"No."

"So, instead of starting something serious, why don't we start something...fun? Easy?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. A friends-with-benefits sort of thing?"

"That sounds like it could be really awesome-or really dangerous." I laughed. "Why would you want a relationship like that?"

"Are you kidding me? You're the coolest chick I've ever met. How could I not want some sort of relationship with you, especially one that involves sex?"

That made me crack up, and he rewarded me with a dazzling smile.

Shit, he's more beautiful than Phil!

And unlike Phil, he's here.

It might not be such a bad thing, having mind-blowing sex with this guy on a regular basis.

"I think it'll be worth the risk," he said, meeting my gaze head-on.

"Why's that?"

"Because you're a hell of a woman, and I'd consider myself fuckin' lucky if you'd share even a little bit of yourself with me."

Damn.

"Well, when you put it that way..." I laughed, giving him a lopsided half-smile.

His smile was breathtaking.

"This Phil must be a hell of a guy," he said, his smile fading slightly.

"I think you're pretty amazing yourself. You'd have to be to make me consider something like this."

"Sweet," he said, smiling again.

Gods above, I'm in trouble.

Lili was glaring at me over our pizza dinner.

I was ignoring her.

Alys was grinning, trying not to laugh at the two of us.

Grandma happily chomped on her slice of sausage, mushroom, and spinach. "Alys said you met a boy last night," she said around her mouthful.

"Uh, yeah. Nice guy. A paramedic. Brian. We really hit it off."

"Good-lookin'?"

"You could say that," said Alys, smirking.

Lili's eyes narrowed at me even more. If she wasn't careful, her eyes would completely shut, and I'd be able to wholly ignore her little piece of nastiness.

"So? How was he?" Grandma asked, her eyes twinkling.

Grinning, I replied, "Fantastic. To be honest, I'm surprised I can walk a straight line."

Alys and Grandma busted out laughing while Lili huffed with irritation.

I knew she had her heart set on Phil coming back and sweeping me off my feet. She had taken my mother's prediction to heart, and her romantic soul simply couldn't let it go. For a long time, I unwittingly had, too.

But it had gotten to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. I was lonely and horny and had already wasted so much of my time on a hope that seemed to be no more than that-a hope. It wasn't healthy, and Brian really, really was.

"When are you going to bring him by then?"

"Oh, well, I hadn't really thought that far ahead, Grandma. We're just going to hang out and get to know each other as friends. I'm so busy with work that I really don't have much time left to commit to anyone else, you know?"

Lili lost a bit of her bitch face.

While cleaning up after, she silently snuck up behind me at the kitchen sink. "You know," she said, her voice making me jump and drop the plate I was rinsing into the basin, "if what you need is only some sex with a great-looking guy, then I guess I can support this thing you're starting with Brian."

"Jeez, thanks, Lili." I said sarcastically. "I wasn't aware I needed your blessing, but now that I have it-"

"Shut up, Kenna. I'm being serious here. One day, Phil is going to come back. He will find you, and he will make you his. If you're with someone at the time, you will hurt that person and yourself in the process. I know you. I know the more you get involved with Brian, the worse it will be when the time comes."

"If," I corrected her sternly.

"When. There is no if here. I don't know how I know, but Mom was right. He is coming back for you whether or not you can let yourself believe it."

"Why are you so hung up on this?" I asked, growing more and more irritated.

"The kind of connection I saw between you two is something rare. It's spiritual, and it will wipe everything else away. So, have fun with Brian, get some experience, figure out what it is you like. But don't get involved because it's not going to last."

Crazy little shit! I'd like to give her a vicious swift kick in the ass.

But I didn't. It'd be like kicking a cute tiny Chihuahua. That, and she'd find a way to pay me back, and Lili's paybacks were terrifying enough in themselves. The woman could be positively diabolical if the mood struck.

True to our relationship, Brian and I appeared to be nothing more than really good friends in public. When we were out, there might be a little more than casual touching, but we didn't hold hands. Sometimes, he'd put his arm around my shoulders or kiss me on my head but nothing more than that.

When we were alone, however, it was no-holds-barred. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. It was out-of-this-world sex. I'd discovered so much about this side of myself that I'd never even considered before, like the fact that I really liked it rough.

Naturally, I was quite strong, and the fact that Brian could hold me down and could just give it to me was such a fucking turn-on. I liked having my hair pulled and my ass smacked. I liked the feel of his teeth biting into me, his fingers digging hard into my flesh. He also loved to just kiss and make out for hours, getting me so hot and wet for him that all he would have to do was slide his cock in to make me come.

The best was that Brian really seemed to enjoy going down on me. Jaime used to go down on me, too, but Brian was extremely enthusiastic about doing the deed. He was fixated on doing so every chance he got, and I had no complaints about that.

I truly enjoyed returning the favor. I absolutely loved sucking on his cock, and he swore, he'd never had a better blow job in his life. He had a gorgeous cock, too-nice and decent-sized and...attractive. I had never really considered the level of attractiveness in anyone's genitalia before, but I found that I really liked his.

When Alys and I were in our early teens, we'd watched the Howard Stern movie, Private Parts, the one where the woman deep-throats a foot-long kielbasa. Well, Alys and I had been so impressed with this that we'd decided we would be as proficient, so that any and all future boyfriends would be more than satisfied with our amazing oral skills. We would hide up in my bedroom after school and practice on organic sausages. We'd also learned that one shouldn't practice on anything labeled picante.

Even though Brian and I never had sex without a condom, I'd decided to go on birth control. Accidents happened, and I didn't want to have any accidents with serious consequences. I'd opted for the shot since the thought of taking a pill every day seemed tedious to me. Not to mention, it was like another accident waiting to happen.

I hadn't mentioned this to him though. I didn't want him to think that sex without a condom was an option. There was something too intimate about it, and it gave me the feeling that it could take us beyond the whole friends-with-benefits arrangement. One thing was for certain. We didn't ever make love. It was strictly awesome, wild, mind-blowing sex.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked me after a particularly satisfying rough round.

"Sure."

"You don't, you know...think about him while we...do you?"

I gave him an are-you-fucking-kidding-me sort of look. "No. I don't think about him when I'm with you."

"Don't be mad. I just sort of needed to know."

"I'm not mad," I snapped. "Just completely uncomfortable." I was totally mad.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable either. I just needed to know-"

Sitting up, I pulled on my underwear. "When I'm with you, Brian, I'm with you all the way, okay?"

He pulled me into his arms. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I told him, but I still got up and got dressed.

"Are you leaving?" he asked, surprised.

I had planned to spend the night, but now, I was thinking about Phil, and it didn't feel right thinking about him while I was here.

"Yeah, I'm going to head home-"

"No, no, don't go! I'm sorry, Kenna. I don't want you to leave."

Kissing him softly on the lips, I said, "I know, but I think I need to be alone right now."

Brian looked so crushed. "I'm sorry I asked. It was stupid of me. Please stay. I'll never mention him again."

"I just need some time to myself, Brian."

He swallowed thickly but nodded. "Okay."

"I'll call you tomorrow," I told him, throwing my bag over my shoulder.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Our relationship was three months deep by this time. The fact was, it wasn't easy for me to just be friends with Brian. A part of me truly wanted to have more with him. Besides the facts that he was almost too good-looking and phenomenal in bed, he had a beautiful soul. He was smart and funny, and we never ran out of things to talk about. He had a noble calling to help people in need. And I knew he was faithful to me even though he technically didn't have to be. I'd developed strong feelings for him. There was no way I could have avoided that.

Brian was the type of guy every woman dreamed of one day meeting and making him fall in love with her. Any woman would kill to have him as her man.

What the hell am I waiting for?

Am I really waiting on some stupid adolescent hope that Phil fucking Deveraux will come back for me one day?

Who am I kidding? Well, myself, obviously.

We'd had our moment nearly six years ago, and an erotic song that might or might not have been written by him with me in mind.

I thought of the look on his face the last time we had seen each other and the panic I had seen in his eyes when I'd realized I had to let him go. The fact that he'd nearly jumped off the stage into the crowd to reach me...

"Namaste."

Just how long am I expected to wait? When is enough, enough? Is what I feel for Phil even real? Am I deluding myself into thinking it could actually happen one day? Was finding that picture of us as children a mere coincidence? What...what about what Mom said?

"You met him-The One."

I put on "A Madman's Love Letter" as I drove home.

The one thing, the only thing Brian didn't have was...this voice. And it was the sound of this voice my soul craved more than anything.

Listening to it, to him, I could almost imagine that it was what love sounded like. It was the sound of my own sense of love.

Is it even possible that I could just let that go?

The next day, a quiet warm afternoon with the promise of a storm in the distance, I gave Brian a call. He ended up driving over since I'd left my cigarette case at his place. Grandma opened the door for him when he knocked, and no lie, she looked as enchanted with him as I had been the night we met.

Brian and I headed out back to the porch and each took a seat.

"I don't have a problem continuing on as we have as long as you're happy," I told him.

For some reason though, I was looking toward the Plantation House and not at him. The sky behind it was the color of a deep bruise. There was a cool breeze coming from that direction, the storm rolling in.

"Okay. I want that, too."

Now, I turned to face him, and he really was just so fucking gorgeous that my breath hitched in my lungs. I loved the way the daylight played up the green bits in his irises.

"I'm going to be honest though. I feel really confused, conflicted, inside my head about this. I might need to take a step back from it for a little bit, put a little distance between us. I know I have strong feelings for you."

He smiled, and I felt a mild ping zip though my chest. "I have some pretty strong feelings for you, too, Kenna."

He thought this was a good thing, but I just couldn't feel that way because I knew that if it ever came down to it, I would always choose to give Phil a chance. If Phil came walking back into my life tomorrow, it wouldn't matter that Brian and I had strong feelings.

Yeah, but what are the chances that will ever happen?

"You deserve someone who is willing to give you one hundred percent, Brian. You're an amazing man, and I can't help but wonder why you'd choose to have a half-ass relationship with me, over finding someone who is ready for what you're offering."

"Maybe I'm just hoping that, one day, you'll wake up and realize that what I'm offering is actually what you want."