12. In Temoshok and Dreher (1992), p. 24 13. Lerner (2001), p. xii.

14. Ibid.

15. Ba.s.s and Davis (1994), p. 479.

16. Young, Klosko, and Weisharr (2003), p. 247.

17. Jack (1999), p. 282.

PART TWO: REFUSING TO FORGIVE.

1. Horney, in Paris (2000), p. 257.

2. Ibid., p. 265.

3. A. Beck (1999), p. 37.

4. Witvliet, Ludwig, and Vander Laan (2001), p. 122.

5. A. Beck (1999), p. 33.

6. McCullough, Bellah, Kilpatrick, and Johnson (2001), p. 601.

7. Young, Klosko, and Weisharr (2003), p. 17.

8. A. Beck (1999), p. 7.

9. American Psychiatric a.s.sociation (2000), p. 294.

10. Emmons (2000), pp. 164165.

11. Ibid., p. 163.

12. Th.o.r.esen, Harris, and Luskin (2000), p. 263.

13. Fromm (1963).

14. Horney, in Paris (2000), p. 263.

15. Karen (2001), p. 35.

16. Ibid., p. 279.

17. Horney, in Paris (2000), p. 261.

18. Kasen (2001), p. 35

Notes.

231.

19. Maslow (1968).

20. Th.o.r.esen, Harris, and Luskin (2000), p. 257.

21. Witvliet, Ludwig, and Vander Laan (2001), p. 122.

22. Horney, in Paris (2000), p. 267.

PART THREE: ACCEPTANCE.

1. Herman (1992), p. 192.

2. Baldwin, in Engel (2001), p. 87.

3. Efran, Lukens, and Lukens (1990), pp. 164165.

4. Solomon and Higgins (2000), pp. 191192.

5. Beck, Rush, Shaw, and Emery (1979), pp. 163165.

6. Personal interview, December 2002.

7. Kabat-Zinn (1994), p. 140.

8. Sanford (1986).

9. Olio (1992), p. 78; in Patton (2000), p. 290.

10. McGoldrick and Carter (2001), p. 285.

11. Hargrave (1994), p. 30.

12. Steinem, New York Times New York Times.

13. Young and Klosko (1993).

14. Karen (2001), p. 99.

15. Ibid., p. 66.

16. Ibid., p. 264.

17. Horney, in Paris (2000), p. 273.

18. A. Beck, Rush, Shaw, and Emery (1979), pp. 254255.

19. Ellis and Grieger (1977), p. ix; Ellis and Harper (1975), pp. 202203.

20. Luskin (2002), p. 46.

21. J. Beck (1995), p. 119.

22. A. Beck (1976), pp. 2938.

23. Klein, quoted in Karen (2001), p. 71.

24. Abrahms (Spring) and Spring (1989).

25. Scarf (1986), p. 93.

26. Spring (1997), p. 136.

27. Bowen (1978).

28. McGoldrick and Carter (2001), p. 289.

232.

Notes.

29. Lerner (1985).

30. Karen (2001), p. 184.

31. Spring (1997), pp. 242243.

PART FOUR: GENUINE FORGIVENESS.

1. Hargrave (1994), p. 15.

What You, the Offender, Must Do to Earn Genuine Forgiveness 2. Mahzor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Mahzor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (1972), p. 129. (1972), p. 129.

3. Matthew 5:44.

4. Enright and Reed (2002), p. 2.

5. Smedes (1984), p. 133.

6. Smedes (1996), p. 59.

7. Yancey (1997), p. 210.

8. Ibid., p. 25.

9. Ibid., p. 26.

10. Matthew 5:2324.

11. Mahzor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Mahzor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (1972), pp. 438439. (1972), pp. 438439.

12. Tangney, Wagner, Hill-Barlow, Marschall, and Gramzow (1996), in Exline and Baumeister (2000), pp. 142143.

13. Exline and Baumeister, p. 143.

14. The psychologist Roy Baumeister refers to this as the "magnitude gap"; in Exline and Baumeister, p. 140.

15. Shafir (2003), p. 89, citing the communications model of Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages Silent Messages.

16. Jordan (2001).

17. Engel (2002), p. 42.

18. Flanigan (1992), p. 107.

19. New York Times International New York Times International (2001), pp. 1, 4. (2001), pp. 1, 4.

20. Flanigan (1996).

21. Madanes (1990), p. 54.

22. Flanigan (1996), p. 155.

23. Pittman (1989), p. 53.

Notes.

233.

24. New York Times New York Times (April 2001). (April 2001).