John's mouth dropped. He quickly placed the papers on the island and squatted down with opened arms. "Is my little cupcake going to crawl to me for the first time?" He couldn't believe he was going to watch Brooke reach one of her first milestones. "How is she crawling so soon?"

"She's very eager? I have no clue."

Brooke grunted somewhere between a wine and a happy cry as she stared at him the entire time. She picked up one chubby hand and placed it in front of her, and then she did it with the other. Alyssa slowly removed her hold and allowed Brooke to crawl on her own. She was wobbly, crying and laughing at the same time trying to crawl to Johnny who waited with opened arms.

"Come on, baby girl. Come to Johnny," he urged. Happiness spread through John so fast. Alyssa was allowing him this moment with Brooke, and he couldn't thank her enough for it. Just two crawls away when she rocked back and forth. "Come on, you got this . . ." She edged closer at a snail's pace, a few laughs, and Brooke reached him. He scooped her up and hugged her tight. She smelled like a new baby, so fresh and clean. Brooke rested her sweet face on his shoulder, and he was overcome with emotions. He fought back the tears burning behind his eyes. This little girl meant the world to him. Being able to watch her crawl for the first time was something he would never forget.

Looking up, Alyssa was beaming from ear to ear that he could feel her happiness. He couldn't remember the last time he saw her smile so big and he liked seeing it on her. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for that," he said somberly. "I really needed it."

Alyssa wrapped both arms around his waist and squeezed. She leaned into Johnny, feeling his strength and took a deep breath. "You're welcome. I've been working on it with her to surprise you." Tilting her head up, she smiled. They stood there, staring into each other's eyes with so much happiness they could burst. It was a big moment for both of them and all he wanted to do was press a kiss to her sweet lips. Alyssa was sharing Brooke's milestones with John and that meant the world to him.

"Alright, what's your other surprise?"

Alyssa bit her lip. "My other surprise isn't a great as this one, but still good. I got a job at a diner. I picked up a few shifts and have a sitter already set up to watch Brooke. So I'll be able to contribute more," she smiled nervously. She was running out of money she'd saved, so this job was a blessing.

John hated the idea of her working, but she was so excited over her new position that he didn't want to ruin her mood. "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you, babe. You know I don't mind taking care of you girls, but I know how much it means to you to pull your weight, so I get it."

"You're not mad," she asked, biting her lip.

He laughed. "No, I'm not mad at all. I'm not going to tell you what to do, Alyssa. Do I want you to work, of course not. Do I want Brooke with some random sitter that will probably be spending more time with her than me? No, but I'm not her father and I can't make that decision."

Alyssa stepped back. "You're upset."

Confused, he asked, "Why would I be upset? I'm not upset in the least. In fact, I'm happy for you. Now, come here," John pulled Alyssa to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Looking her deep into her eyes, he said, "You're way off if you think I'm upset." John kissed her head to prove his point. The last thing he wanted was to bring her down. "Did you do a background check on this sitter? Find out who she is?"

"I did."

"And she checks out? Have the locals heard of her?"

Alyssa nodded. "Yes, in fact, she babysits for a few couples on the base and around town. She comes highly recommended."

"That's good to hear. When do you start?"

"Next week."

"You know," he began, "I could always watch her if you ever needed."

Alyssa tensed in his arms. That was not the response he was hoping for.

"Hey! What's your surprise?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Oh! I forgot all about it after seeing Brooke crawl. Can we put her down and sit on the couch?"

After all the preparing he had done, John didn't know where to start. What he was about to show her could easily backfire on him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, just a little nervous. Just know that I did it with you and Brooke in mind." Slipping the papers from the folder, John handed them to Alyssa.

"What are they?" she questioned, flipping through the stapled papers.

"They're custody papers. Ben signed over Brooke to you, relinquishing his rights."

Alyssa froze and her mouth parted. What . . . How . . .? Chills broke out over her arms.

"I don't understand . . . How did you do this? And without me there?"

"You actually didn't have to be there for him to sign. I knew you had the papers since I was there the day the attorney gave them to you, so I took them when you weren't looking. And before you get mad and blow up, just know I did it for you and Brooke and no other reason. I didn't think you were comfortable going to see him ever again, so I went to where he's incarcerated and made him a deal. He did it with no problem." John paused, swallowing. "She's all yours now, Alyssa." He said quietly, pushing back a strand of hair.

Alyssa was rendered speechless. Too many thoughts were running through her head to form a single sentence. All she could do was stare at Johnny in amazement over his selfless deed.

"I . . . I don't . . ." she stammered. Tears welled in her eyes and her shoulders sagged. Alyssa's jaw quivered as she said, "Thank you, Johnny. I don't know what else to say other than thank you." Overcome with emotion, Alyssa flung herself at John. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him as tight as she could. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she pressed her chest to his desperately needing to feel his warmth and goodness.

John pulled her onto his lap. Nothing felt as good as having Alyssa in his arms. He savored the feel of her, inhaling a citrus scent that he found stimulating. He held her tight, running his hands up and down her sides. He loved having her in his arms, but he wasn't going to push it just yet.

"And that's all you have to say. I was worried you'd be mad that I kind of went behind your back," he shrunk back. "I just figured you were holding back because of having to see him."

"I was. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I mean, I would have in time-"

His eyes softened. "And now you don't."

"I could never repay you," she whispered against his neck. Alyssa held still for a few moments, savoring the feel of his hold before she pulled back and looked into John's green eyes and saw everything she needed to know. Sincerity and love, devotion and heart. It moved her deeply that he would take such large steps for her.

"Thank you," she said.

John pushed back her silky hair and smiled, thanking heaven she wasn't upset with him. That was the last thing he wanted. "I'd do anything for you, Alyssa. I hope you know that."

"But why? You don't owe me anything."

He shrugged. "I don't have a specific answer for you . . . I guess because I want to. I like seeing you smile. Because it just feels right. Why do I need an answer? One thing I do know is that I want us." He looked her deep in the eyes and repeated it. "I want us, Alyssa, and I'm going to do anything I can to show you how much. When it comes to you and Brooke, it's a feeling inside my chest that I can't explain."

Brooke was his everything, but so was her mother. He couldn't stand the thought of losing them if he couldn't find ways to prove what she meant to him. It would be like losing Jace all over again and he couldn't go through that.

Alyssa nodded, damn tears forming in her eyes again. "Hey," he gripped her chin. "Don't cry."

Looking up, trying to stop the tears, she said, "I'm trying not to, trust me. I feel like it's all I do." Breathing in a deep breath, Alyssa released it. "It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I have you to thank for that." She gripped his shirt in her hands. "How could I ever repay you?"

John smirked. "Kiss me." She looked at him with wide eyes. "If you want to repay me, then kiss me. That's all."

That's all? No way. It was never like that when it came to Johnny. There was always more when it came to him. Alyssa chewed her lip, contemplating what to do. She was trying desperately to keep it platonic between them.

"Or not . . ." he trailed off.

"Oh, it's not that I don't want to . . ."

"Then what is it?"

Her cheeks flamed and she turned away. She was scared. "It's just that I like having my friend back," she said softly. "I'm trying to keep this strictly nonphysical, but you're not making it easy on me. Believe me, I want to kiss you, but I'm nervous about what it will bring on. I just don't know if I can . . ."

John sat up, tugging Alyssa closer to him. "Then I'll kiss you, because honey, it's killing me not to." Threading his fingers through the hairs at her nape, John pulled Alyssa's face down. He closed the distance with his lips, not wasting another minute. Softly he grazed, tugging at her bottom lip and nibbling. John ran his tongue across the top of her lip, tasting her sweetness. He needed more. John wanted to give her a real kiss, one that would leave her breathless for more and throw the friendship shit out of the window. It'd been months since they'd had a real kiss and he had been craving her more every day.

Tightening his grip on her neck, John deepened the kiss with a flick of his chin. When she whimpered and parted her lips, he used the opening and tangled her tongue with his and sealed the kiss. They both held still as they kissed so deep it was felt down to the bone. It was full of heart stopping passion. Full of heat. Their connection had always been intense. The kisses so explosive they lead to more.

Slowly they kissed, moving in sync with one another. Alyssa moaned into John's mouth and his cock twitched. Sweet Jesus. She slid a leg over his waist, never breaking the contact and gripped both sides of his face. Her mouth picked up speed, devouring him like it was her last day on earth and she needed his very air to live. She began slowly rocking into him and it was John's turn to groan. He fisted her hair tighter, their tongues danced dangerously on the edge, pushing for more but not taking it. John couldn't get enough. His hand slid down to the small of her back, pressing her into him where she rolled her hips. He widened his legs, allowing Alyssa to sink into him, wanting to feel that sweet part of her body against his. When she did, she froze and broke the kiss.

Swollen lips and out of breath, she said, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." If she didn't stop they would've ended up having sex. And sex was not on her to-do list right now.

He pressed his forehead to hers. "Sorry for what? Stopping?"

"I haven't felt like that since . . ." she squeezed her eyes shut trying to ignore the ache below.

"Since when?"

"It's nothing."

"You know I can tell when you're lying to me, right? Your eyes change colors, like a mask slides down. You look vacant."

When she didn't respond, he removed Alyssa from his lap. "I should go." John stood and looked Alyssa directly in the eyes. He adjusted his pants trying to find room for his erection.

"I didn't mean for that to happen, and I'm sorry it did. I just wanted to bring you the good news. See you later."

Pain spread through Alyssa's body. The air was sucked from her lungs. He's sorry for the kiss and didn't mean for it to happen? How could he say that knowing how fragile she was? Her heart pounded in her chest at John's words. The words hurt badly.

She wasn't holding back because she didn't want him, she was holding back for reasons she wasn't ready to admit yet.

John walked over to his little cupcake to say goodbye, but she was already sleeping. He blew her a kiss then turned around to face a heartbroken Alyssa. Her face was drawn, emotions so easy to read that it cut right through him. He meant what he told her, that it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened. Because every time it happened he wanted more but was always shot down. John was doing the best he could and knowing she wanted to be only friends only made it worse. He shouldn't have asked for the kiss, but he couldn't stop himself either. He wanted her like always.

Walking past her, he said, "I gotta get back to base. See you later, Alyssa." John was out the front door before she could respond.

It would be a week before he contacted her again. She was hurting, but so was he. All John wanted to do was be there for her, but how could he when she wouldn't let him in? She gave him bits and pieces and then would close right off only for him to start again. He was going in circles, and quite frankly he was getting tired of it.

Pick up . . . Pick up . . . Pick up . . .

"FUCK!" John yelled, punching his black leather steering wheel. His fists rebounded and he punched it one more time. This time he felt his knuckle slide and separate.

Where the hell was she! Why wasn't she answering her phone?

John had thought it would be a nice surprise to show up at Alyssa's job to break the ice. He missed her. They hadn't spoken very much over the past two weeks and he was having withdrawals.

He hated this. He needed to make it right.

Things had been going much smoother between them even with her reluctance to let him in, and he couldn't fault her for it, but damn did it hurt like a bitch. Why was he the one who always wanted more?

He had to give her time, that's what he kept telling himself. That, and put a smile on her face every chance he could and be there for Brooke as much as he could.

What else could he do? Breaking her down with his kisses clearly wasn't getting him anywhere.

John sped down the street to her apartment, swerving and flying like a bat out of hell. He had to make sure she was okay. She didn't show for work, and she wasn't answering her phone. The first thing that came to mind was that her douche bag ex was somehow out of jail and he came for her regardless of their agreement.

John's gut tightened. He was sick just thinking about that asshole and what he was capable of. The images running through his head . . . he was thinking the worst possible scenario. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't stop it. He steadied his breath, counting to twenty before he drove up to her apartment complex. It was the longest ten minutes of his life.

Throwing his truck into park, John jumped out and slammed his truck door shut. It was pitch black outside, the twigs crunching underneath his boots as he crossed the grass. John raised a fist and pounded on the door.

"Alyssa! Are you there? Answer the door!"

John peaked through the window, but he couldn't see anything other than dark shadows crossing the floor in every direction. Everything looked intact. John pounded again, ready to break the door. Why hadn't he thought to ask for a key? His pulse was racing, his thoughts running wild at the silence that swathed him.

Where the hell were Alyssa, and Brooke?

Alyssa sighed. She was so tired and exhausted, let down once again.

Shaking her head, she rubbed Brooke's back once more before pulling the blanket over her. She tucked her in and then blew her a kiss. Walking over to the dresser, she set the timer on the music player and made sure the monitor was plugged in and working.

Alyssa didn't drink much, but she could sure use a beer right about now. Drinking lowered her guard, and it was something she couldn't chance. She needed to be alert every waking minute of the day, because if something happened to Brooke, it was on her. So what did she indulge in? Baths. Baths were what good whiskey was to white collared men-divine.

Her muscles were tense and tight, bunched from stress. How did single mothers do it and make a living at the same time? If there was a God, then he would hear her prayers and make sure her job was still there in the morning.

Alyssa turned the knob and water streamed from the faucet. It splashed around, hitting both sides of the bathtub, her emotions pouring out at the same time. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and dropped into the tub. What was she going to do? She was already living nearly rent free, thanks to Johnny, but she had to pay for a sitter, food, utilities, not to mention diapers and wipes. She refused to be another teen statistic and mooch off the government. She would find a way to make it work for them come hell or high water. Life was hard. Every minute was a challenge for her. It was as if she was being tested. But for what? And why?

Shaking her head, she stripped out of her clothes and tied her hair up into a messy bun. She plugged in the monitor and turned it up making sure she could hear the nursery music before climbing in.

Testing the water with her fingers, she ran her fingertips back and forth. Alyssa lowered her foot into the bathtub but quickly pulled away. She tried again and eased her way in, her skin tightening as she lowered herself into the steaming water. As much as she loved how hot the water was, she almost hated it. Her body yelled out, her skin screaming in rebellion. But she had to. She had no choice, because the hot water made everything fade away. It made her forget her past, her present, and her future. Her mind was blank for a short time and it was something she needed when she was on overload. Alyssa let it all go as she soaked.

She rested her head on the lip of the tub, cushioned against a small towel that was rolled up.

"Ahhh . . ." she sighed. It was hot, but damn, it felt good. Heaven on earth.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard a banging.

"What the . . .?" she mumbled under her breath.

Grabbing the robe off the back of the door, she covered herself and tied a knot around her waist. Her wet feet padded across the cold tiles, leaving track marks behind. She opened the door looking into the dark alley of her driveway but saw nothing. As she was closing the door, it flung open, slamming into the wall leaving a hole.

Alyssa jumped back, her feet slipping and her hand grabbing her chest as her heart pounded. She hit the floor and cowered back.

John loomed over her, his presence scaring her. His green eyes were dark with intent. He had his fist raised, and she flinched automatically from it. She knew she needed to be stronger, but he scared her. It had become natural for her to flinch at the sight of a raised fist.

"Alyssa" he said, staring at her balled up body. He shut the door. "Alyssa," he repeated. Crouching down, he helped her up.

As she picked her head up, she looked into his vibrant green eyes. Fear raced through her blood. She was shivering, her heart pounding. She should have looked through the peep hole. What had she been thinking?

Clutching the robe to her chest, she stammered, "John?"

"Alyssa. Why didn't you answer your cell? Why didn't you go to work? What's going on? Where's Brooke? I was worried about you!"

John threw a million questions at her all at once. Swallowing hard, she said, "Please keep your voice down. I just placed Brooke in her crib."

"Is she okay?"