"What's the matter?" Monika asked, her hand falling from Lila's shoulder.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just emotional." It wasn't jealousy. It all just hurt so badly. She and Zane should have been adjusting to married life by now. Maybe she would have already been pregnant. The accident had taken so much from her.

"You've been through a lot," Monika said.

Jenny nodded.

"I should probably go home. I may have pushed too hard today."

Lila held onto Brook a moment longer though, taking in her sweet face. She reminded her of Trudy as a Bobbli. Their mother had still been alive, barely. She was terribly ill-dying, in fact. This Bobbli carried Lila and Daniel's DNA, both their mother's and their biological father's, whoever he was.

Lila looked from the Bobbli's face to Shani's, and then relinquished the little girl. Shani held her for a long moment and then handed her back to Jenny.

"I'm so happy for you," Lila said to her sister-in-law. "Really."

"I know," Jenny answered. "I'll tell Daniel you stopped by. Come see us in a few days, once you're feeling better."

"I will," Lila answered, embarra.s.sed for her tears. She hoped Monika and Jenny would keep her behavior to themselves. No one would understand why she reacted the way she did. She barely understood herself.

In the car on the way home, she couldn't stop her tears. They matched the icy, pouring rain.

Shani reached over and patted her arm. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Lila managed to say.

"Anything in particular or everything?"

Lila tried to smile at Shani, but another sob escaped. "Both," she stammered.

"What is it?" Shani glanced toward her, a sympathetic look on her face. "Does it have to do with the uncertainty around your internal injuries? As far as getting pregnant and carrying a baby someday?" Shani never was one to beat around the bush.

"Probably," Lila answered.

"When do you go to the gynecologist?"

"Friday."

"Try not to worry until then. They'll do an ultrasound to see how much scar tissue there is. They'll soon have an idea." Shani hesitated. "There's no way to know for sure though."

Lila nodded. Eve hadn't had any injuries, and she still couldn't have children.

"But even if you can't have a baby, you know there are other ways to have a family, right? Look at Eve and Charlie."

Lila nodded but didn't answer. Lila expected it would be hard for an Amish young couple to qualify to foster. And Eve and Charlie were older. Eve was a teacher and Charlie an EMT. They were perfectly qualified to care for children.

If they hadn't been able to foster Jackson, Eve still had her teaching. What would Lila have?

She didn't say any of that to Shani though. Nor did she bring up how she feared Zane might react to not being a father someday. He'd talked about having children more than anyone she knew, more than she did. Goodness, he already had the baby's room furnished. He longed to re-create their childhood on Juneberry Lane for their own children. How would he react if the doctor said she'd never be able to have a Bobbli?

Lila put her head back and pretended to doze the rest of the way home. She couldn't explain how badly she wanted a child of her own. Her Mamm was gone. She didn't know her biological father. Daniel was the person most connected to her, as far as DNA. It wasn't that she didn't feel connected to her other three siblings. She did. But she longed to hold a baby that she'd carried, that she and Zane made together.

When they reached Juneberry Lane, Shani said, "I have your crutches in the back. I'll help you up the stairs."

"We should go to the front door." It wasn't as steep as the back.

Shani agreed and pulled the van around. With Shani's help Lila made it into the house, collapsing in Dat's chair. "Rose must still be over at the little house," Shani said. "Do you need anything before I head over?"

Lila shook her head. "Tell Rose to hurry. It's almost time for Dat's dinner."

As Shani headed for the door, footsteps fell in the kitchen.

"Rose?" Lila called out.

"Oh, h.e.l.lo." She stepped into the living room.

"Oh, good." Lila craned her neck to look at her sister. "You finished packing everything already?"

Rose blushed. "No, I was just going to go do it now." She appeared disheveled, as if she'd been resting.

"But it's time to get dinner for Dat."

Rose shook her head. "He ended up going to the lumberyard today." She started back for the kitchen. "I'll just grab my cape and go with Shani right now. It won't take me any time."

Lila bit her tongue from saying anything more. Rose seemed less dependable lately, as if she'd reverted back to the way she had been a couple of years ago. And she felt bad that Dat was off at the lumberyard today, and Beth was back teaching at school. It was pretty much business as usual for them, except for Beth moving into the house. She still had to clean the little cottage she'd been living in though. Lila sighed, wishing she could help. She doubted Rose had thought of it.

When Lila awoke, two plastic crates were stacked by the front door, and the house was still. And there was no scent of bread baking or soup simmering. Perhaps Rose was doing some outside ch.o.r.es. Lila shifted in the chair and went back to sleep.

The next time Lila awoke, the sun was low. "Rose?" she called out, reaching for her crutches. She hadn't realized how tired she'd been.

No one answered. She called out again.

Finally her sister came into the room. "Have you started supper?" Lila asked.

"No," her sister said. "I thought Beth might have an idea."

Lila shook her head. "She's taught all day, and she still has to clean her cottage. You need to cook supper."

Rose's eyes grew teary. Lila ignored her sister. She didn't have patience for her drama.

"Are you picking up Trudy?"

Rose shook her head. "She's waiting at school and coming home with Beth." She swiped at her eyes. "You're right. I need to make supper. I'll get started now."

Lila braced herself with the crutches, pulled up to a standing position, and made her way to the hallway and the bedroom she shared with Rose and Trudy. Her bed, the one Rose had most likely been sleeping in, wasn't made. It would have been thoughtful of Rose to put clean sheets on it. Perhaps she still planned to.

Lila shuffled back and forth between the boxes by the front door and the bedroom, tucking nightclothes and toiletries under her arm to transport them. After a few trips she stopped. She'd wait and ask Rose to carry the boxes in.

By the time Trudy and Beth arrived home, Rose had a pot of stew simmering on the stove and biscuits baking in the oven. Beth greeted everyone warmly and then said she'd go out and help Dat finish up with the milking.

When they all came in the house a half hour later, Zane was with them. "We got off work early," he said. "A building permit didn't come through."

Lila appreciated him helping Dat.

Beth was all smiles as she asked Zane to stay for supper and then headed down the hall to wash up. Trudy finished setting the table and started filling the gla.s.ses with water without being told. By the time they sat down at the table, Lila felt weary but grateful. The house felt alive again. Rose still seemed down in the dumps, but the atmosphere had changed.

After Dat led them in prayer, Beth said she had an announcement to make. "It seems the board has found a teacher to take my place after Christmas vacation."

Lila was surprised. She'd a.s.sumed Beth would keep teaching.

"Wunderbar," Dat said. "That is good news."

"Who is it?" Trudy asked.

"A niece of Monika's," Beth replied. "She lives in the next district over. She's nineteen and has been hoping for a teaching position."

"All the scholars will be sad to see you go," Trudy said.

"And I'll be sad too," Beth answered. "But I have a husband to take care of. And a home. And daughters." She looked straight at Trudy. "And with Lila and Rose both getting married soon, there's even more reason for me to be home."

Zane reached under the table and squeezed Lila's hand. She appreciated his kind gesture. Rose b.u.t.tered her biscuit, keeping her eyes down.

Beth smiled again. "I'm very aware of how blessed I am," she said. "To become a wife and mother and grandmother-all in one day. It's more than I could have ever dreamed of. Moving to Lancaster County turned out to be the best decision of my life."

Lila smiled back at her, trying to formulate something to say in return. Before she could though, Dat surprised her by saying, "It's me who's blessed. Having you in my life, in my home, a part of my family-well, it's more than I ever hoped for too."

Lila was dumbfounded. She'd never heard Dat speak from his heart like that.

There was a moment of silence before Beth said, "Denki, Tim." She swiped at her eyes quickly and then said, "Rose, the stew is delicious. And the biscuits smell heavenly." She took one from the basket.

The conversation shifted to a cow that was near giving birth, and a calf that was slow to take the bottle. Trudy said she'd feed it in the morning, that the little ones did better with her.

Everyone laughed, but she was probably right.

Lila took a few bites of the stew. It was good. Rose was a good cook. Lila b.u.t.tered half of a biscuit and took a few bites of it too, wishing she were hungrier. She didn't burn enough calories to need to eat much though. She was sure her appet.i.te would return once she was doing more.

The next morning the physical therapist came to the house and worked with Lila for an hour, teaching her exercises to strengthen her core and legs, and stretch out her pelvic area. She hadn't slept well, and she'd been anxious most of the night.

After the therapy ended, Lila decided to take a pain pill and nap.

Zane got off work early again, in midafternoon. He came by in his buggy and asked Lila if she wanted to go visit Jenny and the Bobbli. He'd been running Billie up and down the lane and then out on the highway for the last couple of weeks, and he'd been doing fine. When Rose chirped up that she would like to go, Lila could hardly refuse to, even though she still felt groggy from the meds. It would be her first buggy ride since the accident.

Lila retrieved the Bobbli quilt, made from yellow-and-green sc.r.a.ps, she'd st.i.tched last summer in antic.i.p.ation of Jenny and Daniel's baby.

Rose carried Lila's crutches down the stairs while Zane carried Lila. She giggled a little as he did.

"You're too light," he whispered as they reached the buggy. "You should work on gaining back the weight you lost."

She shrugged, not wanting to talk about it.

Zane drove extra cautiously and asked Lila several times if she was doing all right.

"I'm fine," she answered each time, but she caught herself glancing in the rearview mirror several times and bracing herself when Zane stopped at an intersection and a car came up behind them. She held her breath as Billie sidestepped one time, but then he stayed still. Zane drove cautiously and seemed to be in control of the horse.

When they reached Jenny and Daniel's house, Lila breathed a sigh of relief and resolved to be as cheerful as she could. And it worked. This time it was much easier to see the Bobbli. Jenny had just finished feeding her, and once Lila was seated, she handed Brook to her to burp.

"Rose," Lila said. "You should take her. You haven't had a chance yet."

"I'll hold her next," Rose said.

Daniel hadn't gotten home from work yet, but Monika was helping Jenny out, getting supper started in the kitchen. Rose wandered in to talk with her.

When Rose returned, Lila told her to take the Bobbli.

Rose seemed a little reluctant, but finally she took her. She sat down on the sofa beside Lila.

"What's wrong?" Jenny asked.

Lila glanced at Rose. She was crying. Confused, Lila tried to make light of it. "I guess our little niece has a strange effect on us Lehman girls."

Rose turned toward Zane, shielding her face. "How about if you have a turn?"

"I thought I'd never get the chance." He stood and scooped Brook into his arms, ignoring Rose, which was probably for the best. He held the baby with ease, making eye contact and then making a funny face. "I'm so pleased to meet you, Brook," he said. "I'm Zane. Soon I'll be your Uncle Zane. Someday Lila and I'll have cousins for you to play with."

It was Lila's turn to brush at her eyes, and not just out of sadness. Under the best of circ.u.mstances, Zane would have sounded prideful to a.s.sume they'd be able to have a Bobbli of their own. Under the present circ.u.mstances, he sounded foolish.

Lila reached for her crutches, wanting to escape. She'd go down to the kitchen and talk to Monika.

But Rose beat her to it. With tears rolling down her face, she hurried down the hall, either to the bathroom or back to the kitchen. Lila couldn't be sure.

Friday morning, just before the driver arrived to take Lila to the doctor, she took a pain pill and then put the bottle on the counter. She only had a half bottle left, and she'd save those just in case she needed them to get through appointments and the very worst nights. She wouldn't refill the prescription once it ran out-she'd already told Shani she didn't want to-and she'd honestly do her best not to take any more at all.

She made her way toward the front door, hoping to get down the steps and wait for the driver outside, instead of making him wait for her when he arrived.

But as she made her way past the table, the sound of a car surprised her. The driver was early. She stepped to the window and looked out. It wasn't the driver. It was Trevor's red sports car.

Zane climbed out and hurried up the back stairs, knocking on the door.

Lila crutched her way to the door and opened it. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Mom said I should go to the doctor with you," he said. "I took the day off work. Trevor said he could give us a ride."

Lila shook her head, as Trevor came up the steps behind Zane. "You shouldn't have taken time off. A driver is coming any minute. It's too late to cancel." The last thing she wanted was for Trevor to hang around at the doctor's office with them.

Zane smiled. "Well, I want to go, but I guess we don't need you to drive. Thanks for offering, though."

Trevor shrugged. "I'll go ahead and go to work, for just the morning." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Is Rose around?"

"Somewhere . . . She'd mentioned doing the laundry." She'd gotten behind earlier in the week.