'God, darling, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. I can't believe it.'

'I know.'

'I'll be there as soon as I can.'

By the time I've got back home and unpacked the shopping I'm due at the shop. Gran's taken the boys for a walk on the beach with Reg, and Trevor, and I've almost managed to calm down, mainly by trying not to think about it.

I'm sorting through the mohair and silks, and trying to pretend everything's normal when Martin arrives, and starts trailing a tape measure about, whistling.

'Two sets, or one?'

'Sorry?'

'By the door. Do you want a set either side, or just the one?'

'I'm not sure. Both sides, I think.'

'OK. That shouldn't be too tricky. Great meal last night. But it's my treat, next time.'

'Sure.'

'So, whenever you're free?'

'Sorry?'

'If you'd like to ... Look, are you all right? You seem a bit strange. If you've changed your mind or anything, I completely understand.' He's looking worried now.

'No, it's not that. It's just, well ...'

'What?'

'I think I might be pregnant.'

Christ, why on earth did I say that?

He takes a step backwards.

'But you can't be. It was only a kiss.' He sounds panicky now.

The poor man must think I've gone into some kind of nutter meltdown; one kiss and now I'm announcing I'm pregnant.

'I know, Martin. Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything this is none of your business. I've only just found out, that's all.'

'Oh right, for a minute there ... sorry. So who, I mean, God, sorry, just ignore me. It's none of my business.'

'Do you remember that photographer who came into the shop, when Ellen was down, a few months ago? The one who was doing the pictures of Grace for the magazine? Well, we met up, in Venice. Anyway, I've only just found out, I haven't really had time to ... well, anyway, sorry, I shouldn't be telling you all this. Please don't say anything.'

There's a silence.

'Of course. Right. Sorry.'

'Please stop saying sorry, Martin.'

He moves forward, and then he hesitates.

'I should probably go.'

'OK.'

'We can sort the shelves out any time just let me know. I've got all the measurements I need.'

'Great.'

'But call me, if you need anything. Not that I'll be much use, but still, sorry ... Look, I'd better be off.'

'Thanks, Martin.'

Damn. It looks like that's all over, before it even began, whatever it was.

By the time Ellen and Harry arrive I'm exhausted. I've rearranged most of the stock in the shop in between serving customers and helping Tina pick up the stitches for the front border of her cardigan; all excellent diversionary tactics, but pretty knackering. The boys are building train track all over the living-room floor. Harry's helping them, while Ellen and I sit in the kitchen.

'So how are you feeling, darling? A bit less freaked out now you've had time to think?'

I nod, and then burst into tears, as quietly as can, so there's a fair bit of shoulder-heaving and smothered gulping.

'It might not be definite, you know. How many tests have you done?'

'Three.'

'Oh.'

'Yes. And anyway, I know it is. I can't believe I've been so stupid it's just like I was with the boys. Christ, you'd think I'd have realised sooner. And what if something goes wrong? What if I die? What'll happen to the boys then?'

'Nothing's going to happen.'

'But what if it did?'

'Then me and your Gran would take care of them, and Vin and Lulu, but nothing's going to happen, please. Christ, you'll have me in tears in a minute.'

'I don't know what's the matter with me.'

'Yes, you do. Don't you remember how obsessed you got when you were pregnant with Archie? You made us all show you our life-insurance policies, and you made Nick go on that first aid-course.'

'Yes, and I bloody wish I'd gone on it myself now. I can't do artificial respiration or anything.'

'Neither could Nick. He just did splints and bandages, remember? He put that bandage on my arm so tight I couldn't hold my glass.'

'Yes, but I don't even know how to do splints. Christ, I really don't think I can do this, Ellen.'

'You mean not go ahead with it? That would be all right, you know, darling it's a lot to take on.'

'No, I couldn't, not after having the boys. It would feel like tempting fate.'

'Sorry?'

'Turning down the chance of another baby, it would feel selfish when I've been so lucky with the boys. The gods would punish me or something. I've looked at too many scan pictures for too long. Christ, what if it's a girl? I can't do girls. I can barely do boys.'

She smiles.

'Of course you can.'

'I'm nearly forty, for Christ's sake. I thought I'd be moving towards hot flushing, not having another baby.'

'Forty's not old, darling.'

'I know it's not, but I've had my babies, and anyway we were sensible, we used condoms, we really did. It's so embarrassing, I feel like a complete idiot.'

'Is it a mistake then?'

'Well, I didn't bloody plan it, that's for sure.'

'I know, but I was thinking about it on the drive down, and maybe it's a kind of payback for all the crap you had last year. It's something positive and new, like fate has stepped in. Maybe it's all just part of life's wonderful journey.'

She tries to keep a straight face, but then snorts with laughter, which makes me laugh too.

'Christ. It's just one thing after another with you, isn't it?'

'Thanks.'

'I used to be so jealous of you.'

'But not any more though, right?'

She smiles.

'No. I still am, actually.'

'Then you must be mad.'

'Darling, think about it: you meet Nick and get married and have two lovely boys, and it was all so perfect, I could hardly bear it sometimes. Not that I was in love with Nick or anything like that.'

We both smile.

'But still, it was all so grown-up and real I used to feel like your silly teenage sister sometimes, never really getting to do any of the proper stuff.'

'And that's another thing I can't get my head round, the idea that it's not Nick's baby, you know. I want to ring him up in Jerusalem and say number three is on the way, and hear him say, Oh Christ, we just got rid of the cot, like he did with Archie. And then he'd get tearful when we went for the scan, and pretend he wasn't, and flirt with the midwife.'

She puts her hand on my arm.

'Stop it.'

'OK.'

'This is your baby. And Daniel's. At least I assume its Daniel's, unless you've got any more surprises up your sleeve. God, I need a drink.'

'So do I, but I think I'd better stick to tea. There's still some of that vodka you brought down last time in the pantry, if you fancy that?'

'Hallelujah.'

She fills a tumbler with ice and pours herself what must be a quadruple vodka, and takes a more modest one in for Harry.

'They're having a fabulous time in there they've got trains everywhere. So, have you thought about what you're going to do, about Daniel?'

'I think I'll wait, until I'm sure everything's all right.'

'Good plan.'

'And then, I don't know, I'll have to tell him, but I don't think he'll want to be part of it, not now he's back with Liv. And that's fine.'

'Is it?'

'Yes. Absolutely. He didn't sign up for this.'

'Neither did you.'

'No, but I've got a choice. So if I go for it, and I will, then I don't want him guilt-tripped into anything, mucking us all about. I really don't want that. It'd be crap for everyone, but most important of all it'd be crap for the boys.'

'Or boys and girl.'

'Please.'

'Well, good for you. I'd leave it until you've had the baby, if I was you. That way if he wants a DNA test it'll be simple.'

'I don't think it'll come to that, Ellen.'

'He's loaded, darling he'll think you're after his money. Which you bloody should be. Why should this be down to you?'

'Because it's me that's having it. I haven't asked him to decide, and I'm not going to. This is my choice, and there's no point pretending there's anything else going on. I'll tell him, of course I will, and then it'll be down to what he wants to do about visits or whatever, but it'll be nothing more than that. We're not a couple, Ellen, we never were. Christ, if you'd told me this time last year that all this would be happening I'd never have believed you.'

'No, but at least you're making hay while the sun shines.'

'I don't like hay it brings me out in a rash.'

'I'm trying to be helpful here. Work with me, would you? When you think about it all the really big stuff just happens, you know, the really major stuff like having babies. And dying. Not that the two are connected. But we think we're in control, although all we can really do is faff about around the edges.'

'Have you been reading one of your Who Moved My Chicken Soup From Venus books again?'

'No. But it's true, you can only play the cards you're dealt, right?'