"You just drank a shitload of beer with me," Ford reminded him. "You're not going anywhere yet."

"Don't tell me what the fuck to do. I need to go see Jace."

"Like hell you are right now." Ford pushed at his shoulder trying to get John's attention. "Just wait a few hours, then go."

"I can't. I need to go now." Feeling his empty pockets, he muttered under his breath. "Where the fuck are my keys?"

"Do you want to end up like Jace, you stupid asshole?" Ford yelled in his face. "Just wait a bit, then we'll go."

John's head snapped up, his eyes blazing with fire. "Back off. Now!"

Ford stepped in John's path. "Or what?"

"Or I'll force you out of my way. I'm in no mood right now."

"You think I'm not feeling it too, John? It's killing me right now knowing my best friend is holed up in a hospital bed struggling for his life. It's not just about you right now."

"You didn't see it like I did," John spewed. "You didn't watch his truck wrap around a tree. You didn't pull Jace's body from the car. You didn't see all the machines monitoring every breath he takes! I did. I saw it all. It's seared into my fucking brain."

Lifting up the cooler, John found his keys. Snatching them up, he said, "Thank fuck." Before he could take another step, Ford yanked the keys from his hands. Fire sped through his veins, heat rising to his face. John saw red. His body shut down. He had one thought in his mind, and Ford sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from doing it. Friend or not.

"Give them back," he growled.

"No."

"Ford . . ." John warned.

"John."

John's heartbeat pounded in his ears. He felt like the world around him was bouncing off of his head as he lowered his eyelids and stared at Ford.

John turned his back to Ford. He took two steps then spun around and swung his fist at him, just nicking his face which only infuriated John even more. The alcohol stimulated his anger. John swung again and this time he missed. He had too much to drink and couldn't get his footing right. Ford saw an opening and shoved John to the ground, pressing a knee to his back and pushing the side of his face down into the dirt.

"Oh my God! What are you doing?" Alyssa yelled, running up.

"Get away Alyssa. John is fucked up right now."

"Not too fucked up to get a swing on you."

Alyssa bent down on her knees and leaned over. "Johnny, are you okay?" she asked, brushing his hair away from his face. "Ford!" she shoved him. "Get off of him, now!"

Ford struggled to keep John down. "Only if he promises not to swing at me again."

"Johnny, please don't swing at him." She begged, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Fine." He gritted through his teeth. "But tell him to give me my damn keys back."

Alyssa looked at Ford and he answered the questionable look in her eyes. "He had a shit ton of beer and wanted to drive. I said no and took his keys."

"Oh, Johnny . . ." her heart ached for him.

When Ford eased off of him, John quickly stood up brushing the dirt from his clothes. Alyssa placed her hand on his arm, but John shrugged it off. She swallowed and looked at him.

"Go home, Alyssa."

"I'm not going anywhere. I've been trying to call you all morning. Did you get my messages?"

"I did."

"And?"

"And I didn't feel like talking to you. Still don't."

"Johnny . . ." she said sadly. She wanted to help him.

"What, Alyssa?" he snapped. "Just go home. I don't feel like seeing you right now."

Alyssa pulled back. "What's gotten into you?"

John ignored her as he walked away. "Let me think. My friend is hanging on by a thread? Does that answer your question? Whatever . . . I'm leaving. Going to see Jace."

"Johnny," she yelled, running for him. She grabbed his arm to stop him but he yanked it away. "Get the hell away from me."

"I know you're hurting, Johnny, I am too, we all are. But you don't have to take your frustration out on us."

Hurting wasn't the right word, it was more like he was dying inside. Sinking slowly to the bottom and drowning. John needed to get Alyssa away from him. He needed to be alone to collect his thoughts. He needed to drive to the hospital as fast as he could. What kind of friend was he sitting here getting drunk when he should've been at Jace's bedside?

Spinning around, he locked eyes with Alyssa. Man, she was like an angel. A breath of fresh air. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to feel like everything was going to be okay, he needed to feel her heart beat with his, but he couldn't. He needed to get as far away as possible. He needed so much right now he couldn't think straight. So he thought of the meanest thing he could say to get her gone.

"Why don't you go hang out with that white trash friend of yours you like so much and leave me alone."

Alyssa tilted her head to the side. Pursing her lips together she said, "Who?"

"That degenerate, Ben. You guys are perfect for each other. You're the kind of easy he likes."

Alyssa sucked in a breath. "You don't mean that."

"Every. Word."

"Dude," Ford chimed in. "That's fucked up."

"Fuck off, Ford." John stalked forward, never leaving Alyssa's eyes. "Didn't take me long to get inside you, did it? It shouldn't take Ben long either."

"John . . . you're just saying that because your emotions are all over the place. I know you don't mean it. Remember what you said last night at my house? That's how I know you don't mean it."

Of course he didn't. "Yeah, well it was all a lie. I wasn't thinking clearly. Every word I said was a lie, but you can believe it if you want. Whatever helps you sleep at night, right? Ben can have you since I'm done with you," he said, throwing open his truck door.

"Take it back," Alyssa's voice cracked, and she shoved him.

John snickered, the stench of beer heavy on his breath as he fell into the door from her little shove. "Nope." Alyssa pushed him again and said, "You're an asshole. I'm so glad I kept quiet last night now."

John growled under his breath. What a way for her to get back at him. He felt like an even bigger asshole now for saying he loved her.

"Alyssa," Ford said, grabbing her forearm. "Just let him go."

"Yeah, let me go and be the asshole that I am." John jumped in his truck and slammed the door. He turned the ignition and rolled down his window.

"Didn't you just say that he drank too much? We can't let him leave, Ford!" She ran to John's driver side window and pleaded with him to not drive.

"Don't worry about it." Ford pulled her back when John put his truck into gear.

John looked at Alyssa one last time before he sped off. He could see the pain in her eyes and felt it too. His stomach was tight and his head pounded. It hurt just for him to say what he did, but he had to. He waved with a finger, smirking as he sped out.

"Ford-"

Ford was running for his truck. "I'm going to follow him, Alyssa. It's okay, go home."

"Let me come with you!"

"No, just go," he said, slamming his door shut. "He's already wound up, let me go by myself."

Alyssa sighed. "Please don't let anything happen to him."

John's neck was stiff, throbbing as he straightened his posture. The blanket that was wrapped around him fell to the floor. Looking at the darkened window, John glanced at his watch-it was nearly six in the evening.

"You looked cold, so I had the nurse get me a blanket for you."

John's head snapped to his right at Maryanne. Picking up the blanket, he said, "Thank you."

She patted the seat next to her and John sat down. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry I came the way I did . . . but thank you for letting me see him."

How he made it to the hospital in one piece was beyond him. John was pretty far gone when he hopped in his truck and gunned it. He had to see Jace.

She rubbed his hand. The frown on her face was felt deep inside. "It's okay. I knew where your heart was, I just don't like knowing you drove drunk, considering . . ." she trailed off.

When he stumbled into the hospital earlier, John begged the nurse to let him into Jace's room but she refused. When Maryanne saw the condition John was in, she took pity on him and allowed John in for fifteen minutes and then made him stay in the waiting room until he wore off the alcohol.

Those fifteen minutes were the shortest minutes of his life. Jace was completely helpless and on life support. John sat there quietly as tears rolled down his cheeks starting at his comatose friend. He was drunk and his vision blurry, but he kept praying that everything would be okay, that Jace was going to make it.

John's walls were caving in, his heart hammered in his chest. He'd do anything to make Jace wake up.

John looked down, ashamed of his actions. "I apologize. It was stupid and reckless of me."

She nodded accepting his apology staring straight ahead like she was lost in her thoughts.

"Have the doctors said anything yet?"

"They have. A few tests came back and they have hope, which gives me hope. His blood and oxygen levels are back to normal, but we still won't know about his brain activity until another day or so. The surgeries he had look good, they said. Now we play the waiting game."

"Have they said anything else?"

Maryanne paused for a minute. "There's a good chance that when he wakes up he won't have any brain activity."

John's heart dropped into his stomach, bile rose to his throat.

"Any idea when we'll know?"

"They're going to wait another day or two until the swelling goes down in his brain to wake him up. Once they do, another test will be given and we'll know then." Maryanne swallowed. "John, what happened that night?"

John inhaled and let it roll out. A shiver wracked his body. He didn't want to tell her, but he felt like he owed it to her to be truthful.

"A bunch of us were hanging out by Whiskey River drinking beer around a fire. We were celebrating the end of our second year of college when we decided to go hang back at my house. When we got onto the road, Jace started swerving in and out of the lanes playing around. You know Jace and I always did crazy, stupid shit-"

She laughed sadly.

"But then he got a little carried away and started driving too fast. I got worried and had Alyssa call him so she could tell him to tone it down . . ." John swallowed hard when she removed her hand from his. "Keep going," she pushed.

"I could see the back of his head when he grabbed for his phone. He leaned to the right . . ." he stammered. "It must've been on his seat because he swerved sharply to the right and nicked the bushes . . ." John shook his head in disbelief. The pounding in his chest was growing harder, a knot forming in his throat.

She stood with large, distressed eyes. He could only imagine what was running through her head. Maryanne paced back and forth in the cold, sterile room. John just stood stock still watching her. Did he go to her? Did he say something? He was so torn he didn't know what to do. Her arms were crossed tight against her chest. John was trying desperately to read her actions, but was failing miserably.

Then she stopped and turned to look at him. Her harsh gaze softened and John exhaled a loud breath. His emotions were going haywire. He was dazed and confused.

"Honey, I don't blame you, I can see it in your eyes. You're easy to read, always have been," she smiled softly. "Am I hurt that Jace drove drunk? Of course I am. What mother wouldn't be? Does it hurt even more knowing that a phone call is what put Jace in the state that he's in? More than anything, but I don't blame you. I don't blame you," she reiterated. "I'm upset hearing what happened and picturing it in my head.

"I'm just happy that both of you weren't hurt. Both boys in ICU? It's difficult as it is with my son in there, I can't imagine two."

John let the tears he was holding in out. She was like a second mother to him-crying in front of her was okay.

"It's okay, honey," she said, soothing him. "Have faith. Jace will be okay. I feel it in my gut, and the doctors seem very positive. We have to remain positive. No negative thoughts. You hear me? No negative thoughts, you got that?"

John nodded. He understood what she was saying, but it wasn't easy to accept.

"The doctors seem hopeful, so you should feel that way too." she said, looking in his eyes.

John nodded. "I do. I'm being positive . . ." his eyes skirted around.

"Shhh. What did I say?"

"I know, I know."

"We have to be strong for him."

"I am. I will. " He believed what he was saying. "Is there any way I can go in and see him, again?"

Her face softened and she nodded. "Go ahead."

John righted his clothes and took a deep breath before he walked down to Jace's room. He placed his hand on the heavy gray door and turned the knob with his other hand. The room was dark, cold, and lifeless. The blinds were drawn shut and the tiny lights in the ceiling vents reflected on the floor caused his eyes to adjust. It was dark, but just enough to see.