"You Billy's girlfriend?" she demanded.

"Yes."

"Billy's a good boy, and generous. He treats you good, I bet." "Yes, he does. You must be very proud of him." Nik felt like she was in the funhouse at the carnival, where nothing was the way it should be.

The other woman grinned. "Like I say, he's a good boy. He din't take after his old man a bit - not like my other boy. You din't never know George, did ya? He was smart as a whip, just like Billy, but he was mean, too, like his old man. My little grandbaby's lucky he died when he did."

What a strange comment to make to a stranger! Nik didn't know how to respond, and looked around the room, hoping for inspiration. "Oh, what an interesting sculpture - Bill must have just gotten it." She crossed to the table where the metal tree stood.

"He calls it a Christmas tree," his mother said in disgust.

It was hardly a normal Christmas tree, but it fit in this ultra-modern and impersonal apartment. "It is an unusual choice," Nik agreed. Well, no point being the one doing all the answering. This might be her only chance to find out anything about Bill's life before she'd met him. "It's nice that you could come into town for Christmas. Do you still live near Tri- Cities?"

"Yeah. Billy don't come home often, but he's good about helping me out with things." Things most likely meaning bills. "His old man left me kinda laid up, so I can't work many hours." Nik purposefully closed her mind to the implications of that statement, especially when coupled with the comment about him being mean.

Mrs. Adams let out a hacking cough that wouldn't let up. Finally, she wheezed to a stop and looked at Nik. "You know where Billy keeps his booze? It's the only thing that helps my cough."

"I'll look," she offered. She started in the kitchen, having a vague memory that she'd seen some bottles in a cupboard somewhere out there. While she was poking around, she heard the apartment door open.

"Look, Ma, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just -" He broke off, and she could tell from his voice that he'd decided to change the subject. "How about I buy you a nice steak dinner tonight to make up for it?"

"I know you din't mean it, Billy, but I won't turn down steak. Your girlie can go with us."

She hadn't intended to hide, but the conversation between Bill and his mother had been too interesting to miss. She stepped around the corner into the living room. "Hi, Bill."

He gaped at her. That was the only word for it, and it wasn't an attractive way to be greeted by one's lover. Horrified shock appeared to be his dominant reaction, not the pleased surprise she'd been hoping for. "Nik," he said, weakly, a bit like he was a fish, flailing on the dock, trying desperately to breathe.

This wasn't good.

Bill couldn't take this. Especially not now. Nik meeting Ma was unthinkable - except it had already happened.

Maybe she'd just gotten here and didn't know yet what Ma was like. He'd only been gone - what - maybe twenty minutes? Certainly not more than that. They couldn't have had time to do more than say hi.

Ma started hacking again, and he stopped himself before telling her - again - not to smoke so much.When she stopped coughing, she said, "Tell the girlie where your booze is. I need some for my cough."

Correction. They'd had way too much time together already. He hurried toward the kitchen. "I'll get it, Ma. I'm sure Nik's got better things to do than wait on you." How could he get rid of Nik politely, before any more damage was done?

"I don't mind," Nik said. "I'm really glad I got back early. I didn't realize your mom was coming for Christmas."

"Yeah, I -" He stopped himself before lying to her, fumbling around in the cupboard longer than necessary to give himself an excuse for not finishing the sentence. He brought out a bottle of whiskey, poured a little into a gla.s.s, and handed it to Ma across the breakfast bar. "Here you go, Ma. Take it easy, though. It's -"

Ma tossed it back like he'd seen Pop do. He hoped she'd choke on it and make Nik think she wasn't used to hard liquor, but no such luck. "Nice hooch. Hit me again, Billy."

Oh, geez. Could this get any worse? As he poured another shot into her gla.s.s, he got an idea. If he left Ma and the bottle here, he could go into the living room and Nik would follow him. Then she wouldn't see how much Ma drank.

He modified the plan partway to where Nik was standing, and included a big hug. She liked that a lot, but he could tell that his kiss wasn't up to snuff, so he gave up on that. He left his arms loosely around her body - with his body conveniently blocking her view of Ma - and said, "I'm glad you're back." Well, that wasn't a complete lie. He'd been missing her horribly. "What happened to change your plans?"

She grinned. "Marian called yesterday, and a gallery up on Vancouver Island wants to feature a few of Neal's paintings. He had to come back to pick up more of his canvases and then drive up there for a meeting tomorrow morning."

"That's great." He wished he could really pay attention to what that meant, but he couldn't. Getting Nik and Ma separated permanently was much more critical.

Nik pressed in close, and by reflex, he drew her even closer. d.a.m.n, he'd missed the way she felt, up against him like this. She murmured softly, "I kind of thought we could have a nice little reunion today, but I guess you're tied up with your mom." She said it more like a question than a statement, making it clear that she hoped he'd say she was welcome to stay.

"Yeah, I am. It's too bad." He said it flatly, so she'd know he wouldn't change his mind.

She was clearly disappointed. "When does she leave?"

"Tomorrow, I think." Tomorrow, he knew, because he'd go crazy if he had to put up with Ma any longer. But it was going to take him some time to put himself back together after this visit - and some time to figure out how to deal with Nik knowing about Ma.

She smiled tightly and asked, "Are you going in to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Then he realized to add, "Unless she's still here and wants to go somewhere or something." Like that would happen - or like he'd take her shopping or sightseeing if she wanted to go.

"Okay. If you're there, I'll stop by your office."

He nodded. "That would be good." Because he really was glad she was back, he hugged her again, longenough that his body started getting way too many ideas about what he should do next.

She buried her face in his chest for a few seconds, then stepped out of his arms. "It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Adams. Have a nice visit with Bill."

Ma swung her head around toward Nik, and Bill could tell she was half-hammered already. "You leaving, girlie? I thought we was goin' for steak."

Bill responded quickly, knowing Ma might get belligerent otherwise. "I'll take you for steak, Ma. But Nik's got other plans."

Nik gave him a funny look, but he pretended not to notice. She obviously didn't understand about dealing with drunks.

In fact, she didn't know a d.a.m.n thing about his kind of life, and she never would.

CHAPTER TWENTY.

Nik went grocery shopping and started a pot of soup. She'd been eating too much rich food this week, so she planned to emphasize fruits and vegetables for a while.

She wouldn't even think about Bill. It was perfectly understandable that he'd want to spend time alone with his mother, and she wouldn't translate that into any sort of comment on the nature of their relationship.

Besides, she'd probably get to see him tomorrow, and that was as soon as she'd expected. She'd use her time this afternoon and evening to get back into her regular exercise program. Even if she'd had the time while at Nathan's, there wasn't a place where she could exercise, and the house never quieted down enough for meditation except in the middle of the night. She'd go to bed early, too - she never slept well away from home, and especially not with Julie in the vicinity. She was so definite about Nik's fibro being a figment of her imagination that Nik typically ended up awake for hours in the middle of the night, wondering if that was possible.

But after her healthy dinner consisting of vegetable soup, fresh fruit, and plenty of ice cold water, Nik found herself doing something she hadn't done in months.

She sought the comfort of chocolate.

Bill took Ma over to the eastside of town for the steak dinner he'd promised. He couldn't run the risk of somebody he knew seeing them. Although, why should that matter anymore? The most important person in his life had not only seen Ma, but gotten up-close-and-personal with her.

Ma wouldn't let up on talking about Nik, either. What kind of name was Nik for a girl? Was she a hoity-toity rich girl like George had married? What other plans for dinner had she had that she couldn't change? And last but not least, why hadn't Bill persuaded her to stay longer and chat? Didn't he know that Ma wanted to get to know his girlfriend?

That last question - more like a demand - was more than he could tolerate. They were in the car after dinner, and almost all the way to Ma's motel. He seethed silently until they pulled into the parking lot, reminding himself over and over that Ma was pathetic and old before her time - and that he'd hate himself if he lost his temper with her twice in one day. None of it helped, and when he parked, he turned off the engine and faced her. "You know why I didn't ask Nik to go to dinner with us, Ma? Because you're a lush, you smoke like a chimney, you talk like a kindergarten dropout, and I don't want anyone to know I'm related to you!"

Ma's mouth dropped open and he just knew he was in for a doozy of a crying jag. Eventually, he'd write her an extra check to soothe her hurt feelings, but he'd still feel guilty for weeks.

But she didn't start crying. She didn't say anything. She sat there, stricken, for a long few seconds, then simply got out of the car and walked into the main entrance of the motel.

Leaving him alone all night, feeling guilty for the way he'd treated both of the women in his life, but unable to do anything to fix either situation.

Nik restrained herself on Monday, waiting until early afternoon to check if Bill was in his office. The other building was virtually silent, and as she pa.s.sed empty office after empty office, she realized why. Nearly all the developers and QA personnel must have taken the day off.

Bill hadn't. He was working away in his office, his back to the open door. She said, "Hi, Bill. I see you made it in. Your mom must have left."

He raised a hand in acknowledgment and typed for another fifteen or twenty seconds before turning around. "Yeah, she did." He looked and sounded very strange - as though he hadn't slept in days.

"Are you okay? You look exhausted." He was probably beyond the social niceties of inviting her to sit down, so she slipped into a chair.

He shrugged and sighed heavily. "I'm okay. My brain's pretty zapped, but all I need is a good night's sleep."

She wouldn't have expected entertaining his mother to rob him of that much sleep, especially when long nights of lovemaking had only seemed to energize him. But then, dealing with family baggage caused a different kind of fatigue, as she well knew. "I guess I'd better let you get caught up on your sleep tonight, then."

He sighed again, not meeting her eyes - and she suddenly realized that he hadn't met her eyes this whole conversation. "I'm sorry, Nik. I wouldn't be good company tonight."

She bit her tongue to keep from saying that she wasn't looking for good company. She was anxious to reconnect with the man who'd been her lover for close to three months. If he was worried about something, she'd be glad to help.

But he didn't want to hear that message, and she might as well take that as notice that their relationship wasn't what she'd grown to hope that it was.

Bill killed some time by going to the club for a workout after work, but eventually he had to go home.

Once there, his guilt wouldn't let him alone, and he finally called Ma, half- hoping she was out getting drunk.

She wasn't. "H'lo?" "Ma, it's Bill. I'm sorry about last night -"

"Ya meant it, din't ya?"

He wouldn't lie about it. "Pretty much, but -"

"Your brother gave me a whole buncha rules for when I went to his wedding that time. He picked out my clothes, and I wasn't allowed to say nothin' most of the time, and no booze or cigs. I figured it was just him being a pain in the a.s.s like his old man - 'cept then I met his in-laws and I unnerstood." This was an amazingly-coherent speech for Ma. She usually lost track of her point before this. "That girlie of yours has parents like that, don't she?"

"Nik's father is a college professor," he admitted.

"See? I knew it!" She was triumphant. "You're a good boy, Billy, and your girlie's nice enough, but it's not good to pretend to be somebody you ain't."

"I'm not -" But he was. He pushed the thought away. "Anyway, Ma, I shouldn't have said that stuff last night, and I'm sorry. I'll send -" He heard Ma's doorbell in the background.

"Oops, my ride's here. I gotta go, but don't you worry about what you said. You're right about me bein' a lush, and that ain't no way to be." She hung up before he could ask what she meant and why she was getting a ride somewhere.

He thought about the revelation he'd just had. Of course he was pretending to be something he wasn't.

He'd done the same thing ever since he went away to college. Some of the other freshman were from poor families. They'd talked about not having money and how if they hadn't gotten scholarships, they'd be scratching for jobs, just like their parents and most of their friends. Bill had been careful not to put himself in that same category, instead emulating the guys who had it made - the ones with looks and charm as well as bucks. He couldn't compete monetarily, but he'd discovered that didn't really matter in the insular world of the university. Fancy dates and expensive gifts weren't expected - having fun together and being a little daring were.

Daring was easy for him. Why not? His whole life had been lived on the edge, beyond the comprehension of the nice middle- cla.s.s girls who lined up, wanting the package he was promoting. The dangerous-seeming guy who was in reality perfectly safe.

And he'd been safe for hundreds of women over the years - all except the ones who wanted more than he was offering. The ones who wanted an emotional relationship in addition to the physical one. The ones who thought that something was missing in his life that she alone could provide. Those women had gotten hurt when he hadn't been willing to get involved.

Now, finally, he was with Nik, and he felt a yearning for something more. He thought she felt the same way, but it was hard to know for sure. More than that, this whole thing about Ma's visit and the way he'd blackmailed Scott and Carolyn had been driving him crazy. He was so ashamed of where he was from and what he'd done that it was hard to enjoy being with Nik anymore - and unthinkable to try for the something more he really wanted.

But that was dumb. If what he had with Nik wasn't strong enough for her to accept the real him, there was no point in dragging things out.

He might as well learn to live without her now.

** Nik faced a crisis after her sensible soup dinner. She'd eaten the last of her stash of chocolate last night and had forgotten to stop at the store for more on the way home. So, what to do? Drag herself out to the grocery store less than a mile away, or do without?

Do without was the right answer, of course. She'd eaten enough things that were bad for her at Nathan's to last a month. Anyway, chocolate was a crutch she ought to learn to live without.

Easier said than done. On a purely physiological basis, she knew that eating sweets and other rich foods primed her body to eat more of the same. Sugar, salt, and fats just plain tasted better to her right now than more healthy alternatives. If she stuck to her largely-vegetarian diet pretty religiously for a few weeks, she'd develop more of a taste for fruits and vegetables and would be better able to resist the other. Eating chocolate every night would slow that adaptation process significantly.

But the real reason she wanted the stupid chocolate bar wasn't physiological. It was psychological. If she couldn't have Bill here with her, pampering her and making her feel special, chocolate was the next best thing. Maybe even better in certain ways - after all, chocolate wasn't going to find another woman it would rather be with.

Not that she thought that the current problem with Bill had anything to do with another woman. He wouldn't be acting so strange if it did. He'd either tell her straight-out or he'd just stop seeing her.

And how was that different than what he was doing? She'd been back a day and a half now, and she'd gone to his apartment and then to his office. He hadn't come to see her, he hadn't called, and he hadn't given her more than the vaguest sign that he was glad to see her, much less that he had any intention of ever being with her again. This whole thing about his mother visiting was probably a red herring. She'd simply been a handy excuse to get Nik to leave yesterday.

She was definitely going to need chocolate to deal with this!

But when she pa.s.sed the front door on the way to the garage, she saw Bill opening the gate and stepping into her small yard. She tried to keep her hopes down in the mud where they'd fallen, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. He was here! She swung the door open. "Hi. I didn't expect to see you tonight."

He could have said something sweet, like that he couldn't sleep without holding her again. He didn't. He said, "We need to talk."

What awful words! He was warning her that something serious was going on, yet not giving her a clue as to what it was. Did they need to talk because he needed advice about something and trusted her opinion?

Probably not. In her experience, people said "We need to talk" when relationships were broken or about to get broken.

So she'd been right earlier. They were through, and she guessed he was being nice by telling her to her face. Most women he dated didn't get that courtesy.

She'd deal with this maturely. After all, she'd known it would happen. She ought to be prepared. "Come in. We'll talk in the living room." She led the way and sat in her recliner. "So, what's up?"

"What's up?" he echoed, then seemed to realize what she was asking. "Um, well, it occurred to me that I was kind of rude to you when you stopped by yesterday and again today."

He was rude to her? This was what he meant by needing to talk? She'd dump that excuse into the trash can where it belonged. "That's okay. You weren't expecting me, and I know you don't see your momreal often, so it's natural you'd want to spend as much time with her as you could."

He shook his head. "Not at all. I hate spending time with her." He sucked in a huge breath. "See, that's the thing. The reason I don't like being with her's the same reason I didn't invite you to go with us to dinner. I'm ashamed of her and I couldn't stand for you to see what she's really like. That's what I'm really like, too."