_A._ According to circ.u.mstances, from three-fifths to nineteen-twentieths of his easily-secured takings.

_Q._ And what does promotion do for the promoter?

_A._ It usually bestows upon him temporary prosperity.

_Q._ Why do you say "temporary"?

_A._ Because a pleasant present is frequently followed by a disastrous future.

_Q._ You mean, then, that this prosperity is like the companies promoted, "limited"?

_A._ Yes, by the Court of Bankruptcy.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "ON 'CHANGE"

_Brown._ "Mornin'. Fresh mornin', ain't it?"

_Smith._ "'Course it is. Every morning's a fresh morning! By-bye!"

[_Brown's temper all day is quite unbearable._

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Sympathetic Pa.s.ser-by._ "But if he's badly hurt, why doesn't he go to the hospital?" _British Workman._ "Wot! In 'is dinner-time!!"]

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT PERVERSIONS (_By Dumb-Crambo, Junior_)

[Ill.u.s.tration: Washing wanted]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Vacancy for one pupil]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Improver wanted in the dressmaking]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Left-off clothing]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Branch establishment]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Engagement wanted, as housekeeper. Highly recommended]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Board and residence]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Unfurnished flat]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Smart youth wanted]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Mangling done on the shortest notice]

RIVER STYX.--"The thousand masts of Thames."

THE MAN WE SHOULD LIKE TO SEND TO A SeANCE.--The man who knows how to hit the happy medium.

APPROPRIATE _LOCALE_ FOR THE DAIRY SHOW.--Chalk Farm.

A TIDY DROP.--A gla.s.s of spirits, _neat_.

[Ill.u.s.tration: LORD MAYOR'S SHOW AS IT OUGHT TO BE

_Designed by Mr. Punch's Special Processionist_]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ANOTHER SUGGESTION FOR THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW AS IT OUGHT TO BE]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "'Nuts for the monkeys, sir? Buy a bag o' nuts for the monkeys!"

"I'm not going to the Zoo."

"Ah, well, sir, have some to take home to the children!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: HYDE PARK, MAY 1

_Country Cousin._ "What is the meaning of this, policeman?"

_Constable._ "Labour day, miss."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Boy_ (_to Cabby with somewhat shadowy horse_). "Look 'ere, guv'nor, you'd better tie a knot in 'is tail afore 'e gets wet, or 'e might slip through 'is collar!"]