"Get. Out." Phil's voice shook with fury.

Holy shit, I just might faint, I thought.

I had never fainted before in my life, so I really had no clue as to what it felt like. I had a feeling I was close to finding out though.

Neither Alys nor Lili moved.

"Get! Out!" he roared.

Alys looked at me, and I could see that she loved me, that she was sorry, but she was leaving me to face the consequences of my actions-as she should.

"Okay," I whispered. "I'll be okay."

Her big hazel eyes swung to Phil, and they narrowed in warning. "If you hurt her, I will kill you myself," she told him. Then, she squared her shoulders and glared at him the whole walk out the door.

Lili gasped in outrage that Alys had abandoned the cause.

"And you," snarled Phil, pointing at her. "You fuckin' bird-flippin' Pygmy, out."

"Haven't you hurt her enough already?" challenged Lili.

He simply walked up to her and lifted her from under her armpits. He kept her at arm's length, so she couldn't kick or punch him, and then he deposited her outside the door before softly shutting and locking it.

Phil slowly turned around. His face, his stance, everything about him in this very moment radiated rage and pain. "You left me."

I closed my eyes in my shame, unable to look at him while he'd been eyeing me as though he hated me. I deserved that look. I knew that, but damn, that didn't make it an easy pill to swallow.

"Yes." My voice was barely audible.

"Why?" he demanded.

My eyes still closed, I cleared my throat. "Because-"

"You fuckin' look at me when you speak to me!" he screamed.

My eyes snapped open. Doesn't he know that it's killing me inside, seeing him loathe me like this?

Of course he didn't. And he didn't know just how much I regretted what I had done or just how much I was starting to hate myself, the weak sort of person I was beginning to understand that I truly was. I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't acknowledge it just yet.

Taking a deep breath, I did my utmost to keep my voice calm. "I left because I thought I would be sick. I was so hurt and so angry with you. I did the only thing I could think of, and I fucking ran," I choked, feeling that shame in me drowning my soul. "I ran before I ended up doing something stupid," I finished lamely.

"You did do something stupid! You...I never took you for a coward, Kenna," he hissed. "But you deliberately left me while I was screaming your name and running after you! You ignored that!"

Coward. The word described me to a tee. It was the term I was too cowardly to coin myself with. But Phil, my beloved, had called me out on it. I had to own it.

"Yes. Yes, I did."

The tic in his jaw was moving madly. "You bitch!"

It felt like he had just punched me in the chest, and in more of a knee-jerk reaction, I slapped him-hard. His head snapped to the side, and his eyes went wide with shock.

My stinging hand came up to cover my mouth, which was gaping wide in a surprised O with my own shock over what I had just done. "Oh no! I-I'm s-sorry! I didn't-"

He turned his face back to mine. "Shut up."

"Phil-" I whimpered. Fucking, fucking coward!

"Shut the fuck up!" he shouted. "You..." He swelled up with his intake of breath. "You told me," he said in a voice that was icy, "that our previous sex lives were nothing for either of us to be jealous about."

"That's true," I confirmed, my voice small and meaningless.

Next to Phil, I was nothing-not just my voice, but also my pathetic presence.

He never would have left me like I had left him tonight.

Wow, I am the lowest, meanest, most unworthy recipient of this man's affection.

"But this-" he snarled, seemingly too pissed to articulate more than that.

Phil's hand whipped out and grabbed my face. His palm was under my chin, his thumb and fingers biting into my cheeks. It wasn't painful, not bruising in any way, but it certainly snagged my attention. He closed the distance between us until the wall of heat from his body slammed into mine.

"I've fucked more than my fair share of sluts, Kenna," he told me in the cruelest voice I'd ever heard. "I've been sucked off by more skanks than I could possibly count."

His gaze blasted into mine, and to my horror, this...was totally turning me on.

His body heat scorched me, and the fact that he was touching me at all filled me with relief and desire. I could smell him-his rage, his own fear-and suddenly, I was on fire to feel all of him.

I needed him to reassure me that he was still mine, that he still claimed me as his.

Whoever is listening, I swear, I will never, ever take his affection for granted again! Please, please just give me another chance! I won't fuck up again, I promise.

His head dipped, and his mouth cruelly crushed down on my own.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The fear I'd created within me from my own emotional response to him was nothing compared to the fear of losing him. I had been terrified that I'd never feel his kiss, his hands, his warmth again.

I didn't deserve him at all-not his blind devotion, his commitment, his loyalty. What of these things had I shown him?

Pulling back, his mouth hovering just above mine, he said in a lethal tone, "It was the thought of you that ever got me hard in the first place."

After shoving me back by my face, he then spun me around and threw me facedown onto the bed. His hands grabbed my shorts and underwear, and he tore them the fuck off.

Oh, hells yes! Fucking angry sex!

"Tell me, Kenna..."

Damn, that voice!

"What is it that really pisses you off about that night?"

The bed beneath my knees sagged under his weight, and using his knees, he forced my legs slightly apart.

"Is it the fact that I fucked some nameless, faceless cunt?"

I heard the clink, clink of him releasing his belt buckle and the whisper of his pants sliding down over his skin.

"Or is it because...it wasn't you?"

Relief and longing swiftly got replaced with unbridled fury. It sparked, ignited, and seared its way through my veins, burning into my heart and psyche.

"Fuck you!" I screamed. "Go fuck yourself, you arrogant, cocky piece of sh-"

A huge hand closed around the side of my face and head, pressing me into the mattress. Mad as all hell, I morphed into a spitfire, twisting to one side, ready to flip over and start wailing on this son of a bitch.

"Don't. Fuckin'. Move." he growled, punctuating his words with slight pushes to my head.

"You're an asshole!" I screamed.

My right arm got trapped beneath my torso, and my hip cocked slightly with his left hand grasping it, holding me still. I dragged my left fist up to my mouth and sank my teeth into my knuckles. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I saw bursts and swirls of colors behind my lids.

His left hand slipped over my ass cheek, and his fingers slid along my slit. He probed and pushed two burning long fingers inside.

Groaning softly, he murmured, "You're always fuckin' ready for me, aren't you?"

My teeth bit even harder into my knuckles, and I stifled a moan. Busted.

Pulling out his invading fingers, his hand guided his cock to my entrance, and he pushed forward.

This is so fucking fucked up. I should not be enjoying this. I should be furious with him for doing this to me, for humiliating me like this.

But I couldn't be. I simply wanted it too much. It thrilled me that he needed to show me that I was his, that I wasn't allowed to run from him. He sank in as fully as possible with me flattened and trapped like this. His soft moan of bliss was so sexy that I felt myself clenching around him in reflex.

The bed in front of me sagged with the weight of his left hand bracing himself as he leaned over me. His right hand slipped from my hip and fisted painfully into the hair at the back of my head. The heat of his face caressed mine as he leaned in, his mouth right next to my ear.

Pulling back, he slammed into me-hard. "If you ever-" He pulled back and slammed into me again. "Ever!" he shouted in my ear, making it ring. "Run from me like that again-"

"You'll call me a bitch and a coward, throw me down, and rape me?" It had just popped out of my mouth, and there was no taking it back.

My unadulterated pure anger was pouring out of me, regardless of how turned on I was. It pissed me off that I loved it, that I adored that he could do this to me. I was so furious with him, with myself, but I was still so fucking hot for him that the only thing I had left were my words, and I'd felt compelled to use them as weapons.

He stilled for a second, and his fist tightened in my hair. "That's funny. I don't remember you saying no." His voice rang deep and deadly.

"I don't recall you asking if it was okay to humiliate me like this." My voice turned mean and nasty.

"Is that what this is?" He sounded so...stunned. "Am I raping you?" he asked, his voice becoming soft and curious.

"It doesn't feel wrong. I don't think it could ever be wrong with you, Phil. But this sure as hell doesn't feel right either."

He released a slow long breath against the side of my face, and his fist loosened in my hair. His fingertips spread out, gently massaging the back of my head. Pressing his forehead to the spot right above my ear, he breathed raggedly. "No, it doesn't," he whispered.

To my absolute surprise and embarrassment, fat, salty tears from all the stress soaked the blanket beneath my face.

The weight of his body settled heavier over mine, and his left hand slid down to enclose my fist. I opened my hand, and he laced our fingers together. His heart pounded heavily against my back, and my heart skipped a beat, restarting in rhythm with his.

"I never wanted you to know about what happened that night," he confessed softly. "I've hated myself for it ever since. I was so fuckin' pissed and needin' you so bad that I just did it. I didn't think about it, and"-he swallowed thickly-"I felt so filthy. Until that moment, I had only slept with one person." Turning his head, he rested the side of his face on top of mine. "I don't deserve you," he whispered. "I betrayed us that night, Baby Girl. I tarnished the purest experience of my life in a moment of rage."

I pulled our entwined hands closer and pressed them to my lips. He strained against me, seeking to be deeper.

"I've done a lot of fucked-up shit, things I'm ashamed of. And it all started in that moment..." Phil told me.

I kept my eyes closed, but I released the tension I'd carried behind them, my brows smoothing out. With my exhale, I let it go. With my inhale, I took his breath and scent into me, filling me.

In the back of my mind, so faint I could hardly detect it, I heard his voice begging me to forgive him.

"Please...don't leave me. Please tell me it'll be all right, that I haven't fucked up the only thing that ever mattered to me. Please forgive me."

Sinking into myself, I bypassed this desperate chanting until my mind felt as though it were in a state of suspended animation. In this place, I would always be able to find the answers I was seeking. Here, I could point myself in the direction I should be heading.

I heard his voice, full of love and warmth.

"I've just felt the greatest peace I've ever known, and it's in you."

Ascending from deep within my psyche, opening my eyes, the dim light in my room seemed so bright. He was so still, holding me so tight. He was so scared that it was now finished between us. All I could feel was him deep inside me and the hammering of his heart beating into my back.

"Phil," I said quietly, my voice sounding hoarse.

"Yeah, Baby Girl," he breathed.

"It's going to be okay," I assured him.

Phil dragged in a shaky deep breath. "I thought..." He couldn't even bring himself to say it.

With his cheek pressed to mine, I felt him bite his lip. His jaw clenched as he fought the overwhelming urge to weep.

"When I left tonight, I wasn't leaving you," I told him. My voice sounded soothing to my own ears. I hoped it was for him. "I needed to get away from you, yeah, but I needed to get away from Jason and Sheri and your family and everyone else because I couldn't let them see me break like that. I was so embarrassed and so hurt. I just needed time to think."

He released his shaky breath. "Okay."

"And, Phil?"

"Yeah, Baby Girl."

"Your belt buckle is stabbing me in the ass."

Sighing, he attempted to speak, "Can I..." He had to swallow around the question. "Can I come back inside?"

"Yes."