Every day she's here and I can't have her.

It's the f.u.c.king hardest thing to do, to be around the person you love, with everything you have, and not be able to love them.

I hate college. I hate the never ending pressure to be this hot shot f.u.c.king kid. I hate the constant recognition from everyone because I can pitch a decent game. I hate the stupid endless string of college parties I'm pressured to going to and I hate the attention from all the other girls when I only ever want one. And she won't give it to me.

I hate the stupid cla.s.ses and the stupid commitments, because they all keep me away from her.

I'm so f.u.c.king close to throwing this s.h.i.t in and just going pro. But I don't, because I know she wouldn't follow me.

And none of this s.h.i.t makes sense without her.

Sometimes I see her and see that scared little girl I saw when we pulled up to her parents house that night. I hate that she ever has to feel like that.

I want to shut out the world around us and have it just be me and her, the way we are behind closed doors. Where no one else can dictate who we are and what we feel. I just want her. I just want my Kayla.

Occasionally she'll have lunch with that a.s.shole, James. I hate it so much because he gives her something that I can't. He gives her memories of her family, and the times they shared. I hate that he loved them and I never could. I hate they shared moments and I'll never be able to. I hate that he taught Emily how to ride a bike, and I'll never even get to meet her. I hate that I'll never get to ask her dads permission when I propose to her, because I plan to one day. I hate that he's allowed to miss them and I can't. I hate that he hurt her.

But I can't hate him.

Because he bought her to me.

She says she still wants to move out, something about finding herself without me. I keep my mouth shut because I know that it's important to her, but I just don't get it. I don't f.u.c.king understand why she wants to find herself without me, when I plan on being part of her life. Forever. Because I love her so d.a.m.n much it hurts.

Chapter 37.

*Mikayla*

The door to our house swings open and I hear Logan and Jake's voices. I had to catch the bus home so I could get ready for work in 15 minutes.

"You tell her then, a.s.shole," Jake says, he's p.i.s.sed.

I run out of my bedroom pulling my boots on one leg and hopping with the other.

"Keys?" I say to Jake, with my hand out.

As he gives me his car keys I look at Logan, he has that Cat that ate the canary' look. "Tell me what, Logan?"

"It's nothing," he shrugs his shoulders.

"Logan here, opened his big fat mouth and told the team I live off campus in my own house. So guess what? Now were stuck hosting a team get together' tomorrow night." Jake speaks for him.

"Oh," I say, that's not so bad. "I'm working until like 10 tomorrow but I think I should be able to crash at Lucy's for the night," I tell him, going through my purse to make sure I have everything.

"What?" Jake says. "I don't want you to not be here, this is your house too, Kayla. I just don't want people to think this is party central."

"Chill the f.u.c.k out dude, it's not a big deal," Logan a.s.sures him.

*Jake*

She left for work a couple of hours ago. Wearing a light grey sweater dress and cowboy boots. I made her take my car so she didn't ride the bus like that. Then I made Logan drive me around and help me get ready for the party.

Logan wanted a full on blowout. I threatened to call the whole thing off when he begged to invite his entire frat house. f.u.c.k No.

So it's just the team and their girls and our group.

Logan organized a few Kegs from someone in his frat house and Lucy and Heidi organized snacks. I really wasn't up for this. I really just wanted to spend the night at home with Kayla. Maybe try and persuade her to let me reciprocate. G.o.d knows we need to do something about the tension in this house.

I can't even jerk off thinking she might hear or know somehow. It's a lot, and I mean a lot of f.u.c.king cold showers.

About 2 hours into the party she walks in. Grey sweater dress and those f.u.c.king cowboy boots.

Looking as hot as I've every seen her.

The guys cheer and a couple even make their way over.

I watch how she reacts.

I don't know if she's still interested in what we have.

I know how I feel. And I know that when she moves out of this house like she's planning, she'll take a huge part of me with her.

She does a shy wave and gives a few of the guys a little hug. Nothing that I need to worry about. She sees me leaning against the kitchen counter, smiles at me and saunters over.

I grab a beer and hand it to her.

"Hey," she says giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and then turning and joining the party.

*Mikayla*

I walk into the lounge room to see that Jake has been watching me. He's leaning on the back of the sofa, drinking a beer, his eyes never leaving mine.

I walk up to him, place myself in front of him, looking up.

One of his hands goes to my waist.

"I'm heading to bed, I'm exhausted. I'll see you in the morning?"

He nods his head once, then takes my hand and leads me to my room.

Once we're in he closes the door behind him and stares at me.

"You need to lock your door tonight, Kayla, please?"

I nod.

He leans in and kisses my temple before leaving the room.

I lock the door after him.

*Jake*

A few of the guys end up crashing at the house because they're too wasted to drive home.

We're all early risers, probably because of our strict training schedule. I make the guys coffee and lay out some toast and cereal for them to eat before they leave. They're all respectful and quiet because they know Kayla's sleeping.

They're sitting at the dining table munching on the food when Kayla walks out of her room, wearing her pajamas, which are tiny boy shorts and an ever tinier tank. She's not wearing a bra.

Her eyes are still half shut and hair all over the place. She's mumbling something under her breath as her feet shuffle over to the coffee pot.

She pours herself a cup and lazily mopes over to me.

She leans the front of her body to the front of mine and reaches up to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"It's cold," she mumbles, still half asleep.

"Uh-huh," I say, rubbing my hands up and down her arms, glaring at the guys eye licking her. "Maybe you should put more clothes on, Kayla." It sounds like a request.

"Nope," one of the guys says. "She looks fine just the way she is."

She squeals and tenses in my arms and I can't help the chuckle that escapes.

She moves so my body covers hers, but not before pinching my nipple and twisting it, which f.u.c.king hurt.

"Jake, I hate you! Why didn't you warn me people were here," she says, moving my body around like a shield as she walks back into her room. Once she's in, she pushes me out the door then slams it shut.

"Lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.d gets to wake up to that every morning," one of them says.

"a.s.shole," someone agrees.

I smile to myself and pick up her coffee.

I knock on her door and she opens it slightly, face flushed from embarra.s.sment.

I hand her the coffee and kiss her on the cheek. "You look beautiful this morning."

Chapter 38.

*Jake*

I hear the front door open and slam shut, then a squeal of frustration. I rush out of the study and run to the entry way.

Kayla is standing there drenched, from head to toe, and muddy. What the f.u.c.k?

"It's f.u.c.king pouring and thundering outside, what the f.u.c.k are you doing?" I almost yell at her, like she's a disobedient child.

"I had to get home from work. I walked from the bus stop. This car drove past and the tyres flicked all this dirt and mud on me. And then this dog came at me and I got scared and ran into the bushes but landed in more f.u.c.king mud."

"Where the h.e.l.l was your phone? You should have called me."

"It's flat."

I roll my eyes. It's always f.u.c.king flat.

She starts to move from the front door but I stop her.

"What are you doing? You can't walk through the house like that, you'll get mud everywhere!"

I'm laughing now, because she looks so fricken grumpy and adorable.

"Jake," she says my name like an annoyed moan. "What do you want me to do? Strip outside and walk through the house in my underwear?"

I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Don't be an idiot," she says. "What should I do?"

"Wait there," I tell her.

I run to our bathroom and turn the shower on, making sure the temperature is right.

I go back to the front door and throw her over my shoulder. She squeals in surprise. When we get to the bathroom, she starts to move like I'm going to put her down, instead I put her in the shower. Fully clothed. Shoes and all.

She screams.

I laugh.

Then she has my shirt in her hands and she pulls me in with her.

She laughs.

I scream. A manly one though. I'm not a f.u.c.king p.u.s.s.y.