Avoiding my addiction, I had desperately tried to move on with my life. I had gone cold turkey with it, too. I'd buried my scrapbook in a box somewhere under my bed and only listened to their music a couple times a week instead of obsessively.

But seeing his half-naked, sweaty, and fucking gorgeously ripped body, it was like taking a hit of the best drug. I was even salivating.

How sick is that?

He was big, built halfway between athlete and bodybuilder, his skin glowing with that tanned copper hue that looked so tasty. His hair must be pretty long now. It was pulled back into a knot high on the back of his head, and he had a set of sideburns that could only be considered awesome.

Are they lamb chops?

Dark green Dickies rode low on his hips, displaying that coveted V-line and showing a bit of a happy trail. Areas on his pants were soaked through with sweat, and I felt my own crotch go damp.

Phil was every fantasy and dream I had ever had made into flesh.

"Tonight is our last night in South America. Brazil, you have been a beautiful hostess to these Southern boys."

A squeezing sensation around my heart left me slightly light-headed. I loved this voice.

Love it, love it, love it.

Why in hell am I watching this?

"For the last six years we've been tourin' and recordin' and tourin' and recordin'. We've loved seeing our fans. Y'all have kept us goin'. But tomorrow, we're headin' back to the States and goin' to California and shit for a few more shows. Then, we're returnin' to our beloved home for our final show in New Orleans where we're gonna take a nice long break before headin' back into the studio."

Okay, my heart just stopped.

He continued with his speech, his voice rumbling deep like thunder, "I don't know if y'all know this, but we started out with a pretty Southern rock sound. In honor of our home, we wrote this new song. It ain't on any album as of yet, but we thought we'd give it a shot for you guys tonight. Y'all on board for it?"

Gods, I love this voice. I live for this voice.

The seemingly endless audience went fucking crazy. South Americans really did love their heavy metal.

"That's good 'cause you really don't have a fuckin' choice. It's a bit mellower than the usual fare, but if you got a joint, spark it up. It'll put you in the mood. Rio, this is 'Louisiana Baby.'"

X kicked the song off with a smooth throbbing bass line, followed by Flipper with a heavy heartbeat for the drums. Then, Jason, his guitar sweet and sexy, brought the song into a full-bodied flavor.

"A hot summer's end found her in my arms / I knew then that my soul had never been my own / My sweetest dream had me in her grip / I'd never be lost again. I had found my only home / But then, out of my world she tripped..."

My heart had started pounding so hard that I was feeling a little dizzy as if the blood had started to pool in my feet. This was beautiful. His voice...he could fucking sing. I'd always known he could, but he'd taken it to the next level.

"All that's left is a ruined madman/ Heartbroken, I ache for my Louisiana Baby/ There's no place I would hide from her/ My Baby Girl ain't nowhere I can see."

My hands reached up, covering my mouth, and tears sprang a leak in my eyes. I wasn't too sure if I could believe what I was watching or hearing.

"My colors of bayou sunsets and sunlight through mangrove leaves-"

Alys stroked my hair. This was what he meant-my hair and eyes.

"I find her once more in an ocean of faces/ She salutes me, only to set me free..."

"Shut the fuck up!" I gasped, my tears spilling over.

"I've been the world over, been gone for so long/ This freedom is my prison/ I'm shackled to a memory of an innocent kiss/ No land can give me the peace I found/ That very moment I had her in my arms/ No other has the power to show me that bliss/ I'm just a broken and tortured madman/Soul shattered, I need my Louisiana Baby/ There's no place I would hide from her/ My Baby Girl ain't nowhere I can see."

Lili wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"And now, I've been gone for so long... / Baby Girl, can you find it in your heart to forgive me? / You're my peace, my sanctuary, my home / I can feel you. You're done waitin' / I hear you callin' to me. / I'm achin' for my colors of your bayou sunsets / And sunlight through mangrove leaves. / Not a day has gone by since you saluted me, Baby Girl, / That I have once felt truly free."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I wailed.

"Shh...there's more!" said Lili.

The crowd went completely nuts as they finished the song. Thousands of lighters held a glow in the air, thousands of tiny flickering flames of hope.

"Thank you so much, Rio!" His voice boomed out, his hand pressed over his heart.

Flipper came out from behind the drums with X and Jason flanking Phil. The four of them wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders, and they bowed as one. When they all straightened up, the guys started to wave. Phil shoved the mic into the belt of his pants. He pressed his palms together before his heart and bowed slightly.

Namaste.

Yanking the mic back out, he said, "I'm comin' home to you, Baby Girl."

"Go get the weed," said Alys, taking a seat on the bed.

Lili flounced out and returned with a fat blunt. She lit it up, took a few hits, and handed it to me. A good heavy hit set my brain right.

"What the fuck did I just watch?" I wheezed and exhaled. "Was that shit real?"

"That shit was real," said Alys.

"That shit was real, real," confirmed Lili.

We passed the blunt around a bit in comfortable silence before Alys and Lili exchanged a look, and Alys turned her attention back to me.

"So, NOLA's Junk's New Orleans concert is in three weeks, two days after your birthday," she said.

"Okay," I said.

"And it was going to be a surprise, but...we bought tickets. It's at the arena, and they're seats. The floor tickets sold out fast."

"Oh."

Alys continued, "Their website says they're taking a pretty long hiatus. This is going to be their last tour for a while."

I nodded.

We smoked a bit more in silence, getting well and truly baked. It wasn't like we had anything else to do, so we might as well.

"I've applied for a nine-one-one dispatcher position," Lili said out of the blue. "Got an interview next Monday. If I get the job, I'll start in about four weeks. That'll give me time to hand in my notice with the phone company."

"Sweet," said Alys.

Damn, we all must be ripped.

"This way, I know I'll have the concert night and the next day off."

Ah, that's where that was headed.

Heaving a huge sigh, I said, "I guess you guys would never forgive me if I chose to stay with Brian."

"It's not our decision to make, Sweet Pea." Alys replied.

"I would never forgive you, Kenna. Never, ever, ever," stressed Lili. "Ever," she added just for extra emphasis.

"This is totally going to suck, you guys. Last night, he made love to me. It was incredible. It felt...I can't even begin to describe it."

Alys said, "Aw!"

At the same time, Lili said, "Damn it!"

"I know, right? I really felt that love-"

"Well, get over it," snapped Lili, pointing at the computer screen. "'Cause that is coming home to you, and that is six years of pent-up sexual frustration waiting to be unleashed."

"Damn, Lili! You just made my uterus quiver in terror!" I laughed.

"Are you sure it was terror?" drawled Alys.

It took me two days to grow a set and call Brian.

"Hey, baby," he said when he answered the phone.

"Hey. So...I need to see you," I told him, doing my best to keep all emotions out of my voice. "Do you work today?"

"No, I'm free until tomorrow night. What are you thinking?"

"Is it cool if I come over?"

"Always, baby."

"See you in a bit then."

My emotional state was just bizarre. I had a feeling of pure elation over Phil, and at the same time, I felt absolute heartbreak over Brian. Not to mention, I was still experiencing a heavy dash of grief over Grandma. I had never felt so fucking busy in my head, and I was fucking terrified of all of it. My nerves were shot to shit, and my body was continuously breaking out in cold sweats. Even though I'd hardly eaten anything in two days, it felt as though something was desperately trying to claw its way out of my stomach.

Brian opened the door with a smile, which quickly slid off his face. "Oh. It's not good then."

"Phil is coming home," I told him. Then, I proceeded to burst into tears. My emotions just exploded all over my face. Fucking hell! I just can't seem to stop crying these days!

Brian wrapped his arms around me, gently rocking me. "Shh...baby. Come inside."

He pulled me over the threshold before closing the door behind him. Steering me toward the breakfast bar, we sat next to each other.

"Just tell him about us," he said softly. "He's been gone for a long time, baby. These things happen. Maybe he's found someone else, too."

"He hasn't," I replied, choking up.

"Wow. After all this time-"

Shaking my head, I said, "Brian, my heart is breaking for what might've been between us. If I were a normal person, I'd be fighting tooth and nail for what you mean to me-"

"How are you not normal?"

"Because six years ago, I made a promise to a man who had to leave. I've never really moved on from that, and apparently, neither has he. I owe it to myself to find out if I've been holding on to something real or wasting my energy on this. And I absolutely hate that I've put you in this situation."

"I know that, baby-"

"I never thought I would meet and fall in love with someone else along the way. At the time, it seemed impossible that I could have feelings for any other man-period. And to put you through this-" I started to sob. "It's killing me!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Kenna, please...don't cry like this!" He took my hands and firmly squeezed them.

"It just hurts so much! I never-"

"Baby, you've been nothing but honest with me from the very beginning," he said to me. "I forced this. I don't regret a single fucking minute I've had with you. I'd do it all again even if it ended the same way. I'm no saint here. I did my damnedest to make you fall in love with me, to make you forget him, so that I'd have a fighting chance."

"But why? Why put yourself through this?" I sniffed.

"Do you really have no idea what an amazing person you are, Kenna? You're beautiful, inside and out. How could I not try to make you love me, even a little?"

Snagging a napkin from the holder in the middle of the breakfast bar, I wiped my eyes and pinched my running nose. "I do. I do love you, Brian. It's what makes this so hard."

"I love you, too, baby." He gave me a heartbreakingly sad smile. "I guess that's why I can let you go-but not just yet."

I looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"We're going to end this...properly and say good-bye to one another in a way that we'll both remember with happiness-and a whole lotta love." He stood up and pulled me into his arms. His mouth pressed against mine with a sweet, if not overly wet on my part, kiss. "One last night, baby. Tomorrow, we can start being just friends."

Not caring if it would make it harder for me to leave, I replied, "Okay."

I honestly loved this man. If this is what he wants, then how can I tell him no? How can I not say good-bye to us properly?

Back in his bedroom, we had sex in every way imaginable. First, it was slow and sweet. Then, it was rough and hard, doing all sorts of positions-from behind, up against the wall, on all fours on the floor. That time, I got rug burn on my knees as he smacked my ass and pulled my hair. Then, with me on top, we were laughing and playful. By the early, early hours of the morning, he made love to me, one last time, face-to-face.

We both had tears in our eyes. It was that emotionally charged.

"I love you," he whispered, slowly pushing into me. "A part of me will always love you."

I took a shaky deep breath, letting the warmth of his words fill me. "A part of me will always love you, too, Brian."

"I want you to promise me something."