Mr. Punch on the Warpath.

by Various.

"FORWARD!"

Was there ever protean like MR. PUNCH! The little man is a wonder. In so many guises do we encounter him--now as tourist, again as playgoer, as huntsman, as artist, as bohemian, and equally as stay-at-home philistine, on the bench and on the golf-links, ash.o.r.e and afloat, where not and how not?--that we need be in no wise surprised to find him on the warpath. Is he not the official jester of a warlike people?

Of course it may be suggested that in the present book we do not have what is entirely a record of his achievements on many a well-fought field. There are not many echoes here of real red war, but the mimic battle with its humours is well in evidence. The only recent experience of the real thing leaves MR. PUNCH too sore of heart to say much about it. But as we are all believers in the maxim "in time of peace prepare for war," and as most of our time is peaceful, we are always "preparing"--hence, perhaps, the reason why we are never ready. But there is a deal of humour in the process, and it is for fun we look to MR. PUNCH. Nor shall we look vainly here, for in the past Charles Keene found many of his happiest subjects in the humours of military life and volunteering, while to-day Mr. Raven-Hill, himself an enthusiastic volunteer, ably carries on the tradition, and has many brilliant aiders and abettors.

MR. PUNCH is, by turns, general, drum major, full private, cavalry man and "kiltie," he is also A. B. when the occasion serves, and would be horse-marine if necessary! At all events he has given the command, and it's "Forward!"

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MR. PUNCH ON THE WARPATH

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WATERLOO UP-TO-DATE _(a fact)_.

_Belgian Guide._ Ze brave Picton 'e fall in ze arms of _victoire_----

_Facetious Britisher._ Where was Lord Roberts?

_Guide (not to be done)._ Lord Robert 'e stand on _zis montagne_, and 'e cry, "Hoop, Garde, and at zem!"

The report that there are 46,719 total abstainers in the British Army is welcome news, but what grieves recruiting officers is the number of total abstainers from the British Army.

CURIOUS MILITARY FACT.--The seat of war is always the spot where two forces are standing up to one another.

A SPOT TO BE AVOIDED BY ROYAL ARTILLERYMEN.--Gunnersbury.

ADVICE FOR MARTINETS.--Military authorities should consider whether it would not be advisable to abate a little of their solicitude for the tidiness of a regiment, and pay somewhat more attention to its mess.

AMONG WARRIORS.

_Interested Patron._ So I see you lost an arm in the battle.

_An Atkins ("back from the Front")._ Ay, sir, and my companion here _(indicating Atkins No. 2)_ he lost a leg.

_Patron._ And your Colonel--in the same battle, eh?

_Atkins No. 2._ Ah! he was worse off than either of us, sir; he lost his head.

ARMY CHAPLAINS.--Wouldn't they be all doubly serviceable in time of war if they were all canons?

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Bluejacket (in charge of party of sightseers)._ "Here Nelson fell."

_Old Lady._ "An' I don't wonder at it, poor dear. Nasty slippery place!

I nearly fell there myself!"]

"THE BLACK WATCH"

The Black Watch will go night and day.

The Black Watch can be depended upon in any climate.

The Black Watch always keeps time.

The Black Watch is never out of gear.

The Black Watch wants no "winding up."

The Black Watch can be warranted for any period.

_Historian of the War (to Private of the Dublin Fusiliers)._ Now tell me, my man, what struck you most at the battle of Colenso?

_P. of D. F._ Begorra, sorr, fwhat shtruck me mosht was the shower of bullets that missed me.

A MYSTERY FROM s...o...b..RY.--When does the cannon ball? When the Vickers-Maxim.

"Yes, my dear Lavinia," says Mrs. Ramsbotham, rather annoyed with her niece, "I _do_ know perfectly well what a soldier's 'have-a-snack' is.

It is so-called because he carries his lunch in it. No, my dear, I am not so ignorant as you may think."

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Fond Mother (reading letter from only son at the front)._ "Charlie says our Generals are perfect idiots!"]