[Ill.u.s.tration: AT THE R.A.--_First Painter._ "I've just been showing my aunt round. Most amusing. Invariably picks out the wrong pictures to admire and denounces the good ones!"

_Second Painter._ "Did she say anything about mine?"

_First Painter._ "Oh, she liked yours!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I say, old man, I've invented a new drink. Big success!

Come and try it."

"What's it made of?"

"Well, it's something like the ordinary whisky and soda, but you put more whisky in it!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A PROPHET IN HIS OWN COUNTRY

_Sylvia._ "I wonder whether he'll be a soldier or a sailor?"

_Mamma._ "Wouldn't you like him to be an artist, like papa?"

_Sylvia._ "Oh, one in the family's quite enough!"]

"THE BITTER END."--The last half inch of a halfpenny cigar.

THE WORST POSSIBLE NAME FOR AN AUTHOR.--Dr. Dozy.

Why oughtn't a boot and shoemaker to be trusted?

Because he's a slippery customer.

THE RACE FOR WEALTH.--Jews.

Ba.s.sO PROFONDO.--A deep draught of bitter beer.

EXERCISE FOR CITY CLERKS.--A run on a Bank.

Pa.s.sING THE TIME.--Going by a clock.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Coming off with flying colours]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THY FACE

SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]

LITERARY NOTES

A well-known diner-out has, we learn, collected his reminiscences, and would be glad to hear from some obliging gentleman or gentlemen who would "earnestly request" him to publish them.

We should add that no names would be mentioned, the preface merely opening as follows:--

"Although these stray gleanings of past years are of but ephemeral value, and though they were collected with no thought of publication, the writer at the earnest request of a friend" (or "many friends," if more than one) "has reluctantly consented to give his scattered reminiscences to the world."

The following volumes in "The Biter Bit" series are announced as shortly to appear:--

"The Fighter Fit; or practical hints on pugilistic training."

"The Lighter Lit: a treatise on the illumination of Thames barges."

"The Slighter Slit: or a new and economical method of cutting out."

"The Tighter t.i.t: studies in the comparative inebriation of birds."

[Ill.u.s.tration: Some fine form was exhibited]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A two-figure break]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A heat of 500 up]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Finishing the game with a cannon]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Opening with the customary miss]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Spot barred]