"Right." Zane nodded. "She texted him and said she wanted to get back together. That's one reason he decided to go back."

"So they're back together?"

"I don't know that for sure," Zane said. "But they could be."

"Why won't he talk to me?"

"Why do you want him to talk with you? He wouldn't make a good husband or father."

She crossed her arms. "But he is the father. Wouldn't he want to work it out?"

"Not necessarily."

Rose didn't respond. She felt disappointed. Betrayed. Rejected. Jah, her pride was hurt. But it was more than that.

"He used you, and I'm sorry about that."

"I knew what I was getting into."

Zane shook his head. "You weren't experienced in those things."

Rose's face warmed even more. She'd felt connected to Trevor, but she hadn't truly known him.

"I'll walk you home," Zane said.

"No, I'm fine," she answered, choking back her tears.

"Rose," he said, touching her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I'm the reason Trevor came here. I overestimated his character. I didn't protect you."

Rose swallowed hard. "You didn't know. I did. I should have protected myself." She put her hand to her stomach and then turned and hurried away.

Zane started to follow her, so she called out, "I want to be alone." He stopped.

By the time she reached the field, the snow had started to fall. Big, wet snowflakes. Each different. Each unique. Her hand went to her belly again. Her Bobbli was unique-already whomever he or she was going to be.

She wasn't the first Amish girl to get pregnant out of wedlock. Others had, including her own Mamm. For years she thought she was better than that, sure nothing like that would ever happen to her. Now she knew just how foolish she'd really been.

By the time she reached the house, a layer of snow had already covered the ground, transforming the night into a bright landscape. She slipped a little going up the steps but caught herself by grabbing hold of the railing. She paused to catch her breath, and then went on inside.

She'd get through Christmas and then move to Eve's. She'd concentrate on the Bobbli inside her, and on becoming a mother. She'd do her best to stop thinking about Trevor Anderson, because he obviously didn't want anything more to do with her.

On Christmas, Beth took charge of the meal. Daniel, Jenny, and Brook came over in the morning to open presents and then stayed for dinner. Beth planned the menu and did most of the cooking, telling Rose to enjoy having someone wait on her for a change.

Dat and Daniel went out to the barn, checking on a sick calf. Rose sat in the living room with Jenny, Lila, and Trudy, but after a while she realized she'd rather be spending time with Beth and headed into the kitchen. Her stepmother had everything under control, cooking for a large family with ease. She had a ham in the oven, rolls rising on the stove, potatoes boiling, a gelatin salad in the fridge, and a broccoli and cauliflower salad marinating. She had chowchow and strawberry preserves on the table, and apple, pumpkin, and chocolate pies in her old pie safe that was tucked in a corner of the room.

She had some holiday platters out on the counter to use and candles on the table. It was a lot fancier than what Rose was used to-at least at home. Monika, Eve, and her grandmother all had special holiday dishware, but the Lehman family never had.

"What can I help with?" Rose asked.

"You could set the table. Remember to add a plate for Zane."

Rose nodded. It was easier for Zane to come to their house than for Lila to go to his folks'. As she pulled the plates from the cupboard, she asked Beth about her platters.

"Oh, I got those in Maryland," she said.

Rose knew it was a more liberal district. The bishop there had allowed Beth to teach at the school, even though she was divorced. She was still surprised at that. Even more so that Bishop Byler had allowed her to teach in their district.

"Tell me about Maryland," Rose said.

Beth explained that she had a cousin there who encouraged her to relocate. "I had no future in Ohio. I couldn't remarry. I couldn't teach, which I'd done for several years before I married. I could take care of my parents, but that was all. When they pa.s.sed on, this cousin-who was also single-suggested I join her."

"And then what happened?" Rose asked as she put the last plate on the table.

"I'd been there for a while, working in farmers' markets and that sort of thing, but during the week I would volunteer at the school. No one seemed to think I would corrupt the students, which was such a relief." Beth turned the potatoes off and drained the water as she talked. "Then the teacher suddenly fell ill, and I was in the best position to help out because I was familiar with the students and the curriculum, plus I didn't have any other pressing obligations. When the teacher resigned a few months later, the school board asked me to take the job for good, and of course I said yes."

"And how long did you teach there?"

"Oh, goodness . . ." she said. "Thirteen years."

"Why did you come here?"

"Well," she said. "The bishop died and the new one thought I shouldn't be teaching, that I'd be a bad influence on the children. Gideon and I had met at the farmers' market a few years ago-he was selling his tables. This new bishop was acquainted with Gideon and tried to get his opinion, but Gideon said it wasn't his business. Once he found out I'd been let go though, he contacted me and said there was a position open here. He didn't think it was right that-as a single woman with no family to speak of-my livelihood should be taken away like that."

"Oh," Rose said, leaning against the counter.

"What's wrong?" Beth asked, turning toward her.

Rose shook her head. "I'm all right." But the severity of her own situation was sinking in. What if she didn't have Dat to watch over her and the Bobbli? Someday she wouldn't. He wouldn't live forever. How would she support the two of them then?

Beth hadn't done anything wrong, and yet she'd been shamed for years. And then again much later too, long after she probably expected those days were over. Rose had been put under the Bann the week before. It would last for six weeks, then she would be reinstated and returned to fellowship. Jah, what people thought of her would change, but she'd still be part of the community.

Now Rose wondered if there were those in the district who thought Beth had been a bad influence on the family and had affected Rose. Her face grew warm at the thought of it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Beth was one of those people who made everyone around her want to do better.

Trudy came into the kitchen and asked what she could do to help. Beth had her put the chowchow and preserves in bowls. Next, Jenny came in with the Bobbli. Then Lila hobbled in on her crutches.

"When is Zane coming over?" Beth asked.

"Any minute," Lila answered. She sat down at the table. "Anything I can do from here?" she asked.

Beth shook her head. "Just keep us all company."

Jenny sat down too, with Brook facing Lila. The little one waved her fist. Lila smiled but didn't reach out to her.

Rose couldn't believe in a year she'd have a Bobbli bigger than Brook. The little girl lunged for her. Jenny laughed. "She knows her Aenti." Rose took the little one in her arms. Standing up straight, Rose marveled at how tiny the little girl was at seven weeks.

"How was Christmas Eve at your Mamm's?" Lila asked Jenny.

Rose drifted toward Beth with the Bobbli, not wanting to think of Reuben with his Dat and Monika and their entire blended family. She held Brook closer, trying to ward off her loneliness, thinking of the horrible trade she'd made.

Jenny gushed about how lovely the evening was. Between the two families there were nine children and now eighteen grandchildren. Rose had fantasized about being part of the Byler brood, of how she would have been accepted as Reuben's wife. They were good people. She couldn't have asked for better in-laws.

Rose's family always visited Monika and Gideon the day after Christmas. No one had brought up the outing so far this year, and she doubted Reuben would be there even if they did.

Brook waved her arm, swatting at the tie to Rose's Kapp.

"Has anyone heard from Simon?" Jenny asked.

Rose turned back to the conversation.

"No," Lila said. "You know he hardly ever writes."

"How about from Casey?"

Lila shook her head.

Beth put the potato masher down and said, "We'll eat in ten minutes. Trudy, would you please go tell your Dat and Daniel?"

Lila turned toward the window, probably wondering when Zane would arrive. Rose didn't know what was going on between Lila and Zane, but it seemed things were tense. Lila definitely hadn't been herself since the accident.

Dat and Daniel returned to the house and washed up, and Beth started putting the food on the table. Lila glanced out the window again. As everyone gathered at the table to sit down there was a knock on the door. Trudy ran to it and let Zane in. It took a minute for him to take off his boots and hang up his coat, but then he stepped into the kitchen.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "Simon called."

Rose snuck a look at Dat, wondering how it was for him to have his son call the Englisch neighbors on Christmas. He'd probably left a message on the barn phone too, but still . . . Dat's expression remained stoic.

"He said to tell all of you h.e.l.lo and that he misses you," Zane said. "He says not to worry, he's doing fine and he's safe." He turned to Lila. "Just after he hung up, the phone rang again. It was Butch Wilson. He asked if I'd wish you a Merry Christmas, and said he and his mother would like to meet you sometime soon, perhaps halfway."

Rose wanted to roll her eyes. Really? Didn't he get that this was a touchy subject?

"What's that all about?" Daniel asked.

Lila said, "I'll tell you later."

"Jah, let's sit down and pray," Dat said. "And get started on this wonderful meal Beth has prepared." Rose couldn't imagine what life would have been like if Beth wasn't part of their family now. Dat would be beside himself with all that was going on without Beth's steady and cheerful presence.

After the meal was over, Rose sent Dat, Beth, and Trudy off for a sleigh ride. As Rose and Jenny did the dishes, Daniel held the Bobbli while Zane helped put the food away. He was more in the way than anything, but he seemed to want to do something.

"So who's Butch Wilson?" Daniel asked Lila.

Rose didn't need to look at her sister to know her face was growing red.

"Lila, what's going on?" Daniel asked.

"That's our birth father's name."

Jenny spun around, her hands covered with soap bubbles. "What?"

"Jah," Lila said. "But the person who called isn't our father. He may be our half brother though. And, if he is, our birth father is dead."

An expression of dismay pa.s.sed over Daniel's face and then he groaned. "What have you done?"

"A little research is all."

"Lila, how could you?" he asked loudly. The baby startled. He hugged her closer and dropped his voice, but he was clearly angry. "Dat is our father. We don't need to know what's in the past."

"I've wondered about our biological father since I was little."

"Well, I haven't," Daniel said. "You could have at least asked me before digging into the past."

"Aren't you sad that he might be dead?"

Daniel shook his head. "Sorry for his family, jah. But it doesn't have anything to do with me. And if you don't know for sure, you shouldn't be making a.s.sumptions."

By the look on Jenny's face she seemed to agree. "Have you talked with Gideon about this?"

Lila shook her head, looking a little defeated.

"You should," Jenny said, turning back to the sink. "I think this family has enough problems without stirring up any more."

That night, after Trudy had fallen asleep, Rose whispered to Lila, "Are you still awake?"

"Jah."

"Are we going over to Gideon and Monika's tomorrow?"

"No," Lila said. "Dat said we needed to start new traditions. But we're still going to go over to Mammi and Dawdi's."

Rose hadn't seen her grandparents since she'd found out she was pregnant. She knew they wouldn't be judgmental, but they probably would be sad, knowing what was ahead of her.

Her thoughts fell back to Monika and Gideon. "Are they mad at me? Is it because of what I've done?"

"I don't know," Lila answered, and then it sounded as if she yawned.

"Because of Reuben, right?"

"You did betray him."

"They weren't mad at you."

Rose could hear Lila shift a little in her bed, which she knew wasn't easy for her. "Rose, I didn't do what you've done."

"You hurt him."

"Jah, but you cheated on him."