MRS. SLADDER[3]: O, the mice have died, John. The mice have died. O, Ermyntrude's poor mice! And father's great idea! Whatever shall we do?

SLADDER: Er? (_Almost a groan_) Eh? Died have they?

[SLADDER _ages in his chair. You would say he was beaten. Suddenly he tautens up his muscles and stands up straight with shoulders back and clenched hands._

So they would beat Sladder, would they? They would beat Sladder. No, that has yet to be done. We'll go on, Splurge. The public shall eat Cheezo. It's a bit strong perhaps. We'll tone it down with bad nuts that they use for the other cheeses. We'll advertise it, and they'll eat it.

See to it, Splurge. They don't beat Sladder.

MRS. SLADDER: O, I'm so glad. I'm so glad, John.

HIPPANTHIGH (_suddenly with clear emphasis_): I THINK I _DO_ BELIEVE IN ETERNAL PUNISHMENT.

SLADDER: Ah. At last. Well, Ermyntrude, is your cruel old parent's blessing any use to you?

[_He places one hand on her shoulder and one on_ HIPPANTHIGH'S.

MRS. SLADDER: Why, Ermyntrude! Well, I never! And to think of all this happening in one day!

[HIPPANTHIGH _is completely beaten._ ERMYNTRUDE _is smiling at him. He puts an arm round her shoulder in dead silence._

CURTAIN.

A GOOD BARGAIN

_DRAMATIS PERSONae_

BROTHER ANTONINUS.

BROTHER LUCULLUS SEVERUS.

BROTHER GREGORIUS PEDRO.

SATAN.

SMOGGS.

SCENE

_A Crypt of a Monastery._ BROTHER GREGORIUS PEDRO _is seated on a stone bench reading. Behind him is a window._

_Enter_ BROTHER LUCULLUS SEVERUS.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: Brother, we may doubt no longer.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Well?

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: It is certain. Certain.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: I too had thought so.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: It is clear now, clear as ... It is certain.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Well, why not? After all, why not?

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: You mean...?

GREGORIUS PEDRO: 'Tis but a miracle.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: Yes, but ...

GREGORIUS PEDRO: But you did not think to see one?

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: No, no, not that; but Brother Antoninus ...

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Well, why not he? He is holy as any, fasts as often as any, wears coa.r.s.er clothing than most of us, and once scourged a woman because she looked at our youngest--scourged her right willingly.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: Yet, Brother Antoninus!

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Yet, why not?

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: We knew him, somehow. One does not know the blessed saints of heaven.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: No, no indeed. I never thought to see such a thing on earth; and now, now ... you say it is certain?

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: Certain.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Ah, well. It seemed like it, it seemed like it for some days. At first I thought I had looked too long through our eastern window, I thought it was the sun that had dazzled my eyes; and then, then it was clearly something else.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: It is certain now.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Ah, well.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS (_sitting beside him, sighs_): I grudge him nothing.

GREGORIUS PEDRO (_a little heavily_): No, nor I.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: You are sad, brother.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: No, not sad.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: Ah, but I see it.

GREGORIUS PEDRO: Ah, well.

LUCULLUS SEVERUS: What grieves you, brother?

GREGORIUS PEDRO: (_Sighs_) We shall water the roses no more, he and I.