[Ill.u.s.tration: INTELLIGENT!--_Artist_ (_who thinks he has found a good model for his Touchstone_). "Have you any sense of humour, Mr. Bingles?"

_Model._ "Thank y' sir, no, sir, thank y'. I enj'ys pretty good 'ealth, sir, thank y' sir!"]

THE PERILS OF A CONVERSAZIONE

_Miss Fillip_ (_to gentleman whose name she did not catch when introduced_). Have you read _A Modern Heliogabolus_?

_He._ Yes, I have.

_Miss F._ All through?

_He._ Yes, from beginning to end.

_Miss F._ Dear me! I wonder you're alive! How did you manage to get through it?

_He_ (_diffidently_). Unfortunately, I wrote it.

[_Miss F. catches a distant friend's eye._

THE SOUND SLEEPER'S PARADISE.--Snoring.

_PATENT_ NIGHT-LIGHTS.--Stars.

EPITAPH ON A CHAMPION BILLIARD PLAYER.--"Taking his long rest."

TONED PAPER.--Sheets of music.

ITEM ON A MENU OF LITERARY PABULUM.--"Shakspeare and Bacon."

RACE GLa.s.sES.--Champagne.

THE MAID OF THE MILL.--A lady boxer.

[Ill.u.s.tration: SENTIMENT.--(_Artistic-minded Youth in midst of a fierce harangue from his father, who is growing hotter and redder_). "By Jove, that's a fine bit of colour, if you like!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "What an a.s.s old Brown is!"

"Oh, I don't know. He's got far more brains than appear on the surface."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Art-Master_ (_who has sent for a cab, pointing to horse_). "What do you call that?"

_Cabby._ "An 'orse, sir."

_Art-Master._ "A horse! Rub it out, and do it again!"]

A PARCEL OF PROVERBS, &c. COMPLETED

Take time by the forelock--to have his hair cut.

Follow your leader--in your daily paper.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating--a great deal of it.

Never look a gift-horse in the mouth--lest you should find false teeth.

The hare with many friends--was eaten at last.

A st.i.tch in time saves nine--or more naughty words, when a b.u.t.ton comes off while you are dressing in a great hurry for dinner.

One man's meat is another man's poison--when badly cooked.

Don't count your chickens before they are hatched--by the patent incubator.

Love is blind--and unwilling to submit to an operation.

First catch your hare--then cook it with rich gravy.

Nil Desperandum--PERCY VERE.

[Ill.u.s.tration: NON-COMMITTAL.--