Rickyas headaches were less frequent, but her dreams had become exhausting. The last three times shead fallen asleep she woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air.

She crawled out of bed in a Fleetwood Mac T-shirt and a pair of cutoffs and found a small can of orange juice in the refrigerator. She glanced over at the keyboard on the table, but still couldnat quite get up the courage to touch it. She closed her eyes and pushed damp hair away from her forehead.

aWhat do you plan on doing for the rest of your life?a she whispered as she slumped against the cool refrigerator.

Ricky woke up around nine the next morning and lay in bed staring at the yellowed ceiling for several minutes before getting dressed and gathering more change. She went down to the laundry room and called Joe again.

aHi. Itas me.a aRicky,a he said with relief. aWhere are you? And donat hang up!a aIam sorry about the other day.a aYou sound better. Iave got a surprise for you,a he said. aIave been trying to get another band together. Iave got some good musicians lined up. I think you should hear aem.a Her vision blurred as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. Where do they come from so quickly?

aRicky? Did you hear me?a aYeah,a she said, her voice rough with emotion. aIam not ready for this yet.a aLike h.e.l.l youare not.a Spinning washers and tumbling dryers forced her to speak up. aI feel like maybe that part of my lifeas over. Like itas gone forever, you know?a aGone? Are you nuts? Iam getting calls all day long! People are lined up outside your condo waiting for you to come home. You canat buy a f.u.c.king Hot Check recording anywhere in the country! You canat quit. They wouldnat let you even if you wanted to.a aJesus,a she said with a sniff and dabbed her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt.

aOnce I get a good band behind you again, youall be fine,a he said. aLet me worry about that, okay? Now tell me where you are. I can load up the girls and get them there for your approval any time. Just say the word.a aWhat girls?a The operator came on the line and requested more money. Ricky dropped a stack of change in the slot. aWhat girls?a she asked again.

aI found a ba.s.s player and a keyboard player that I know youall like,a he said with excitement. aTheyave been around a long time. Both fresh from San Francisco. Iave got some calls out for a lead guitar too. We should all get together and see what happens.a aA keyboard player?a Ricky said. aWhat the h.e.l.l do I need with a keyboard player?a aIave got some ideas Iad like to go over with you. Tell me where you are so we can talk.a Ricky heard something strange in his voice; it broke once and he cleared his throat. aPlease,a he whispered. aTell me where you are. I miss you.a aI miss you too.a Ricky leaned against the wall and clutched the receiver tightly. The washer and dryer had stopped, and the silence in the laundry room only added to her somber mood. aJesus, Joe. What are we gonna do?a aWeall rebuild this band,a he said. aMaybe launch you solo. The offers Iave gotten so far are leaning in that direction. Either way we decide to go, Iall manage you and weall make piles of money.a He laughed suddenly. aNow tell me where the f.u.c.k you are, you little s.h.i.t!a Ricky knew that if she told him, head be there in less than three hours, and she wasnat ready to deal with any of that yet.

aHave you at least called Alice?a he asked. aYouall feel better once you get that straightened out.a aIam not sure Iall ever feel better again. Look, Iave gotta go. Iall call you again soon.a Even as she was hanging up, Ricky could hear him cussing at her and begging her to tell him where she was. She stayed in the laundry room for a while, propped against the wall. Heas getting a new band together for me...strangers playing my music. How can he even think of such a thing?

Joe was on the phone with Alice as soon as Ricky hung up. aShe sounded better this time,a he said, abut she still wouldnat tell me where she was. I thought I heard seagulls in the background though. Maybe thatall help.a aThank you,a Alice said. aWhy, Joe? Why is she doing this?a Why is she calling you and not me? she wanted to scream.

aWe talked about you a little,a he said. aShe gets upset very easily. She doesnat know why the f.u.c.k sheas doing it either.a Alice called Dora and relayed the information Joe had given her. She felt as though nothing would ever be right in her life again. Maybe Ricky would never come back.

aDora, you have to find her. I donat know how much more of this I can take.a aIam pretty sure sheas around Rockport somewhere,a Dora said. aHer father gave me a few leads this morning. Heas heading down there tomorrow to look for her. Hopefully Iall have something for you in a day or two. Please, Alice. Just take it easy.a aEasy? Iam scared, d.a.m.n it!a aOf course youare scared. Sheas probably scared too. My hunch is sheas trying to get her head together before she does anything else.a aGreat. Just great.a aIam leaving for the coast again this afternoon. Iall call you as soon as I know something.a Ricky considered Joeas suggestion about getting a new band together, but the thought of being on stage with strangers seemed impossible. She couldnat imagine herself doing such a thing. And Joe had mentioned something about finding someone for keyboard. What the h.e.l.l did she need with a keyboard player? Ricky called him again the next day, and he sounded even more frustrated than before.

aIave gotta tell these people something, d.a.m.n it!a he yelled into the phone. aI canat manage you if I canat f.u.c.king find you!a aOther people will be playing our music, Joe. How can you be so ho-hum about this?a aHow? Because I have to, thatas how.a He lowered his voice. aLook, Ricky. Stanas gone and Kyleas nowhere to be found, but Iam here. Hot Checkas something Iave gotta be a part of whether or not I ever play another note for you. Canat you understand how important that is? Donat take this away from me. Letas just give it a chance, okay? Donat fight me so hard. Iam on your side.a The tears were back, silently reminding her of how little control she had over anything. aI hate this, Joe.a aI know you do.a aHowas your hand?a she asked with a sniff.

aItas there. Thatas about all I can say.a aStill no feeling?a Ricky heard him sigh before he answered.

aSome of us are moving on with our lives, Ricky. I sold my guitars so I could pay my f.u.c.king bills. Now when are you coming back? Weave got work to do. Musicians to find. Money to make. Places to see and people to do.a aMaybe if we could get Kyle back,a she said. Something familiar...being on stage again with someone I know.

aKyle? Where in the f.u.c.k am I supposed to find Kyle?a aI donat know,a Ricky said. aThe same place youare looking for guitar players. It shouldnat be too hard to find him.a aHe disappeared quicker than you did. Iave got another drummer lined up already,a Joe said, dismissing the idea immediately. aKyleas done p.i.s.sed me off.a aSo?a Ricky said. aI want him. I wonat even consider doing anything without him.a aListen to me, Ricky.a aNo. You listen to me. I need Kyle. No Kyle, no band. Iave got a friend in San Antonio who can help you find him,a she said. aHer nameas Dora Martinez.a Joe groaned in frustration before yelling, aDora Martinez? Youare kidding me, right? This is just out-G.o.dd.a.m.n-standing, Ricky! Jesus f.u.c.king Christ. You want her to find Kyle? h.e.l.l, Dora Martinez canat even find you!a Monday evening Alice was in her office, knee-deep in reviewing the end-of-month reports, when Gloria informed her that Christine Marlow was waiting to see her. Alice sighed. She had avoided Christineas telephone calls as best she could over the past few weeks, at times being annoyingly unsuccessful, but there wasnat much she could do if she showed up at the office.

aSend her in,a Alice said. She stood up and straightened a few papers on her desk. The door opened, and a confident but moody Christine sauntered in.

aYouave been avoiding me, Alice,a she said. Her fingers and throat glittered with jewelry, adding immeasurably to her tangerine-colored skirt and blouse.

Alice shrugged, choosing not to deny anything. aAs you can see, Iave been busy. Have a seat.a aI havenat seen you in so long,a Christine said, aand since itas impossible to get you on the phone, I thought I might just fly to New Orleans for the day and give it a more personal touch.a aYouave caught me at a really bad time.a aWhen isnat it a bad time these days?a Christine shifted in her chair and c.o.c.ked her head attentively. aThings havenat been the same since that awful day we had lunch.a Alice put her hands up to stop any further mention of the subject. aFriends, Christine. Thatas it. You either accept that, or forget the whole thing.a aThatas why Iam here. I want whatever youare willing to give me.a That sounds pathetic, Alice thought.

aYou look tired, Alice. Are you okay?a aItas Ricky. And work. Mostly Ricky.a aStill no word from her?a aNothing. I have Dora working on it.a aSheas a fool.a aDora?a Alice asked, attempting a smile.

aNo, not Dora!a They stared at each other for a few moments before Christine looked away. aDo you have room for me, or should I get a hotel for the night?a aI have room for you,a Alice said, abut I think it would be better if you stayed somewhere else.a aDonat trust yourself to be alone with me?a Christine asked with a chuckle.

aThatas the least of my worries. I have a lot of work to do. Iam afraid youall have to entertain yourself while youare here.a aNot even dinner tonight? I promise to behave. Please, Alice. Weave been friends a long time. Letas not throw it all away.a aMy parents are coming in tomorrow, and I have a lot of work to do before they get here. You really shouldave called first.a Alice felt a twinge of guilt once the words were out, knowing full well that if Christine had called, she wouldave found an excuse not to talk to her. aItall be late when Iam finished here. Iam sorry.a aLateas fine,a Christine said. aPlease, Alice. Youall see that I only want us to be friends. We can have a quiet dinner somewhere. I have oodles of things to tell you.a aThis is--a aAnd by the way,a Christine continued, athere arenat any good rooms available in town. The Saints are doing football things this weekend.a aThen it sounds like you have a problem, doesnat it?a aAlice, please. I donat want it to be this way. Weare friends. Iave already promised to be on my best behavior.a Alice wasnat sure she could get her to leave without giving in. She glanced at the stack of work on her desk. aThis is really a bad time for me.a She scribbled down the address to her condo and found an extra set of keys in her purse. aIam not sure when Iall be there. Like I said, I have a lot of work to do and youall have to entertain yourself.a Christine caught the keys Alice tossed her. aIall see you later.a

Chapter Fifteen.

Ricky came back from a walk just before dark and found Dora waiting for her. In a way it was such a relief to finally have her there. Now she could stop looking for her everywhere.

aHi,a Ricky said, giving her a long hug. aHowas Marge and the kids?a She smiled tiredly and hugged her again.

aEverybodyas fine,a Dora said. aThe last time I saw you we werenat sure if youad make it or not. You feeling okay?a aYes. Iam fine.a Ricky unlocked the door and held it open for her. aThe headaches finally stopped.a She motioned toward the only chair in the tiny room.

aAre you planning on coming back any time soon?a aI donat know,a Ricky said. She sat down on the end of the bed.

aHow patient do you expect Alice to be?a Dora asked.

Rickyas stomach did a little flip at the mention of Aliceas name.

aYouare holding all the cards, kiddo. Donat you think Alice deserves better than this?a Ricky felt warm all over, as if a previously unknown source of energy had suddenly been released from somewhere.

aAre you involved with someone else?a Dora asked, glancing around the room.

aYou know better than that.a Dora shrugged and took a small notebook out of her jacket pocket. aIave always liked you, Ricky, but youare hurting someone who means a lot to me. Why the h.e.l.l are you here?a Ricky shrugged. aThereas this part of me that isnat ready to deal with Alice yet,a she said. She tugged at a thread on the dingy bedspread. aMy careeras a pile of c.r.a.p right now. I have to fix that before I see her again.a aAlice has nothing to do with your work.a Ricky tousled her hair and then leaned back on her elbows. aBut my work has everything to do with how Alice relates to me.a She looked away as a tear rolled down her cheek. aWhen Alice and I first got together I knew what she saw in me. My music and the band were all tied up in this s.e.xual thing. She never expected to be happy with me, Dora. That surprised her.a Ricky leaned her head back and shook the hair out of her eyes. aThe little pizzazz the band had isnat there any more. Iave never been without it before, and itas a very scary thing for me.a Dora stretched her legs out and crossed them at the ankles. aYou donat think youare good enough for her unless you have a band. Is that it?a Ricky didnat say anything. Her chest felt heavy all of a sudden.

aWhat a bunch of c.r.a.pola,a Dora said. aIf you truly believe that, then maybe you arenat good enough for her!a Ricky stared at her. aThatas a chicken-s.h.i.t thing to say, Dora. I donat intend to stay this emotional degenerate forever, but right now I havenat got a clue whatas going on with me. My headas all f.u.c.ked up.a aAlice wants to help you. She deserves that chance.a Dora flipped through a few pages in the notebook. aMy job was to find you. Iall have to tell Alice where you are, of course.a She looked up at her with a crinkled brow and then sat up in her chair. aIs this what the accident did to you? It sounds like someoneas been using your self-esteem for a punching bag, Ricky, and that really doesnat make any sense to me. Youave got a lover whoas crazy about you. Youare a recognized recording artist, a respected writer--a aDonat forget my nice hair and big t.i.ts,a Ricky said dryly.

Dora nodded and chuckled. aThat goes without saying.a Ricky pulled at the thread on the bedspread again. aI know all that, Dora. Iave been whining and sniveling ever since the accident. Iam here feeling sorry for myself so no one else has to put up with it.a aYouare alive, Ricky. Donat you realize how lucky you are?a The silence was sobering as they looked at each other. aStan didnat get this chance. Over these last few weeks Iave wanted nothing more than to find you just so I could shake the living s.h.i.t out of you for leaving that way,a Dora said slowly. aYouave hit a rough stretch in the road right now, anda"a aLosing Stan is more than a f.u.c.king b.u.mp in the road for me,a Ricky whispered. aI lost one of my best friends, Dora. Not to mention my band...the way I make my living...one of the only reasons I get up every morning. Itas all gone.a aAnd here you are shutting out everyone who wants to help you. Maturity isnat one of your strong points, I take it.a aI guess not,a Ricky said, beginning to get angry.

aI see,a Dora said. aWith your talent gone and no resources available to you any longer, I guess itas a good thing youave got those big t.i.ts and all that nice hair to fall back on.a Doraas tone was softer, and Ricky could see the concern in her dark eyes. aYou came here to think and get it all sorted out, but that hasnat happened yet. Youare thinking about the wrong things right now, Ricky. Running away hasnat worked, has it?a aTell me what to do, Dora.a aYouave had us all very worried.a aI know,a Ricky whispered. aSo tell me what to do.a aAlice needs to see you.a Just the thought of seeing Alice again terrified her. aHow is she?a Ricky asked.

aHow would you be if Alice had been missing for three weeks?a Dora glanced around the cottage. aWhereas your phone? Weall give her a call.a aI donat have a phone.a aNo phone?a Dora said incredulously. aWhat kind of place is this?a aThereas a pay phone in the laundry room across the driveway. How is she, Dora? How much damage have I done?a aYouare the only one who can a.s.sess that. Sheas more hurt than p.i.s.sed, though. And thatas never good. Come on. Letas go.a On her way out of the cottage Dora said, aJust so youall know a little about whatas going on, in addition to you falling off the face of the earth, sheas had to put up with s.h.i.t from your father. He called her a f.u.c.king d.y.k.e one night, and theyave had several fights about whose fault it was that youare gone. He blamed her and she blamed him. They started speaking again only a few days ago.a aMy father called her a what?a Ricky said with eyes wide. aYouare not kidding, are you? Holy s.h.i.t.a aHoly s.h.i.tas right. He can be very unscrupulous where youare concerned.a They crossed the driveway to crunching oyster sh.e.l.l under sneakered feet and entered the laundry room to a symphony of rinse cycles and tumbling dryers. Dora dialed Aliceas home number and had the charges billed to her own telephone number in San Antonio. Once the phone started ringing, she handed the receiver over to Ricky.

aYouare on, kid.a Dora walked to the end of a row of washers to give her some privacy. Ricky held the receiver in a shaking hand.

ah.e.l.lo,a a womanas voice said.

ah.e.l.lo. Who is this?a There was a brief pause.

aRicky!a Christine said. aImagine hearing from you like this!a aWhat are you doing there?a Ricky managed to ask. A shade of doom lowered itself over her entire being. aWhereas Alice? Is she there?a aSheas in the shower, love. I was just on my way to see if she needed anything.a aWhatas the matter?a Ricky heard Dora asking, but she waved her away. Ricky felt sure she would be sick at any second.

aHow long have you been there?a Ricky whispered.

aThatas none of your business.a aWho are you talking to?a Dora demanded.

aYouare lying,a Ricky growled into the telephone. aYou b.i.t.c.h. I know youare lying.a aNot at all,a Christine said. aWe might even get around to the intimate little dinner Iave thrown together.a Ricky hung up on her and grabbed Doraas wrist to look at her watch. It was nine oaclock.

aWho was it?a Dora barked.

aChristine. When was the last time you talked to Alice?a aYesterday. And I saw Christine the day before in San Antonio. Take it easy. Weall find out whatas going on.a Dora dug around in her jacket pocket and retrieved her small notebook. She deposited another quarter and again had the charges billed to her home number. After twenty rings she hung up.

aNo answer at her office,a Dora said. She got her quarter back and went through the same process to get Aliceas home number again. aThe lineas busy at her apartment.a aSheas lying,a Ricky grumbled. aThe b.i.t.c.h is lying.a aWhat did Christine say?a aIt doesnat matter. Jesus, I donat believe this.a Once back in the cottage Ricky began throwing clothes in a suitcase. aCan you take me to the airport in Corpus?a aSure. Youare going to New Orleans, I hope.a aOf course Iam going to New Orleans! Where else would I go?a aI donat know,a Dora said. aIam not sure. Flights to New Orleans at this time of night are probably pretty scarce around here. Youad get there faster if you just drove.a Ricky threw open the tiny closet door to find something else to wear. She yanked clothes off hangers and held them up to her.

aCome on, Ricky. Youare getting upset over nothing,a Dora said gently. aAlice is spending a fortune looking for you.a aGet real, Dora. That was yesterday.a Alice got home a little after nine-thirty that evening. Shead finished going over the reports she was certain her father would quiz her about. Things were looking good at the office.

She smelled something cooking as soon as she opened the door, but she was feeling much too tired to be sociable. The lights were dim, and soft music drifted from the stereo. Alice turned on all remaining lights within reach and proceeded to make herself a drink. Christine came out of the kitchen dressed in some sort of pale yellow nightgown.

aSmells good,a Alice said. aFind something to do today?a aNo need to worry about me,a Christine said. aDinner should be ready in about ten minutes.a Alice noticed that the dining room table was set for two, complete with candles and wine gla.s.ses. She slipped her shoes off and took her drink to the sofa where she began to relax for the first time all day. Alice wouldave preferred to just go to bed, with full knowledge that she needed to be fresh in the morning when her parents arrived. She viewed Christine as an intrusion to her usual routine, and Alice had no urge to entertain at the moment.

aWhat are we having?a she asked.

aLasagna, a masterpiece of a salad, and potent garlic bread.a Christine joined her on the opposite end of the sofa and rested her arm seductively along the back. aYou look beat. Are these your usual hours?a aOnly when my fatheras in town. Dinner had better hurry. Iam fading fast.a Christine laughed and went to the kitchen, returning to the table with a bubbling dish and various other delicacies. Alice rose from the sofa to uncork the wine. Christine had dimmed the lights and lit the candles, but Alice switched more lights on during each trip Christine made to the kitchen.

aYou said you had oodles to tell me.a Christine filled their wine gla.s.ses and smiled as Alice tended to their plates. aRemember the flight attendant I was seeing? She wants to move in with me.a aAnd how do you feel about that?a aSheas talking about quitting her job and going back to school. I think sheas looking for a place to roost.a During dinner they talked about New Orleans and Aliceas job. Christine caught her up on the latest gossip about mutual friends and filled their gla.s.ses with the last of the wine. She proposed a toast to friendship, which made Alice feel a little better. It was almost a relief to laugh again; to be able to just sit down and talk to someone and carry on a normal conversation.

aIad forgotten what an excellent cook you are,a Alice said.

aOh, but Iam afraid Iave totally destroyed your kitchen in the process.a aRicky likes to cook too.a The silence hung in the air between them like a deadly lingering cloud. Theyad talked about everything and everyone except Ricky. Christine folded her napkin and placed it on the table.

aHow long will you wait for her?a aAs long as Iam in love with her,a Alice replied.

aSheas left you, Alice.a aI donat believe that.a Christine began stacking their plates and collecting the empty wine gla.s.ses. aLetas do the dishes.a aLeave them,a Alice said. She was too tired to be domestic right now.

aCome on. Iall wash and you dry.a Christine slid the dishes into the hot soapy water and scrubbed the cold remnants of mozzarella cheese away. aThis has been good for me, Alice. Thank you for letting me stay.a aItas been good for me too. Iave missed having someone to talk to. I donat have any friends here.a She held the clean, dripping plate by its edges and dried it carefully with the small towel. aEven if I had friends I wouldnat have time to spend with them anyway, so I guess it doesnat really matter.a aGet out more,a Christine said. aYou canat work at this pace forever. Make time for yourself.a aYou sound like Dora.a aSometimes Dora makes sense.a Christine rinsed the remaining wine gla.s.s and wiped the counter with a sponge. She inspected her long, polished nails and tucked an imaginary stray curl into her impeccable hairdo. aAre you coming back to San Antonio any time soon?a aMaybe. Another month and Iall be able to get out more.a Christine dropped the sponge in the sink and then turned around. aYou really are in love with her, arenat you?a Alice opened the cabinet to set the wine gla.s.ses in their usual place. aWhy does that still surprise you?a She switched off the light in the kitchen and blew the candles out on the dining room table. Alice stood up straight and looked at her steadily. aHaving your blessing on my choice of lovers isnat a priority of mine.a aAlice, I--a aWe should have plenty of time for breakfast on the way to the airport if weare up by six,a Alice said. aIall see you in the morning.a

Chapter Sixteen.

Alice returned Christineas hug before letting her board the plane. Conversation at breakfast had been full of generic nonsense. Alice even promised to return an occasional phone call.

She had several more cups of coffee and met her parentsa plane an hour and a half later. At some point before they left the next day, Alice planned to tell them she was a lesbian. The time was right, and she was tired of playing games.

aWe were fogged in at Houston,a Mrs. Collins explained as she kissed Alice on the cheek. She wore a gray dress with a string of pearls. Her white hair gave her a distinguished look that Alice found endearing. She often wondered if her own hair would some day be that color.

aI had to drop a friend off anyway,a Alice said. aDo you two need to freshen up, or are we off and running?a aWeare ready,a her father said.

She took them on the grand tour of her stores. At first Alice tried showing them only the things that appeared to be finished, but as the day wore on and her fatheras questions became more specific, projects that werenat quite ready had to be revealed. From there Alice went into intricate detail about some of her ideas and hopes for the future, along with a step-by-step breakdown of how she planned to go about accomplishing things. Once he stopped asking questions she started to worry. He was either very pleased or else forming ideas of his own to put a stop to what she was doing. Alice would just have to wait and see which way he was going with it.

aYou look thinner, dear,a her mother commented over dinner that evening. The restaurant was crowded and noisy, but expensive enough to keep the tourists away. aHavenat you been feeling well?a aIave been busy.a Alice smiled and accepted the champagne her father offered to her. She was exhausted. aThereas still so much to do. I fired the group we had working on the inventory. They were robbing us blind.a Mr. Collins chuckled. aIam very pleased with the young man who replaced you in San Antonio. Heas doing a fine job.a aIam glad it worked out,a Alice said as she sipped her champagne and dunked a boiled shrimp into a red sauce.

aWeare looking forward to having you back in Dallas with us again,a Mrs. Collins said. aWeave both missed you. It takes an act of congress just to get you to come and visit.a aWhy would I be going back to Dallas?a This is news, she thought. Her ears perked up.

aIam thinking about retiring in January,a Alice heard her father saying. aIam not getting any younger. The company needs some fresh blood. Besides, Iam tired and ready for a change.a aYou said a year,a Alice reminded him calmly, much more calmly than she felt.

aYouave more than proven yourself,a he said with a wave of his hand. aEverything Iave asked has been accomplished above and beyond my expectations.a He laughed again and drained his gla.s.s. aIall give you until the end of December to implement your ideas and get this place in shape before you hand it over to someone else.a Alice was speechless and set her drink down before she dropped it. Was it really supposed to be this easy?

aThis is kind of sudden. You said a year. You promised me a year.a She met her fatheras gaze and didnat like the way he was smiling at her. She was confused. Whatas going on here? Is this another test? A game? One more way to see how I handle the pressure?

aAlice,a her mother chided. aYouare taking this much too seriously. Just because your father says heall retire doesnat mean heall be able to stay away for any length of time. Iall believe it when I see it.a Alice took a gulp of champagne and looked over at him again. aThen should I just more or less consider your retirement as a series of three-day weekends? Or will I actually be the head honcho?a She set her gla.s.s down and decided not to drink any more. That last gulp had done the trick. She knew the look in his eyes. He enjoyed getting her riled up. They hadnat played this game in years. aWhatever you decide will be fine with me,a she said in a crisp and decisive tone. She refused to be intimidated. He could retire tomorrow and shead do his d.a.m.n job better than he ever thought possible. aBut Iall have to move corporate headquarters to San Antonio.a aCorporate headquarters has to stay in Dallas,a he said.

They continued this conversation all through dinner and were still going at it over a drink at Aliceas apartment. She poured herself a Diet c.o.ke, but decided to carry it rather than drink it. Shead gotten her father to admit that if she moved the main office to San Antonio, then he wouldnat be able to keep tabs on things the way head hoped to after his retirement.

aLetas not use the word retire so loosely here, Dad. Itas not what you have in mind at all, is it? If you want to travel, then travel. You already said the company runs itself.a She leaned forward with an exaggerated shrug and smiled. aSo let it run itself while youare in Europe. I can take care of whatever comes up.a Smirking ever so slightly, she added, aBut donat dangle a job in front of me that you never intend for me to have.a Her mother lowered her eyes and tugged on the string of pearls at her throat. Alice took both of her parents in at a glance and knew shead hit home.

aIall finish up what Iave started here, but I wonat go to Dallas. Itas always been convenient having everything right there, but itas not really necessary.a She waited a moment for his objections, but he didnat seem to have any. aI also plan on asking for my old job back once things are running smoothly here. I have more experience in restaurant management, and Iam more comfortable with that. Besides, youare no more ready to retire than I am.a aNot true, young lady,a he said wearily. aI havenat had a vacation in fifteen years. Iam tired.a aSo go on vacation,a Alice said. aTake a few months off. Youall feel like a new person when you get back.a The doorbell rang as she was fixing him another drink. Alice glanced at the grandfather clock across the room and noticed that it was only a few minutes after eight. She opened the door and felt her heart leap up into her throat. Ricky stood there in a gray cotton shirt casually unb.u.t.toned at the top and neatly tucked into new black jeans. She looked positively stunning.

aHi,a Ricky said. After a moment she asked, aCan I come in?a Alice managed to open the door farther and move out of the way.

aRicky!a Mrs. Collins said delightedly. aHow are you?a aIam fine. Itas good to see you again.a aYouare thinner, too,a Mrs. Collins said as she held Ricky at armas length to get a better look at her. aYou girls arenat taking care of yourselves.a Ricky turned around to see Alice still holding the door open. It was quiet. Much too quiet. Ricky suddenly felt about as welcome as measles in an orphanage. The tension in the air was unbelievable.

aCan you excuse us for a minute?a Alice said before taking Ricky by the hand and dragging her into the kitchen.

They were in each otheras arms quickly, both visibly shaking.

aThank G.o.d youare all right,a Alice said in a tremulous whisper. aWhere the h.e.l.l have you been?a She held Rickyas face in her hands. aI canat believe youare really here.a aI canat believe your parents are here,a Ricky said.

Alice grabbed her in another anxious, bone-crushing hug and kissed the top of Rickyas head over and over again.

aChrist,a she muttered. aYouare right. My parents are here.a Alice hugged her again. aG.o.d, Iave missed you.a The weeks began melting away as she touched Rickyas hair and rubbed her cheek against it frantically. Tears were threatening.

aAs much as Iad like to, we canat stay in here very long,a Ricky said. She straightened the collar on Aliceas blouse and watched as her eyes filled with tears.

aYou didnat even know me the last time I saw you,a Alice said. A sob caught in her throat, and Ricky put her arms around her again.

aYou canat do this now, Alice,a Ricky whispered. She stepped back away from her. aPlease tell me they arenat staying here with you tonight.a aNo,a Alice said with a sniff. aThey keep a condo on the sixth floor.a aCome on,a Ricky said. She kissed her lightly on the lips. aIam going out there and bulls.h.i.t with them for a few minutes while you work on pulling yourself together.a She left the kitchen, and Alice could hear her motheras voice almost immediately.

aItas been a long time since weave seen you,a Mrs. Collins said. aWe were terribly sorry to hear about your friend and the accident. Are you feeling all right now?a aI had a headache for several days, but Iam okay,a Ricky said.

aWhat are you doing with yourself now?a Mr. Collins asked. aDo you still have your band?a aI might be getting another one together soon. Iam not sure yet.a All three of them looked across the room as Alice came back in. Ricky could tell that shead been crying, but hopefully her parents wouldnat notice.

Mr. Collins stretched and reached for his jacket draped across the back of the sofa. aWeare meeting some friends downtown later. We should get going. Would you two like to join us?a aNo,a Alice said, a bit more abruptly than was called for.

Mrs. Collins took Rickyas hand and squeezed it. aHow long will be you in town, dear?a aProbably quite a while.a aI hope everything works out for you,a Mr. Collins said. He nodded at his daughter. aOur plane leaves at nine in the morning.a aYes, I know.a aYouave done an excellent job here, Alice. We should start seeing a profit by the third quarter, wouldnat you say?a aMaybe. Possibly later.a Mrs. Collins gave Alice a hug. aYouare working too hard, dear. Get some rest. You look tired.a aIam fine,a Alice said. She opened the door for them as more good-byes were exchanged.

The moment the chattering stopped and the door closed, Rickyas pulse began to race. They were alone, and she suddenly felt nervous. Alice stood very still, her hand resting on the k.n.o.b before turning around and leaning against the door.

aI have a question to ask you,a Alice said, her tone crisp and glacial. aNow that I know youare not dead on the side of the road somewhere, Iam feeling very angry and Iam not sure what to do about it. But right now I need to know why you left.a aI told you why when you were in New York.a aYou said nothing about leaving then,a Alice said. aNo phone call. No letter. No message. Nothing. Three weeks of nothing. Do you have any idea what youave put me through? Or Joe or your father? Any idea at all? At least Emily thought enough of you to send a postcard.a aThatas a cheap shot, Alice. Didnat you get the note I left at the apartment?a aThe I-need-some-time-Al-I-love-you-Ricky note? And what did that explain?a aI havenat enjoyed any of this either, Alice.a Ricky shook her head and tossed her s.h.a.ggy hair out of her eyes. aIave spent three weeks looking for something I thought Iad lost, and I still donat know what the h.e.l.l it is.a She cleared her throat, the hoa.r.s.eness in her voice giving away a flood of emotion. aIave got a question for you too.a She looked up and then quickly brushed away a tear with the back of her hand. aWhat was Christine doing here last night?a aHow did you know Christine was here?a aShe answered the phone when I called.a aThatas impossible. She wouldave told me.a Ricky stuck her hands in her pockets and took a deep breath. These acute pangs of jealousy were new to her, and she didnat like them at all. aShe insinuated that you were sleeping with her.a Their eyes met for a vivid, lingering moment before Ricky said, aI believed her for about two minutes, and I apologize for that. I know sheas in love with you, and I let that cloud my judgment.a Ricky went over to the end of the bar. aIam tired, Alice. Nothing seems to work any more. I canat write. Iam crying and whining all the time. Everythingas been all f.u.c.ked up without you.a She closed her eyes and felt very small and vulnerable all of a sudden, as though she were standing naked in a room full of mirrors. aI thought I could figure it all out and make it better on my own. If I fixed one thing at a time maybe there was hope for the rest of it.a aCome here, baby,a Alice whispered. She reached for her and buried her face in Rickyas neck. They held each other for a moment, both trembling with emotion.

aStanas dead,a Ricky mumbled. aI woke up and he was dead, Alice. That part was never getting fixed and I didnat know what to do about it. I had to leave. Canat you see that? The sky was falling and I had to leave.a aShh,a Alice whispered as she held her. Kisses that started out slow and tender eventually grew into a deep, ardent merging of pa.s.sion. Alice was overwhelmed by its intensity, but welcomed a rush of emotion that shead never forget.

aAnd you,a Ricky said as she covered Aliceas face with a string of tiny kisses. aDora made me see how selfish Iave been by shutting you out. I never meant to do that.a aItas okay,a Alice whispered. aItas okay. Letas go to bed so I can hold you.a Alice led the way and took Ricky in her arms as they curled up in the middle of the bed. They cried together and talked about Stan, Joe, Kyle, and the band. They eventually fell asleep and woke up later and made love. Alice held her afterward and knew in her heart that the worst was over.