[Ill.u.s.tration: ONE OF "LIFE'S LITTLE IRONIES"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: OVERHEARD OUTSIDE A FAMOUS RESTAURANT

"Hullo, Gus! What are you waiting about here for?"

"I'm waiting till the banks close. I want to cash a cheque!"]

"UNSATISFACTORY COMMERCIAL RELATIONS."--Our "uncles."

COUNTRY SHAREHOLDERS.--Ploughmen.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Working Man, sitting on the steps of a big house in, say, Russell Square, smoking pipe. A mate pa.s.ses by with plumbing tools, &c._

_Man with tools._ "Hullo, Jim! Wot are yer doin' 'ere? Caretakin'?"

_Man on steps._ "No. I'm the howner, 'ere."

_Man with tools._ "'Ow's that?"

_Man on steps._ "Why, I did a bit o' plumbing in the 'ouse, an' I took the place in part payment for the job."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE GLORIOUS FIFTH

_Benevolent Lady_ (_fond of the good old customs_). "Here, my boy, is something for your guy."

_Conscientious Youth._ "We ain't got no guy, mum; this 'ere's grandfather!"]

A "YOUNG SHAVER."--A barber's baby.

JOINT ACCOUNT.--A butcher's bill.

[Ill.u.s.tration: AFTER "THE SLUMP" IN THE CITY.--_Weak Speculator in South African market_ (_about to pay the barber who has been shaving him_). "A shilling! eh? Why, your charge used to be only sixpence." _City Barber._ "Yes, sir; _but you've got such a long face_, we're obliged to increase the price!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I don't arst yer fer money. I don't _want_ money. Wot I wants is bread. _'Ave_ yer got such a thing as a bit o' bread about yer, me lord?"]

THE PROMOTER'S VADE MEc.u.m

(_Subject to Revision after the Vacation_)

_Question._ What is meant by the promotion of a company?

_Answer._ The process of separating capital from its possessor.

_Q._ How is this end accomplished?

_A._ By the preparation and publication of a prospectus.

_Q._ Of what does a prospectus consist?

_A._ A front page and a statement of facts.

_Q._ Define a front page.

_A._ The bait covering the hook, the lane leading to the pitfall, the lath concealing the quagmire--occasionally.

_Q._ Of what is a front page composed?

_A._ t.i.tles, and other suggestions of respectability.

_Q._ How are these suggestions obtained?

_A._ In the customary fashion.

_Q._ Can a banking account be put to any particular service in the promotion of a company?

_A._ Certainly; it eases the wheels in all directions.

_Q._ Can it obtain the good-will of the Press?

_A._ Only of questionable and usually short-lived periodicals.

_Q._ But the destination of the cash scarcely affects the promoter?

_A._ No; for he loses in any case.

_Q._ How much of his profits does he sometimes have to disgorge?