'Good,' I said. 'Hopefully we'll see him again when we visit you.'

Jade texted a reply.

The second text was from Meryl, the teacher from Jade's school who'd taken an interest in Jade. I hadn't see Meryl since Jade had first arrived, although I knew she phoned and texted Jade. Jade read out her message: 'Good luck, Jade. I know you can do this. I'll visit you and Courtney.' I was pleased Meryl was going to keep in touch with Jade, for having come through her own problems as a teenager Meryl was a fine example of what could be achieved.

I hadn't had time to buy Jade a leaving card or present as I usually did when a child I'd been fostering left, so I gave her some money and told her to buy something for her and Courtney.

'Thanks, Cathy,' she said. 'That's really nice of you. You've all been so good to me. I'm sorry I was such a pain in the a.r.s.e.'

Paula giggled at the word a.r.s.e and Adrian smiled.

'You weren't a pain,' I said. 'Well, maybe a little,' I added with a smile.

When the doorbell rang shortly after five o'clock Jade answered it. As antic.i.p.ated, it was Rachel. 'All ready?' she asked.

'Yes,' I said, going into the hall. 'Would you like a tea or coffee first?'

'No. I'd like to get going. Thanks anyway.'

Adrian, Rachel and I then loaded Rachel's car while Jade and Paula looked after Courtney. It was a lovely summer's evening, still warm and bright, with the birds singing and children playing outside. Once all Jade's and Courtney's belongings were in the car Adrian not one for emotional farewells said a quick goodbye and went up to his room. Then Paula and I hugged and kissed Jade and Courtney, and by the time we'd finished we were all dewy eyed.

'Well, thanks for everything,' Rachel said as we walked with them to the car. 'I expect I'll see you again sometime.'

'Yes,' I said.

Paula and I stood on the pavement as Jade strapped Courtney into her car seat in the rear of Rachel's car. Then Jade straightened and hugged and kissed us goodbye again. She climbed into the car beside her daughter and closed the door. As Rachel started the engine and the car pulled away, Paula slid her hand into mine and I gave it a rea.s.suring squeeze. Jade turned and waved through the back window; then we all waved until they were out of sight.

It was a strange parting and not like the ones of the children we usually fostered. In their cases the court had made its decision and the children were either going home or to an adoptive family, their stories having a happy ending. But Jade's and Courtney's fate still hung in the balance; their long-term future together undecided. As Paula and I turned and began walking silently up the garden path I hoped and prayed that Jade and Courtney's story would eventually also have a happy ending, but that would be up to Jade.

Chapter Twenty-Two.

Last Chance

Usually when a child leaves a foster carer, the social worker and the permanency team decide what, if any, contact the foster carer can have with the child. This is based on what they consider to be in the best interest of the child and can range from no contact (the reminder of the foster family could be unsettling for the child) to regular contact (a child can never have too much love). Att.i.tudes towards post-permanency contact vary from one social services to another, but whatever the decision, as a foster carer I have to abide by it, whether I believe it is the right decision or not. However, because Jade was a teenager and deemed capable of making her own decisions it was her choice how much contact if any she had with me.

When I switched on my mobile at 7.00 the morning after she'd left us a text message from her came through: Wz up aL nyt w C. Which to my bleary eyes made no sense at all until I translated it as: Was up all night with Courtney.

I texted back: Hi, love. Good 2 hear from u. C will b unsettled for a few nights strange room etc. She'll b ok soon.

I hOp so, Jade texted back. Miss u x.x.x.

For the rest of the week I received regular text messages from Jade, upwards of five a day, most of which were worryingly negative: d nu routine iz straNg = The new routine is strange.

d othR girls don't spk 2 me = The other girls don't speak to me.

som of d staff R horrid = Some of the staff are horrid. Which I guessed was because Jade was having to obey the rules and do as she was told.

I replied positively to all Jade's messages. Then on Thursday morning she texted: I wsh I cld hav stayed w U x.x.xx. Followed almost immediately with: cn U vzit DIS weekend? = Can you visit this weekend?

I couldn't visit Jade that weekend at such short notice, as Adrian and Paula had activities arranged for Sat.u.r.day and we were going to see my parents on Sunday. So I texted back explaining this and saying that I could visit her with the children the following weekend or by myself during the week. Jade replied immediately: Monday? To which I returned Yes. I'll be there about 11am. I hoped her urgency in wanting to see me wasn't an indicator of bad news.

Following correct procedure, the next time Jill telephoned I told her I was going to visit Jade and Courtney on Monday, and she said she would inform Rachel, which was normal practice. I also told Adrian and Paula that I was going and that they could come with me when I saw Jade at a weekend or during the school holidays. Paula was disappointed that she had school and couldn't come with me on Monday, while Adrian shrugged and said, 'No worries. I'm not really interested in babies.' I didn't have a new foster child that first weekend after Jade and Courtney had gone, so I made the most of my time with Adrian and Paula and gave them lots of one-to-one attention, which was always very limited when I was fostering, and we had a nice weekend.

On Monday morning, having taken Paula to school, I returned home for a quick coffee and set off in the car to Gra.s.slands. On the pa.s.senger seat beside me were my route instructions and a carrier bag of shopping for Jade. One of her last text messages had asked if I could bring her a 'few things': ginger cake, chocolate biscuits, bag of a.s.sorted crisps, lemonade and a brown mascara. I guessed her new budget meant there wasn't much left over for non-essential items. I'd bought everything on her list, together with some essential items that would be useful: nappies, nappy wipes, toothpaste, tissues and toilet paper. I was looking forward to seeing Jade and Courtney again, although of course it was barely a week since they'd left.

Following the instructions, I found Gra.s.slands easily. It was the only building at the end of the B road, a small block of brick-built flats three storeys high. It was surrounded by gra.s.s meadows, from which I a.s.sumed it had taken its name. I parked in one of the visitors' bays at the rear of the building, picked up the carrier bag and climbed out. It was another beautiful summer's day and out of town the air smelt fresher and sweeter. As I crossed the car park and headed towards the main entrance at the front of the building, I could see a fenced garden at the rear of the flats with a neatly cut lawn and a play area for children. Two young mothers were sitting on the gra.s.s with their prams beside them. They glanced up as I crossed the car park and then resumed chatting. Gra.s.slands was situated in a lovely part of the country and I thought that the girls who lived here were very lucky to be given this chance. One of Jade's gripes in her text messages had been that Gra.s.slands was in the middle of nowhere. In fact it was about a mile from the nearest village and there was a bus stop right outside the building.

Jade had already texted me that there was a security lock on the front door of the block of flats and that when I arrived I had to key in the number of her flat twelve. I did this and almost immediately her voice came through the intercom: 'Is that you, Cathy?' So that I thought she must have been watching out for me.

'Yes. h.e.l.lo, love.'

'Come up. I can't come down because Courtney's asleep and we're not allowed to leave our babies alone.' Sensible rule, I thought.

The lock released, the door opened and I went inside. To my right on a low desk was a signing-in book with a notice asking all residents and visitors to sign in and out. Using the pen provided I printed and then signed my name, together with the time and date of my arrival. I glanced around the reception area. There was a noticeboard for residents, announcing meetings and get-togethers and reminding them to be quiet when entering and leaving the building, a couple of armchairs and a large potted fern in one corner. I couldn't see anyone and the building was quiet, save for the distant crying of a baby. Double doors left and right opened into corridors and a printed sign on the wall in front showed that flats 15 were left and the staff area was right. Jade was on the second floor. In front of me was the lift with a staircase to one side and I decided to take the stairs.

A lady appeared through the doors from the staff area. 'Can I help you?' she asked with a cheerful smile.

'I've come to see Jade in flat twelve,' I said. 'She knows I'm here.'

'That's fine.' She smiled and disappeared back through the double doors.

The stairs, like the reception area, were light, spotlessly clean and painted a neutral magnolia colour. At the top of the first flight of stairs was a sign on the wall showing that flats 610 were left and 1115 were right. I turned right and saw Jade standing by her open front door.

'h.e.l.lo, love,' I said, going over and giving her a big hug. 'You look very well.'

'Thanks. I don't feel it,' she said despondently with a shrug. Then, turning, she led the way into her flat.

I followed her in. 'This is lovely,' I said, closing the front door behind me.

We were now in a small entrance hall, painted the same neutral colour as the corridor. Three partially open doors led off the hall.

'I can't wait to have a look around,' I said enthusiastically.

'There isn't much to see,' Jade said in the same flat voice, pushing open the first door.

I took a step into the bedroom. It was small but had everything she needed: a single bed, where Jade's soft toys sat on the pillow, a built-in wardrobe, a chest of drawers and a cot in a recess, where Courtney now slept.

'How lovely,' I said quietly and, not wanting to wake Courtney, I stepped out again.

'That's the bathroom,' Jade said equally despondently, pushing open the second door.

I put my head round. 'Very nice,' I said. Again it was compact but had a bath with a shower attachment, hand basin and toilet, all in white.

I then followed Jade into the lounge-c.u.m-dining room, the one main room. It was carpeted, painted a light beige and furnished with a sofa, wall unit, small dining table and two chairs. It even had a small wall-mounted television.

'How wonderful,' I enthused. 'And the kitchen is through there?' For I could see what looked like a kitchenette through the open door at the end of the lounge.

'Yeah,' Jade said, with as much enthusiasm as a wet lettuce leaf, and led the way into the kitchen.

'Very nice,' I said. Although the kitchen was compact, the layout had made the best use of all the available s.p.a.ce and contained a built-in oven, microwave, fridge-freezer and storage cupboards, with a hob mounted on the work surface. 'Where do you do your washing?' I asked, for I noticed there was no washing machine.

'Downstairs, in the laundry room,' Jade said, pulling a face. 'I've only used it once.'

'It's a lovely flat with everything you need,' I said, staying positive. 'Oh yes, and here's the shopping you wanted.' I pa.s.sed her the carrier bag.

'Thanks,' she said. As she peered in her expression lost its lethargy and for the first time since I'd arrived she smiled. 'Great!' she said, her hand diving into the bag. 'Chocolate biscuits! Thanks, Cathy.'

'You're welcome. They're your favourite ones.'

She dumped the bag on the floor and tearing off the top of the packet began eating the biscuits, one after another.

'Have you had breakfast?' I asked.

'Sort of.' She poured herself a gla.s.s of water to wash down the biscuits. 'Do you want a drink?' she asked. 'I haven't got tea or coffee, only water or squash.'

'No, I'm fine, thank you,' I said. 'Shall we go through to the lounge and have a chat while Courtney is asleep?'

'Yeah, sure,' Jade said, peeling off another couple of biscuits to take with her.

In the lounge I moved some discarded baby clothes from the sofa so that we could sit down. I thought the whole flat could do with a tidy-up but I didn't say so; I was here to visit Jade, not criticize her.

'You seem to be doing well, love,' I said positively, as we sat on the sofa.

Jade shrugged and then, finishing the biscuits, began complaining about Gra.s.slands, much of which she'd already said in her text messages of the previous week. The first complaint was about the staff: 'They watch me the whole time. I feel like I'm being spied on. They tell me what to do and they can come into our rooms even if we're not here.'

'They're only doing their jobs,' I said. 'Rachel explained to you before you came here that the staff would monitor you as well as help you.'

Jade shrugged and continued with the next complaint, which was that Gra.s.slands was in a remote spot, miles from anywhere. 'It's a dump,' she said. 'What am I supposed to do here all day? I can't see me old friends because they might get me into trouble, but the girls here are stuck up. So I haven't got any friends.' The complaints continued and I listened as Jade grumbled and got them off her chest. They weren't allowed to put up posters in their rooms in case it damaged the walls. 'How sad was that?' she said. And her mother could only visit every other weekend because of the lengthy bus journey. I replied to all her complaints positively and constructively and explained the reason for the situation that had given rise to her complaint, or made a suggestion as to how Jade could improve things.

Jade finished with: 'And Rachel's coming on Thursday! She's got a meeting here with the staff and I've got to go.' She pulled a face, folded her arms and flopped back on the sofa.

'The meeting is nothing to worry about,' I rea.s.sured her. 'Social workers have lots of meetings. And of course you want to be included: the meeting is about you and Courtney. You wouldn't be very happy if you thought they were talking about you without you being there, would you?' But I could see Jade was unconvinced, just as she had been by all my other positive suggestions that could help her settle more easily at Gra.s.slands. 'Has Tyler been to see you?' I asked.

'Yeah, but he had to leave by seven o'clock. It's not fair. I wish I was still with you, Cathy.' Her face clouded and she looked close to tears.

'Oh, love,' I said, putting my arm around her shoulders and giving her a hug. 'It's bound to be strange here at first. You've only been here a week. You've got to give yourself time. Try talking to the other girls. I expect many of them feel the same as you do. You could suggest going out with your babies, or just go and sit in the garden on a nice day.'

Jade gave a nod but it was half-hearted and uncommitted, and I was concerned. Her negative att.i.tude meant that she wasn't putting the effort needed into settling at Gra.s.slands and making it work. And of course if it didn't work there was no alternative. I continued in the same positive vein, rea.s.suring her that she would be fine if she gave herself time and made a big effort.

Then Courtney woke and Jade immediately stood and went into the bedroom, returning in a few moments with Courtney in her arms. As soon as Courtney saw me she grinned and gurgled.

'She remembers you,' Jade said, setting her in my lap.

'She does.'

I kissed and cuddled her and smelt that delicious baby smell. I'd missed her more than I'd cared to admit. 'She's grown,' I said as she smiled and tried to grab my hair. She was a gorgeous baby and it saddened me that Jade didn't appear to be making the effort that was needed to remain at Gra.s.slands.

'You're going to have to make a big effort,' I said more firmly. 'You need to do all you can to make this work. Remember how you felt a week ago when you thought you were going to lose Courtney? It could still happen.' I thought that Jade might have grown complacent now the immediate danger of losing Courtney had pa.s.sed.

'I know,' Jade said, lethargically. 'I just wish I hadn't b.a.l.l.sed it up at your place. Then I could have stayed with you and the kids. I feel so alone here. Will you visit me every day?'

I took Jade's hand in mine as Courtney gurgled and grinned at me. 'I'll visit you as often as I can, love,' I said. 'But it won't be every day. I'll be fostering another child before long and really it's up to you to make this work. I can stay in contact, but there's a limit to what I or anyone else can do. You have a lovely daughter. Do whatever it takes to keep her, for both your sakes.'

I stayed while Jade gave Courtney her lunch and then I said I had to go to collect Paula from school. I needed to make sure I allowed enough time for any delay I might meet on the road. It was difficult leaving and I could see Jade would have liked me to have stayed longer. I hugged and kissed them both and said I'd definitely visit again the following week, if not before. I said I'd phone during the week and of course Jade could text or phone whenever she wanted to. Apart from my own commitments I knew I should be careful and limit my involvement with Jade, as she was being a.s.sessed to see if she could cope with parenting Courtney alone; my being there too often wouldn't count in her favour.

'Say hi to the kids and your parents,' Jade said, as she came with me to the door with Courtney in her arms.

'I will, love. Take care and look after yourself.'

Jade smiled. 'I'll try. Will you bring me another bag of goodies next time you come?'

'Yes, of course, love. Text me with what you want.'

We hugged and kissed goodbye again and then Jade stood in the corridor just outside her flat, holding Courtney, while I walked to the top of the stairs. I turned and waved before I began down the stairs and they both waved back, Courtney happy and smiling and Jade looking sad and alone. I knew their future together was far from certain and I wished I could have done more to help.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Broken Rules and Promises

That evening I told Adrian and Paula that Jade and Courtney were well and that Jade sent her love. I'd decided on the drive home that I wouldn't take them to visit until the outcome for Jade and Courtney looked more positive. Bad enough if Jade and Courtney were eventually separated but if Paula and Adrian maintained a close bond with them, they would feel their separation even more acutely.

Jill phoned the following day and among other things asked how my visit to see Jade and Courtney had gone. I said I thought it would take Jade a while to settle into Gra.s.slands but she was coping. As I had thought she would, Jill said she would pa.s.s this on to Rachel, although my role as Jade's foster carer was finished. And because I was no longer Jade's carer I wouldn't receive any feedback from Rachel (or Jill) on her progress. In line with normal practice I'd sent my fostering notes (in respect of Jade and Courtney) to Rachel to place on file at the social services. As there was no requirement now for me to keep any formal record of my visits to Jade, now she'd left, I just made a note in my diary that I'd visited her. Jill phoned again the following morning in respect of a child the local authority were about to bring into care, and by the evening I was fostering another child, who fortunately attended school, which meant I would still be able to visit Jade as planned on a weekday.

I was very busy with the new child that week and I also had to attend a day's foster-carer training, so I didn't manage to visit Jade for a second time that week, but I went as promised the following Monday.