Yesterday was again an exciting day for us. We received a communication from the Department of Education, telling us if we did not wish to make use of the opportunity granted us to be educated as teachers, to send a statement accordingly in writing to the Governor General. How must the statement which has been asked for, be worded? Briefly and to the point, that I no longer wish to make use of the offered opportunity because I am engaged to be married; or because now a still better opportunity has presented itself to me of working for our people at the side of a n.o.ble man, whom I respect, who loves the people with me, and who will ably support me in my work. I shall be of much greater service with him, than we two, as women standing alone, could ever be.

And Roekmini does not wish to take advantage of the opportunity, because she may not, nor does she wish even if she could, to go alone. She will reach her goal in a different way.

Then I wish to express my respect and grat.i.tude to the Government for having taken the interests of Java to heart, and because when a child of the people asked for aid, it lent an ear to her request, and was willing to meet her half way in her regard for the future welfare of her race.

Holland has now grown nearer to us. We are convinced now that the Netherlands wishes the happiness of India; that is no hollow phrase; we mean it.

All of my friends among my humble fellow countrymen have always wished and prayed this for me, "That Bendora Adjeng Tini might go nowhere but to a kaboepaten."

And the simple minded hearts rejoice now because their dream is to be realized, they are happy because their wish for their Bendora is coming true. You see how my simple friends triumph. "Vox populi vox dei." If that is true then it is under the guidance of a higher power that my path in life has taken a different direction from that which I myself had planned.

"May you be a blessing, a refuge to many, the tree in whose shade they find refuge from the heat of the day." That is what many old people here pray for me. May I live up to the expectations of these who are simple of heart.

A great task lies before me; unquestionably it is hard, but if I succeed, and bring it to a good end, I shall serve our people as I could never have served them in any other way. If my work is well done, it will be a lesson that will have a powerful effect upon our cause, because to my fellow countrymen my future will be the most beautiful and desirable in the world.

The mere fact of my marriage will do good; it will interest the parents, spur them on to educate their daughters, and impress them more than could a thousand inspired words. It stands for a fact, that beauty and riches are to be despised before gifts of the heart and mind.

I remember my own words, when some one asked me how the idea of education could be impressed upon our women and girls. The Javanese people are just like other children of nature: they are children of the sun, worshippers of splendour and brilliancy. Very well, gratify that wish, give them what their hearts desire, but at the same time give them something that is true, that is of real worth.

Now we shall not infringe too harshly upon the customs of our land, our childlike people can still have their pomp and splendour. The freedom of women is inevitable; it is coming, but we cannot hasten it. The course of destiny cannot be turned aside, but in the end the triumph has been foreordained.

We shall not be living to see it, but what will that matter? We have helped to break the path that leads to it, and that is a glorious privilege!

Do not be uneasy; my betrothed will not cut my wings short; the fact that I can fly is just what has raised me so high in his eyes. He will only give a larger opportunity to stretch out my wings; he will help me to broaden my field of work. He appreciates your Meiske for herself, and not as a possible ornament for his home.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXIV

_August 8th, 1903._[1]

Do you know what day this is? It is the third anniversary of our meeting. Three years ago today, three simple, childlike girls received a costly gift from heaven, the gift of a friend after their own hearts!

The childlike girls have grown to be women, life has furrowed wrinkles in the still young faces; their hearts have been through fire. Have they wasted and gone to ashes, or have they come forth from the fire purified?

Just now we have company; at the table where I sit there are five of us working. Justinah the wise woman came this morning and will stay until next week. We think her a treasure. She spends her time here usefully, teaches embroidery and is so severe when we are careless. When we make a mistake, she immediately pulls everything out. How rich I felt this morning when she laid her hand trustingly on my shoulder, while I explained something or other to her. Now she feels at home with us; I look with so much pleasure into her fine intelligent eyes; they say so much.

She is a dessa-child. Oh, how full of love is her calling! You would enjoy meeting her. She listens with attention when one speaks, and then asks such intelligent questions. If you ever come to our neighbourhood again, I hope to be able to take her to you. This clever little woman has already attended forty-eight women in child-birth, and she is such a young thing still, with all a child's eagerness.

The Regent of Rembang comes on the seventeenth of this month. I have asked him to bring his children with him. I am so anxious to make the acquaintance of my future family. The children are to be my future, and I shall live and work for them, strive, and suffer, if need be, for them. I hope that they will love me. I have asked their father to give the entire control of his children to me. My dream is to make them feel, in so far as it is possible, that they are my own children.

There are others that call themselves my children; the Under-Collector here, a rich regent's son and heir, said, "Make my child your servant, let her scrub the floor, draw water, anything that you will, if you will but let her stay with you." I listened with a smile on my face, but I felt like crying.

I said nothing, promised nothing, but only prayed silently that I might lock all the little children entrusted to me safely in my heart, and nourish them with my love.

I am only going to take one child with me to my new dwelling--a girl of eight or so, who has been given into my care by her parents. She is the daughter of a teacher and has been to school. She is a lovely child, clever and quick. If she shows any inclination at all, I shall educate her for some profession. Now she receives lessons from my sister in handiwork. In the Rembang there are women and children of gentle birth who have been educated. I shall try to gain their interest in our work later.

My future sister-in-law is already "tainted" by a Western education; that will be pleasant for me. My days, at home are numbered; only two more short months and my future protector will come for me. He and his younger brother, the regent of Toeban, have been here. The day is set; it is the twelfth of November. The wedding will be very quiet, only our families will be present and neither of us is to wear bridal dress; he will be in his uniform, as I have already seen him. That is my wish. His children are not coming, to my great disappointment. They are still too little, and the journey is tiresome.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXV

_August 25th, 1903._[1]

I shall find a rich field of work at Rembang, and thank G.o.d, there I shall not stand alone. He has promised to stand at my side and support me; it is also his wish and his hope to support me in my efforts to help our people. He himself has already laboured diligently for their welfare for years. He too would like to help in the work of education, and though he cannot give personal instruction himself, he can have it done by others. Many of his various relatives are being educated at his expense. He expects me to be a blessing to him and to his people; may he not be disappointed! I am very grateful for one thing: his family share his ideas and approve of his choice. They look upon me as the future rearer of their children, and I really hope to serve in that capacity; I do not think of anything else.

Sometimes I forget that I have lost so many beautiful illusions; and I think that I am still following my calling, only along a different way from the one that I had mapped out for myself, and I shall think that always; it gives me peace and helps me to be cheerful.

Nothing is perfect, and nothing may ever be perfect in this world. I had hoped and prayed that I might become the mother and sister of many, and G.o.d has heard my prayer, though it is a little different from what I meant.

It is one of his dreams, too, to be able to raise up our people. He is truly good to his people and to the officials under him; they feed out of his hand.

Day before yesterday a collector was here and spent the whole evening talking to Father about his daughter. He wishes me to undertake her education. His wife has already spoken to me and now he came to talk to Father.

I am asked to take other children from here; I do not know whether I shall be able to take them all, it is hard to refuse, but I will promise nothing. We shall first see how it goes. We shall wait some days before coming to the hard duty of making a decision, and meanwhile I shall not speak of it save under stress of urgent necessity. I will be forgiven when they see that I do not refuse from pride, but from expediency and out of consideration for others; perhaps for the sake of their own children too.

Fortunately Rembang is a quiet little place, and it is good that he cares as little as I for amus.e.m.e.nts.

I am delighted that the Resident there is interested in our cause, so that I shall not go as a stranger. And there will be my great friend, the sea! It lies not more than a hundred feet from the house.

When they told him that I was much interested in the art and kindred industries of our people, he said that there were goldsmiths and wood-carvers there; they only needed a little directing. And listen to this: it is something very pleasant. Perhaps our good friend, Singowirio will go there with me; you know whom I mean, the man from Blakang-Goenoeng.

He could not have followed his Bendoro to Batavia, but now that the plan is somewhat different he is anxious to go. We are planning to take him.

But capital and leadership are needed first of all, before our artistic industries can be placed upon a practical basis. A large work-place ought to be built, and many apprentices and artisans taken to work under regular supervision in our immediate neighbourhood.

If we only had the money, we could build a work-place, buy material, employ workmen and train apprentices. Singo could be placed at the head of the establishment. I believe in less than a year or two years at most, the capital thus invested would be doubled.

I should have been glad to begin here, but both of us had our eyes upon Batavia. When we were gone our little sisters would have had to take the responsibility for everything, and that would have been too hard for them. Now it is different, we could take the responsibility, if we had the necessary money. I am convinced that our artistic industry has a great future.

Not long ago, while we were on a little journey, we met the Heer Brandes, brother of Doctor Brandes. He expressed much interest in the art of our country. When I told him of a tokootje[2] of productions of native art at Semarang, he set out immediately to look for it. You must understand that the people of Semarang are opposed to sending the products of their own neighbourhood to Batavia. "East and West" wishes to open a tokootje at Semarang. But again money is needed, and "East and West" cannot give very much as yet. When I told Heer Brandes this, he said, "Oh, do not worry about that, the money will be found, if you will only take care of the other side."

I said, "But there must be some one of discrimination who will stay at Semarang."

"That will be found too, and your only care will be to see that beautiful things are produced."