"I just wanted to say h.e.l.lo," Trevor said. "Mind if I check down in the bas.e.m.e.nt?"

Lila didn't think there was any harm in Trevor saying h.e.l.lo, although she thought it was odd. "Call down the stairs first," Lila said. "Don't surprise her. It's kind of creepy down there."

Once he disappeared, Lila whispered, "I was thinking I'd wait outside for the driver. But I don't want to go outside if Trevor is in the house with Rose."

Zane glanced toward the end of the kitchen where the bas.e.m.e.nt door was. "I don't have any idea what he's up to-I don't think they've seen each other in weeks. I'll help you outside and then go check on them."

Lila nodded. Maybe Trevor was just being friendly, but she appreciated that Zane shared her concern. "Denki," Lila said. "Let's go down the front steps." By the time she reached the bottom one, the driver was in sight. "Go check," Lila said. "Tell Trevor he needs to leave and hurry back."

She shivered in the frigid air as Zane bounded back up the steps. The sky was an angry gray with storm clouds gathering in the distance. Once the car parked, Lila slipped into the back seat, asked the driver to wait, and positioned her crutches along the floor of the car. She was thankful the heat in the car was on, nearly full blast.

A minute later, both Zane and Trevor came down the back steps. Trevor waved and Lila waved back. Once Zane was settled in the back seat beside her, she asked in a whisper if Trevor thought it was weird that Zane had gone in after him.

"He was back in the kitchen," Zane said. "He said he just told Rose a quick h.e.l.lo."

"Weird," Lila said.

Zane exhaled. "Yeah, Trevor can be a little sneaky, but there wasn't enough time for anything to happen, not even a conversation."

Lila's thoughts soon fell to the doctor's appointment ahead of her, and she didn't give Trevor or Rose another thought.

The driver stopped at the front door of the clinic, and Zane grabbed Lila's crutches. He hurried around to her side of the car and then stayed by her side as she shuffled into the building and on down to the office at the end of the hall. After filling out the paper work, Lila was called back into an examination room for a test. Zane stayed in the waiting room while Lila made her way down the hall on her crutches, annoyed by the pain under her arms. First she changed into a gown and then carefully climbed onto the table. When the technician returned she explained that she would be doing an ultrasound and that they had waited until now to do it because they needed the swelling in her abdomen to go down. "That way we can get an idea of how much scar tissue there is," she said.

Lila closed her eyes during the test, not wanting to look at her ovaries and uterus and try to guess at the damage. When the technician finished, she told Lila to get dressed and go back out into the waiting room until the doctor was ready to see her.

They waited over an hour, and when they were finally called back it was to the doctor's actual office, not a clinical room. Framed certificates lined two of the walls and books filled a case behind his desk.

He looked up from his computer as they entered and then stood, reaching out to shake Zane's hand. Once Lila sat down, he shook hers.

The doctor was probably around Dat's age, with short graying hair.

"I'm sorry about your accident." He looked Lila in the eyes as he sat down.

She nodded, and he turned back to the computer screen. "I have the results of the ultrasound here." He glanced her way as he spoke.

"Your left ovary is damaged by scar tissue," the doctor said. "Your right one appears to have some damage, but not as much. As far as your pelvis, it definitely has been compromised. If you can get pregnant, you'll probably have to be on bed rest and then have a C-section. It would probably be too much pressure on your pelvis to deliver v.a.g.i.n.ally."

Lila sat perfectly still, unable to respond, although her face grew warm. She wasn't accustomed to such frank talk.

"Any questions?" the doctor asked.

Lila shook her head.

Zane cleared his throat. "What's the probability of pregnancy?"

"There's no way to know for sure," the doctor answered.

"Is there a chance that more scar tissue will develop?"

"Yes, there's always that chance. Harvesting eggs is definitely something you should consider."

Lila tried to catch Zane's attention, but he continued on with his questions. "How much does that procedure cost?"

The doctor frowned. "A lot. You'd have to ask our business department for the exact numbers."

It didn't matter how much it cost-it wouldn't be allowed. She didn't know of any Amish women who had gone through fertility treatment. If a woman couldn't get pregnant, it was G.o.d's will. Not something to be fixed by expensive treatments.

Zane leaned forward. "Would you say that the sooner natural pregnancy is attempted, the better the chances?"

Lila wanted to cover her face with her hands. She was sure her cheeks were red by now.

The doctor smiled a little. "Yes, if scar tissue is a concern, then trying to get pregnant soon makes sense." The doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "My Amish patients don't usually have so many questions."

Zane was quiet for a moment, but then he cleared his throat and finally met Lila's gaze.

Stop, she mouthed.

He shook his head. "How soon can-"

Lila eased herself out of her chair, grabbed her cape and then her crutches.

"s.e.xual relations be continued?" the doctor asked.

Zane shook his head. "Started. We're not married."

"Oh," the doctor said, glancing at the chart.

"But we will be. As soon as-"

Lila turned her head toward the door. She'd never felt such a gap between Zane and herself in all of her life.

When Zane didn't finish his sentence, the doctor said, "I don't see any physical reason to wait, but it's up to the patient of course. Discomfort can't be gauged by an ultrasound or any other test. It varies from patient to patient."

Why couldn't Zane take her feelings into consideration? These were answers she could get another way, she was sure. Or at another appointment, without Zane.

Lila swung her cape over her shoulders and positioned her crutches under her arms. "Thank you," she said to the doctor. Then she headed out the door. She was in the hall before she realized Zane hadn't followed her. She kept on going.

She waited in the lobby. She'd signed a release allowing Zane to speak with the doctor, but she hadn't expected he'd go on and on with his questions.

The receptionist asked if she could help her.

Lila shook her head, afraid that if she spoke she'd cry. She wasn't sure what was worse-the uncertain news or Zane not cooperating with her. She understood it was his concern too, but he wasn't being sensitive to what she needed.

She lowered her head, concentrating on composing herself, her thoughts drifting to baby Brook, to the baby's DNA, some of which was her biological father's. Butch Wilson. Did he still live in Virginia? If he knew what she was going through-about the accident, the medical bills, the repercussions-would he have come to see her?

She shook her head at her own foolishness. There was no point in tormenting herself. Dat might not verbalize his care, but he'd certainly shown it by providing for her all of these years. She had no right to dig up the past. It would only cause hurt and conflict.

Finally Zane started down the hall, carrying her purse. She'd forgotten all about it. "Why did you leave like that?" he whispered when he reached her.

"Because I didn't want to talk about all of that with him."

"But he's the doctor. If you couldn't talk with him, where will we get our answers?" His voice was quiet but firm.

"You weren't listening to me," she said.

"You weren't talking."

"Maybe not, but I was communicating."

He gave her an exasperated look.

"With my eyes. With my expression. And by not saying anything."

He pushed open the front door, still holding her purse. "I'm supposed to understand what you don't say?"

"Jah," she answered, stepping into the wintery day. She was glad she'd taken a pill before she left the house. The pain was bad enough as it was.

"If getting married sooner rather than later would help us have a Bobbli, we should do that. Or if you decide to have eggs harvested, you should do that right away."

"Zane." She kept her eyes on the parking lot pavement. "Have you ever heard of an Amish woman who has done that?"

"Well, no," he said. "But someone has to be the first."

She shook her head. "Not me. Besides, who would pay for it? We have enough to worry about as it is."

They reached the car and the driver hopped out, but Zane had already opened Lila's door. "We'll talk about your bills more when we get home."

She looked up at him. "Did you hear from the lawyer?"

Zane nodded. "We have an appointment to talk with him this afternoon. That's another reason I took the day off. We'll finally figure this out."

16.

After Zane helped Lila up the front steps and into the Lehmans' house, she collapsed into her Dat's chair. He kneeled by her side, wishing he could make everything easier for her.

"Do you want to talk more?" he asked.

"No." Her answer was short and abrupt.

"Did you take a pain pill today?"

Her eyes flashed, in anger it seemed. "Jah," she answered. "And lucky for you I did. Otherwise I'd be yelling."

Zane felt his own emotions rise.

"You keep going on and on about things," she hissed. "First talking to a lawyer. Then quizzing the doctor. Now talking to the lawyer again. You're trying to do all of this your way. The Englisch-Zane way. Not Lila's way. Or the Amish way."

He raised his head. "But it's wrong for this guy to lie about what happened to get out of having his insurance cover your bills. It's unfair to you-and it's just not right. If we don't do anything, he'll get away with it."

"What if I did pull out in front of him?"

"But you said you didn't. And you wouldn't have. From the beginning you said you pulled to the side and that Billie didn't shift to the left."

She shrugged. "I really think that's what happened, but how can I be sure? The buggy was all in pieces, right?"

"Yep," Zane answered. In so many pieces he could see it would have been hard for the deputy to figure out exactly what happened. But that was no excuse to blindly believe the driver.

"Please don't make me anxious with this talk about lawyers and suing and insurance companies and who's responsible. And I don't want to go talk to the attorney today either."

Zane swallowed hard, not sure what to say. He'd never been so frustrated with her-and befuddled, all at the same time. She couldn't keep denying what was going on. "I get that it's upsetting for you," he answered, "but it's the way things are. It's the way the world works."

"Not our world," she said, her eyes narrow.

Zane exhaled. They'd had an argument now and then, but never a fight like this-thanks to Lila. She was the peacemaker between the two of them. Regardless of how angry they both were, he didn't want to have a fight now either. Not when she was so fragile. And not when he was so frustrated.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm tired." She pulled the afghan from the back of the chair and spread it over her lap. "I'm going to rest for a while. Would you tell Rose we're back?"

He nodded and stood, tucking the afghan around her, taking a breath and exhaling slowly as he did. "Do you care if I speak with the lawyer anyway? Just to get his advice."

She yawned. "I'm not going to tell you not to, but I won't necessarily do what he recommends."

Zane nodded. She could be so stubborn-but so could he.

If the church fund didn't cover all the expenses, the debt would impact them as a young couple just starting out. They might never be able to buy their own farm or start a business. He kissed Lila's forehead and then left in search of Rose.

When he reached the kitchen, she was coming up the stairs, a full laundry basket on her hip. Her face was red and blotchy and for a minute he wondered if she'd had some sort of allergic reaction, but then he realized she'd been crying.

"Are you doing all right?" he asked.

She nodded but didn't answer.

Puzzled, he said, "Lila is back."

"Jah, I gathered that." She went on outside.

It was eleven thirty, time for Tim to come in for dinner and there didn't appear to be anything cooking, but Zane wasn't going to remind Rose of that. Instead Zane went back in the living room and sat on the sofa, watching Lila sleep. Her face was relaxed. It had been a long time since he'd seen her at peace-since before the accident. He was afraid, in his determination to fix everything, that he sometimes overlooked how much pain she was in. He could see that healing was taking all of her energy and that to have to deal with the turmoil surrounding the accident was too much for her. He thought of what his healing process was like after he was wounded in Afghanistan. He was out of sorts much of the time. Irritable. Uncertain of what he needed to do next.

The back door opened. Zane stood and stepped into the kitchen. "h.e.l.lo," Zane said. "Lila and I just got back. She's asleep in your chair."

"How's she doing?" Tim asked.