A: Cos he didn't pay for her chips.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x girl keep her feet out of the bath?

A: So her ankle chains don't get rusty.

Q: How do you know when Ess.e.x girl's got her period?

A: She stays in to wash her hair.

Q: How does an Ess.e.x girl get dinner for her guests?

A: h.e.l.lo? Is that Pizza-to-go?

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x Girl and a gerbil?

A: An Ess.e.x Girl doesn't stand a hope in h.e.l.l of getting a date with a Hollywood star.

Q: Why did the Ess.e.x girl join a golf club?

A: She wanted to become the inter-course champion.

Q: Why do Ess.e.x girls love snooker?

A: They like men who go in off the pink.

Kevin: 'Ere Trace, fancy trying something from the Kama Sutra?

Tracey: You know I don't like Indian food, Kev.

TV Interviewer: What do YOU think about the Green Belt?

Ess.e.x girl: You shouldn't wear it with a pink frock.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and Mount Everest?

A: Fewer people have been up Mount Everest.

Q: What's the difference between dating and Ess.e.x Girl and travelling on the Star ship Enterprise?

A: The Star ship Enterprise only goes where no man has gone before.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x Girl wear earrings?

A: She wants to look like her dad

Fact: An Ess.e.x girl is the only person that can trip a guy up and be on the floor before him.

Did you hear about the Ess.e.x girl who thought the Gulf Conflict was a new Volkswagen convertible?

Q: Why is an Ess.e.x girl like an anchor?

A: She goes down so quickly.

Ess.e.x Man : D'you know why I love you?

Ess.e.x girl: I give in.

Ess.e.x Man : Tha's right.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and Heinz Tomato Soup?

A: There's no artificial colouring in Heinz Tomato soup.

Q: What is the Ess.e.x Girl attachment on a Swiss Army Knife for?

A: Getting feet out of steering wheels.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and a turkey?

A: A turkey doesn't gobble at night.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl's p.u.s.s.y and a tube of glue?

A: You might consider sniffing a tube of glue.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x girl where patent shoes?

A: To check she's still got her knickers on.

Q: Why doesn't Ess.e.x Girl snort c.o.ke?

A: The bubbles get up her nose.

Q: How do you find an Ess.e.x girl's G-spot?

A: Promise her a weekend in Marbella.

Q: How do you find an Ess.e.x girl's c.l.i.toris?

A: Turn left at the handbrake.

Q: How do you confuse an Ess.e.x girl?

A: Take her out in a left hand drive car.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x girl where cheap perfume?

A: To keep the flies off her kebab.

Q: How does an Ess.e.x girl hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

Q: Why did the Ess.e.x girl give up aerobics?

A: She couldn't put her legs together.

Q: What is the difference between an Ess.e.x girl and a table?

A: A table only gets laid 3 times a day.

Q: Where does Ess.e.x girl get together with her friends?

A: The VD clinic.

Q: An Ess.e.x girl told her boyfriend that lights must flash and bells must ring when he made love to her.

A: So they did it on a Pinball machine.

Q: What is the most essential item in Ess.e.x girl's make-up kit?

A: Clearasil.

Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Ess.e.x girl?

A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x girl's knickers and Alton Towers?

A: You have to pay to into Alton Towers.