For us too that would have a good side. Consider this, we have never been away from home, and if we were suddenly taken from our warm little nest, from our own country, and placed in another environment far from all who loved us, the change would be great.

But that is only a side issue. We knew that all along, and had never seen anything against it. The main question is the danger to our undertaking itself. We had never looked at the other side, from defiant courage, or courageous defiance, call it what you will--carried away by our enthusiasm, we thought little--or not at all--of the temper of the public. Yes, we thought it to our credit to defy it, and to hold our own ideas high against the world. Not disturbing ourselves one way or another about its approbation, so long as we ourselves were convinced of the holiness of our cause. We still think that is right, but in this instance, we may not live up to our ideal. For now everything depends for us upon the good will of the public. Always we wish to work for the good of our people, and we must not set them against us by crushing with relentless hands the ideas upon which they have thriven and grown old through the centuries.

Patience, the wise have said to us all along. We heard them but did not understand. Now we are beginning to understand. Stella, now we know that the watchword of all reformers must be Patience. We cannot hasten the course of events, we only r.e.t.a.r.d them when we try to push forward too hastily. If the public should be aroused against us, the whole cause would be held back. People would be unwilling to give their daughters a liberal education, for education would be held responsible for such impossible creatures as we.

Patience! patience, even unto eternity. Stella, I was so miserable when this truth penetrated at last. We must curb ourselves in our enthusiasm, we will not pa.s.s our goal without seeing it. Mevrouw Van Kol wrote to us, that before we can realize an ideal, we must first lose many illusions. The first illusion that we have thrown aside is not to give ourselves to the public frankly just as we are. No, that may not be. The public must not know what we are really fighting--the name of the enemy against which we take the field must never, never be cried aloud. It is--polygamy. If that word were heard no man would trust his child to us. I have struggled against this, it is as though we began our work with a lie.

We hoped to make ourselves known just as we were, and that even so, from conviction that we were right, parents would send their children to us.

It would be impossible.

We have not yet begun our work and yet we have seen our illusions dwindle away one by one. Oh Stella, do not make the loss of this great illusion harder to us by your sorrow. It is hard enough as it is. You have always known that it was my dearest wish to go to your country and to gather wisdom there for my own people. Let us never speak of it again.

I thank you, in the name of my parents too, a thousand times for all that you have done for us and--for nothing. No, Stella, your work is not lost, the work of you all. Though we may make no use of its fruits now, it will be of great good to our cause, attention will have been drawn to it.

Before this, questions relating to the education of the Javanese people, have always been brought up by those who had some interest of their own at stake.

Now the interest is free from ulterior motive; would that have been the case if you had not drawn the attention of the liberal to us? Would the Government have been ready to help us if you had not worked for us? I thank you a thousand times for your great love. In the name of my people, I thank you sincerely. Great good will come of your work for the Javanese. Be sure of that.

Our plan is, if our request is answered favourably, to go at once to Batavia. Roekmini will study drawing, handiwork, hygiene and nursing. In drawing, she will have lessons from the teacher at the Gymnasium, and she will take the course in hygiene at the Dokter-Djawa School. I shall take a normal course, continuing the same studies, with which I have already been working here for several months.

[1] To Mejuffrouw Zeehandelaar.

LXI

_July 4th, 1903._[1]--[2]

Whatever the future may have in store for us, I pray that we may always remain confident and gay and full of faith.

I have said so often to others, "do not despair, do not curse your cross, weary one. Through suffering comes power." Now it is my fate to apply what I have been preaching.

But I will not think any more of strife or suffering, of care and of anxiety. It makes my head so tired, and my heart so sick. I will smell the perfume of flowers and bathe in the sunshine; they are always here to comfort us.

Moeske, we have begun our work. We thank your husband for his advice to begin at once, just as we were. We had not dared to hope that it would begin so easily.

We started with one pupil, quickly the number jumped to five, and tomorrow morning eight will come to the kaboepaten, and soon there will be ten. We are so pleased when we look at our little children. They are such a fresh unspoiled little band; they always come exquisitely neat, and they get along so amiably together. They learned to trust us quickly; while they pay all due respect to form, they are still as free and unrestrained before us as though there were no such thing as rank or difference of degree.

The day before yesterday the djaksa of Karimoen Djawa[3] brought a daughter to me. Picture it Moeske, they send their daughters away from home, and let them eat with us here in a strange place.

Yesterday, a young mother came to me in great distress; she said that she lived too far away, if it were not so, she would be so glad to come and study with us herself. As that cannot be, she wants to provide for her little daughter, the education which she has not had the opportunity to gain. Her child is not yet a year old; as soon as she is six years old, her mother will send her to us, wherever we may be.

The children come here four days in the week, from eight to half past twelve. They study, writing, reading, handiwork and cooking. We teachers do not give lessons in art unless the pupils show a special apt.i.tude for it.

Our school must not have the air of a school, or we that of school-mistresses. It must be like a great household of which we are the mothers. We will try and teach them love as we understand it, by word and deed.

In our own youth, we were guided by that simple precept which is universally understood: "Do not unto others what you do not wish done unto yourself."

Mevrouw Van Kol has told us much of your Jesus, and of the apostles Peter and Paul.

Of whatever belief or race a man may be, a great soul is a great soul--a n.o.ble character, a n.o.ble character. I have read "Quo Vadis," and I have been thrilled with admiration for the martyrs to their faith, who amid the bitterest suffering, still looked faithfully and trustingly toward the Highest and proclaimed His praise in beautiful song. I have suffered with them and I have rejoiced with them.

Do you know "We Two," by Edna Lyall? That is a very fine book. It treats of atheism and Christianity, of true Christianity and of its frightful perversion, of which, alas, there is so much in the world. The atheist, Luke Raeburn, is a great figure, and Erica Raeburn too is a n.o.ble character, who from a zealous atheist becomes a sincere and believing Christian. They were a father and daughter who loved each other devotedly, and depended each upon the other.

We read too the "Soul of a People." That is about Buddhism and is also a beautiful book. We are anxious now to read something about Judaism (do you not say that?). Perhaps Zangwill's book "Dreams of the Ghetto" will be what we seek.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

[2] Written with a pencil after an illness.

[3] A group of islands off the coast of j.a.para.

LXII

_August 1, 1903._[1]

A few words to announce to you, as briefly as possible, a new turn in my life. I shall not go on with our great work as a woman alone! A n.o.ble man will be at my side to help me. He is ahead of me in work for our people; he has already won his spurs while I am just beginning. Oh, he is such a lovable, good man, he has a n.o.ble heart and a clever head as well. And he has been to Holland, where his bride would so gladly go, but must not for her people's sake.

It is a great change; but if we work together, and support and help one another, we may be able to take a far shorter road to the realization of our hopes than could either alone. We meet at many, many points. You do not yet know the name of my betrothed; it is Raden Adipati Djojo Adiningrat, Regent of Rembang.

And now, adieu! Soon, I shall write again, and I hope at greater length.

[1] To Mevrouw Van Kol.

LXIII

_August 1st, 1903._[1]

I want to make myself worthy of the highest t.i.tle, and that is a Child of G.o.d. Have I not told you often that we were done with all personal happiness?

Now life comes to demand that promise of me. I have said that nothing could be too bitter or too hard for us, if it would but enable us to add one little grain of sand to the building of that great structure, the happiness of a people.

Now I have been tested--What am I worth?