I ran like mad to get out of earshot. I went into the HMV shop in the arcade, ramming on the headphones, turning the volume right up. My head started throbbing. It was only eleven o'clock but I decided to go and get some lunch. Mum had given me ten pounds, which seemed heaps. I had a burger and French fries and a large Coke. I crammed it down quickly and felt just as empty when I'd finished. It seemed too mean to Kendall to spend much more on myself. So I sat where I was, watching a mum with two little kids across the way from me. The kids were just picking at their food. The moment they were wheeled off in their double buggy I whizzed over to their table. They'd left half a burger, heaps of French fries and most of a McFlurry ice cream. I stuffed them down so quickly I felt sick even though I still felt empty.

I mooched round the shops for a while, nibbling at a bar of Cadbury's. I meant to save half of it for Kendall but I couldn't quite manage it. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to go back home in case it would feel too weird without Mum, even though I was used to her being out a lot. So like some sad little wimp I scuttled back to school. At least I got another lunch. I told the teacher I'd had a tummy upset but I was better now.

'Were you really sick?' Harpreet whispered.

She was trying to make friends with me again. I wanted to be her friend but I was still mad at her.

'Yeah, I was sick because I was drunk like my mum,' I whispered back. 'We split a whole bottle of vodka.'

Harpreet's mouth opened in a big 0. 'You never!'

'Of course I never,' I said. 'You're so thick sometimes, Harpreet. You'll believe anything.' Then I relented. 'No, you're not thick. You're thin as a pin. I'm the one who's thick, look.' I punched my big tummy. 'Yuck, I'm getting so fat, look!'

Harpreet giggled. 'Maybe you're pregnant,' she said.

We both laughed. It was OK now. We were friends again.

I told her my mum had gone into hospital.

'You poor thing, you must be so worried.'

'Yeah. Well. Obviously.'

'She'll be all right,' said Harpreet, patting my hand. 'So who's looking after you and Kendall if Jake's done a runner?'

'He hasn't. My mum got rid of him, I said.'

'Well. Whatever,' Harpreet said. 'So, who's coming? A granny? An auntie?'

I knew I shouldn't say but I couldn't help wanting to show off. 'No one's looking after us,' I said airily.

Harpreet boggled at me in a satisfying manner. 'You can't manage by yourselves!'

'Sure we can. It's only overnight.'

'My mum would never let me stay by myself. She wouldn't even let my sister stay home by herself last holidays and she was eighteen.'

'Don't tell your mum,' I said hurriedly, scared there might be trouble.

'I won't.'

'Promise?'

'Yeah, I swear,' said Harpreet, gesturing sealing her lips and cutting her throat. Her forehead wrinkled as she thought it all out. 'Who will cook your tea?' she said.

'I will. I often cook.'

It all depends what you mean by 'cook'. I could open a tin and make toast. That was kind of cooking. I knew Harpreet was thinking of the complicated curries she had at home.

'You're so cool, Lola Rose,' she said. 'It's like you're an adult already.'

She made me feel cool.

But then I had to go home and face the empty empty empty flat.

'I want Mum,' said Kendall, sitting down in the middle of the floor, burying his nose in George's matted fur.

'Yes, but you know Mum's in hospital. It's OK, you've still got me.'

'I don't want you, I want Mum,' said Kendall, screwing up his face.

'Shut up. And don't you dare cry! I'm fed up with you being such a grizzleguts. Now listen, if you're good I'll make you some tea. But if you're going to blub I'll think you're just a little baby and put a nappy on you and put you to bed.'

Kendall scowled at me. 'I don't like you.'

'I don't like you either,' I said. 'I wish I had a different brother. Harpreet's brother, he'd be great. But I'm stuck with you, Kendal mint cake, so I'll just have to get on with it. OK, let's check out the fridge.'

There were two cardboard boxes. One was a big pizza with a smiley face squiggled on the top in tomato sauce. The other was a vast chocolate cake with two layers of butter cream. Mum had pressed pink and purple Smarties on the frosted chocolate icing, spelling out YUM YUM.

I looked at the pizza. I looked at the chocolate cake.

I was the one who burst into tears.

Kendall watched me warily. 'Don't you like pizza and chocolate cake?'

'I love them,' I said, blowing my nose on the kitchen towel.

'Why are you crying then?'

'Because Mum's tried so hard. And I want her too. So that makes me Mrs Grizzleguts, right? You can call me that as much as you like.'

'Grizzleguts!' said Kendall.

I let him go on saying it until he was sick of it. It seemed like hours. But then everything seemed to last hours.

I heated the pizza and we ate half of it, and a big slice of chocolate cake each. I read Thomas the Tank Engine and drew Kendall a train picture, rubbing out again and again until I got all the wheels in a straight line. Then he coloured it in (ruining it). We ate some cold pizza and had another slice of chocolate cake. And another. Well, I did. Kendall just ate the Smarties.

It seemed like a whole day had passed but it was less than an hour. I switched on the telly to check the time because I was sure our clock had stopped.

Kendall and I watched for a while but then there was a hospital programme and I changed channels. We watched some comedy but we didn't laugh. It was like we were tuned into our own hospital channel, watching our mum being wheeled off to an operating theatre where men in masks attacked her with sharp instruments.

Kendall nudged nearer until he was sitting on my lap. I rested my chin on his head. His crewcut was growing out. He looked like a little baby duckling.

'You hair's so cute now, Kendall.'

Kendall stiffened. 'I want it cut off!'

'No, it's much nicer now.'

'I don't want to look nice. I don't want to look cute. I want to look tough.'

Dad had always marched him to the barber's for a number one hair cut. He didn't look tough. He looked like a bald little baby but Dad went on about him being a real tough nut.

'We don't see Dad now,' Kendall whispered to George. He turned round to me. 'We will still see Mum, won't we?'

'Of course we will! Tomorrow, when she comes back from the hospital.'

'Promise?'

'I promise,' I said.

The Voice of Doom mocked me. How can you promise that? Maybe she won't ever come back.

The Voice talked to me half the night. I felt so lonely, even cuddled up to Kendall. I clutched my Pinkie teddy bear like a sad little toddler. I heard Miss Parker's radio rumbling away underneath me. Then I heard the creak of floorboards above my head and the gurgle of water pipes when Steve or Andy went to the loo. Cars went past. Cats yowled. Drunks shouted. Then there were footsteps outside.

Every time anyone walked along the pavement I tensed up.

The night went on and on for ever.

The mobile rang when Kendall and I were having breakfast.

'Mum! Oh Mum!' I said. 'Are you OK? Does it hurt? Are you coming home now?'

'I wish!' said Mum. 'I haven't had the blooming operation yet. They faffed around yesterday with blood tests and X-rays. They're doing the operation this morning. They're not letting me have any breakfast and I'm starving.'

'So so when will you be back?' I said, all my relief draining away.

'Well, that's the problem, sweetheart. This nurse says I won't come round from the anaesthetic for hours, and even then I'll be so groggy I won't be able to put one foot in front of the other. And they'll have to change the dressings and there might be a drain too-'

'What's a drain?'

'I don't know. Look, darling, I can't go into all the ins and outs of it. I've borrowed the mobile from the lady in the bed next to me seeing as you've got mine so I'll have to be quick. Let me say hello to Kendall.'

I handed the phone over to him. Mum was obviously asking him questions because he kept nodding.

'Say something, Kendall Mum can't see you,' I said.

'Hello, Mum,' said Kendall. 'Mum, can I go and see the real George again? Will you take me? And can I have some more toy sharks and then if we got some glass I could have my own aquarium and Ouch! Stop it, Lola Rose! Give me the phone back, it's my turn to talk to Mum.'

'She doesn't want to listen to you burbling on about your stupid sharks,' I said. 'Mum?'

'You kids,' said Mum. 'Look, Lola Rose, I'll try to give you a ring tomorrow morning some time. I'll have to go now. Bye, darling. Be a good girl, eh?'

The phone went dead.

'You hurt me when you pushed me!' Kendall said, rubbing his chest. 'I think you've given me cancer now.'

'Shut up, Kendall.'

'You're so mean to me. Everyone's mean to me,' Kendall whined. 'Mum's mean. She said she'd be back today and I need her.'

'I need her too,' I said. 'Now stop complaining, finish your cornflakes and get ready for school.'

I was glad to get there. It made everything seem more normal. I didn't want to discuss Mum with Harpreet. Luckily we had a sex education lesson and we didn't discuss anything else all day. We watched a film where you actually saw this family undressed, totally naked. The whole class got the giggles, especially at the dad. The teacher got a bit narked and said she was disappointed in us for behaving so immaturely. She said there was nothing funny about human bodies.

'I think they're hilarious!' Harpreet whispered. 'That dad's willy! Yuck! Imagine him just walking around like that it's disgusting. And the mum was just as bad showing off her boobies. I've never seen my mum and dad bare. I did walk in on my brother once in the bathroom and he got really really mad at me.'

'What's your brother look like then, Harpreet?'

Harpreet went into a peal of giggles and when she found a banana in her lunch box at break we laughed so much we nearly wet ourselves.

I wanted to keep on and on laughing. I whispered to Harpreet all afternoon. I got told off twice and ended up being sent to Ms Balsam.

I thought I was going to get told off big time now. I didn't really care. I thought I might argue back, even throw a tantrum like Kendall.

But Ms Balsam simply sat me down and offered me a chocolate. I shook my head although they were posh chocolates in a big gift box.

'Go on, help me out. I'm supposed to be on a diet but they're so tempting. You eat a couple for me, there's a good girl.'

I helped myself to a milk chocolate truffle. 'Everyone keeps telling me to be a good girl,' I said, with my mouth full.

'I take it you've been behaving like a bad girl today?' said Ms Balsam. She picked out a dark chocolate cherry. 'Just to keep you company,' she said, popping it in her mouth.

She rattled the box at me and I chose a raspberry cream white chocolate with a little raised tip of pink. It looked like a tiny doll's breast. I wondered what I was doing, stuffing my face with chocolate when my mum was in hospital. The sticky chocolate stuck to my teeth. My stomach lurched. I clapped my hand to my mouth.

'In here, quickly,' said Ms Balsam, leaping up. She steered me rapidly across the room. She opened a door and I was sick into her private toilet. Ms Balsam tucked my hair behind my ears and held my forehead. 'There, there,' she murmured.

When I was done she wiped my face with her own flannel and gave me a glass of water to sip. 'Bit of a waste of my chocolates!' she said. 'Still, you did it very neatly. Well done!'

I giggled weakly.

'So what's the problem, Lola Rose?' Ms Balsam sat on the edge of her desk, looking at me.

'I suppose I've got a tummy bug,' I said.

'Hmm,' said Ms Balsam. 'There's certainly something bugging you. You're not still hanging around with Ross and his little gang, are you?'

'No. I can't stick them now.'

'What about Peter? He's a good lad at heart. If you fancy a friend he'd maybe fit the bill.'

'I don't want a boyfriend. I'm happy with Harpreet.'

'Yes, I like Harpreet too lovely girl. You're both lovely girls but I gather you've been very giggly girls today. Giggling about sex, is that right?'

'Sort of.'

'Well. It can seem a bit funny at times. But let's hope you're over the giggles now. I should pop back to your classroom and apologize nicely, unless you think you might be sick again. Maybe I should send you home to Mum.'