If only Karl could hear my heart beating fast.

I was shaking my head left to right, the movements so subtle, my legs crossed, squeezing them together, speechless, dehydrated and in the need of liquid desire.

I reached over to Karl. Put my hand on his thigh as he left the complex. The hotel was a two-minute drive away, right up Big Tree Way toward Wendover.

I touched him and his erection returned, strained against his pants. I rubbed that hardness, my fingers tracing its length as his Jeep crawled down the two-lane road.

You're irresistible. I want to please you.

Kiki Sunshine remained with me. Her nakedness. Her daring.

Her smell lingered inside my nostrils.

You're irresistible.

My skin tingled where she had touched me.

I want to please you.

Her voice had become a song that refused to leave my head. I had to run.

You're irresistible. I want to please you.

I had to outrun this wildfire before it consumed me.

EIGHTEEN.

Naked.

Karl and I showered. Kissed and touched, then ended the shower by switching the hot water to cold, letting that calm my sexual tension. Cold water on my desires created cumulus clouds.