"How did we ever used to do this?" he asked.

"We were smaller then," I said, standing in the most awkward position I could imagine as he slid his pants down his legs. I looked down, taking him in, and he smiled.

"Like what you see?" There was that smug half-smile, the c.o.c.kiness back in full force.

But the heat between my legs was a definite yes.

I bent down to kiss him, wrapping my hand around his c.o.c.k. I didn't think I could ever get tired of feeling him in my hand. Then he pulled back, a weird look on his face.

"I don't have condoms," he whispered.

s.h.i.t.

I stopped, the throbbing between my legs making it hard to think. "Are you clean?"

Cade nodded. "I was just tested."

He was just tested? I must have given him a weird look, because he looked at me with a sheepish expression. "I was at a low point, before I came here. The girls I was with...not the best ever. I wanted to make sure I was okay."

"Oh, h.e.l.l," I said. "I don't need any more elaboration." Hearing about Cade's poor choices in women was doing to put a real damper on this. "Well, I'm on birth control, and I'm clean."

"So I can -"

"Yep."

"s.h.i.t." Cade grinned. If his c.o.c.k could have gotten any harder right then, I think it would have exploded.

"Here," I whispered. I turned, my back toward him, so I could sit on his lap. I felt his hands on my a.s.s cheeks, his calloused skin rough against me as he smoothed his hands over the surface and down the sides of my legs.

"Stay right there for a second," he said. "I'm admiring the view."

I inhaled sharply as his finger teased my entrance, then slid to my c.l.i.t. Then he groaned, his hands on my a.s.s, pulling me down and impaling me on him. Riding him, knowing there was no barrier between us now, was like a high. I felt dizzy, drunk on him. From behind me, his hands roamed my body, caressing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, his fingers twirling around my nipples. As I rode him, I could feel myself get closer and closer, and then he pulled my hair at the base of my head, drawing my head back toward him and kissing me on the neck.

"f.u.c.k, June," he whispered, his hot breath in my ear. "I f.u.c.king love the way you feel."

It pushed me over the edge. "Cade, I'm going to come," I warned, and then it overtook me, washing over me like a tidal wave, and triggering Cade's warm release.

Afterward, Cade pulled me back tight against him, wrapping his arms around me. "I meant every word I said tonight. I am in love with you, June."

I didn't say it back. I wasn't ready.

I just didn't have the b.a.l.l.s to say it.

So I didn't say anything, and Cade seemed okay with it, content enough with holding me.

"Do you think your dad is having us all together for dinner tonight because we got together or something?" I asked, as we walked up the front porch.

Cade smiled. "Honestly? Yeah, probably. He's your biggest fan, so..."

I laughed. "He does seem to like the idea of us together."

"That's an understatement," Cade said. "Hey there, little girl!" He reached out as MacKenzie came barreling toward him, a tiny bundle of energy.

"We're making cookies, and I'm helping!"

"Is that right?" Cade asked. "Did you leave me any?"

MacKenzie shook her head. "Nope. I ate them all."

"What?" Cade carried her into the kitchen. "Are you a cookie monster?"

She giggled. "No, you're a cookie monster!"

I smiled as I listened to them go back and forth.

"Hey June!" April waved from the kitchen.

"Let me put you to work, June," Stan greeted me, handing me a stack of plates. "Go ahead and put these on the table for me." Then, as I was busying myself with the task, he called. "Oh, and it's good to see you."

The house was controlled chaos, and stayed that way throughout dinner and then afterward, until MacKenzie finally fell asleep in April's arms, sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch. We sat outside, mostly silent, and sitting there beside Cade, I felt content. Calm.

I watched as Crunch stood and kissed the top of his wife's head, and she gave him this look that was so...in love with him. I was filled with a sudden sense of longing, wanting that sense of family.

Cade noticed me watching them, and reached for my hand, squeezing it. "It's nice, huh?" he asked.

I nodded. I couldn't really put it into words. It was beyond nice.

A few minutes later, I was in the kitchen helping Stan clean up. The room was quiet, everyone momentarily gone doing other things.

"June," Stan said. "You and Cade..." He ran a dishtowel over the surface of a bowl he'd just washed.

"Yes." It still sounded foreign to my ears. Me and Cade.

"He's good with you," he said.

He was, wasn't he?

Stan stopped what he was doing, turned toward me. "Be careful with him," he said.

"What do you mean?" Was he trying to warn me off of him now?

"He's loves you. It's always been about you. Just..." Stan's voice trailed off. "Just promise me you'll take care with him."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, Stan."

Stan nodded, his expression thoughtful. "I know you won't, June."

"Of course, Stan." I was about to say something else, but Cade walked into the kitchen, sliding his arm around my waist.

"What are the two of you whispering about?"

"Nothing," Stan said. "Now, you kids get out of here and leave me in peace to clean up. You're cluttering up my kitchen."

"I'm happy to help finish," I started, but Stan waved at me with his dish towel.

"Get on out of here," he said.

I kissed him on the cheek before we left. "I'll take care of him, Stan. I promise."

Axe "s.h.i.t, man," Crunch said. "I've never seen you like this."

"What?" I asked. I whistled, scooping up his plate and setting it in the sink, then wiping the counters in my dad's kitchen. "I've got no idea what you're talking about. I might as well clean up in here, while dad's out feeding the horses."

"All this," Crunch said, gesturing. "All this happy s.h.i.t. I'm not complaining, you know. It's nice to not see you moping around, looking like death."

"Thanks."

"Why are you over here, anyway?" Crunch asked. "Shouldn't you be over at June's?"

"She's going to help my dad out, ride up to the ridge on Missy, check the salt licks and fence line," I said. "It's a good excuse for you and me to go into town."

"What do we need to go in to town for?" Crunch asked, distracted by his laptop. He didn't wait for me to answer, but looked up from the computer right away. "Hey. I got an email from Blaze. They're flying out of Vietnam."

"Okay."

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

What was I going to do? I hadn't exactly thought through a plan when I'd told June I loved her. All I knew is that I wanted to be with her. But that didn't change any of the club s.h.i.t.

"We talked about it before, Crunch." I sat down across from him at the table. "Leaving the club."

He nodded. "Is that what you want to do?"

"I don't know," I said. "I'd do it for her, though. We could finally give it a real go. They think we're dead, you know? Maybe this really could be a new start for us."

He nodded. "I've thought about it too, long and hard. I considered going back to Puerto Rico, taking April and MacKenzie back to April's family. Starting over again."

"But..." I said.

"But they killed Tank," Crunch said. "They need to pay for that."

Never leave a fallen man behind.

We had left Tank behind.

We had to fix it, make it right. June would understand. I'd come back for her when it was all over.

I nodded. "I know you're right."

She would understand. She had to understand.

"We'll need to go soon. This weekend at the latest, now that Blaze is on the way," he said. "We can talk to him and Benicio, figure out what needs to be done."

"What about April and Mac? We stashing them someplace safe in Cali?"

"I want them close, yeah," he said. "We need to be sure we have a line on your dad and June, too, leaving them here. If s.h.i.t goes south with the club, families could get involved."

"After that, I'm out of the club," I said. It was only as the words came out of my mouth that I realized it's what I really wanted to do. "I can't do it anymore. I'm coming back here. A fresh start."

Crunch nodded. "That's good, Axe."

But first, there was something I needed to do.

"Tell me why you dragged me down here to go shopping?" Crunch asked.

"Daddy," MacKenzie said. "You promised me a toy, remember? I want a toy."

"Hey MacKenzie," I said. My chest was already tight, thinking about what I was about to do. "I need you and your daddy to look at something with me. Uncle Axe isn't good at picking out sparkly things all by himself. I need an expert girl opinion for this. Do you think you can help me pick out something shiny- and then we can get a toy after that?" I opened the door.

"Like something shiny for a princess?" MacKenzie asked.

"Exactly like that. Something for June," I said. "Do you think you can help me?"

"A jewelry shop?" Crunch asked. "s.h.i.t, dude, are you about to do what I think you're about to do?"

I nodded. Crunch looked at me, his eyes wide. "This wasn't what I expected when you said you needed to run an errand."

"Daddy, you said a bad word," MacKenzie said. "You said s.h.i.t. You're not supposed to say that. s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t."

"Stop repeating it," Crunch said. "If you don't tell your mother what I just said, I'll buy you a toy when we get done."

MacKenzie sung it as we walked inside the store. "s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t."

Crunch swept her up in his arms. "Mac, why don't we play that little game where if you're quiet, you get a toy?" he asked.

I looked around at the clear cases. Was I really going to do this?

"Looking for anything in particular?" The salesperson eyed us, the expression on her face either fear or distaste, I wasn't sure. I was sure that, even without the leather cuts, two dirty tattooed guys weren't exactly her usual clientele. MacKenzie ran in front of us, pressed her face up against one of the cases.

"Look!" she squealed. "Look at all the sparkly things!"

"A ring," I said, nearly choking on the words. "An engagement ring."

"That's something I never thought I'd hear come out of your mouth," Crunch said, shaking his head.

"A girl like that, you've got to keep." The question was, would she feel the same way about me? It was a huge leap, from saying you loved someone, to saying you'd marry that person. And she hadn't exactly said she loved me. In my gut, I thought she did. But what if she didn't feel the same way at all? She said I was only short-term. What the h.e.l.l was I doing here? This was either the smartest or the stupidest thing I'd ever done.

"You sure about this?" Crunch asked. "It's really sudden."