A completely serious answer was more than he could handle. Instead he quipped, "Then I have nothing to worry about. You need different amounts of help every day." That sounded overly flip, so he added, "Plus, you probably already had fibro then and didn't realize it."

She was unconvinced, but didn't seem any more inclined to discuss the subject further than he was. He moved so his lips were touching her ear and said softly, "I've got a special one- time offer for you, Nikolia."

"What is it?"

"A refresher course on why I'm more than just a domesticated guy." He slipped his hand in between their bodies and left it spread wide, right at her waistline. Not touching anything particularly erogenous, just hinting that he might.

"Oh, I know that," she said, the smile she was suppressing evident in her voice. "You're a world-cla.s.s ma.s.seur, too. I'm pretty lucky."

"More than pretty lucky, Nikolia. You're d.a.m.n lucky." He rolled her onto her back and began proving it to her. At an inopportune moment - from her point of view, that is - he paused and asked, "Don't you agree, Nikolia? You're d.a.m.n lucky."

To his surprise, she shook her head at the same time as her body urged him to continue. "Uh-uh. Once isn't enough for d.a.m.n lucky."

"Once? What are you talking about?" He stared at her. "You said this was a one-time offer."

He had to laugh. "Okay, okay. I lied, just like they do on the ads. It's the everyday special."

She grinned up at him. "Then I'm d.a.m.n lucky."

And so was he.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

The minute she got email about the company Christmas party, Nik knew what would happen. Bill would want them to attend as a couple. Sure enough, he brought the subject up during dinner after a movie on Sat.u.r.day. "Did you RSVP yet for the company party?"

She shook her head and glanced at the menu for a few seconds before answering. "Not yet. I'm not sure I'll go."

"But you have to! It'll be a great party - and everyone'll be there."

She closed her menu and set it on the table. "Parties are kind of tricky for me. It's always food that's bad for me, and I don't dare have more than one drink, and I don't dance anymore." All of that was true, and she'd sat quietly at more than her share of parties, counting the minutes until she could make a graceful exit.

"Plus, if you go, it means everyone will know we're together, and you're still not okay with that," he said flatly.

"I'm okay with that," she insisted, but even she could hear the tone in her voice that said she wasn't. She'd better try again before he called her on it. "Carolyn already knows, and she must have told Scott, and maybe other people, so it isn't a secret, anyway. The thing is that if we go together, you'll think you should stay with me, and that's not your style."

He looked at her seriously for a long time, and finally answered, "How about you let me decide what's my style and what isn't? Maybe I'll sit with you most of the time, maybe I won't, and maybe I'll get you out on the dance floor once or twice." The moment her head started to shake, he said, "Don't rule it out.

Neal says you're healthier right now than you've been since you got sick."

She felt a jolt of realization. He was right. She certainly wasn't symptom-free, but she was doing well, day after day and week after week, and a not-insignificant amount of the credit for that belonged to Bill.

She smiled and picked up her menu. "Okay. I'll sign up on Monday."

He stared at her for several seconds before his smile caught up with him. "Great!"

It was fun to catch him by surprise like that.

The party went fine, and a fair amount of the fun for Bill was in tracking when people noticed he and Nik were together, and how they reacted after they noticed. They got plenty of stares and he had questions flung at him every time he left Nik for a few minutes. He also saw a fair number of glares directed at Nik - some from women he'd dated, others from the ones he'd always thought of as groupies, and still others from the scandal-mongers.

The groupies were women like Abby, a sweet AA who'd work late day after day on a job for him andthen bring him a plate of cookies when it was done. He hated to admit it, but he'd never asked her out because he knew it would spell the end of that kind of treatment.

The scandal-mongers were led by Phyllis, and if he got extra-special treatment from the groupies, that was more than balanced by the way the scandal-mongers pretended not to notice when he needed help.

They were too busy spreading rumors of his every move to get much done at work, anyway. Few of the rumors were true, and luckily they'd missed the juiciest scandal of all - the reason Scott and Carolyn both hated him.

He got along with most of the guys at work, and Nik was well-liked, so they still had plenty of people to socialize with. Phillip, a guy in his group who reminded him a little of Frankenstein's monster, asked Nik a question that Bill had been intending to ask for days. "What are you doing for the holidays?"

"Going to my brother and sister-in-law's in Eastern Washington."

"Just for Christmas, or New Year's, too?" Phillip asked.

"My other brother's doing the driving, but we'll probably come back a couple of days after Christmas."

She glanced at Bill then - a little guiltily, he thought.

His suspicion was confirmed on the drive back to her house, when she said, "I meant to talk to you about Christmas before this. I hope you weren't expecting me to invite you home with us."

"Not really." The idea had occurred to him, but he'd known she wasn't ready for it.

She was watching his face, and apparently couldn't tell much from his reaction. "It sounds better than it really is, anyway. Nathan spends all his time at the University, and Dad hangs out with him and his old friends as much as he can. So Neal and I end up with Julie and the kids most of the time, and Julie's a real pain-in-the-neck. If you went with me, she'd be planning our wedding the whole time, and we both know that's never going to happen." Before he could respond - a.s.suming he had a clue of how to respond to that - she rushed on, "Plus, she's the nosiest most intrusive person I've ever met. She'd have your deep dark kindergarten secrets dragged out of you by the time dinner was over the first day."

Not likely. "Don't worry about it. I'm not big on family deals like Christmas, anyway." That sounded wrong - grudging, and maybe like he thought it was stupid for her to care about those things, so he added, "Thanks for explaining, though." Then, determinedly changing the subject, he asked, "So, how many people asked about us tonight when I wasn't around?"

That brought a smile to her lips. "Only a few. I think a lot of people were too shocked to say anything."

"Or maybe they didn't think there was anything to explain," he suggested.

But even if he hadn't been the recipient of a dozen or more incredulous questions tonight, he'd know that wasn't the truth. People at A-W might be divided about a lot of issues, but they were united in one opinion - that a guy like Bill wasn't good enough for a woman like Nik.

He wished their acceptance and approval meant nothing to him, but after a lifetime of not being good enough, it meant much too much.

But he'd gladly live without it, if Nik alone truly accepted him.

Nik would never understand Bill. She could have sworn he'd want to go home with her at Christmas. Hemight have stopped talking about the whole relationship thing, but that didn't mean that wasn't where his mind still was. For now, she hastened to remind herself. He'd get sick of her sooner or later, and she still expected it to be sooner.

But he'd sounded so unconcerned last night! As though going home with her at Christmas wasn't any more significant than - well, she couldn't think of anything that insignificant. And it was significant. If they were truly headed where it seemed like they were headed, she would have invited him. She'd have given him the choice of whether or not to go, whether or not to deal with her family.

What that proved, of course, was that their relationship wasn't what it seemed to be.

That realization made her much sadder than she had any right to be.

Bill went to Scott's office as soon as he got to work on Monday. "Say, Scott, I was wondering if we could make arrangements for my mother seeing Rachel."

Scott looked up from his desk. "Sure. When is she coming to town?"

"Probably for Christmas." While Nik was conveniently out of town. "What I thought is maybe Rachel could come over to my place for a while the day after Christmas, and we could do the whole gift thing without tying you up all day or anything." And without Scott meeting Ma.

Scott frowned and thought about the idea for a few seconds, then smiled and shook his head in embarra.s.sment. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to act like you'll hurt her or something - I'm just being a typically overprotective father."

"You'd rather be there. I can see that." It would screw up his plans, but maybe he could get Ma to behave like a halfway normal person for the length of her visit with Rachel.

Scott shook his head again. "No. I was being ridiculous. It's not like you'll be taking her to the moon, after all."

He smiled. "No. Only a few blocks."

Scott nodded. "Okay, we'll plan on it, then. Give me a call that morning and we'll coordinate times."

"Great. I'll tell Ma." He should just shut up and leave, but he had to say, "I appreciate this, Scott. I haven't given you much reason to trust me."

Scott pressed his lips together, like he didn't want to have this conversation any more than Bill did. But then he said, "That's true long-term, but not recently. You've made a success of this promotion, and maybe I'm crazy, but I don't feel like you're out to get me anymore."

"I'm not. I -" Oh, what the heck. They'd gone this far. "I'm sorry for the things I did last summer. I had no business blackmailing you and Carolyn."

Scott's look was glum. "No, you didn't. And I have to say I'm sorry we caved in. All I was guilty of was trying to spare Francine's feelings, and I should have known that Seth would believe me about that."

Could Scott actually be saying what it sounded like? "You're saying you told him about you and Carolyn?"

He nodded. "Not until after your promotion, but yeah. Once I persuaded Carolyn to stay, I knew wecouldn't let you have that hanging over our heads forever. If Seth wouldn't accept the truth, we were prepared to go somewhere else and start over."

"You must have told him about the blackmail, too." Why hadn't Seth fired him?

"No." He paused, then admitted, "I didn't want him to know I'd knuckled under." With a shrug that looked more ashamed than casual, he added, "And I figured if I was cutting myself some slack on the deal, I could do the same for you." His eyes burned holes in Bill. "Don't expect me to do the same again."

Bill raised his hands between them. "No way. I -" He swallowed. "I'm grateful, and I - I'll never do anything like that again." Scott didn't appear to believe him, and after a few seconds, Bill began backing to the door. "I'll let you get back to work."

He pa.s.sed by his own office, driven by something that felt like dread to Carolyn's, nevertheless hoping she wasn't there. She was, and she looked up and saw him lurking outside her door. "Were you looking for me?"

He nodded and stepped inside, shutting the door for privacy. There were too many other offices in the vicinity, and Carolyn's office wasn't designed for private conversations, like Scott's bigger corner office was. He licked his lips. "You never told Scott that I tried to blackmail you, did you?"

Her eyes went wide, and he remembered how obsessed he'd been by her back then. "I said you were threatening to cause trouble again. I didn't tell him what you wanted - he wouldn't have let it go, and I didn't want it to destroy the slim chance we had of making things work here." She sat up a little straighter and challenged him, "Anyway, you're no rapist. You wanted me in your bed willingly, and that wasn't going to happen."

No, not with Carolyn. He suddenly wondered if he'd ever truly thought it might. His obsession with her hadn't started until she'd been firmly allied with Scott against him. Before that, she'd been an attractive woman - although not at all his type - and he'd hit on her simply because that was what he did when he met an attractive woman.

"I didn't tell anyone else, either, in case you're wondering."

That brought him up short. When he'd thought about Nik finding out about the blackmail, it had been the job-for-silence threat he'd considered. Not s.e.x-for-silence, although now that he thought about it, that was even worse.

Geez. Maybe the people at the party had a point. Maybe he didn't deserve to be with somebody like Nik.

"Bill? Are you all right?"

He shook off his stupor. He'd think about Nik another time. "I'm fine. Just - well, I told Scott earlier that I'm sorry for the whole blackmail thing, and I want to say the same thing to you. Only I guess it goes extra for you, because what I did to you was reprehensible."

She shook her head. "It's not a matter of degree, Bill. Both blackmail attempts were reprehensible, and I hope you're being honest when you say you're sorry. But the fact of the matter is that the damage is done. Scott's never going to feel quite as sure of his integrity as he was before this happened - and maybe that doesn't seem like much of a loss to you, but it is to a man like Scott."

She lowered her gaze and he saw her cheeks redden. "And I'll tell you something else, Bill. If you'd cometo me with the card and picture instead of to the two of us, I'd have given you what you wanted, too.

Because as much as Scott wants to believe he would have been okay starting over somewhere else without Rachel, he wouldn't have been the same person. I would have done anything to save him from that."

He felt blindsided by her vehemence. He wanted to defend himself, but what was there to say? She looked straight into his eyes and said, "But the past is over. You behave like a decent human being, and Scott and I will treat you likewise. You try to cause us problems, and all bets are off."

"No problems. I swear."

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

Nik missed Bill all during her shower. That was silly since he was less than ten feet away in the bedroom.

But it wasn't completely silly, because when she got up to shower Sunday morning, it signified that their weekend together was over. It would be after Christmas before she'd see him again.

But it was more than the upcoming separation that made her uneasy. It was that something had changed in their relationship recently. Things had been fine - great, even - at Thanksgiving, and for at least a week after that. But since then, it seemed like he wasn't quite as much right there with her in the moment. s.e.x was still good, so it wasn't their chemistry wearing off.

More likely, he was getting tired of being with her. It had to wear thin for him, always having to worry about what she could or couldn't do. He might even have his eye on a new woman he wanted. Hey - maybe that was why he hadn't minded not being invited to go home with her!

She should have thought about this earlier in the weekend. She would have asked him straight-out, trusting that he wouldn't lie. She hadn't been ready to deal with the possibility of it being over, though. It had gotten too comfortable having him there every weekend, and spending Tuesday nights at his place.

Being part of a couple was so much more fun than being alone.

Maybe she should talk to him now. She could skip church one Sunday, especially since the carol service was tonight and she'd be going to that. They could get it over with now, and if she was right, she had the trip home to come to terms with the new reality. No point in waiting, anyway. She wouldn't be able to really relax until she knew for sure.

She stepped out of the shower and one knee buckled. She sank to the carpeted floor and wrapped a towel around her body while she tried to catch her breath.

Breathe in, hold it, breathe out. Breathe in, hold - no, don't pant like that! In, hold, out. In, hold, out. Just think about breathing. Nothing else. Not about Bill - She curled up tighter. She would make it. She'd known it would end someday. Today was better than next month. The longer it went on, the harder it would be to have it end.

Okay. Enough of this delaying the inevitable. She stood up, dried off quickly, and stepped back into the bedroom.

He sat cross-legged on the bed, facing her, looking more impossibly good-looking than ever. Before she could speak, he asked, "Is that thing at church tonight anything I could go to?"

After a moment of shock, she got her voice back and said, "Sure. Visitors are always welcome." "Would you mind if I went with you?" He sounded unsure of her answer.

Why would he want to go? Church wasn't the kind of activity someone like Bill would choose to bring life to a dying relationship. Could it be that it wasn't dying, after all? "Not at all, if you're really interested.