I bit my lip. 'No, I'm fine,' I said, getting up quickly.

Ms Balsam put her hand on my shoulder. 'Mum's OK, isn't she, Lola Rose?'

The walls closed in. The floor wavered. I wanted to clutch Ms Balsam and weep against her chest. But I remembered what Mum had said. Don't let her worm anything out of you else you'll be put into care.

'Mum's fine,' I said, shrugging my shoulder away.

I went back to class and said sorry and sat meekly for the rest of lessons, head down, keeping out of trouble. Harpreet and I had a giggle again on the way home. I kept whispering worse and worse things to set her off. I hated saying goodbye to her when we got to the Gabries' house.

Then it was just Kendall and me.

'Tell me something to make me laugh, Kendall,' I said. 'Go on, tell us a joke.'

'I know an elephant joke. Well, I think I do,' said Kendall.

He didn't. His joke went on for ages and then he forgot the punch line.

'OK, I'll tell you a joke,' I said.

'I don't think I like jokes,' said Kendall.

'Yes you do. I'll tell you one you'll like. What's yellow and dangerous?'

Kendall peered at me, his face screwed up anxiously.

'What's yellow and dangerous?' I repeated.

Kendall gave a high-pitched laugh.

'Why are you laughing?'

'Because it's a funny joke.'

'I haven't told it yet! Think, Kendall. What's yellow and dangerous?'

The Voice of Doom suddenly spoke, right behind my eyes, making them blink. If he guesses the right answer your mother will be all right!

I shook my head to try to shake myself free of it. Kendall shook his head too, copying me. His head looked as if it might snap straight off his little stalk neck.

'Don't, Kendall.' I grabbed his head and held it still. 'Now listen. This is such an easy-peasy joke. I'm sure you've heard it heaps of times before. What's yellow and dangerous?'

I saw Kendall mouth yellow and dangerous. He was trying, I knew he was.

'I'll give you a clue, shall I? George would like this joke.'

'No he wouldn't. George doesn't like jokes either,' said Kendall.

'He'd like this one because it's about him. And you'll like it because it's about a yummy pudding. The old-fashioned sort that grans make.'

'I wish we had a gran,' said Kendall. 'Then she could look after us. Why haven't we got a gran?'

'She died.'

'Did she get run over?'

'No, she died of . . .' I couldn't say the word.

The Voice of Doom started up again.

'Think about the joke, Kendall!' I said, gripping him by the shoulders. I knew I was being ridiculous. It didn't make any difference whether Kendall knew the stupid joke or not. But I couldn't help myself. I went on saying it over and over again until Kendall cried.

'It's shark-infested custard!' I screamed at last.

I had a mad vision of Mum struggling in thick yellow custard, surrounded by sharks. I tried to argue with the Voice.

'Mum's going to be all right,' I said inside my head. 'She had the operation this morning and now she's right as rain and she'll come back home as soon as she can. She might even be home already, lying on her bed, waiting to give us a big surprise.'

I knew there wasn't much chance but I couldn't help hoping.

I ran down the road, Kendall trailing after me. The Voice of Doom changed tack, telling me if I could get indoors before it counted one hundred then Mum would really be there. I got in the front door just as it reached ninety.

Mum wasn't there. I ran into every room, calling.

Kendall stood just inside the front door, nibbling at his thumb. 'Mum isn't coming back, is she?' he said.

'Yes, she is! As soon as she can. She'll phone us any minute now, because she'll know we're home from school.'

I put the mobile on the table. We looked and looked and looked at it.

'I expect she's having her tea,' I said. 'We'll have our tea, shall we?'

I opened the last tin of baked beans and made some toast. The bread had gone a little mouldy but I picked off the blue bits. I needn't have bothered. Kendall just fiddled about with his beans, spearing them on his fork one at a time, licking them and then lining them up on his plate. He didn't even touch his toast.

For once in my life I didn't feel like eating either. I could barely swallow my cup of tea. I kept watching the mobile. The battery was getting low. I didn't know if you could still take calls while it was recharging.

I stared until my eyes watered. Why wasn't she phoning? She knew we were waiting. She knew we were worried. Maybe the woman in the next bed wouldn't let her use her mobile.

Then I had a brilliant idea. I looked in the call register of the phone and found the number. Then I dialled it. I had to give it several goes because my hands were trembling.

'Hello?'

I took a deep breath. 'Hello. Look, you don't know me. I'm Lola Rose, the daughter of the lady in the bed next to you. Oh please, can I speak to her?'

'Sorry?'

I wondered if I'd got the wrong number. 'I'm Victoria Luck's daughter. She's in hospital with you.'

'Oh right! I'm sorry, dear, I didn't quite get you at first. What's the matter?'

'I want to speak to my mum!'

'Well, darling, I can't help you.'

'Oh please, just for a minute. Couldn't you pass the phone over?'

'But I'm not in the hospital. I came home this morning.'

'Oh! But but my mum hasn't come home. What's happened to her?'

'She'll be fine, dear, I'm sure. She was only having her op this morning.'

'She said she'd come home.'

'No pet, not today. She won't be up to it.'

'But is she all right? The operation went OK? She is better now?'

'I don't know, dear. She hadn't even gone up to theatre when I left. Look, get your dad or grandma to ring the hospital, they'll know.'

'Right. Yes. Well, thank you,' I said, and I touched the END CALL button.

Kendall was looking at me, biting hard at his thumb.

'She's fine, I'm sure she is,' I said. I cleared my throat, sank my head down into my shoulders, and spoke from right inside my chest. 'Do I sound old, Kendall?' I growled.

'Are you being a monster?' Kendall asked anxiously.

'I'm trying to sound like a grown-up,' I said.

I practised my voice ringing Directory Enquiries. I wrote the hospital number on the back of my hand and then rang. A lady at the other end said the name of the hospital.

'Can I speak to Victoria Luck, please?' I said. I spoke so deep down in my chest that I had to repeat myself twice before she understood.

'Which ward is she on?'

'I I don't know which ward.' I didn't want to say the word but I didn't have any choice. 'It's the cancer ward.'

'It'll probably be Florence. I'll put you through.'

I breathed out, my hand over my pounding heart. After a long time someone answered on Florence Ward.

'Can I speak to Victoria Luck?' I asked, my throat hurting.

'Who's speaking, please?'

I didn't know what to say. Her mother? Her sister? 'Her friend.'

It was the wrong decision.

'Well, I'm sorry, I'm afraid it's not possible.'

'But I'm grown up, honestly.'

'I'm afraid we don't use the ward phones for friends.'

'Can't you just tell me if she's all right? Please!'

'I suggest you contact Mrs Luck's husband and ask him,' she said.

'Well, you can suggest all you like, Miss Snotnose Meaniepants, but Dad doesn't know and I wouldn't ring him even if he did,' I shouted and then switched the mobile off.

Kendall blinked at me. I wondered if I could coach him till he sounded like Dad. I knew it was hopeless.

I tried to think of all the possibilities. I could go upstairs and ask Andy to ring for me. Though Andy and Steve weren't speaking to us. And if they knew Kendall and I were on our own they'd maybe tell someone.

I could try to find Jake. But I didn't know where he was living now.

I could go along the road and ask Harpreet's dad to ring for me. He'd help. But Harpreet's mum would definitely report us.

'I don't know what to do,' I wailed. I slumped on the floor, my head on my knees. I could feel my blood beating, even ticking in my eyelids, Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum.

'Are you crying?' Kendall whispered.

I didn't answer. I kept my face hidden. I could hear Kendall breathing noisily above me. He nudged me with his shoe.

'Lola Rose?'

I didn't feel like Lola Rose. I didn't even feel like Jayni. I was withering away into no one.

I wanted Mum so badly. I had to bite my lips to stop myself calling for her. What if she wasn't all right? What if the operation had gone wrong? What if she'd died?

'You are crying,' said Kendall.

'I'm not. I just need to know if Mum's all right.'

'Let's go and find her then,' said Kendall.

I thought about it. Mum had said we mustn't. But we had to know. We couldn't just wait day after day.

'OK. We'll go to the hospital,' I said. 'We'll find Mum and see how she is.'

I wiped my eyes, stuffed Kendall into his jacket, tucked George under his arm, and then we set off. I didn't have enough money for a minicab so we went to the bus stop.

I asked the driver how to get to the hospital. He said he didn't have a clue, it wasn't on his route. But an old woman witting at the front said she'd been sent to the eye clinic there, and we needed to get out at the flyover and change to a number 88. She made me sit down beside her and pulled Kendall right onto her lap. He fidgeted tensely. She clasped him tightly round the tummy. He can't stand his tummy being touched. I hoped he wasn't going to make a fuss.

She was trying to be kind but she kept asking nosy questions. I made up this whole story about visiting our sick granny, our mum meeting us at the hospital. Kendall frowned.

'Keep still, Mr Fidget-bottom,' said the old lady.