Dat cleared his throat again. "There's more I need to say."

Lila tried to smile, to encourage him.

"I never intended to care for Beth the way I've come to. I never guessed I'd care enough about someone to marry again. I loved your Mamm, truly, but I wasn't the best husband to her."

Lila shook her head. "You don't need to say this."

Dat sighed. "No, it's true. I didn't feel I deserved another wife, but then as I spent more time with Beth and got to know her more . . ." He shrugged. "Well, Gideon probably should have stopped us from spending time together, but the truth is, I should have. I knew how I felt. I just couldn't do it on my own."

Beth reached for his hand and in a soft-but also teasing-voice said, "Tim, you're making this sound worse than it was."

Dat smiled a little. "I don't mean to." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have let myself have feelings for someone I couldn't marry."

Beth didn't respond.

Lila raised her eyebrows.

"Jah," Beth said. "Well . . ." She shrugged. "Things have worked out."

Feeling uncomfortable, Lila scrambled to change the subject. "Did your ex-husband remarry?" she asked Beth. "Did he have any children?"

"He did remarry, but then divorced, again. And no, he didn't have any children."

"Oh," Lila said, feeling a little foolish for having asked. It really didn't matter.

Beth glanced at Dat. He tugged on his beard and looked around, clearly done with the conversation. "Where's Rose?"

Lila's face grew even warmer. "Over at Shani's. Getting my medicine."

"All right," Dat said. "We'll head that way. We wanted to speak with her too."

Before Dat and Beth got to the front door, Lila heard voices on the front porch. Then laughter. Rose, her face flushed, tumbled through the door, followed by Trevor. Dat cleared his throat.

"Oh, h.e.l.lo," Rose said, her eyes downcast.

Trevor's smile faded. He quickly greeted Dat and Beth and then said he needed to get going. "Good-bye," he said to Rose and then waved toward Lila as he headed out the door.

"We went over to Shani's," Rose said. "To get Lila's medicine."

"Where's Zane?" Lila asked.

Rose shrugged. "We didn't see him."

"He went over to find you."

She shrugged again. "He must have gone behind the barn, then."

Lila was sure her sister was lying.

"You should load up my pillbox and then take the bottle back to Shani."

"Oh, dear," Rose said. "Trevor put the bottle in his pocket." She stepped toward the door. "I'll catch him before he drives away. Be right back."

Dat directed his gaze toward Lila and shook his head.

It was Lila's turn to shrug. "I have no idea what's going on," she said. Being injured was hard enough, but keeping track of Rose was impossible.

Beth and Dat said good-bye again and then headed out the door. Jah, Dat had finally come but to share his big news-not to see how Lila was doing. She was happy for him-she really was-but the emptiness inside her expanded a little bit more. Perhaps he was simply doing the best he could. She wished it felt like enough.

13.

As Rose reached Shani and Joel's yard, the taillights of a car disappeared down Juneberry Lane. It had to be Trevor. She couldn't knock on their door and ask to use their phone and reveal Trevor had the pills in his pocket. Shani had been very direct in telling Rose to take good care of the meds, and she'd even asked Trevor if he knew anything about the missing bottle.

Of course he didn't, and Rose had been uncomfortable when Shani asked him. Most likely, Shani had misplaced the bottle and it would turn up soon. Then, to make things even worse, Shani had also directly asked Trevor why he was with Rose. Shani put her hand on her hip and shook a finger at him, saying, "Trevor Anderson, you're staying at Charlie and Eve's. You shouldn't be on Juneberry Lane this late in the evening again." Rose had never seen Shani so cranky.

Trevor just laughed though and said he'd mind his manners better. "I'm not here to stir up trouble," he'd said. "I promise." Rose wasn't sure if Shani believed him or not, but the annoyed look on her face said she probably didn't. Surely Trevor wouldn't take Lila's pain meds.

Jah, Rose couldn't knock on the Becks' door-that was for sure. She had only one choice-run to Dat's office and call Trevor from there. He'd given her his number when Lila was still in the hospital, and Rose had quickly memorized it. As she turned toward the field, the Becks' front door swung open. It was Zane, calling out, "h.e.l.lo! I'm headed back to see Lila."

That complicated things. She couldn't have him going back over to the little house with Dat and Beth heading toward the lane. He was sure to b.u.mp into them, and then when Zane arrived he'd find Rose wasn't there. Once he told Lila he'd seen Rose a few minutes earlier, they'd all wonder where she'd gone.

She started to speak before she thought everything through. "Dat's over with Lila. This is the first time he's been to see her since she got out of the hospital-I think it would be good for them to have some time. . . ."

"Did Lila send you over to tell me that?"

Rose nodded, trying to ignore the guilt welling up inside of her.

"All right." Zane seemed resigned to do what he thought Lila wanted. "How long should I wait?"

Rose shrugged. "Thirty minutes, maybe." She waved and hurried away, dashing in back of the hedge before he could say anything more or before Dat and Beth walked around the barn. Once she reached the field, she stayed close to the poplars.

She'd literally run into Trevor going around the barn on her way over to Shani's earlier. He'd grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her from falling, and then said he needed to speak with her. At first she was reluctant to follow him into the barn again, feeling the shame of being rejected by him after their kiss.

But then he'd said, "I need to talk with you about what happened." She couldn't resist wanting to know what he had to say. What if he didn't regret kissing her after all? She followed him into the barn.

"You're courting Reuben, right?" he'd said. "And I have an ex-girlfriend back home, one I've had on and off since high school. I broke up with her, but I'm, well, I'm still sad about all of that. So we're kind of in the same boat, right?"

Rose had nodded, surprised at her relief that he was no longer with his girlfriend.

"So let's just have some fun," he'd said. "Talk and things like that."

Standing in the Becks' barn, Rose decided she liked that idea. She didn't tell Trevor that. She'd simply said, "We'll see."

But now, as she reached her Dat's barn, she realized what Trevor was proposing was exactly what she'd hoped for in the first place. A little fun until Reuben got over his taking the high road in deciding not to marry her until Lila and Zane could marry each other.

She opened Dat's office door and stepped to the phone on the desk, breathing hard as she dialed Trevor's cell phone. He didn't answer so she left a message, asking him to return the medication immediately. Then she hurried back to the little house.

She stopped for a moment before she reached the porch, breathing deeply. There would be no point rushing inside, panting. That would only make Lila suspicious.

A moment later, she slowly opened the front door and stepped inside. "Sorry it took so long. Shani ran an errand-I waited, thinking she'd be right back." Rose couldn't believe how easy it was to spin one lie after another. "I'll go back over in a few minutes."

Lila gave her a puzzled look. Rose hoped she'd fall asleep, and that Trevor would return before Zane arrived.

Lila did fall asleep, which was a blessing. Zane arrived before Trevor and sat by her side, even though he should have been finishing the bathroom. The door still didn't close properly. He just sat there, staring at Lila.

Finally Rose said, "Aren't you tired?" She was considering dashing back over to the barn and calling Trevor again.

Zane shook his head but then yawned. He put his hand to his mouth. "Maybe a little."

"She's fine," Rose said.

"It sounds as if she had a rough day," Zane said.

"It wasn't too bad." Rose returned to the kitchen to scrub the sink.

Finally Zane left, and just as Rose swung her cape on to dash back to her Dat's barn, there was a light tapping on the door. It had to be Trevor. She opened the door a crack. He stood in front of her with an impish grin on his face. Relieved, she put her finger to her mouth.

Trevor motioned for her to step outside, which she did, closing the door behind her. She held out her hand.

"Sorry about that." He pulled the bottle from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. "I parked by the cedar tree-so the Becks wouldn't know I'm around. Want to go back to the barn?"

Rose hesitated, squeezing the bottle in her fist, wondering how much longer Lila would sleep. "I'll go check on her," she said. "And load her pillbox." She knew going to the barn wasn't a good idea. "Then you can walk me back over to Shani's."

"Sure." His voice had a hint of teasing to it.

Rose filled the pillbox and then led the way to Shani's, telling Trevor to wait when they reached the edge of the lawn. She dashed up the steps and knocked softly on the door. Zane answered. "I'm returning these to your mom," she said.

He held out his hand.

Rose held onto the bottle. "I told your mom I'd give them to her."

Zane gave her an odd look, shook his head, and then said, "She's in the kitchen."

"Denki." Rose hurried past him, noticing he had sweats on instead of his Amish pants. Perhaps he was growing lazy living with his parents. The house was warm. The lights were on.

Shani was starting the dishwasher. "Oh, hi," she said.

Rose handed her the bottle.

"Thanks so much," she said.

"Lila's asleep, but I better get back," Rose said.

"See you in the morning," Shani answered.

Rose waved at Zane, who sat on the sofa with a book in his hand. At least he didn't have the TV on. He waved back and said, "I'll do the milking for you in the morning."

"Denki," she answered as she opened the door. "I appreciate that." She truly did. It was a pain to spend the night with Lila and then trudge across the field before dawn. "Tell your mom she doesn't need to come over early, then."

Trevor wasn't waiting where she'd left him. She heard a horrible imitation of the hoot of an owl coming from the barn, so she started that way and saw a beam of light from the doorway.

"Whew," she said as she approached Trevor. "I was afraid we were going to get caught."

"Caught?"

"Shani told me to keep the pills with me-and you took them." She giggled. "I had to be creative with Dat and Lila-and then Zane too. But it all worked out."

"Why is Shani so uptight about the pills?" Trevor asked.

"She's afraid someone took the missing bottle. I don't think it's a biggie. . . . It probably just got misplaced."

Trevor had a sweet smile on his face, as if he'd stopped listening. He nodded toward the bench. "Can you sit, for just a minute?"

She nodded and followed him. As they sat, he reached into his pocket and took out a small metal container and unscrewed the lid. "Want a drink?" he asked.

"What is it?"

He smiled. "Nothing much. Cheap whiskey."

She shook her head.

"Come on," he said. "Just taste it."

Simon and Daniel used to drink, and Simon probably still did. She never had, not even the one time when one of the boys her age pa.s.sed her a bottle behind a shed after a singing. It wouldn't hurt to try it-just once.

She reached out her hand. Trevor smiled and pa.s.sed it to her.

She took a taste, swallowing quickly. It burned going down, and she started to cough. She swallowed again.

"Try it again," Trevor said.

She did. This time she felt the burning deep in her body. She handed the flask back, quickly, a little alarmed by how it made her feel.

Trevor took a drink, left the lid off, and then handed it back to her. She took another drink and then one more. When she returned it, he twisted the lid on and slipped the container back into his pocket. He put his arm around her.

She scooted close. "You didn't take the pills, right?"

"Of course not." He didn't seem offended that she'd asked. "I had to take that stuff for pain, after I got injured. No fun at all. At first it dulls the pain and numbs your mind. It starts as a nice escape, but then I ended up getting anxious when I wasn't on the meds and had this weird feeling of impending doom, which ended up feeling like a panic attack. So that was no fun. It took me a while to get off the stuff." He shook his head. "So, yeah, I wouldn't touch those ever again."

Rose leaned back a little, alarmed. "Do you think Lila's going to have a problem?"