Q: An Ess.e.x girl asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere wet, warm and smelly A: He took her to Canvey Island.

Q: Why did the Ess.e.x girl complain of s.e.xual hara.s.sment in the office?

A: The boss asked her to get down to some hard work.

Q: What is the difference between the t.i.tanic and an Ess.e.x girl?

A: Only 1500 men went down on the t.i.tanic.

Q: What is the difference between Ess.e.x girl and the Moby d.i.c.k?

A: The Moby d.i.c.k swallowed less seamen.

Q: Why is an Ess.e.x girl like an old washing machine?

A: They both drip when f*cked.

Ess.e.x Couple at a Southend United football match: Kevin: Great tackle!

Sharon: An' a neat a.r.s.e.

Q: Why did the Ess.e.x girl fail her driving test?

A: She forgot to check the mirror before going down on the examiner.

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x girl and a carpenter?

A: Ess.e.x girl has longer nails.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x girl grow her nails long?

A: To get to the really difficult bogeys.

Q: What happened to the Ess.e.x girl who bought a vibrator?

A: She knocked all her teeth out.

Q: What is Ess.e.x girl's idea of sophistication?

A: Malibu-flavoured condoms.

Did you hear about the Ess.e.x girl who thought Harvey's Bristol Cream was a bust-enlarging lotion.

Q: What do Ess.e.x girls like best about policemen?

A: Their shiny helmets.

Q: What's the best chat-up line when picking up an Ess.e.x girl?

A: Me motor's outside.

Q: What is an Ess.e.x girl's favourite position for s.e.x?

A: The mercenary position.

Q: How does an Ess.e.x girl turn off the light after having s.e.x?

A: She closes the car door.

Q: How did Ess.e.x girl know it was all over?

A: Her friend said she was on the Wayne.

Q: What does Ess.e.x girl say before s.e.x?

A: Me name's Sharon.

Q: What does an Ess.e.x girl say after s.e.x?

A: Do you all really play for the same football team.

Q: What makes an Ess.e.x girl's eyes light up?

A: A torch shone in her ear.

Q: How do you know if an Ess.e.x girl has had an o.r.g.a.s.m?

A: She drops her bag of crisps.

Ess.e.x couple go for a walk: Ess.e.x Man: Are you comin'?

Ess.e.x girl: Nah, it's just the way I'm walkin'

Q: Why don't Ess.e.x girls like Father Christmas?

A: Because he only comes once a year.

Q: What is the difference between an Ess.e.x girl and an ironing board?

A: An ironing board's legs are difficult to get apart.

Q: What is the difference between an Ess.e.x girl and a washing machine?

A: You can dump your load with a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: Where do Ess.e.x girls do their shopping?

A: Boys R Us

Q: Why don't Ess.e.x girls vote?

A: They can't spell 'X'

Q: What's an Ess.e.x girl's favourite hymn?

A: O Come All ye faithful.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and Snow White?

A: Snow White didn't slept with more than 7 men at once.

Q: What is the difference between an Ess.e.x Man and an Ess.e.x girl?

A: An Ess.e.x girl has a higher sperm count.

Q: What does an Ess.e.x girl do with her a.r.s.ehole after s.e.x?

A: She takes him down the pub.

Q: What's the difference between meeting an Ess.e.x girl and a Club 18-30 Holiday on the Costa Del?

A: There's only a 99% chance of s.e.x on a Club 18-30 Holiday.

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x girl and a Walrus?

A: One is big, fat, ugly with a moustache and smells of fish.

The other is a Walrus.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and a plate of spaghetti?

A: The spaghetti moves when you eat it.