Trevor smiled. "Not with Shani controlling the meds." He laughed.

Rose didn't think it was funny. She nodded to the flask in his pocket. "Do you drink much?"

"Wow," he said. "Innocent Rose is asking all sorts of questions tonight."

She wrinkled her nose. "Sorry."

"No, don't be. It's fine." He patted the flask. "No, I don't drink much. I did. Now I take a few sips in the evening is all. Right? I only took one just now." He smiled again. "You had four." He laughed again.

She shot back, "At your urging."

"I was just teasing you," he said. "I know you're not a drinker."

Rose smiled, just a little. He hadn't gotten defensive at either of her questions. She believed he was telling the truth. She wouldn't drink again, and she'd encourage him not to either.

She appreciated his honesty. She'd found Reuben annoying when her family and the Becks were crowded in the little house, when he seemed judgmental but wouldn't say anything outright. And him not wanting to get married right away felt like a rejection. He'd always been so dependable, but now she wasn't so sure. Reuben seemed to put others before her, over and over. And he beat around the bush instead of being honest, including the last time he stopped by.

Rose and Trevor sat silently for a while. She a.s.sumed he was lost in his thoughts too. Then just as she was about to say she needed to get back to Lila, he tilted his head toward her.

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. He kissed her, first gently but then pa.s.sionately, pressing his body against hers. She responded, relieved he was kissing her again. She'd wanted it all along, even though she'd tried to convince herself she hadn't.

Trevor's hand fell to the small of her back, pressing her even closer. Maybe he was sad about another girl. Maybe she was courting Reuben. But at that moment she'd didn't care. All she wanted was to kiss Trevor.

Rose couldn't sleep. All of her being longed for Trevor. Tonight in the barn, for the second time, he was the one who pulled away, but he'd waited much longer this time.

She shifted on the cot. For a moment she thought of Reuben. She cared for him, but how could she possibly be content with him now? Her certainty about marrying him was still above fifty percent, just barely. If only she'd met Trevor a couple of years ago, before she'd joined the church. Everything was much more complicated now.

She should have been willing to listen to Reuben when he'd stopped by. After he'd talked about behaving in a way that benefited the community, he said he had something serious he needed to discuss. But she'd been too distracted by Zane and then by Lila needing her water bottle filled. If only Reuben had gotten to his point sooner. She flopped over to her side on the narrow cot, her thoughts returning to Trevor as an intense loneliness swept over her.

Finally she slept . . . and then awoke to Lila calling for her. The room was pitch-dark. Rose, thinking she was home in the bedroom she shared with Lila and Trudy, stirred. Lila's voice was faraway and soft. Was it time to do the milking?

Rose sat up.

"I need my pain medication," Lila said.

"Oh," Rose said, as it came back to her. Lila's injury. The little house.

Trevor.

What would Dat think of her? Worse, what would Reuben think? A month ago, she would have judged any girl who acted the way she had. But a month ago, she didn't know Trevor.

She wiggled into the sleeves of her robe, tied it, and shuffled over to Lila. She squinted at the clock. Four thirty. Dat would be up, ready to go milk. At least Zane was helping him today.

Rose opened the box and handed the pill to Lila. Her sister swallowed it and then said, "Denki. For everything. I know this is a really big inconvenience."

"No, it's fine," Rose said.

"You sleep on a cot. You don't have any time with Reuben. You have to give me meds. I wouldn't say that's fine."

Rose shook her head. "You're my sister. Of course it's fine." Rose headed back to her cot. She hoped to get another hour of rest, but she couldn't fall back to sleep. Her thoughts turned to the night before.

Rose regretted all of her tiny lies. A month ago she never would have guessed she could be so deceitful. Sure, she'd told a white lie now and then growing up, but this was getting out of hand.

She flung her covers off, stoked the fire, and then made coffee. From there she headed into the bathroom and turned on the battery-powered lamp. She looked into the mirror at the dark circles under her eyes. She'd get more sleep tonight, at home.

She pulled her braid over the front of her shoulder, undid the fastener, and loosened it. Her hair fell halfway down her back. She ventured back out to the kitchen, poured herself a cup of coffee, and then returned to the bathroom to fix her bun. All she could think about was Trevor.

At six thirty Zane stopped by straight from milking, bringing in a rush of cold air with him. "How is she?" he asked.

"Sleeping," Rose answered. Zane stepped to Lila's side and whispered, "Guder Mariye."

She opened her eyes and smiled a little but then tilted her face away from Zane.

Rose watched, half hoping Trevor would stop by, regardless of her earlier resolve.

"I need to get going," Zane said to Lila. Then to Rose he said, "Mom will be over soon."

"Gut," Rose answered.

Shani came over a few minutes later and Rose headed home through the field. The sun rose over the poplar trees, revealing a cold, cloudless sky. On the far side of the field, crimson leaves crowned the maple trees. The breeze picked up a little, sending a shower of leaves to the ground.

When she reached the house, Trudy was making coffee.

She immediately hugged Rose around the waist. "We're going to have Beth as our Mamm after all," Trudy squealed. "Isn't it great news?"

"What?" Rose asked, stepping backward. "Remember what I told you? Dat and Beth can't marry."

Trudy shook her head, sending her Kapp ties bobbing along her neck. "No, they can. Beth's husband died."

Rose's hand flew to her neck. "Ex-husband. And are you certain?"

This time Trudy nodded vehemently. "Jah, they told me last night. After they got back from telling Lila." Rose had a.s.sumed Dat felt it was about time he made the trip across the field to visit Lila, not to tell her life-changing news. Why hadn't they told her at the same time? She sighed. Perhaps her giggling on the front porch had made Dat decide to wait. She hugged her little sister back, wishing she could match Trudy's enthusiasm. Now she and Reuben would have to wait even longer to marry. Her face grew warm at the hypocrisy of kissing Trevor-and then lamenting the delay in marrying Reuben. She was shameless.

A half hour later, Dat whistled as he came in for breakfast.

"I hear congratulations are in order," Rose said.

"Jah." He glanced at Trudy. "So you heard the news."

Rose nodded and Trudy squirmed a little in her chair.

"It's all right," Dat said. "I'm happy to have it shared."

"What does Bishop Byler have to say about all of this?" Rose asked as she dished up the eggs.

"He spoke with the deacons last night and then left a message. None of them have a problem with it."

"Oh," Rose said. "What about the rest of the congregation? Didn't someone talk with Gideon about how much time you and Beth were spending together, before Lila's accident?"

"Jah," Dat said. "Someone did. It was me."

"You?"

He nodded. "A couple of times, in fact. I realized I'd come to care for Beth too much. My feelings concerned me, and I needed someone to hold me accountable. I was honest with Beth that I'd spoken with Gideon, but everyone a.s.sumed someone else had brought it up."

Rose's face grew warm. "Oh," she managed to say, surprised Dat had tattled on himself. Here she thought it had been Reuben. Then again, Dat had always been forthright and honest. A wave of conviction swept through her. Maybe she should talk with someone about Trevor.

No. That would be ridiculous. If she did, what she'd done would get back to Reuben in no time. Dat didn't have anything to lose by asking someone to hold him accountable, but she did.

Dat ate his eggs and ham quickly and then thanked Rose for preparing breakfast. It probably wouldn't have mattered if she'd served him dry toast, not today. He retrieved his Bible from the side table, read the Scripture for the day out loud, and whistled his way back outside.

Dat was as happy as she'd ever seen him. He was still whistling, this time from the chicken coop, as she hitched the horse to the buggy to take Trudy to school. By the time she returned from school, the day was warming. She started on the laundry and then, while it dried on the line, prepared a dinner of meatloaf and baked potatoes for Dat, along with an apple crisp for dessert. When he came in at noon from harvesting the corn in the far field, he asked when she planned to see Reuben next.

"I'm not sure." She dreaded their next encounter.

"He seems quiet lately," Dat responded. "Is everything all right?"

"Jah." She quickly changed the subject, asking if he and Beth had come up with a guest list for the wedding.

"Just family," he answered. "And Gideon and Monika. And the Becks."

"Do you have a list of what needs to be done?"

Dat shook his head and then smiled. "But Beth does."

What a relief it would be for Dat to have someone to partner with in life. Guilt washed over her. There was no doubt Reuben would be a good husband, much better than Trevor. How could she have been so foolish? She wouldn't see Trevor anymore-she had no future with him.

After she'd cleaned up from dinner and did the dishes, she ran a load of sheets through the wash and hung them on the line before going to pick up Trudy. Once she reached the school, she parked and went inside to say h.e.l.lo to Beth. She was radiant.

As Trudy told her teacher good-bye, Beth leaned down and gave her a hug. There was both a peace and an excitement in Beth that Rose hadn't seen before. She would be a mother-something she'd surely longed for her entire life. Rose thought of Reuben again, and then of Trevor. It was also obvious who would make the better father. She must, when it came to Trevor, follow her head and not her heart. Thankfully, as long as Trevor didn't tell anyone, Reuben would never know that she'd kissed the Englischer-twice. She wouldn't do it again.

The next time Reuben came by, she'd take the time to listen to him. She'd had her fun.

When they returned home, Rose pulled the laundry off the line, folded it and put it away, and then changed into her milking dress to help Dat. Trudy asked to go see Lila, but Rose said she needed to stay home. "Do your homework," she said. "Then put the pot of soup on the stove."

Weariness was catching up with Rose.

As she headed to the barn, the sound of a horse and buggy stopped her. She turned. It was Reuben. He waved and smiled slightly, as much as he ever did.

She waved back.

As he approached he called out, "I'll help with the milking."

She could have hugged him. "Denki," she answered. Relieved, she headed back to the house and changed into her regular clothes. She'd rest for a half hour and then make biscuits and potato cakes to go with the soup.

After settling into Dat's chair, the next thing she knew Trudy was shaking her arm. "The soup is hot," her little sister said.

Rose rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Five forty-five."

"Oh, no." Rose struggled to her feet. "Is Dat done with the milking?"

"He's just finishing up."

"What about Reuben?"

"He went on home."

Rose headed to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Reuben didn't want me to," Trudy said. "He said he needed to talk with you but he'd do it the next time he saw you."

Rose wished he hadn't left. What if he could sense what she'd done? Or worse yet, what if some sort of gossip had already started?

She turned on the heat to the oven and then quickly mixed the flour, baking powder, and salt, and cut in the b.u.t.ter and added the milk to the dough. Instead of rolling it, she dropped spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. As she pulled the handful of leftover baked potatoes from lunch out of the refrigerator, Trudy announced that someone was coming up the driveway.

Standing at the window, her little sister turned toward Rose. "It's Trevor."

"Oh, dear." Rose hoped Dat was still busy in the barn. At least Reuben had gone home. She hurried out the back door as Trevor climbed out of the car.

He grinned as he saw her. "Where's the fire?" he asked.

"Right here if my Dat sees you." She tried to keep her voice playful even though she was serious.

He stepped closer, and she stepped back.

He c.o.c.ked his head, a sad expression on his face. "You're not happy to see me?"

"That's not it," Rose said. "I'm cooking supper. Dat will be coming in from the barn any minute."

He grinned again. "So bad timing on my part?"

She nodded.

"I can come back. . . . I really hoped we could talk." He smiled down at her. "We need to talk."

She didn't answer.

"Say, around nine? Could you meet me in the Becks' barn?"

She shook her head and said softly, "How about our barn? But don't park here."

He nodded. "See you then." He stepped closer and put his hand on her shoulder, making her whole body tingle. He whispered, "I want to kiss you, right now."

"You can't," she whispered back, ducking away from his hand. "Go."

He pouted a little, but in a teasing way, as he retreated to his car while her heart raced. She couldn't help but compare Reuben's lack of pursuit of her today to Trevor's.