Daniel frowned, fresh concern awash on his features. I didn't have the physical or emotional strength to keep them from tearing each other apart if they stayed in the same room. I gave Blake a pleading look.

"Blake, can you give us a minute?"

His eyes narrowed as his gaze slid back over to Daniel. He looked back to me, his expression softening only slightly. He rose and retreated to the kitchen.

"What happened, Erica?"

"I'm fine. It's just. Um, it might be hard... Having kids, I guess, will be a challenge now. There was some damage there."

"Jesus." For the first time I saw genuine fear in Daniel's eyes. He seemed pale as he looked me over. "Erica, my God, I'm sorry. I've made such a mess of this. I wanted..."

His head fell into his hands. He rose abruptly, went to the wet bar, and poured himself a drink. He drained it quickly and poured another. He stared into the glass. The answers weren't there. I wanted to tell him I'd already checked. I'd thought my way all through the bad news the doctor had given me. I could stack up the regrets and rewrite history, but nothing would change the damage that had been done.

My life was a mess. At least we had that in common.

"What are you going to do about the governor's race?"

He gulped down another mouthful of Blake's expensive scotch and exhaled. "Fuck, I don't know. There're only a couple weeks left. What more can I do? There's more news about the shooting than the campaign at this point."

"I could try to help."

His eyes widened, that glimpse of fear there again. "No."

"I know I haven't been very supportive," I said.

"You've had good reason not to be. And now you have an even better reason. You shouldn't be anywhere near my campaign or me."

I wilted. "I literally don't have anything else to do. The business is gone. I'm stuck here." I didn't want to go down the list of everything that had led to the utter wreckage of my life in its current state.

He came closer, sitting beside me on the couch. "What happened to the business?"

"It sort of got sold out from under me. It's a long story, but suffice to say, I now have lots of spare time on my hands. I could help if you wanted me to."

"You should be resting, and I want you far away from all of this." He caught my hand. "I want you far away from me too." He let me go, sliding his hand away as if the touch burned him.

"Daniel."

"I've done enough damage. Every time I think I'm taking care of a problem, three more crop up. I've brought nothing but terror to your life since you found me, Erica."

He stood, avoiding my eyes.

"This is done now. The investigation is closed. We can sever ties. You don't need to worry about me bothering you anymore. I'll leave you alone. Hopefully the only time you'll see me is in the news, and even then... Fuck, I don't know." He shoved a hand through his graying hair. "Nothing makes sense right now."

Fresh tears formed in my eyes. "Why are you saying that?"

"Because it needs to be said. Because this is why... This is why I left your mother." His blue eyes blazed into me, emotion igniting there that I'd never seen before. "You've seen glimpses, but you have no idea what it's like to have this life. You had no way of knowing that finding me would bring you this far down into it, but I warned her too. I told her we couldn't be happy that way. Erica..." He rubbed his forehead, doing nothing to resolve the grimace there. "I wanted to be with Patty. I swear on my life, I loved your mother. I wanted to marry her and be a family, but I had no choice. You can't understand it, but I have no choice. It's all laid out, and for all the years it took to get here... Christ, here we are. Here I am. No better off, really. And you're not safe around me."

He stared into the now empty glass. I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't argue that my life had turned into a life-threatening shit storm since I'd found him, but the thought of him leaving and never coming back was slowly devastating me.

Before I could argue, he took a step toward me. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, where my hair met my forehead. He lingered there a moment and began to speak in a whisper.

"You're my daughter. My only child. I love you, but it's time for me to go now."

He stepped back with eyes cast down. He left the apartment as quickly as he'd come, leaving me in stunned silence.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

Daniel had left in a rush, and I didn't know what to make of it all. I turned the television back on, wanting to drown out my swirling thoughts. I couldn't talk to Blake about the knife Daniel had lanced through me with his words. Blake didn't want me to care. No one did. What more could the man do to me to earn my hatred? Still, it slipped through my fingers, and only a sad emptiness remained. A shell of what could have been. Lingering regret over what had come to be.

"You look tired. Do you want to lie down?" Blake was seated at his usual perch on the opposite couch, his gaze heavy with the usual concern.

"No, I want to get up."

He gave me a tentative look. "How about a bath? That will relax you."

I sighed. A trip to the bathroom was probably all he'd allow. A bath sounded nice though.

"Fine. But I'm walking there myself. You have to stop babying me, Blake."

He stood quickly and helped me up. "You can walk there, but I will never stop taking care of you until the day I die. So you can give up on that right now." He caressed my cheek. "I almost lost you."

I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch.

I almost lost you too. The thought was too terrible to comprehend.

I'd spent the past several days feeling sorry for myself in every way. Losing the business seemed far less tragic in the face of nearly dying. And the very real possibility that Blake and I might never have children, as soul-crushing as it was to contemplate-and I'd tried very hard not to-paled to the reality that I could have died in Blake's arms that afternoon. The man who'd killed Mark under Daniel's direct orders had not hesitated to attempt to end my life.

As much as I couldn't grieve for Mark's death, I couldn't believe that someone could have so little value for human life. These were the kinds of people who Daniel kept in his life. Or perhaps they'd always been there. For all of Blake's secrets, Daniel's existence seemed far darker, with shadows I never wanted to shed light on.

Blake was filling the bath when I joined him. "Let me help you," he said, pulling my T-shirt off with too much care.

"Are you coming in too?"

He chewed his lip a moment, eyeing the bathtub topped with an appealing layer of bubbles. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Please... I miss you." I missed the happiness in his eyes. I even missed his temper. All he had for me now lately was pity.

He sighed. "Fine. But you know we can't-"

"I know."

I cut him short, not wanting to hear the reminder. No sex for weeks. I didn't see how it mattered, but the doctor had ordered it and Blake insisted on following everything down to the letter. Denying ourselves wouldn't bring back what had been lost. It only guaranteed that another long expanse of time ahead of us would be filled with more wait and worry. Frustrated anew, I tugged at his T-shirt, urging him to take it off.

"You're too serious lately. You're playing nursemaid to me all day, and it's wearing on you. I just want to relax and be close to you, okay?"

I feathered my fingers through his dark hair, pushing the messy strands back from his forehead. He seemed tired, and somehow, just as run down on the outside as I felt on the inside. We'd been through so much.

"Okay," he murmured softly.

I turned to the mirror while he undressed. I pulled my hair out of the messy bun that was holding it up. I winced at the small pain in my abdomen caused by lifting my arms. I looked terrible. Even being bound to the couch for weeks, I was thinner. And pale. I'd missed the last warm weeks of summer. I wanted to look and feel like myself again, and less like the fragile broken creature I'd become in the wake of these terrible events.

I dropped the hair tie into my make up drawer. Set amongst cosmetics, my opened pill case stared up at me. I picked it up. I'd been halfway through the month's cycle when it happened.

Blake paused. "What's that?"

"Just my pills." I shrugged, trying to seem casual, but nothing was casual about my fertility now. The topic had become a giant elephant in the room. I dropped the pills on the counter. My thoughts spun, and I laughed to myself.

"What's so funny?" Blake met my gaze in the mirror.

I looked down quickly, not wanting to revisit the pain I'd seen in his face when the doctor had delivered the news. I was alive, but damaged. Then again, what else was new?

"I don't know. I spent years trying not to get pregnant, worrying that I would, and now I couldn't even if I wanted to. But because there's a chance, I'll probably still need to take those damn things."

He took the pills and threw them back into a drawer. "Forget about those. Come on, before the bath gets cold."

Eager to forget, I pushed the thought out of my mind. Blake helped me into the tub and I lowered into the warm water. I relaxed, grateful for the relief. When he joined me, his legs slid to the outsides of mine. His hair was rough against my skin. I exhaled heavily at the simple contact, the reminder that we hadn't touched each other much since all of this happened. Somehow, between the weeks of being poked and prodded with needles and coddled like a helpless victim, I'd forgotten the simple pleasure of having Blake's skin on mine. His touch alone could soothe me, heal me.

I leaned my head back against the lip of the tub. "I feel a little decadent."

"Yeah? How is that?"

"It's a Tuesday afternoon, and we're lounging in the bathtub."

He laughed softly. "Maybe we deserve a little decadence." Beneath the water, he caught my foot and began to massage my muscles. The sensation was almost overwhelming. God, I missed his touch. Even the simple ones, my hand in his, a gentle kiss, made me want more.

"We deserve a lot of things."

He stilled a second. I regretted the words when I said them. I hurried to change the subject.

"Have you heard from Fiona lately? She must be frustrated. All that planning just to put everything off. I'm feeling better now, so maybe we can start planning again."

"You were shot three times, Erica. I don't think rescheduling the wedding until you're well is an inconvenience. We're all happy you're alive. The nuptials can wait."

I ran my fingers through the bubbles. A question, one I was terrified to ask, lingered on my lips. We hadn't talked about what the doctor had said after we left the hospital. We hadn't spoken a word of it.

"You haven't changed your mind?"

Seconds ticked by as I waited for his answer. Avoiding his eyes, I imagined all the things he might say. No matter how many times he reassured me that I was the only one he wanted, doubt managed to creep through time and again.

"Why on earth would I change my mind?" His voice was serious, hoarse with emotion.

I struggled over the next words, forcing myself to meet his eyes. "Things are different now."

His jaw set. "Things are different every day, but what hasn't changed and what will never change is how much I love you. I asked you to be my wife. I want that now more than ever."

I took a breath, my nerves suddenly on edge. "But don't you want a family, Blake? We never really talked about it, but now... What if I can't give that to you?" My heart beat wildly over the painful ache there. Maybe he'd never admit it, but if this changed things for him-for us-I wanted to know now.

The look he gave me was unwavering, void of doubt. "I want you."

I exhaled heavily. "This is important. We should talk about what it means for our future. This wasn't something either of us could have predicted. I don't want you to resent me if I can't-"

A flash of irritation broke his determined stare. "Jesus, Erica, come here." He caught my hand and, leaning forward, carefully lifted me from the other side of the tub so that I was straddling him. We were chest to chest. He held my face in his hands. They were warm and slid over my skin slowly.

"We'll figure it out, okay?"

My heart hadn't slowed. I still didn't believe him. "But what if we can't?"

He winced. "Stop talking like it'll never happen."

"There's still a chance, I know." Unlikely, but there was a chance.

"Exactly."

I nodded slowly. Maybe he was right.

"Have you ever known me to not get what I want?"

"No," I admitted.

"Good. If we want a baby, we will have one. One way or the other. First things first. We're going to get you well. Then you're going to toss those pills."

I stared at him in shock.

"We're not going to be able to plan anything anyway. If we try to do that, you'll just worry and I'll worry. Let's just live our lives. Let me make love to you every night, and if it's meant to be, it'll happen."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me, pressing his finger to my lips.

"No what-ifs. I can be quite determined when I want to be. I'm pretty sure if you want a baby, I'm going to give you one."

His words nearly knocked the wind from my lungs. They rushed in over the daggers of my pain. Soothing and pure. I believed him.

I leaned against him, finding the broad toned muscles of his chest. His heart beat a steady rhythm under my fingertips. Sometimes I had to remember that he was human like me, because to me, he was always more. Larger than life, stronger than anyone I knew, with determination that matched my own. In my heart, I believed we could do anything together.

I lost myself in his eyes, a tornado of hazel and passion that reflected between us. "I love you," I whispered, kissing him sweetly. Starting soft, I reveled in the simple pleasure of his full lips against mine. Then the sweep of my tongue, an invitation for his. Then his taste. I kissed him deeper.

He touched my cheek and pulled back a little.

I shifted over him, all too aware of his growing desire. "All this talk of babies, Blake, for the first time in my life, is actually making me want to make one. I wasn't expecting that."

A ghost of a smile passed over his lips. "We can't. Not today..."