I didn't respond, for that was not news to me. All those women at the gambling houses in Hong Kong and Macao, they weren't just playing cards with Father, were they?

Mother swallowed her egg tart. "So I also cheated on him."

I almost spilled my tea and fell off the sofa. "Ma, do you know what you're talking about?"

"Of course." She paused, then said, "You remember your little brother?"

"Of course."

"He's...only your half brother."

"What?!"

"His real father is a gweilo gweilo." Foreign devil. Barbarian.

"A gweilo? gweilo? Ma, how could you! What are you talking about?" Now I felt myself not only plunge down a deep valley, but dash into pieces at the bottom, my brain spilled all over. Ma, how could you! What are you talking about?" Now I felt myself not only plunge down a deep valley, but dash into pieces at the bottom, my brain spilled all over.

"Calm down, Meng Ning," Mother said. "Why not? Aren't you now marrying a gweilo gweilo yourself?" yourself?"

I was speechless.

She made a face. "Don't panic, Meng Ning, it was nothing serious; just...one night...no, two...hmm...actually, maybe it was three-nights stand."

"Ma, are you sure you know what you're talking about?" My voice remained in the high register.

"Why does a daughter always sound so suspicious when her mother is telling her the truth?"

"Then tell me, who is this gweilo gweilo-an American?"

"Yes. He was an amba.s.sador in the American Consulate-"

"An amba.s.sador? Oh no, not possible!"

"If my daughter can charm a doctor, how come her mother's not good enough to attract an amba.s.sador?"

"Ma..." My voice now sounded defeated. "All right, how did you meet?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. Can you just let me finish in peace?"

Mother sipped more tea, popped several shrimp chips into her mouth, and chewed noisily. "It was the year of the dog, when we lived in Wanchai. One late afternoon I went to the market to shop for food. Besides some meat and vegetables, I also bought two live chicks. I wanted to raise them to cook for the Chinese New Year, which was coming in three months. You know, it's much cheaper that way than if you buy them during the New Year. Your father, as usual, was not at home, probably in Macao gambling his a.s.s off. I was walking along the pier and thinking about his gambling until I started to cry. d.a.m.n the year of the dog that made me work like a dog. I kept cursing and spitting into the angry waves below the pier. Since I was not paying attention, I b.u.mped into a lamppost and fell. The vegetables and meat spilled all over the ground and all the chicks ran loose. I was busy getting up and then trying to catch them. Several Chinese gathered to watch, but no one helped. Then this gweilo gweilo-by the way, his name is Jim Si-"

"You mean James? James what?"

"How am I supposed to remember? It's been such a long time. Anyway, no Chinese can p.r.o.nounce that last name, it's too crazy. And anyway, Jim Si put down his expensive-looking briefcase and helped me up; then in his expensive-looking suit he chased after the chicks and finally got them back for me, then...then-"

"Then what?"

"Then you know what." Mother's eyes suddenly went blank.

"You mean you did that thing that thing with him, just like that? But where could it have happened?" with him, just like that? But where could it have happened?"

"In our apartment-where else could it have been?" Mother looked me in the eyes for moments without blinking. "It's just a few blocks from the market-"

"That...quickly? Ma, you hardly knew him!" I was yelling again.

Mother ignored my shock and went on, her expression turning tender. "Jim Si deeply moved my heart. He acted so gentlemanly, helping up a poor woman and chasing around for those filthy, fifty-cent chicks in his expensive suit in front of the Chinese onlookers. Since I couldn't afford to buy him a gift to show my grat.i.tude, I thought I could at least offer him a cup of tea to show my appreciation. That was why I invited him to our house, not only for a cup of tea, but also to wash his hands and clean his clothes. After that, he came for one more cup of tea, and I went to his office for a cup of coffee and that was that."

"You mean you went to the American Consulate in Garden Road in Central?!"

Mother proudly nodded. "Very cla.s.sy office, clean, painted all white with lots of sun and air and plants."

"And where did you..." I felt too embarra.s.sed to finish my sentence.

So Mother finished it for me. "Meng Ning, silly girl, you're a painter, right? So you must know there're different angles to paint an object. So, by the same logic...there's also more than one way to-" She gulped down her tea and made a face. "To do you-know-what."

"Then what happened to him after that?"

"He said the consulate had to transfer him back to America. But of course he lied, for I saw him twice, by accident, several months after, with other women. When I tried to accost him, he pretended not to recognize me."

"I'm sorry...Where was I when all this happened?"

"At school, where do you think you'd be? You went to afternoon school, remember? It was cheaper."

"So he's...little brother's father?"

Mother shrugged.

"Ma! What do you mean? Yes or no?"

Mother nodded.

"Did you tell him that?"

"No chance. I tried to, but never made it. The guard by the consulate's entrance never let me in."

"Did Baba know about this?"

"I don't know-maybe yes, maybe no. Of course I didn't have the chance to tell him either."

"But couldn't he tell the baby was Eurasian?"

"Possibly, but not necessarily. Your little brother was only three days old when he died. How can one tell with a three-day-old?"

I suspected that Father had known, at least sort of. Otherwise how could he have taken little brother's death so lightly? I'd never considered that little brother's death, instead of a punishment for her love with Father, as I'd always guessed, was in fact the karma for her love with a gweilo gweilo.

Mother sighed. "Hai! "Hai! Meng Ning, you understand now why your marrying a Meng Ning, you understand now why your marrying a gweilo gweilo worries me?" worries me?"

I didn't respond. A meditative silence, then she asked, tentatively, "Meng Ning, do you...despise your mother now?"

In fact, I didn't, not at all. Strangely enough, after I'd learned the secret, I even felt happy for Mother. Now at least her life didn't seem that miserable after all. She'd had some fun. Besides, I also admired her. This took courage, didn't it? Especially when it happened almost twenty years ago when Hong Kong people were very closed-minded and any contact with gweilo gweilos was considered wicked.

I patted her hand. "Ma, I'm sorry..."

To my utter surprise, Mother said, looking almost cheerful, "But I'm not."

"Because you loved this James?"

"No, because...I had a good time."

Another silence, then I said, "Ma, I've always thought Baba was your first and only love."

Again, she surprised me. "He still is. Jim Si was only a small American adventure."

I put my arm around her. "You know what? When I said sorry, actually I didn't mean it. In fact, I feel happy for you. And..."

Just then I remembered something. I dashed into the bedroom, s.n.a.t.c.hed out the jade bracelet from my handbag, then hurried back to Mother.

"Ma, I hope this will make you more happy." I felt choked with emotion as I handed her the bracelet.

"Meng Ning, where did you get it?" Mother scrutinized the jade, looking both surprised and pleased.

I told her it was a gift from Michael.

Mother caressed it with her plump, callused hands.

"What do you think? You like it?"

"It's a decent piece. But I think Grandma's one was better, greener and more translucent."

"Ma, try it on."

"But it's yours."

"No, it's too loose for me. So it's now for you."

But the bracelet refused to slip onto her wrist-it was too small.

Simultaneously we sighed.

"I'm sorry," I said, now feeling completely drained.

Mother looked at me affectionately. "Meng Ning, you're such a lucky girl. This Mic Ko, you'd better be nice to him and treasure him as Grandma treasured her jade bracelet."

"You're not worried anymore?"

"Ah, Meng Ning, silly girl. Look at all this Mic Ko has done for you, even before you're married to him. Grandma was right, she could see that you'd fall in love with a nice man, marry, have many children and a good life." The corners of her lips curled into a mischievous smile. "Besides, you've been worrying about money and haven't found a job yet, and Hong Kong will soon go back to China, so it's good that this Mic Ko comes along now, not to mention he'll give you free medical care!"

"Ma, you think I'm marrying Michael because of this?"

"Maybe, maybe not. But it's still a bonus that he's an American and a doctor, don't you think?" Then she added, widening her eyes, "But, still, be careful. This Mic Ko is still a gweilo gweilo after all!" after all!"

We laughed.

"Meng Ning, about the bracelet. Why don't you donate it to that pretty nun who always appears on television?"

"You mean Yi Kong?"

"Whatever you call her."

"But I thought you didn't like her."

"Ah, silly girl. I disliked her because I feared you'd follow her to be a nun." Mother made a face. "In fact, I like her now; she's so pretty and gave you so much help. So I think we should pay her back by donating this to her temple. Besides, we can also acc.u.mulate more merit-"

"But, Ma...How do you know that she helped me?"

"Ah, you think your mother's a stupid old woman, eh? Of course I knew, I just didn't want to embarra.s.s you. How could you have had the money to pay for your father's funeral, and pay back the debt to the Big Ear Hole? Of course I know. I always do." Mother winked. "Like your grandma, I have a third eye."

39.

Ten Thousand Miles of Red Dust.

Two days later, I rode the train to Golden Lotus Temple, pa.s.sing the sights that had become familiar to me since my teens. But this time I was seeing Yi Kong to announce my wedding. How would she react-angry? worried? detached? Would she agree to conduct a Buddhist wedding for me? I also had determined to donate my jade bracelet to the nunnery, for this was to acc.u.mulate merit for Michael, Mother, and me.

I had called Golden Lotus Temple and asked for Enlightened to Emptiness. After I'd told her my wish to visit Yi Kong, she said, "You've got perfect timing, Miss Du." Her voice sent waves of vibration to me from the other end of the line. "For Yi Kong Shifu has just returned from Suzhou this morning."

Before I had a chance to ask what the purpose of the trip was, the novice's enthusiasm again swelled in my ear. "This time Shifu has brought back several architects to build an imitation Suzhou rock garden for our temple."

But wasn't the nunnery in financial difficulty after its benefactor had disappeared? I thought, but stopped myself from asking. I thought, but stopped myself from asking.

Yi Kong was already waiting for me when I entered her office.

"h.e.l.lo, Meng Ning," she said, looking up at me. Her face beamed, her hands ch.o.r.eographing several tiny antique Buddha figures on her desk. "Please sit down."

I sat down in front of her large wooden desk. Amidst her curios were set a teapot and two cups; rose petals floated on the steaming amber liquid. The aroma reached into my nostrils, then seemed to travel down my esophagus and deep into my chest. Beside the tea set was a ceramic plate with nuts piled into a small mountain.

Yi Kong said, "Let's have tea." As we sipped our tea and nibbled on the nuts, I started to give an initial report of my work at Anyue, then our conversation drifted around her work, her art collection, and her recent trip to China.

I'd been expecting her, as usual, to lecture me on the illusion of human pa.s.sion and the delusion of human love. But, to my surprise, after we'd finished our second round of tea, she spoke not a single word related to these. Just when I was wondering if maybe this was the right moment to bring up my marriage, she flashed a lighthearted smile. And, instead of posing her usual question, When are you coming to play with us? When are you coming to play with us? she said, "You look good, Meng Ning. When are you getting married?" she said, "You look good, Meng Ning. When are you getting married?"

This took me by surprise. Perhaps she'd acquired psychic powers from her nearly thirty years of meditation and was able to tell that I'd come to announce my marriage. Or, was I'm getting married! I'm getting married! printed on my face like a poster? printed on my face like a poster?