But he didn't answer, he just switched to the other side and showed her other breast the same attention.

"Oh God."

Carefully, he loosened his hold on her wrists and slid down her body, his tongue leaving a trail of wetness on her stomach.

Alyssa tried to sit up on her elbows, but John pushed her chest down. "Lay still," he ordered.

Gulping, Alyssa did as he said. John got comfortable between her legs. He spread her wide, as wide as her hips would allow and stared down at her center. She was exposed, bearing all to John in this position. Alyssa held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut. It was erotic and freeing at the same time.

Not only did she have stretch marks on her stomach and hips, but she had them on her legs as well. Instantly, her John high was gone. Surely he did not like to look at the scaring on her once supple body? She needed to stop him from doing anymore. As much as she was enjoying the moment, it couldn't go any further.

Yeah, no way would he want her baby weight carrying body anymore.

Just as she was about to close her legs to end the night, John bent his head down and ran his tongue up her slit. Goose bumps broke out over her skin as he did it again from top to bottom. Alyssa sighed, her body turning soft and billowy under him, forgetting about her insecurities. John's tongue delved deeper, slipping past the crease and touching her more intimately than ever before. Alyssa's hips rolled up, her hands fisting the sheets as she lost all train of thought while John lovingly lapped at her. Never had it felt this good. He pulled and manipulated her inner lips, sucking and licking all around. A shiver broke out across her body, and her thighs tightened around John's shoulders.

"Mmmm . . ." she moaned.

His finger entered her as his lips wrapped around her clit and ran in circles. A shot of heat whipped down her spine and into her toes. Her hips bucked off the bed and she grabbed Johns head. It had been a while since she had any kind of penetration, and his finger was slowly stretching her out, working the walls of her sex. The tightness combined with his sinful mouth relaxed her body and allowed her legs to fall open. It felt so incredible . . .

"Johnny . . . so good . . ."

Picking his head up, he grinned. "Just wait until I slide into you." Alyssa's eyes widened. "Don't give me that look, baby. You want me in you just as bad as I want to be in you. Just let me touch you a little more. You're really tight and I need to stretch you out first so it doesn't hurt," he finished, then ran his tongue down her again and pushed at her opening.

Alyssa's eyes glossed over. "It's been a long time . . ."

"I know. I can tell," he answered against her.

"John," she groaned "As much as I do want it, I don't have a condom."

"You don't?"

"Well, no. Why would I? I don't need them since I'm not sleeping with anyone."

"As much as I love hearing you're not fucking anyone else again, because that would really set me off, I just figured you had some sort of protection. Are you on birth control?"

"No. There was no reason to be on it."

John sat up. "Wait. When was the last time you had sex?"

Alyssa cringed thinking about the last time they'd had sex.

"Well . . ." her eyes drifted past John's shoulder, tears forming. She really didn't want to tell John, but she didn't want to lie either. He'd been so good to her, and she needed to do the same.

Crawling up her body, John placed his elbows next to her shoulders putting some of his weight on her. "Honey, what are the tears for? Am I hurting you?"

Alyssa's jaw quivered as tears began forming in her eyes. She told no one what she was about to tell John, not even the nurses in the hospital. She was scared and embarrassed. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around John's back and held on to him. She latched onto his strength and used it to get it all out.

"He was livid, I had never seen him so angry before. It was right after he was arrested and the first time I was truly terrified because my stomach was growing bigger and I didn't know what he was capable of anymore. Ben went absolutely insane the moment I walked into the house. I had no idea he would be there. He was breathing so hard that I was scared for my life and my unborn baby's life. He just kept yelling and screaming at me, calling me names for having him arrested, saying I was trying to take his son away from him. He said he wouldn't allow it. He raised his fist and struck the first hit he had in a long time."

A cold shiver flitted across her arms as she remembered that dreadful day. John noticed and pulled the comforter over them. While the heat of the moment was gone, she had never felt so safe in all her life. John on top of her, his body nestled between her legs and his arms circling her head listening to everything she was saying.

"He hit me so hard I saw stars. I couldn't believe it. I thought he was better because he hadn't hit me in months, but I guess I should've expected it since I had him arrested. I thought he was through with that phase, but apparently he wasn't. And I was too stupid and naive to think he could get better on his own.

"When I looked up, I was about to yell for him to stop but then I feared he'd go after my belly knowing it was the one thing that would break me. So I took the next hit, and the next, and the next until I was on the floor where he began kicking my ribs and back. All I could think of was my baby and protecting my stomach, so I took each blow. I didn't cry out, but I couldn't stop the tears. My body ached all over. I was in so much pain, but I dealt with it. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into the bedroom and threw me to the floor. Then he shut the door and locked it. My blood ran cold because I didn't know why he needed to close and lock the door. No one was in the house but us."

Tears streamed down the side of her face and John wiped them away. The next part was going to be hard to confess to John. She was scared of his reaction and what he'd do. She didn't want him to leave, but she couldn't imagine him staying either. She thought she could go through with sex again, but that just wasn't the case. Mentally, she wasn't ready like her body was.

"I . . . I don't think I should keep going. You're not going to like what I have to say."

"Alyssa, sweetheart, I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I want to hear it all, don't be afraid to tell me, please. Remember, I'm here for you," he kissed her tears away, which just made her cry more. His sensitivity and kindness broke her on the inside.

Emotion combined with anxiety coursed through her blood and she wrapped her arms around John's neck and cried into his shoulder. She was beyond lucky to have someone like John in her life and couldn't imagine not having him there.

"Don't make me look at you right now and tell you what I'm about to say, I can't, John," she whispered into his neck. "Let me say it like this, please, so you don't have to look at me."

Leaning down, John held Alyssa in a tight embrace. He knew this was wreaking havoc on her, he could feel it radiating off her. He wanted to console her and make her feel good, but he also knew she needed to get out what she was about to say so he was going to do as she asked.

John expelled a long breath and wiggled his nose in her hair, pushing it aside. He found her cheek and placed a gentle kiss to her face. His chest ached tight with anxiety knowing how much she was hurting. He kissed her again and when he said, "Go on honey," he almost didn't recognize his own voice. It sounded raspy, and rough . . . broken.

"Ben . . . He stalked toward me and I got up fast. Too fast because I doubled over in pain to hold my stomach. Ben's arm flew out, and he backhanded my across the face. I fell again, and then he fisted my hair and yanked me up."

"Shhh . . . It's okay, honey. I've got you."

"He dragged me to the bed and said he was going to show me who the father was over and over so I would never forget. He was . . . Oh, John! I can't say anymore. Move! Get off me! Just go!" Alyssa began yelling as she shoved and pushed John away. She couldn't do it. She couldn't go any further. Just thinking about what Ben did to her made her skin crawl. She felt dirty, soiled. Her body was overheating and she started to sweat. "Move, John! I can't say anymore. I won't!"

"Yes, you will. Get it out."

She squirmed under him, kicking her legs. Bile rose up from her stomach just thinking about that horrible day. Bucking her hips to move him off of her, she said, "No! Get off. Go!"

"I'm not leaving you, Alyssa. I've told you that before. When will you realize it?"

She fought against his body while John held her tight. She was no match for his strength, but fighting him felt strangely good. "Johnny, please just go."

"The more you tell me to leave, the tighter I'm going to hold you. It's your choice, but I'm not letting go.

"H-He . . . Ben, he . . . forced me that day," she stuttered between tears. "He forced me to have sex so I would never forget who the father was. I begged him to stop, I told him I didn't want to, but he wouldn't listen."

John was no pansy, but he couldn't stop the tears that dripped from his own eyes. He felt every bit of pain his girl was feeling. How could anyone do that to a woman? No meant no.

"I . . ." she whispered. "I had to coax myself into it otherwise it would hurt too much. I had to make myself believe I wanted it. It was so hard," she cried. "Because I didn't want it. My body didn't want it, and it hurt."

Overcome with emotion, John lifted his head from her neck, but Alyssa wouldn't let go of him. He needed her to see that he wasn't going anywhere. "Alyssa, let go."

"I knew it. I knew you would leave after I told you."

John reared back like he'd been slapped. "You think I'm leaving?"

Slowly Alyssa turned her head to face John. He brought his palms to her face and held her. His thumbs wiped away the tears on her cheeks as he looked directly into her sad eyes and said, "Anyone can make a baby, Alyssa, but it takes a real man to be a father. Ben is scum. Ben is not a man. He isn't even worth the dirt on my shoes. What he did to you is unacceptable. It's a despicable act. No real man rapes a woman, ever. And no real man ever raises a hand to a woman, either. Thank fuck he's in jail because I would gut him if I could. I'd kill that son of a bitch for what he did to you, rip each limb from his body." John let Alyssa see the rage in his eyes, the anger and determination. His gaze gentled as he continued, "You thought I was going to leave? You're wrong, honey. I'm yours, and you're mine. I already know it, it's just going to take time for you to see. And I'm okay with that. I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere. You got that?"

All she could do was nod, because once again the tears started. How could she be so blessed with someone like John? "You're not going to leave knowing what Ben did to me? That's a lot of baggage," she asked quietly.

"No, sweetheart. What I'm going to do is make love to you. I'm going to wash away what he did to you with his repulsive body and replace that nightmare with a good memory. I know it's not possible to ever forget something like that, but I'm going to try my damndest to erase it from your mind. I'm going to show you all night how you're supposed to be taken. Soft and slow."

Alyssa shook her head. "I don't think I'm ready yet. I'm not right inside."

"Yes, Alyssa, you-"

"I'm not-"

"Shhh . . . he placed a finger to her lips. "Don't be scared. You told me to push, so I am. I would never, ever, hurt you. You know this. I'd rather cut my hands off before I ever hurt you."

John took a deep breath. He needed to make her whole, make her feel wanted, so he was going to take a risk.

"Was this the first time he forced himself on you?"

Alyssa gulped, averting her gaze and John's mouth dropped.

"It's not, is it?" his voiced cracked. And when she shook her head, his chest broke in two. How could this have happened?

Quietly she admitted, "A few days before Jace's funeral was the first time, but I'm not entirely positive since I'd been drinking. I drank a lot that night . . . I was upset about the condition Jace was in and trying to be there for you, but you weren't letting me. Ben picked up some Tequila and I figured why the heck not since no one wanted to be around me but him. After a handful of shots, everything got really hazy and they hit me all at once. I'd never had tequila but once at the bonfire and that was only one shot. Ben came on to me but I don't remember much after that. I just remember waking up with a little pain but didn't think it anything of it."

John's jaw was locked tight, he was struggling to hold it in. If he ever got a hold of Ben, he was going to slaughter him.

"So there's a chance Brooke was the result of a rape."

She shook her head again. That wasn't the first time the thought popped in her brain.

"Why do you keep saying that word?"

"Because it's what happened."

Alyssa closed her eyes. "I just don't know. Would I know? He told me we had sex that night, but I remember nothing and I hate it."

Sobering, John took a deep breath and said, "Alyssa, you need me, and I need you to feel me with no barrier between us. I'm going to make love to you all night long, without a condom." Her eyes widened. "I know it's crazy and wild and reckless and we're taking a huge risk, but it just feels right and I'm willing to take my chances. Are you?"

Alyssa gulped. He hated seeing the fear in her eyes. "I'll try."

"How about we start from the beginning. With a kiss. And go from there. Okay?"

He was going to move slow tonight. Not what he originally wanted to do, but he had to. There was no other way. He was going to make her feel as much pleasure as he could. She deserved it.

John licked his lips, and then grazed over Alyssa's. Back and forth he moved across her mouth, nibbling and suckling as she held on for dear life. Her fingers dug into his back, her nails probably leaving imprints, but he didn't care. She needed him, and he was going to give himself to her as she did for him that one night when he lost his best friend.

As John began kissing Alyssa deeper, her arms loosened and her nails were no longer in his back, but drifting across his shoulders. His lips never left hers, his palms held her jaw steady. He needed to kiss her right, because sex all started with a kiss. And if the kiss was sensual and provocative, then the sex would be off the charts. John put in as much passion as he could until he thought she was ready for more. He kissed her breathless.

"Thank you," she whispered against his lips.

"For what?"

"Not walking out just now."

"I would never do that to you. But right now, there's no more talking."

Her body softened under his, and her hips began moving.

John grinned before he kissed her again. Reaching down, her breasts were much larger, and while he liked them before when she was thin, he loved them now. They used to be a handful at most, but now they were spilling over and in between his fingers. He was quickly realizing he was a breast man all the way.

"Alyssa, I love how big your tits are now. Fuck . . ." John groaned.

Heat flamed under her cheeks. "Breasts, Johnny."

"Tits. And I love them."

John shimmied down her body and stopped so he was eye level with her tits. He pressed them together and almost came. Fuuuucccck. What a hot picture in front of him. Alyssa sprawled out was a sight to see. John ran his mouth across her nipples, trying to lick them both at the same time. She sighed loudly and pushed his head into her chest. If he didn't stop, he would finish any second. And he couldn't allow that-Alyssa needed to finish with him.

His hand traveled south and wetness coated his fingers. John began stroking her and working her up. He rubbed her clit in circles and teased her entrance. Alyssa's hips rose up again, signaling she needed more from him. Slipping a finger in, John opened her up, and then slipped another in. Her walls tightened around his fingers and he stopped.

"Relax, I won't hurt you," he said, her nails dug into his shoulders again.

Alyssa expelled a heavy breath. "I know you won't."

John leaned up and took her lips in a bruising kiss. He needed to take her mind off his fingers penetrating her and knew by kissing her it would. He felt the walls of her sex loosen a bit, and once they did, his thumb started rubbing her clit in circles again. Her thighs squeezed his waist hard from the pleasure of his touch.

John rose up on his elbows and palmed his cock at her entrance. "I need to you to look at me while I slide in, okay? Don't look anywhere else except for my eyes. See me, Alyssa. Only me," he requested, running the head of his cock up and down her opening. Her legs widened and he positioned himself. Pushing in just the tip, Alyssa tensed. He waited a moment and once she relaxed he pushed in a little more, eyes locked together the whole time. A heavy breath rolled of her lips.

John gently pushed in further, and Alyssa went to turn her head away but he wouldn't allow her to. He grabbed her chin and brought her back to him. She panted, he could feel the pounding of her heart knowing how hard this must be on her. Hell, his dick was nearly suffocating inside of her. She squeezed so tight he was probably loosing blood flow to it.

"Don't lose focus, Alyssa. Look at me. Look at my face and know it's Johnny who's above you."

She began nodding frantically.

"Don't do that. Remember, we've done this before," he winked. And just like that, he felt everything she was holding inside of her rush out. A tear dripped from the corner of her eye as she smiled.

"Make love to me, Johnny. Make me forget it all."

"Don't gotta ask me twice."

John pulled out, and then surged back in. Alyssa clenched and he gave her a knowing look. "You know I can feel you do that, right?"

With wide, embarrassed eyes, she said, "You can?"

"Yeah," he chuckled.

"What does it feel like?"

"Like you're squeezing me with just the right amount of pressure. It feels incredible."

John picked up where he left off. With each slide in, Alyssa rolled her hips and moaned. She clenched her thighs, squeezing his cock and almost setting him off. She was wet, slick, coating him for an easy glide which told him she was thoroughly enjoying it. John kissed her mouth the way he was making love to her, slow yet deliberate.